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07-06-2005, 10:34 AM
Bill Simmons on ESPN ranked the most untouchable/tradeable players in the NBA. Manu made the list but here's the top 6.
6. Shaquille O'Neal – If only because of the way he hooked the Heat franchise up to the Juvenation Machine last season. With that said, I think the days of "Shaq: Unstoppable Force" are winding down to a close. Just seems like his body is slowly breaking down. I'm looking forward to his retirement – it's just going to be a series of stories along the lines of …
"Shaq quits job as sheriff in small Louisiana town, decides to become a professional alligator wrestler."
"Shaq accepts job as host of "Fear Factor;" Joe Rogan reportedly furious."
"Shaq hired as America West pilot, resigns from NASA's astronaut program."
"Notorious serial killer brought down by FBI and Shaq."
(Really, anything's possible.)
5. Kevin Garnett – As I wrote in April, Minnesota's lottery appearance slid KG into that Barkley/Iverson/Drexler group for spotty superstars who didn't guarantee their teams a playoff appearance just by showing up. Say what you want about Tim Duncan, but if he's playing 75-80 games, the Spurs are making the playoffs no matter what. You can't say the same about KG.
(With that said, I could see KG having a monster season next year. Remember, he's been resting since mid-April – I just see him training in one of those Clubber Lang-type gyms, where there's like one light bulb and the toilet is all taped up.)
4. LeBron James – Should be the No. 1 guy on this list. But LeBron's situation in Cleveland reminds me of one of those SNL situations with Will Ferrell, Eddie Murphy or Chevy Chase – yeah, they were the undisputed star of the show, and yeah, they had some great moments. But at some point, they outgrew the show and it became inevitable that they would move to Hollywood and start making big-money movies.
Wade has seriously potential to be the greatest Marquette alum since Chris Farley.
In LeBron's case, he's the best young player in the history of the league – both statistically and aesthetically – as well as someone destined to become the biggest superstar in any professional sport (maybe ever). He's going to accomplish things that we didn't think were possible anymore – averaging a triple double for an entire season, leading the league in scoring and assists, stuff like that. Eventually, he's going to start "making big-money movies" (translation: play for one of the league's marquee franchises, either the Knicks or the Lakers), if only because it's in the best financial interest of everyone involved (and I mean, everyone). That's his destiny, and that's how this will play out. There's no other way. If the Cavs were smart, they would trade him now. But this is the same franchise that gainfully employed Jim Paxson. So anything's possible.
Group A: "Completely and Utterly Untouchable"
3. Dwyane Wade – (Still shaking my head over that rib injury.)
2. Amare Stoudemire – You could make a good case that he should be No. 1. In fact, that's exactly what my buddy House said last week when we were figuring out this list: "Stoudemire is my No. 1. He showed a level of upside unmatched by any player his age in these playoffs, with the exception perhaps of Wade (and Stoudemire is more valuable than Wade because of the position he plays). If San Antonio loses Game 7 tonight, you're telling me that they would flatly reject Amare for Timmy? I'm not so sure."
1. Tim Duncan – Actually, I'm sure. Tim Duncan is retiring as a Spur.
Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine. His Sports Guy's World site is updated every day Monday through Friday.
6. Shaquille O'Neal – If only because of the way he hooked the Heat franchise up to the Juvenation Machine last season. With that said, I think the days of "Shaq: Unstoppable Force" are winding down to a close. Just seems like his body is slowly breaking down. I'm looking forward to his retirement – it's just going to be a series of stories along the lines of …
"Shaq quits job as sheriff in small Louisiana town, decides to become a professional alligator wrestler."
"Shaq accepts job as host of "Fear Factor;" Joe Rogan reportedly furious."
"Shaq hired as America West pilot, resigns from NASA's astronaut program."
"Notorious serial killer brought down by FBI and Shaq."
(Really, anything's possible.)
5. Kevin Garnett – As I wrote in April, Minnesota's lottery appearance slid KG into that Barkley/Iverson/Drexler group for spotty superstars who didn't guarantee their teams a playoff appearance just by showing up. Say what you want about Tim Duncan, but if he's playing 75-80 games, the Spurs are making the playoffs no matter what. You can't say the same about KG.
(With that said, I could see KG having a monster season next year. Remember, he's been resting since mid-April – I just see him training in one of those Clubber Lang-type gyms, where there's like one light bulb and the toilet is all taped up.)
4. LeBron James – Should be the No. 1 guy on this list. But LeBron's situation in Cleveland reminds me of one of those SNL situations with Will Ferrell, Eddie Murphy or Chevy Chase – yeah, they were the undisputed star of the show, and yeah, they had some great moments. But at some point, they outgrew the show and it became inevitable that they would move to Hollywood and start making big-money movies.
Wade has seriously potential to be the greatest Marquette alum since Chris Farley.
In LeBron's case, he's the best young player in the history of the league – both statistically and aesthetically – as well as someone destined to become the biggest superstar in any professional sport (maybe ever). He's going to accomplish things that we didn't think were possible anymore – averaging a triple double for an entire season, leading the league in scoring and assists, stuff like that. Eventually, he's going to start "making big-money movies" (translation: play for one of the league's marquee franchises, either the Knicks or the Lakers), if only because it's in the best financial interest of everyone involved (and I mean, everyone). That's his destiny, and that's how this will play out. There's no other way. If the Cavs were smart, they would trade him now. But this is the same franchise that gainfully employed Jim Paxson. So anything's possible.
Group A: "Completely and Utterly Untouchable"
3. Dwyane Wade – (Still shaking my head over that rib injury.)
2. Amare Stoudemire – You could make a good case that he should be No. 1. In fact, that's exactly what my buddy House said last week when we were figuring out this list: "Stoudemire is my No. 1. He showed a level of upside unmatched by any player his age in these playoffs, with the exception perhaps of Wade (and Stoudemire is more valuable than Wade because of the position he plays). If San Antonio loses Game 7 tonight, you're telling me that they would flatly reject Amare for Timmy? I'm not so sure."
1. Tim Duncan – Actually, I'm sure. Tim Duncan is retiring as a Spur.
Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine. His Sports Guy's World site is updated every day Monday through Friday.