worst sex u ever had?

[Lincoln]

I was 16 and ****ed my gf for the first time at a party. The lights were completely out so we couldn't see ****(big mistake, I know). So after like 20 seconds of pumping she orders me to eat her out.

Long story short, I ****ed her for about 15 seconds because she was literally crying I was hurting her so bad. Not trying to do the big dick thing but she was tight as ****, obviously. Not exactly sexy watching a girl cry when you **** her. I went limp. Ohh but it doesn't end like that..

I walk out of the pitch dark room, my hair is all over the place, etc. Pretty obvious what is going on. I walk out and all my friends had gathered around the door and started cheering for me, etc. Just giving me a hard time. Well right as I walk out the bedroom door, someone hits a bright light, and all over my face....


****ing blood from eating her out. Everywhere. My entire face. My hair. My shirt. My jeans. A huge blood spot right around the crotch of my jeans...

[Spur|n|Austin]

I was 16 and ****ed my gf for the first time at a party. The lights were completely out so we couldn't see ****(big mistake, I know). So after like 20 seconds of pumping she orders me to eat her out.

Long story short, I ****ed her for about 15 seconds because she was literally crying I was hurting her so bad. Not trying to do the big dick thing but she was tight as ****, obviously. Not exactly sexy watching a girl cry when you **** her. I went limp. Ohh but it doesn't end like that..

I walk out of the pitch dark room, my hair is all over the place, etc. Pretty obvious what is going on. I walk out and all my friends had gathered around the door and started cheering for me, etc. Just giving me a hard time. Well right as I walk out the bedroom door, someone hits a bright light, and all over my face....


****ing blood from eating her out. Everywhere. My entire face. My hair. My shirt. My jeans. A huge blood spot right around the crotch of my jeans...

you didn't taste the blood man?

[2pac > Kobe]

in the woods with a short red headed bi polar bitch

[Avante]

Lincoln


You have no class at all do ya punk? Do girls (obviously you don't know any women) know you act like this over sex? Dude, we all have sex, wow big deal. Yes right at first we all get overly excited about it, I'm guessing you popped your cherry just recently.

[thispego]

ima have to go with avante on this one :lol

[lebomb]

I was about 19-20 and this girl I wanted to hit was smokin hot....... half black/Filipino. I was suckin on her tiggo bitties, went downtown and did my thang, then went to insert and tha bish laid there like a dead carcass. She never moved a single inch. I had to check her pulse to make sure she was still alive. ABSOLUTE worst sex I ever, ever had.

[bus driver]

she used her teeth. was too scared to move or say anything.

[Trill Clinton]

ewww gross!!! you didn't smell that period blood??? shit smells like a bag of wet pennies.

[lebomb]

The g/f and I will sometimes try and squeeze one more round in before she is supposed to start. I hit it proper, and when I go to clean up it looks like something out of a horror flick. :vomit:

[Trill Clinton]

lol nasty ass, nigga.

[Huey Freeman]

This got to be the nastiest god damn thing I have ever read dude. Y'all pussy eatin mothafuckas are a dirty breed.

[lebomb]

The grossest sex I ever had? I went down on a girl back in tha day, and her cookie smelled like the catfish platter from sea island, with a side order of cocktail shrimp. I started coughing and shit, my eyes started watering........I got tha fuck up outta there.

[JudynTX]

Small penis. Nuff said. (It only happened once) :lol

[Trill Clinton]

The grossest sex I ever had? I went down on a girl back in tha day, and her cookie smelled like the catfish platter from sea island, with a side order of cocktail shrimp. I started coughing and shit, my eyes started watering........I got tha fuck up outta there.


:rollin

[Riddler]

Goddamn coffee all over my screen now. Thanks assholes :lol

[Spur|n|Austin]

ewww gross!!! you didn't smell that period blood??? shit smells like a bag of wet pennies.

:lol:lol

[jeebus]

ewww gross!!! you didn't smell that period blood??? shit smells like a bag of wet pennies.
tbh any kind of blood smells; it'd be impossible not to know if the person was covered in it as the story says. imo.

[mrsmaalox]

Wondering if Cosmic Cowboy can top his own putrid pillow story.....:vomit:

[tlongII]

Probably when I was doing a chick doggy style and she farted. That wasn't good.

[DisAsTerBot]

0/10

we all know you're a virgin, little asian dude

[CavsSuperFan]

Small penis. Nuff said. (It only happened once) :lol

Props to you for still doing it…:tu...I hate it when they just point & giggle…:depressed

[lebomb]

Props to you for still doing it…:tu...I hate it when they just point & giggle…:depressed


I hate it when I drop mine on the counter and the gulz are like " :wow.......... :worthy: ............ but, :nope you aint sending me to Texas Med tonight niggra " !!!

[leemajors]

ewww gross!!! you didn't smell that period blood??? shit smells like a bag of wet pennies.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSwKOn1Dxh4

[symple19]

ewww gross!!! you didn't smell that period blood??? shit smells like a bag of wet pennies.

I :lol at this. So true

[Chingo Bling]

SO I was smuggling in people from Guatamala and Honduras. I always pick out the firme ones to ride en frente. I pulled over at a mom and pop motel and, after I locked the truck, I took her. This puta hadn't take a chower for pinche days, guey. I smelled that chit when she was giving me head but I was driving and getting blown so I didn't notice too much. When che dropped those chones though... it was like Tparks and Mouses basura. It smelled like pickles that had been left out in the sun for 6 and a half days and dirty weed.
I threw that bish in the chower and scrubbed her with comet. Then... despues de todo eso, I took her to the bed and started to give her the chile. Don'tchoo know that puta died on me! I didn't know that che was smuggling coca in her stomach. I had her bent all crazy and must have busted the condom (not mine, I raw dog that chit) that was holding the soda porque che started chaking and foaming and chit. I thought I was just hitting it right but then che stopped moving.
I finished up then yust dumped her behind the motel. Chingo learned his lesson, guey. Next time I am asking the puta if che is smuggling drugs.

[Samuel Eto'o]

This got to be the nastiest god damn thing I have ever read dude. Y'all pussy eatin mothafuckas are a dirty breed.

Its the stupid whiteman thinking about people other than themselves again. Im with you homie. Im just tryin to get mine uknowwhatimsayin u better axe bout me

[lebomb]

SO I was smuggling in people from Guatamala and Honduras. I always pick out the firme ones to ride en frente. I pulled over at a mom and pop motel and, after I locked the truck, I took her. This puta hadn't take a chower for pinche days, guey. I smelled that chit when she was giving me head but I was driving and getting blown so I didn't notice too much. When che dropped those chones though... it was like Tparks and Mouses basura. It smelled like pickles that had been left out in the sun for 6 and a half days and dirty weed.
I threw that bish in the chower and scrubbed her with comet. Then... despues de todo eso, I took her to the bed and started to give her the chile. Don'tchoo know that puta died on me! I didn't know that che was smuggling coca in her stomach. I had her bent all crazy and must have busted the condom (not mine, I raw dog that chit) that was holding the soda porque che started chaking and foaming and chit. I thought I was just hitting it right but then che stopped moving.
I finished up then yust dumped her behind the motel. Chingo learned his lesson, guey. Next time I am asking the puta if che is smuggling drugs.

Come again??? I didnt understand a gottdayum thing you said :(

[lebomb]

This got to be the nastiest god damn thing I have ever read dude. Y'all pussy eatin mothafuckas are a dirty breed.


Aint nuttin betta than a CLEAN pussy and ass sammich niggra!!!

[ididnotnothat]

I was like 22 and went to a party and hooked up with very, very full figured girl and the sex sucked. But I crashed and she sucked me off for breakfast.

[Augie]

It was with this really frigid chick in Maldives.

[Latarian Milton]

bro you got real lucky to fuck a virgin bitch tbh, assuming that the bitch you fucked was about the same age 16 and knowing that most american young bitches have lost their virginities by their 13th birthdays

[AussieFanKurt]

I was like 22 and went to a party and hooked up with very, very full figured girl and the sex sucked. But I crashed and she sucked me off for breakfast.

is very very full figured a kinder way of saying fat?

[Koolaid_Man]

well this was a pre-sex moment it just went from bad to worse...I was getting ready to fuck this cute chic..lil petite white girl...and she farted and sent me into shock waves...I was like gotdam girl you pack quite a punch...so I played it off and was like ok fuck it...let's get down to business...so she blew me good...then I was about to eat her pussy and it smelled so bad I almost threw up in her crouch...I got up and ran to the bathroom...she said her period was about to start...so I came out the bathroom and was like it's ok..I'm tired anyway...I was sensitive to her comedy of errors moment she was nice so I didn't make a big deal out it...

[Girasuck]

ok, here we go...

So I was with my gf back in high school in her room which had no air conditioning and was in the middle of summer. At least 90 degrees in there. We were doing missionary for a bit, her on top for a bit, and then doggie. I looked down at her ass and she's got a shit stain wiped up her ass crack. The smell coming from her ass mixed with the heat in the room could kill you. I powered through it though and finished. Still have no idea how I got through it.

[lakerhaterade]

ok, here we go...

So I was with my gf back in high school in her room which had no air conditioning and was in the middle of summer. At least 90 degrees in there. We were doing missionary for a bit, her on top for a bit, and then doggie. I looked down at her ass and she's got a shit stain wiped up her ass crack. The smell coming from her ass mixed with the heat in the room could kill you. I powered through it though and finished. Still have no idea how I got through it.
That's nothing broskie, imagine if she had sharted while you fucked her..my favorite bed sheets were stained :cry

[Gummi Clutch]

was into the Club scene and haven't had some in over a year since that day. Met this super hot girl, and she was drunk to the point where she literally pulled me aside and asked me when we were going? I was like where? She said "Your place." Really surprising considering we had only talked around for like 20 minutes. So we went back to her place and my confidence was sky high. This was probably one of the hottest chicks I had ever seen. We go back she sucks me off and I am just thinking about how lucky I got it that night. We get down and this girl was a straight up fish. Didn't move worth of shit. I hadn't shaved in like 2 days so had a 5' O Clock shadow and she kept complaining about it. She had the nicest body and nicest tits so the sex itself was pretty good from the standpoint of what she had to offer but this chick just sat there and moaned. Didn't move around at all.
I assumed she was just super drunk so I just kept going and I think she came like once or twice and even then I could barely tell.

This is where it gets bad.

We get up after its over, and I smell something really ranky. It smells downright terrible, like rotten fish and some other stuff fermenting. I look down and see white crap all over my condom. First response is I freak out thinking the condom ripped and or my cum leaked out but it seems pretty intact. She then tells me that all the white crap all over her and from my condom was her own cum. I had a hard time believing this and thought that it was some sort of discharge and she had an STD or yeast infection since it smelled bad. I'm pretty pissed at this point and ask her if she's lying to me. Doesn't end well and I end up washing up real well in the bathroom before leaving. When I get home I scrub down for about half an hour cuz I'm scared. Still not sure what it was or if it was normal or not but just glad I was ok.

my 2 Cents bro, but OP's story sounds way worse considering it was on his face.

[chunticakes]

I was about 19-20 and this girl I wanted to hit was smokin hot....... half black/Filipino. I was suckin on her tiggo bitties, went downtown and did my thang, then went to insert and tha bish laid there like a dead carcass. She never moved a single inch. I had to check her pulse to make sure she was still alive. ABSOLUTE worst sex I ever, ever had.

THIS.

i banged a fine filipina this one time. worst. sex. evar. bitch laid on her back and didn't move or anything. i was willing to look past her huge bush but got damn she was horrible at secks. your story makes me wonder if it's a cultural thing.

and on a side note, op's story is bullshit. young lincoln is a straight up virgin. this we know.

[Monkeyboy14]

K so i was totally nailing this chick up, right? I mean we are doing 69, doggy, cowgirl, you name it! We were going to town. All of a sudden, this bitch shits right on my chest, full on poop. So naturally im like "shit bitch!!! what the fuck is your angle??" So i punch her in the mouth, she starts crying, my parents are in the next room and im trying to keep her quiet.. one thing leads to another and im standing over a dead bitches body with a bloody pipe and a can on febreze in my hands..

Now the bad part comes into play, cuz OBVIOUSLY im still horny (strangely this actually made me harder) so i go in for a BJ. This lifeless body has no jaw function so im getting a lot of goddamn teeth with this shit (worst blow job of all time i might add) sooo ya know being the problem solver that i am i decided to pull out her teach. That set for some smoooth sailing, especially since the blood helped to lubricated my D more than just the spit. But its still taking me forever to finish!! (hello ladies :hat) So i feel the need to tap that some more. So her V isnt wet anymore, due to that whole murder thing, so obviously i eat her out first. Ya know, just to get it drippin again. Then i continue to pursue my sexual adventure.

Worst comes to worst when im fishing and my parents walk in.. I stand up cuz im freaking out and dont want my parents walking in on my sexy times.. but im to close to call the army back.. sooo what happens? yup, i ejaculate all over my parents.. Now they are throwing up, its turning me on again.. but they have already seen my killing deed. So OBVIOUSLY i have to kill them too.. get that job done. Move to Norway. Now im living with my uncle peter who makes me tell him this story every night through the bathroom door while he is doing something im not sure of.

Easily in my top 5 worst sex experiences.

[The Reckoning]

dp

[The Reckoning]

She then tells me that all the white crap all over her and from my condom was her own cum. I had a hard time believing this and thought that it was some sort of discharge and she had an STD or yeast infection since it smelled bad. I'm pretty pissed at this point and ask her if she's lying to me. D


seriously? every girl gets that lotion-like white discharge when they have sex....

i'm usually too focused on my own performance to give a damn to detail of a woman. all sex is good sex to me.

[BUMP]

K so i was totally nailing this chick up, right? I mean we are doing 69, doggy, cowgirl, you name it! We were going to town. All of a sudden, this bitch shits right on my chest, full on poop. So naturally im like "shit bitch!!! what the fuck is your angle??" So i punch her in the mouth, she starts crying, my parents are in the next room and im trying to keep her quiet.. one thing leads to another and im standing over a dead bitches body with a bloody pipe and a can on febreze in my hands..

Now the bad part comes into play, cuz OBVIOUSLY im still horny (strangely this actually made me harder) so i go in for a BJ. This lifeless body has no jaw function so im getting a lot of goddamn teeth with this shit (worst blow job of all time i might add) sooo ya know being the problem solver that i am i decided to pull out her teach. That set for some smoooth sailing, especially since the blood helped to lubricated my D more than just the spit. But its still taking me forever to finish!! (hello ladies :hat) So i feel the need to tap that some more. So her V isnt wet anymore, due to that whole murder thing, so obviously i eat her out first. Ya know, just to get it drippin again. Then i continue to pursue my sexual adventure.

Worst comes to worst when im fishing and my parents walk in.. I stand up cuz im freaking out and dont want my parents walking in on my sexy times.. but im to close to call the army back.. sooo what happens? yup, i ejaculate all over my parents.. Now they are throwing up, its turning me on again.. but they have already seen my killing deed. So OBVIOUSLY i have to kill them too.. get that job done. Move to Norway. Now im living with my uncle peter who makes me tell him this story every night through the bathroom door while he is doing something im not sure of.

Easily in my top 5 worst sex experiences.

:lmao:lmao:lmao:lmao

[jeebus]

and on a side note, op's story is bullshit. young lincoln is a straight up virgin. this we know.
a lot of the stories in here are bullshit. not really surprised at that though.

[chunticakes]

it's funny cuz sex is like pizza...even if it's bad it's good tbh....

[mrsmaalox]

Gross! Some of you guys sure do skank it up :lol

I've had a couple of strange experiences but hygiene (or the lack there of) has never been an issue.

[mrsmaalox]

Small penis. Nuff said. (It only happened once) :lol

Hey Judy, just curious--was this guy white, black, or brown? :D

[Trill Clinton]

size queens:rolleyes

[mrsmaalox]

size queens:rolleyes

Nope never been a size queen----function is much more important than size and there is so much more to sex than just the penis. I was just curious if Judy's experience in the size dept. was similar to mine ;)

[JudynTX]

Hey Judy, just curious--was this guy white, black, or brown? :D

White

[JudynTX]

size queens:rolleyes

Awww, what's the matter? Did we hit a soft spot? (No pun intended)

[Trill Clinton]

yes. i had a late night rendezvous with a size queen(didnt' know beforehand). she had a jar full of magnum condoms and i tried one on.....shit slipped smooth off. i thought maybe i had a faulty condom so i tried again, same result.

[mrsmaalox]

White

Interesting.....

[lebomb]

yes. i had a late night rendezvous with a size queen(didnt' know beforehand). she had a jar full of magnum condoms and i tried one on.....shit slipped smooth off. i thought maybe i had a faulty condom so i tried again, same result.

Damn niggra!!! You gotta represent!!! :lmao

Just kiddin. :toast

[lebomb]

Interesting.....

What did you think she was gonna say????? :rolleyes

:lmao

[mrsmaalox]

What did you think she was gonna say????? :rolleyes

:lmao

Well, not that :lol

[I. Hustle]

It's because I have done the deed with both of them and mine is the size of a roll of dimes. Not something I am proud of but it is what it is. I have learned to maneuver it somewhat like a finger though so I am at least able to stimulate a few key spots.

Either way, both times I had consumed a considerable amount of whiskey so... yeah. Not a good combo.

[mrsmaalox]

It's because I have done the deed with both of them and mine is the size of a roll of dimes. Not something I am proud of but it is what it is. I have learned to maneuver it somewhat like a finger though so I am at least able to stimulate a few key spots.

Either way, both times I had consumed a considerable amount of whiskey so... yeah. Not a good combo.

:lol You're such a dork!

It's never been my personal experience that a guy's physical appearance or condition determines how good a lover he is----but the amount of alcohol consumed definitely makes a difference ;)

[ohmwrecker]

This thread is 99% bullshit.

[Ginobilly]

couldn't have sex because I was too fucked up one time at a party. I probably had like a 24 pack in me and shots of all kinds of booze. I met this chick towards the end of the party and we start making out. We take it towards her bedroom and I'm fingering her and sucking on her titts, but there's one problem(I'm fucking drunk as fuck and doing my best to appear sober) and my dick ain't getting a full erection. I got a decent size dick an all but my almost 6 inches of flaccid cock wont go in. It got too soft and I try sticking it in like that and the head just bends.:lol It's during this time that I start getting dizzy and I throw up all over her bed and pass out. She wakes me up like 40 mins later shaking me to wake up and get the fuck outta her house. She was pissed!

[JudynTX]

Interesting.....


What did you think she was gonna say????? :rolleyes

:lmao


Well, not that :lol

He was a Ginger, had red hair and his name was Darrell.

It's a good thing I don't have to worry about that anymore. ;)

[CosmicCowboy]

17 years old. At her house. She was babysitting her little brother who was a real pest. Parents weren't supposed to be home till 1 or 2. Had a pool table in the garage. Locked the pesky little brother out of the garage to "play pool" (had a double cylinder dead bolt on the door and had all the keys) It's about 11 o'clock. Lots of foreplay, then tearing each others clothes off and then get it on. I'm standing up, she is on the pool table with her knees over my shoulders, We are going at it like hungry animals pounding away at each other when suddenly I hear the *click*whirr* of the garage door coming up and her parents headlights reflected on the concrete. sucked. Sexual euphoria to sheer terror in a second. We grabbed most of our clothes and ran out the side door naked just a fraction of a second before the door was high enough and they were close enough to see what was going on on the pool table side of the garage.

[I. Hustle]

Did you finish?

[CosmicCowboy]

Did you finish?

Hell, that's what made it worst. Damn nuts practically exploded.

[lebomb]

:lmao:rollin:lmao:rollin


Hell, that's what made it worst. Damn nuts practically exploded.

[TDMVPDPOY]

starfish bitches sucks monkey dick just lieing there and no movement, let alone complaining are you done yet....

[CosmicCowboy]

:lmao:rollin:lmao:rollin

Had a Peter North size load setting up down there like concrete on a hot day.

[CuckingFunt]

This thread is 99% bullshit.

As will be the "Best sex you ever had" thread, if anyone ever posts in it.

[Gay Robot]

Worst ever was with a married man. We met at a sports bar called Whistle Blowers. He bought me a drink and asked me to meet him in the men's room. I guess it was an audition because afterwards he invited me to his place because his wife was visiting family. We get back to his place and he is having problems so he has me start reading a list of names from some track and field programs he had laying around. After that he made me read stats from old super bowl games (which was hard with him in my mouth).
The sex itself was great. I didn't mind wearing the leather football helmet or the track spikes or the fact that he was 300+ pounds. I enjoyed the 8 tracks he was playing. The only thing I hated about it... is that it ended. He did show me to this site though!

[Wilford Brimley]

The worst I ever had was with Tess Harper on the set of Tender Mercies. She knocked on my trailer door and thought she might have a little romp before shooting. I was giving her a good does of little Willie when my diabeetus kicked in. I started sweatin and shakin and she thought I was really enjoying the moment. I had my insulin laying on the counter nearby and stuck it in. I started to calm down when she noticed what was happening. By the time she turned to ask if I was ok I gave her a face full of Quaker Oats.
Bobby Duvall and I had some laughs about that for quite some time. He talked me into giving her the wobbly H after shootin one day. Those were some great times.

[Trill Clinton]

JudynTX; mrsmaalox...whenever ya'll ready for a king size snickers bar, let me know.

[mrsmaalox]

He was a Ginger, had red hair and his name was Darrell.

It's a good thing I don't have to worry about that anymore. ;)

Whoa I think I know that dude!

Not really :lol I've never been with a ginger.

[JudynTX]

JudynTX; mrsmaalox...whenever ya'll ready for a king size snickers bar, let me know.

I don't know what you've heard, but I'm a very happily married woman.

[UZER]

I don't know what you've heard, but I'm a very happily married woman.

Trill: "Like I said...."

[lebomb]

I don't know what you've heard, but I'm a very happily married woman.

.........whats wrong with being even MORE happy and still married???? :p:

[Thread]

http://trailertrashtalk.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Cavalia-horse-show-billboard-600x400.jpeg

These billboards are all over the greater Phoenix metro area. I find this image sexually attractive for some gd reason. I don't want to fuck this horse, but, yet the face is gorgeous in a human female sort of context.

Does anybody else get that urge looking at this pic?

[jeebus]

http://trailertrashtalk.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Cavalia-horse-show-billboard-600x400.jpeg

These billboards are all over the greater Phoenix metro area. I find this image sexually attractive for some gd reason. I don't want to fuck this horse, but, yet the face is gorgeous in a human female sort of context.

Does anybody else get that urge looking at this pic?
Colombian guys fuck donkeys all the time; they'd go nuts over this horse.

[DMC]

When I was 4. Didn't have a choice. Didn't enjoy it.

[DMC]

http://trailertrashtalk.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Cavalia-horse-show-billboard-600x400.jpeg

These billboards are all over the greater Phoenix metro area. I find this image sexually attractive for some gd reason. I don't want to fuck this horse, but, yet the face is gorgeous in a human female sort of context.

Does anybody else get that urge looking at this pic?

The horse must be a juvenile.

[CosmicCowboy]

The horse must be a juvenile.

Why? Looks like a full grown Andalusian to me.

[Thread]

Why? Looks like a full grown Andalusian to me.

tee, hee.

C'mon, D, splain it to him.

Here, I'll help:::

Kobe: 5

the tired old shit bag Duncan: 4

[Sportcamper]

Gasoline is so expensive in England that the people have stopped eating horses and are starting to ride them again…