Where do you jerk off?

[Zombie]

Mouse made me do this. :rolleyes

[Spursdaone]

hahhaahahaa

[Shelly]

Mouse made me do this. :rolleyes


Was Mouse holding his sister's cucumber against your throat?

[Spursdaone]

in the shower

[Shelly]

why?

[Spurgal]

Was Mouse holding his sister's cucumber against your throat?


:lol

[Timoha]

in the shower

I thought you did that to Garnett's photo :lol

[Kori Ellis]

I really hope this thread is gone next time I sign on...

Oh yeah, like this thread is worse than you cussing out people in every frickin' thread over the smallest things. Or you talking about how you wear a wave cap to sleep because it keeps black people's hair from getting waves in it (and you're white).

[Summers]

why?

Because it feels good.

*snort* :lol

[Kori Ellis]

Cuz its a fuckin waste of time and unnecessary information.

:lmao

Go look at the threads you start.

[Cant_Be_Faded]

Oh yeah, like this thread is worse than you cussing out people in every frickin' thread over the smallest things. Or you talking about how you wear a wave cap to sleep because it keeps black people's hair from getting waves in it (and you're white).



LOL!!!!!!

kori u slay me

[Shelly]

Because it feels good.

*snort* :lol


Touche!

:rollin

[mookie2001]

shes giving birth to you larges

[Kori Ellis]

Yeah, I'm racist. Look at my husband :lmao

[Pistons < Spurs]

And who gives a shit about race? You racist? what the fuck


:rolleyes

[Shelly]

I think Kori, the racist, should ban herself from the forum.

:)

[mookie2001]

i get censored for making fun of kobes head size and telling people not to narc on one another

[Cant_Be_Faded]

i get censored for making fun of kobes head size and telling people not to narc on one another


none of that would have happened if pimpo had not made that silly ass poll lol

[Kori Ellis]

Regarding du rags/skull caps/etc.

You said you wear them because your friends do and then you said, "Besides they are good for your hair?" And when people asked Why/How, you responded


It gets rid of the waves, especially if you have short hair. A lot of people wear them or skull caps while sleeping and then brush their hair with a special comb during the day. Ask any black person with hair.

So that would make me conclude that you wear them to sleep sometimes. Or else how are they good for YOUR hair (not anyone else's, just yours).

[E20]

I do it infront of fine naked ladies on my computer. JPEG format but, usually in MPEG format (HQ ONLY, NO BLURRY 8 SEC SHIT) or I just go in the bathroom. I squirt out the goods in the bathroom after the naked ladies. :angel :smokin

My pubes need shaving........

[Shelly]

none of that would have happened if pimpo had not made that silly ass poll lol

Honesty, I can never figure out wtf you, elpimpo, and mookie are saying. It's like you have your own language. :lol

[Kori Ellis]

And who gives a shit about race? You racist? what the fuck

You are ALWAYS bringing up "racist" here. Just because someone says someone is black or mentions someone else is Mexican, or says black guys wear skull caps doesn't mean that they are racist. They are just stating facts. People who are quick to pull the racist card are ridiculous.

And to answer your "what is he?" question about LJ. He's mixed.

[Cant_Be_Faded]

Honesty, I can never figure out wtf you, elpimpo, and mookie are saying. It's like you have your own language. :lol



its called vic-sat

like when we we walked in on C f'n the S outta S and then mookie got kicked outta a B for telling the B he was gonna L her AH

[cmc$purs]

at the cumputer :pctoss

there is a million porn sites :jack

i need one of those keyboard covers :lmao

[Cant_Be_Faded]

Classic Thread.


I can answer this question for ThisPego.
He jerks it in his basketchair with his legs surrounding the television.

[SpursWoman]

Oh, good God.


Right here reading threads like this in the forum. :jack :)

[mookie2001]

^
ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLRO

whoah CBF!!!

[Cant_Be_Faded]

one time i (accidentally..) walked in on thispego jerking off.

he was like
WHOA!

[Shelly]

Oh, good God.


Right here reading threads like this in the forum. :jack :)


Well, User is off playing basketball. What's a girl to do?????

[Marcus Bryant]

Back in the day, I'd hit the restroom, rub it into the toilet, and then go have a Coke and a smile.

[Summers]

This...


im hotter than that faggot

...is more offensive than discussing masturbation.

and by the way... Um... no!

[Kori Ellis]

Well, User is off playing basketball. What's a girl to do?????


:lmao

[mookie2001]

thispego was watching even stevens too

[SpursWoman]

Well, User is off playing basketball. What's a girl to do?????


No kidding...and my best friend stopped by with a little goody bag from the Megaplex earlier, too...

Hope he's having fun. :smokin :lol

[Cant_Be_Faded]

and i was like kori this is a classic thread
and she was like no, not until timvp says
and i was like dammit everyones so bored today
why must basketball go away...way...way...way..
[/r kelly]

[Shelly]

No kidding...and my best friend stopped by with a little goody bag from the Megaplex earlier, too...

Hope he's having fun. :smokin :lol

Shit, bitch. You IS fine!!!!!

:lol

[Kori Ellis]

Mixed what? Black and white?

Mostly Dominican, but a lot more.

Dominican, Black, White, Italian, hmm... maybe some other stuff. He had an Argentinean grandpa. I'm not sure what else. He never really gives much concern to race/ethnicity and neither do I.

[Marcus Bryant]

The older you get, the more "differences" which seemed so important in your teenage years will mean less and less.

[SpursWoman]

Shit, bitch. You IS fine!!!!!

:lol


*grrrrrrrrr* ;) :lol

[Summers]

I dont think there is anything wrong with a discussion about masturbation. I just think telling other people where u like to do it is sorta weird, especially on a Spurs forum that has a lot of class.

Well, we agree on one thing. I just think using the word "faggot" is sort of repugnant, especially on a Spurs forum that has a lot of class.

[Shelly]

I dont think there is anything wrong with a discussion about masturbation. I just think telling other people where u like to do it is sorta weird, especially on a Spurs forum that has a lot of class.


You do realize that 99% of what is said in The Club is sarcasm.

[Kori Ellis]

my best friend stopped by with a little goody bag from the Megaplex earlier


What did you get from Megaplex? I haven't been there in a while.

Did you and Tammie test out any items together when she dropped them off? :makeout :lol

[Cant_Be_Faded]

You do realize that 99% of what is said in The Club is sarcasm.


but im never sarcastic shelly

[Marcus Bryant]

Just an observation. We have a thread about jerking off and a thread about milk in this forum.

Carry on.

[Shelly]

*grrrrrrrrr* ;) :lol


:lol

Girl....you know if you said that to me, I'd be putty in your hands... :angel

[SpursWoman]

You do realize that 99% of what is said in The Club is sarcasm.


No, I don't think he does...seriously... :fro

[mookie2001]

you.
go your way
I'll go mine
carry on

[Shelly]

but im never sarcastic shelly


I can't tell! I can't understand you! :)

[SpursWoman]

:lol

Girl....you know if you said that to me, I'd be putty in your hands... :angel


Oh, damn.....I'll be practicing rolling my "r's" then. :smokin

[Spursdaone]

at the cumputer :pctoss

there is a million porn sites :jack

i need one of those keyboard covers :lmao
So many sites. So little time. :lol

[Cant_Be_Faded]

I can't tell! I can't understand you! :)


whats not to understand about me agreeing when kori says alvarez is the youngest poster?

http://spurstalk.com/forums/image.php?u=1203&type=profile&dateline=1115163243

[mookie2001]

http://spurstalk.com/forums/image.php?u=1203&type=profile&dateline=1115163243

lolololollolollollolll

[SpursWoman]

What did you get from Megaplex? I haven't been there in a while.

Did you and Tammie test out any items together when she dropped them off? :makeout :lol


This time...just a big assortment of flavored lubes. I think the watermelon is my favorite. :lol

I think User's interest may have gotten a little perked, but she was in a hurry and had to go. :depressed :lol

[Cant_Be_Faded]

This time...just a big assortment of flavored lubes. I think the watermelon is my favorite. :lol

I think User's interest may have gotten a little perked, but she was in a hurry and had to go. :depressed :lol


whats your FAVORITE flavor???????

[SpursWoman]

Well....there was a couple of other things she was looking at but she'd forgot her glasses and couldn't quite make out WTF you were supposed to do with *it*. :lmao

[Kori Ellis]

Well....there was a couple of other things she was looking at but she'd forgot her glasses and couldn't quite make out WTF you were supposed to do with *it*.
:lmao :lmao :lmao

[Summers]

I think all women do it in bed, right? It's too hard to try to balance on one leg and concentrate on what you're doing with your upper body. We just lie there and think about schtupping T... um... I mean... nevermind.

[SpursWoman]

:lol

[E20]

I've been a good hormone challenged boy. I haven't hit my hand in two days now and am trying to quit because, I've had too many close encounters of being caught which I will share another time and it kind of takes too much time which I can spend doing other things.

[lil'mo]

Oh yeah, like this thread is worse than you cussing out people in every frickin' thread over the smallest things. Or you talking about how you wear a wave cap to sleep because it keeps black people's hair from getting waves in it (and you're white).
CBF... here is your new LOLOTW

[JoePublic]

I've been a good hormone challenged boy. I haven't hit my hand in two days now and am trying to quit because, I've had too many close encounters of being caught which I will share another time and it kind of takes too much time which I can spend doing other things.

Oh, come on now. I'm sure you've got 2 minutes to spare.

[thispego]

one time i (accidentally..) walked in on thispego jerking off.

he was like
WHOA!
but... you swore you'd never tell :depressed



















no seriously though, im going to kill you

[E20]

Oh, come on now. I'm sure you've got 2 minutes to spare.
I can really control when I got or not. Because when I'm not looking at fine ladies it takes me like 12 mintues to feel anything then like 3 minutes later I go off but, when I am looking at women it takes me like 6 when I start holding it in and having a rough time trying not to go then like at the 8 minute mark I have to lay the goods. I should be a porno star because I heard they have to hold that shit in for like half hour and I don't need no mathamatics or other classes for it.

[adrienne]

Masturbate? Me? Never, ever...:)

[thispego]

adrienne your lips are very distracting

[E20]

Masturbate? Me? Never, ever...:)
We could be stroking buddies/pals/partners PM me to set a time. :angel :hat

[PizzaFace]

adrienne your lips are very distracting

No shit, I'll be back in a few minutes.

[SpursWoman]

adrienne your lips are very distracting



Hey! How about mine?!



























http://medimages.healthopedia.com/large/oral-herpes.jpg

[adrienne]

I'm sure User would appreciate me asking you to get that checked out...

:lol

[SpursWoman]

Damn, that's nasty, isn't it? :lol :lol

[Cant_Be_Faded]

CBF... here is your new LOLOTW


dude i was going to put it as that but she said something twice as funny in the youngest poster forum i could not pass up

[Kori Ellis]

Damn, that's nasty, isn't it? :lol :lol

Ugh!!

You ruined a perfectly good masturbation thread with that picture!

[SpursWoman]

Ugh!!

You ruined a perfectly good masturbation thread with that picture!




Well, whoever has a mouth like that needs a good masturbation thread. :lol

[thispego]

Damnnnn, gross...... is that simplex B or A?

[lil'mo]

cbf, what the fuck bitch?

[lil'mo]

cbf thinks everything is funny

[Spursman21]

GO SPURS GO! 2005 NBA CHAMPIONS...not this year pistsons!!!...lol...GO SPURS GO!

[SpursFanDan]

You know, I'm guilty of making some stupid ass threads, I'll admit that. But I hope I never had to take the hammer like Kori layed on you GiG.

[ObiwanGinobili]

http://medimages.healthopedia.com/large/oral-herpes.jpg

[/katie holmes]

[ObiwanGinobili]

I think all women do it in bed, right? It's too hard to try to balance on one leg and concentrate on what you're doing with your upper body. We just lie there and think about schtupping T... um... I mean... nevermind.

yeah I think your right.
the bed is super comfy and convienant.
of course some women have those handy dandy hand-held massaging shower heads........ :depressed but not me.

[SpursWoman]

of course some women have those handy dandy hand-held massaging shower heads........ :depressed but not me.


You know, they aren't expensive at all and super-easy to install...... :nerd





And being pregnant with a great big belly luming in your near future...it's a perfect excuse to go get one.... :lol

[Cant_Be_Faded]

girls love those things like no other!!

[ObiwanGinobili]

And being pregnant with a great big belly luming in your near future...it's a perfect excuse to go get one.... :lol


Damn your right!!! :elephant
I could say I need it for my back! yeah....... thats the ticket... it's for my back.......



BTW- giant belly made it's debut this last week. At least when I go to the pool in my bikini I look preggo nad not fat. :lol

[Hook Dem]

http://img304.imageshack.us/img304/166/256671f3bq.jpg (http://www.imageshack.us)

[Summers]

And being pregnant with a great big belly luming in your near future...it's a perfect excuse to go get one.... :lol

Ooh... Good point! Excellent advice for Obi Wan.

[Vashner]

Crack Pipe Burns? lol

[ALVAREZ6]

CBF is fucking retarded.

[MannyIsGod]

:lmao

There's so much funny shit in this thread, but this shit takes the cake.


Why?


Cuz its a fuckin waste of time and unnecessary information.

Fine, if you want a thread about masturbation on "your" site. So be it. Your the one who makes the rules. I only cuss people out when they start shit first. And I have NEVER worn a fuckin wave cap to sleep. Read the post correctly next time. Thanks. And who gives a shit about race? You racist? what the fuck
Oh man, carry on.

[Spurminator]

Into a vagina.

[ObiwanGinobili]

Into a vagina.

:lmao :lmao :lmao

[JoePublic]

Into a vagina.

The ole "pull out method".

[SpursWoman]

Into a vagina.


:rollin :lol

[midgetonadonkey]

The ole "pull out method".

The only form of birth control I've ever known. And still no kids, that I know of.

[Spurminator]

The only form of birth control I've ever known. And still no kids, that I know of.

Perhaps the gonorrhea made you sterile. ;)

[SpursWoman]

Perhaps the gonorrhea made you sterile.



Damn, you're on a roll.... :lmao :lmao :lmao

[midgetonadonkey]

Perhaps the gonorrhea made you sterile.

Whatever works.

[Shelly]

The only form of birth control I've ever known. And still no kids, that I know of.


Well, that's how son number one arrived in this world.

[Shelly]

Damn, you're on a roll.... :lmao :lmao :lmao


Well his name is SPURMinator :spin

[JoePublic]

Well, that's how son number one arrived in this world.

The key is to pull out before the first shot.
Maybe your husband is a dribbler.

[ObiwanGinobili]

The key is to pull out before the first shot.
Maybe your husband is a dribbler.


so I'm guessing you think that "pre-cum" is a myth? :rolleyes

[Taco]

Was Mouse holding his sister's cucumber against your throat?

:lol

[desflood]

The only form of birth control I've ever known. And still no kids, that I know of.
Percentage of Women with an Unintended Pregnancy During the First Year of Typical Use and the First Year of Perfect Use of Contraception *
Method Typical Use Perfect Use
Male sterilization 0.15 0.10
Female sterilization 0.5 0.5
IUD: Copper T 0.8 0.6
IUD: levonorgesterel-containing
intrauterine system 0.1 0.1
Depo-Provera 3 0.3
NuvaRing 8 0.3
Ortho-Evra patch 8 0.3
Combined pill and mini-pill 8 0.3
Male condom 15 2
Diaphragm 16 6
Withdrawal 27 4
Spermicides 29 18
No method 85 85

[JoePublic]

so I'm guessing you think that "pre-cum" is a myth? :rolleyes

Pre-cum comes through the urethra (tube in male's penis) to clean out the acids from urine that might destroy sperm. Pre-cum is primarily semen, though it may carry disease germs. It doesn't carry sperm unless a male just ejaculted. So yeah, it is a myth.

[Kori Ellis]

Please don't turn a perfectly funny thread into a diatribe about proper birth control usage.

Thanks.

[timvp]

Where do you jerk off?

I'm retired.

:smokin

[Cant_Be_Faded]

I'm retired.

:smokin


noone ever fully retires.....noone... :lol

[timvp]

noone ever fully retires.....noone... :lol

Not true.

My vivid imagination is out to pasture.

:smokin

[Cant_Be_Faded]

Not true.

My vivid imagination is out to pasture.

:smokin


well if that is true then yeah i can believe it

[E20]

This should go in the Mastrubation thread but, I felt it needed a thread of it's own. The site http://www.puberty101.com is freaking hilarious here is one excrept from it:

Q Mike (15-17) asks...

I have started rubbing my penis when I would get an erection a while ago. Is this normal?

A Mike:

Masturbation ("playing with yourself") is absolutely normal. The old saying goes: "95% of people masturbate -- the other 5% lie about it." While it's probably not really 100% of all people, most people do. Now, this is not something you would do in public, but it is a perfectly normal, natural sexual activity that is usually done alone in private. Many boys experiment with this activity together, which is also a normal phase that some boys go through, and it has nothing to do with sexual preference. Masturbation is not something to feel guilty or "dirty" about, so enjoy it in moderation. Many people masturbate once or twice each day, and that's normal as well.

Q ...and so does Brian (14):

I am 14 and masturbate sometimes three times a day -- is that normal and what can I do to stop? Also I have masturbated with my friends and when I ejaculate it is not even close to the amount they ejaculate. What is the normal amount?

A Brian:

Although most boys & men masturbate once or twice a day, there are many who do so more often, such as yourself. There is nothing wrong with it unless it interferes with other parts of your life, like doing homework or meeting friends when you say you will. If everything else is okay, then you don't really have to stop doing it. If you still would like to cut down, then perhaps you can try a hobby or a sport that will take up some time and keep your mind off masturbating so much. Now, the more you masturbate, the less ejaculate you'll have -- that is, you'll have more the first time and less the third time. But don't worry, you're body replenishes the supply constantly, and the next day or two you'll have more than enough. Between 1 and 3 teaspoons of semen seems to be a normal amount for the first ejaculation of the day.

for more laughs on masturbating: http://www.puberty101.com/p_masturbationguys.shtml

for more laughs just period:

http://www.puberty101.com/

:lmao:lmao:lmao

[JoePublic]

Please don't turn a perfectly funny thread into a diatribe about proper birth control usage.

Thanks.

Oops, didn't mean to be such a jerk-off.

[E20]

http://www.puberty101.com

[AlamoSpursFan]

"They did a study and they found out that 90% of all men masturbate. The other 10%? No arms." -- Richard Jeni

[ObiwanGinobili]

100% of women masterbate.

5% admit it

[midgetonadonkey]

The only time I stop masturbating is to let the blisters heal.

[CosmicCowboy]

http://torp.priv.no/woody/images/everything-Sperm.gif

but what if we end up on the ceiling?

[MannyIsGod]

I can't pull the I'm retired card. Jess leaves town for more than a day at a time sometimes. :lol

[ObiwanGinobili]

Also I have masturbated with my friends and when I ejaculate it is not even close to the amount they ejaculate.

:lmao ho... ly... shit......:lmao

[midgetonadonkey]

Between 1 and 3 teaspoons of semen seems to be a normal amount for the first ejaculation of the day.

I'm going to go shoot a load into a some measuring spoons to make sure I'm normal.

[Kori Ellis]

It didn't need it's own thread. I'm merging it in with the other one.

[Spurminator]

Funny, I came out of retirement shortly after I got married.

[Jimcs50]

Funny, I came out of retirement shortly after I got married.

This thread is right up your alley, eh Spurm?

[CrazyOne]

God told me to tell you all that he's going to charge each of you the full 25 cents for each post in this thread. Some of you better check your accounts very closely right now.

[bigzak25]

Alriiight.....i have zero posts in this thread....:smokin




















http://www.wilk4.com/humor/img/doh-1.jpg

[Vashner]

Time for the black light and underwear / sheet check. Ok so I seen one too many CSI Las Vegas.

[ZStomp]

wtf? why did he stick his penis in ur face?

Thread will be deleted in 3..............2......................1........... ......

I thought it was going to be deleted...:lol

PS. I posted this before reading much of the thread.

[polandprzem]

What it is masturbation?

[polandprzem]

I do not think we have that thing in Poland

[ZStomp]

I dont think there is anything wrong with a discussion about masturbation. I just think telling other people where u like to do it is sorta weird, especially on a Spurs forum that has a lot of class.


Do you just not want to admit that you masturbate?

Have you not reached the age that you can say that aloud?


PSSS...It's not against the law.

[AlamoSpursFan]

The only time I stop masturbating is to let the blisters heal.

http://www.grownupfun.ca/Astroglide.jpg

:lol

[MasterYoda]

know of this master, i do not?

jedi, he is?

[Summers]

I do not think we have that thing in Poland

:lol

[SpursWoman]

I do not think we have that thing in Poland


Oh, I'm pretty sure you do. :lmao

[Johnny Tightlips]

...

[Timoha]

I do not think we have that thing in Poland

Wrong, masturbation trancends all races, nationalities, sexes and ages and unites them all in a happy orgasm
:elephant

[Summers]

Wrong, masturbation trancends all races, nationalities, sexes and ages and unites them all in a happy orgasm
:elephant

*bursts into song*: What the world needs now... is love... sweet love... It's the only thing... that there's just too little of...

[ObiwanGinobili]

Masterbation
(in alphabeticle order)

Aiding and abetting a known felon
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Audition your hand puppet
Backstroke roulette
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the candle
Be your own best friend
Beat the bishop
Beat the bologna
Beat the dummy
Beat the meat
Beat the pud
Beat the stick
Beat up your date
Beef tips stroking off
Bleed the weed
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Bop the bologna
Bop the bonzo
Box the Jesuit
Box with Richard
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buff the banana
Bugger your hand
Building upper-body strength
Burp the baby
Burp the worm
Butter the corn
Calling in the secret service
Caning the vandal
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Charm the snake
Check for testicular cancer
Cheese off
Choke Kojak
Choke the chicken
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Clamp the pipe
Clean your rifle
Cleaning out your account
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Closet Frisbee
Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
Combing your hair
Communing with nature
Consulting with your silent partner
Corral your tadpole
Couch hockey for one
Crank the love pump
Crank the shank
Crimp the wire
Crown the king
Crushing pop cans in the dark
Cuddle the kielbasa
Cuff the carrot
Daisy-chaining
Dancing in the dragon's fiery breath
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Defrosting the fridge
Digital penile oscillation
Discovering your own potential
Distributing free literature
Do handiwork
Do it your way
Do the janitor thing
Do the white knuckler
Doing your homework
Drain the monster
Dry humping the ottoman
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Electing the President
Engage in safe sex
Exercise one's right
Exercising your right to privacy
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Feed the ducks
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Feeling your way around
Fiddle the flesh flute
Firing the pound gun
Fishing with dynamite
Fist your mister
Five knuckle shuffle
Flick your Bic
Fling your phallus
Flip the bishop
Flipping your omelet
Flog the bishop
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dong
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flogging the egg man
Fly fishing
Fondle your flagpole
Free Willy
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frying up the corndog
Gallop the old lizard
Gardening with the golden trowel
Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
Get a date with Slick Mittens
Get the German soldier marching
Get to know yourself
Get your pole varnished
Give it a tug
Give your low five
Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
Go a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
Go blind
Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Go the blow
Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader's head:lmao
Goose the gherkin
Grease the pipe
Greasing the three-legged cow
Hand job
Hard labor
Have one off the wrist
Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
Hitchhike to heaven
Hitchhike underneath the big top
Hitting too close to home
Hoisting your own petard
Hold the bishop
Hold the sausage hostage
Holding your own
Hone the cone
Honk your horn
Hosing down the driveway
Hotfooting it to the nearest exit
Hug the hog
Hump your hose
Investing in pork bellies
Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell
Jack hammer
Jazz yourself
Jerk Jamby
Jerk the gherkin
Left to your own devices
Letting the cat out of the bag
Liquidating the inventory
Locking the bathroom door
Look for ticks
Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
Lope the mule
Love the Muppet
Love's labors lost
Lubricating the love monkey
Make a foreskin cone
Make instant pudding
Make the bald man puke
Making a cash withdrawal
Making chowder with sailor Ned
Making it up as you go along
Making magic with leftovers
Making soup
Making the bald man cry
Making the bread rise
Making the world safe for democracy
Mangle the midget
Manipulate the mango
Manual labor
Manual override
Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
Milk the lizard
Milk the moose
Milk the self
Mount a corporal and four
Much goo about nothing
Nerk your throbber
Null the void
Oil the glove
Onan's olympics
One gun salute
One man band
One-night-stand with yourself
Opening the flood gates
Pack your palm
Paddle the pickle
Paint the ceiling
Paint the pickle
Painting the flag pole
Painting the picket fence
Palm the calm
Paying at the turnpike
Peel the banana
Perform diagnostics on your man tool
Pet the lizard
Pip the pumpkin
Play a little five-on-one
Play a one-stringed guitar
Play five against one
Play in a one-man show
Play peek-a-boo
Play pocket pinball
Play pocket pool
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Play the skin flute
Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
Play Uno
Playing it safe
Playing the one-stringed melody
Playing the single-string air guitar
Plugging in the toaster
Plunk your twanger
Polish Percy in your palm
Polish the family jewels
Polish the helmet
Polish the rocket
Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter
Polish the sword
Pound off
Pound the bald-headed moose
Pound the pud
Pound your flounder
Pounding the fence post
Prepare the carrot
Prime the pump
Pull rank
Pull the bologna pony
Pull the carrot
Pull the goalie
Pull the pole
Pull the Pope
Pull the pud
Pull your own leg
Pull your taffy
Pulling your own weight
Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap
Pump the python
Pump the stump
Punch the clown
Punch the munchkin
Punish Percy in your palm
Putting your best foot forward
Putting your foot down
Putting your thumb in the porridge
Raining on your parade
Ram the ham
Relishing your hot dog
Riding the five-legged pony
Roll your own
Rolling it off the lot
Romeo and himself
Rope the pony
Rope the Pope
Rub one out
Rub the pink eraser
Rubbing Buddha's tummy
Run off a batch by hand
Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safest sex
Sailing the mayonnaise seas
Saluting the general
Sampling the secret sauce
Sand wood
Scour the tower of power
Scraping the bottom of the barrel
Scratch the itch
Screwing your courage to the sticking place
Secret handshake
Self abuse
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Sex with someone you really love
Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
Shake hands with the midget
Shake hands with the unemployed
Shake hands with your John Thomas
Shake hands with your wife's best friend
Shake hands with Yul Brynner
Shake the sauce
Shake the sausage
Shake the snake
Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
Shellac the shillelagh
Shemp the hog
Shift gears
Shine the helmet
Shine your pole
Shoot for the moon
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot the airplane
Shooting yourself in the foot
Shuck your corn
Sizing things up
Slam the ham
Slam the salami
Slam the salmon
Slam the Spam
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap it
Slap pappy
Slap the carrot
Slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Slap the salami
Slapping Johnny on the back
Sling the jelly
Smack the salami
Smiting the pink knight
Snap the monkey
Snap the rubber
Snap the whip
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Solo sex
Spank Elvis
Spank the bishop
Spank the frank
Spank the monkey
Spank the salami
Spank the wank
Spanking the rooster
Spending your Christmas bonus
Squeeze the cheese
Squeeze the juice
Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
Squeeze your cheese-dog
Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Stewing in your own juices
Stinky pinky
Stir the batter
Stir the yogurt
Strain the main vein
Straining your cabbage
Stretching the truth
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Stroke the carrot
Stroke the mole
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroke the satin-headed serpent
Stroke your poker
Stroke your Twinkie
Strumming the one-string harp
Take matters into your own hands
Take part in population control
Take the fifth
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Taking a few practice shots
Taking a load off
Talk quietly to yourself
Tame the shrew
Taunt the one-eyed weasel
Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
Tease the weenie
Tenderize the tube steak
Tending to your own affairs
Test your batteries
That crazy hand jive
Thrash your thing
Thump the pump
Thump your thong
Tickle the ivory
Tickle the pickle
Tickle the taco
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tipping off the inspector
Toss the snag
Toss the turkey
Toss yogurt
Tug the slug
Twang the wire
Tweak your Twinkie
Twist your crank
Unleashing the alabaster yak
Unloading the gun
Unpacking the moving van
Varnish the flagpole
Varnishing the banister
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Wake the dead
Walk the dog
Walk the plank
Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly's shoes
Wallowing in self pity
Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wash the meat
Wax the Buick
Wax the carrot
Wax the dolphin
Waxin' n' Milkin'
Whack it
Whack the weasel
Whack Willy
Whip the dummy
Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Whip the one-eyed worm
Whip the rat
Whip the stiff
Whip the wire
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper
Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
Whittle the stick
Wiggling your walrus
Windsurf on Mount Baldy
Wonk your conker
Work things out
Working at your own speed
Working late at the office
Working up a foamy lather
Working without Annette
Wrestle the dragon
Wrestle the eel
Wrestling with the bald champ
Wring out your rope
Wrist aerobics
Yank the crank
Yank the yo-yo
Yank your plank

[herbivore female]

hey gig how does your pitcher prove you are 68 and stop trying to be white chocolate you may be 10% mexican but that doesn't make you black like you wanna bee if you were 68 and had a 30 inch verticle shouldnt you be playin ball somewhere

[Summers]

I heard a comedian say he beats his meat like it owes him money. :lol

(Here I go getting nerdy again). In a speech class, it was pointed out that the more important something is in society, the more words there are for it. For example... (see above) and how many words do we have for sex and money? But nobody knows the name of the divit above your upper lip. Things that make you go "hmmm".

[mookie2001]

I prefer just hooking up with a girl though.
?
naturally

[GoldToe]

Of course I do it, from time to time. I prefer just hooking up with a girl though. I find it A LOT more rewarding.

Nothing like a good hand job.

[GoldToe]

Hell, I've had sex so good that it made me whack it when I got home.

[mookie2001]

that doesnt need to be said
are you trying to sound like a guy that doesnt whack it?
or a guy who just f's a lot of chicks?

[GoldToe]

ummmm no
You've never had a good hand job? That leads to another great job?

[mookie2001]

no shit forum

[Johnny Tightlips]

i've jacked alot of tings

[SequSpur]

volleyballs for queers

[JoePublic]

volleyballs for queers

You jerk off to volleyball players?

[Marklar MM]

i swear to god, i've never touched my penis in my life

In My Life.

That's sick.


So, uh, how do you take a piss. Open the zipper and tell it to "come outta the barn" by itself and make sure it doesn't go on the floor, cuz if that is the case, can you teach me?

[Dr.Phil]

I think ginobili_is_god needs to ask himself, "Self, why am I so homophobic? Is there something inside me that makes me use terms such as "faggot"? Is it to "show" everyone that I'm a real man?"
There is no need to act so "macho" in here and question everyone else's sexuality to prove your own.

[scott]

I don't want to allude to anything... but I think Kori jizzed on ginobili_is_god's face in this thread.

[scott]

I have gay friends to be real wit u all.

Fag lover.

[Kori Ellis]

I dont use faggots to talk about gays.

What you aren't smart enough to figure out is that when you use faggots as an insult (even when you aren't talking about gays) that's insulting to gays. It's like if everytime someone did something stupid, I said, "Damn you're such a fuckin' volleyball player". That would be insulting to volleyball players.

[Johnny Tightlips]

who says i been callin' volleyball players unnaturally tall people who happen to be too uncoordinated to play basketball on a similar level?

[scott]

"Damn you're such a fuckin' volleyball player".

Now you've gone and pissed Kori off...

[violentkitten]

what's worse is that he's a male volleyball player referring to someone else as that.

:)

[Vashner]

I heard it's good to rotate the "soldiers" to keep prostate cancer down. Guess you don't want the err uh.. milk lol to go bad do ya (sorry lame joke)

[JoeChalupa]

I don't think I'll ever go into retirement.
Sometimes the wife ain't home when the circus comes to town.

[midgetonadonkey]

who says i been callin' volleyball players unnaturally tall people who happen to be too uncoordinated to play basketball on a similar level?

Isn't the dude the Spurs just drafted a volleyball player? Damn I hope this isn't true.

[violentkitten]

Don't give me that shit "you aren't smart enough". I understand that when I use the word faggot, people take it as I am referring to gay people. I am in no way referring to them. However, I understand that whether or not I am referring to them or not, it is going to be seen as if I am. So to make things easier, I will just stop saying it.

progress you have made.




Violent Kitten, you probably have never ran a fuckin mile in your life.


actually, i have. a couple, no less.



If you were offered an athletic scholarship, you would take it right? Don't be an ignorant little bitch.

fortunately, unlike yourself, i was able to secure an academic scholarship.

:)

[SpursFanDan]

Take it easy GiG, I understand that people are on your case, but you can't lose your cool.. its the internet man.

[Kori Ellis]

He was and you will see how athletic he is. Volleyball players tend to be MORE athletic than basketball players. The have higher verts as well.


Actually the Spurs draft pick isn't a volleyball player. That was just a mess up by the ESPN commentators. They called him a "20-year-old, former volleyball player". They were accidentally reading off Tiago Splitter's bio.

[Opinionater]

Dude who the fuck are you. Your posts suck. Half the time you dont even say anything. Secondly, I am coordinated. To end this fuckin talk, I will post a video of me doing some sick dunk. And I could play basketball in college if I wanted to. The downside of it is you have to practice 30 hours plus a week. I was scouted by Occidental College and UCSD to play basketball but turned it down. You probably can't do shit on the court anyways.

IMHO, you need know a good troll when you read one.

[SpursFanDan]

12 years a day

I'm glad thats not true..

[SequSpur]

Quit actin like a damn soccer mom.

[SequSpur]

High School?

[violentkitten]

Seriously, I am takin it easy. I dont give a shit about what these 40 year old men say when they are the ones online 12 years a day with no wife. I might act like I am pissed off but really I am just doing it for fun. I enjoy talkin shit.


this 30 year old man enjoyed that. he also notes that you seem to be on a "12 years a day" kind of pace with this here internets.

you're right though. i don't have a wife.

my girlfriend is glad about that.

[violentkitten]

An academic scholarship is awesome. Seriously. However I had a 3.83 GPA in highschool and to combine that with lettering in two varsity sports is impressive as well. More people get academic scholarships than athletic scholarships.

the funny thing is, one has more opportunities using academic skills than athletic ones once they leave university.

and no, academic scholarships aren't that easy to come by.

[SpursFanDan]

Can we stay on topic....please?

[Trainwreck2100]

I jack off looking at Manny's gf. Happy now? Shit


Now where do you do that because that is topic at hand.

[SpursFanDan]

Thats was uncalled for.

[Timoha]

Wow, in every single one of his posts, Ginobili is God manages to brag about something. :lol Even if it's in a thread about jerking off.

[Kori Ellis]

Kori, are you sure about Ian not being a vball player? Devin Harris and a couple other NBA players were awesome volleyball players in high school...

Yes, I'm sure. RC Buford said that he didn't know where ESPN got that "garbage".

[SequSpur]

one hand on the mouse, the other on the pole.

chattin on spurstalk..........

[scott]

On my couch in my family room cuz I dont get internet in my bedroom. However, I could just save the pic in the computer and whack off wherever I please.

Dude... wacking to pics? Step up to the new millenium... it's all about MPEG's bro.

[2pac]

I do play ball. I played varsity basketball and varsity volleyball in high school. For volleyball, I was captain of my team, an All-League first teamer, All-city first team, and the 2nd best middleblocker (my postion) in Northern California.
I am not mexican either. I have posted pics of my spiking a ball. If you really want me to, I will post a pic of me dunking.

Everyone has a big dick on the internet.

[violentkitten]

I agree with this. But can prove it if you really want me to.

whoa. so you send pics of yourself to men on the internet and are a volleyball player?

yikes.

[polandprzem]

one hand on the mouse, the other on the pole.

chattin on spurstalk..........
hey what does that mean?

:pctoss :) :lol

[TurnNiggazDreams2Flames]

hes just trying to be funny

Pole=penis

[Sense]

This thread started with something...and it eventually evolved eh?

[TurnNiggazDreams2Flames]

im surprised it is still here

[polandprzem]

hes just trying to be funny

Pole=penis

thanks :pctoss

[ShoogarBear]

progress you have made.

actually, i have. a couple, no less.



Forget your login, you have?

:lmao

[Shelly]

Forget your login, you have?

:lmao


:lmao

[Johnny Tightlips]

Dude who the fuck are you. Your posts suck. Half the time you dont even say anything. Secondly, I am coordinated. To end this fuckin talk, I will post a video of me doing some sick dunk. And I could play basketball in college if I wanted to. The downside of it is you have to practice 30 hours plus a week. I was scouted by Occidental College and UCSD to play basketball but turned it down. You probably can't do shit on the court anyways.


i said alotta things

[ShoogarBear]

Who are u referring to? I dont get it

http://www.usd.edu/~dwheeler/yoda2.jpg

[SpursWoman]

i said alotta things



He reminds me of the puppet Peanut, I think....when just about everything goes TOTALLY over his head. I don't think he *gets* that your screen name is a character....ie...A JOKE.

:lol

[SpursWoman]

Forget your login, you have?

:lmao



:lmao! I thought the exact same thing! :lol

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

I wouldn't participate in such things, but if I did it would probably be in front of a mirror because I'm so freaking amazing that nothing turns me on as much as. . .well. . .me.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

:/sarcasm

[Johnny_Blaze_47]

:/sarcasm

Liar. :lol

[Clandestino]

in front of the computer of course!

[midgetonadonkey]

Just curious, how many people have jerked off at their grandmother's house?

[Clandestino]

....while blogging on conservative websites and reading TheRessurrectedOne's posts in the political forum...

i'm a jack of all trades... multi-tasking! movieshark and spurstalk all at the same time!

[Cant_Be_Faded]

speaking of jack of all trades


anyone see the series starring bruce campbell?


i vaguely remember hearing about it and lost track of it until now

is it good...what channel??

[Mr Dio]

True and True. Academic scholarships are NOT easy to get. But where did you get yours? I could easily get one at like Sacramento State or Chico State, but could I get one at Stanford? Fuck no I couldn't. It all depends where you go in my mind.

Don't ask that question.
You'll ALWAYS have somebody claim to have a 25.8 GPA & 8 degrees, & make more money in a month than you will in a lifetime(the loser special), & they date a former model..blah blah blah. AND they spend their time here because it's true? :lol OK Trump! :lol

Some people can't accept who they are & what they AREN'T.

[midgetonadonkey]

i had an academic scholarship!

but the other half was in loans those fucks

Be happy you got half in scholarships, I paid my whole way in loans. I could've been cruising in an Escalade for what I owe for my degree.

Escalade>English Degree

[mavsfan1000]

bump

[A Serbian Beast]

should be a classic thread if u ask me.

[mavsfan1000]

In front of the computer is my place also.

[midgetonadonkey]

Anywhere I can.

[duncan_21]

Hope this wasn't said before but my answer is in your mouth.

[Horry For 3!]

On your face.

[Dr. Gonzo]

Actually the Spurs draft pick isn't a volleyball player. That was just a mess up by the ESPN commentators. They called him a "20-year-old, former volleyball player". They were accidentally reading off Tiago Splitter's bio.

So Tiago Splitter played volleyball?

[SpursWoman]

Zombie .... holy crap.

[lefty]

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 4 (3 members and 1 guests) lefty (http://spurstalk.com/forums/member.php?u=6896), Marcus Bryant (http://spurstalk.com/forums/member.php?u=5), hater (http://spurstalk.com/forums/member.php?u=7609)

[Darrin]

In my bed.

[2pac > Kobe]

Bed
Shower (only when siblings and family are around)
chair by computer
couch
car (for real but only once)
and the floor

[tlongII]

In a van. Down by the river.

[balli]

One time when I was backpacking in the Wind River's I climbed up to a rocky outcropping overlooking an alpine reservoir at about 13,000'. And I had a tug. Then I climbed down and went fishing. That was pretty cool.

[BadOdor]

Everywhere.

[Venti Quattro]

in front of my pc

[BadOdor]

on badodor's mommas grill

Sup chief?

[ALWAYS bet on BLACK]

anywhere and everywhere

[dbreiden83080]

On Airplanes..

[IronMexican]

I rent motel's to jack off in.

[baseline bum]

One time when I was backpacking in the Wind River's I climbed up to a rocky outcropping overlooking an alpine reservoir at about 13,000'. And I had a tug. Then I climbed down and went fishing. That was pretty cool.

Goddamn, that place looks awesome...gonna have to make that trip someday.

http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/5543/horseridge.jpg

[TIMMYD!]

Mostly in front of my computer and sometimes in the restroom.

Oh, and I've done it in a Wal-Mart parking lot once.

[CuckingFunt]

Goddamn, that place looks awesome...gonna have to make that trip someday.

Careful where you step.

[baseline bum]

Careful where you step.

'Eh, not like you're going to see it on those big white glaciers anyways.

[CubanMustGo]

'Eh, not like you're going to see it on those big white glaciers anyways.

Yet another reason to be concerned about global warming! :lol

[lefty]

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 40

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[balli]

Goddamn, that place looks awesome...gonna have to make that trip someday.
:toast It really is. See that you do.

[Spurtacus]

Shower works best. I hate cleaning up. Never in public since I'd be leaving DNA behind.

[RaZon]

I have never jerked off.

[TE]

Shower works best. I hate cleaning up. Never in public since I'd be leaving DNA behind.

:lol

[cantthinkofanything]

I have never jerked off.

lacking male genetalia, it's not a suprise

[CubanSucks]

I can't get off in the shower anymore. How the hell do you do it unless you have a waterproof laptop?

[cantthinkofanything]

I can't get off in the shower anymore. How the hell do you do it unless you have a waterproof laptop?

just don't turn the water on

[Spurtacus]

I can't get off in the shower anymore. How the hell do you do it unless you have a waterproof laptop?

Just think about the Spurs winning their 5th title. Instant boner.

[silverblk mystix]

I have never jerked off.

Sorry to hear you have no arms.

Sad.