Funny article

[Joesteds]

I thought this article was pretty funny. Without a strong interest of either team in the finals, many of his thoughts were my own. Take into account this guy writes for Maxim and writes much of this stuff to get a reaction.

Technically Foul
By: Paul Ulane

It's been eight grueling months, 30 grueling columns, and 33 grueling Sam Cassell jokes, but we've finally crowned a champion. Unfortunately, it came at the expense of the most brick-heavy seven-game Finals since the last one. I won't dispute that Game 5 packed more drama than TNT's new summer lineup, but the rest of the series suffered too many unforced turnovers, too many referee complaints, and too many Michelle Tafoya reports. I don't want to hear how this is a series for basketball purists, either—no one can remember a time when the NBA thrived on a possession, a missed shot, a foul, and two missed free throws. But for those of you unwilling to let go, keep reading below for everything Al Michaels missed and Hubie Brown napped through. Hopefully it'll tide you over during the 10-day break until next season.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MYTHS DEBUNKED BY THE NBA FINALS
You can learn a lot from watching ABC—as long as it's not their shoddy news coverage.

Myth: Rip Hamilton still wears his facemask as a precautionary measure.
Truth: The guy's a freak who needs counseling.

Myth: Stuart Scott speaks ebonics.
Truth: Manu Ginobili is easier to understand than ESPN's sideline reporter. (Or is it sideline dawg?)

Myth: Rasheed Wallace doesn't get along with referees.
Truth: Are you kidding me? Look at how much he talks to them during games.

Myth: The Spurs are soft.
Truth: The Spurs are soft.

Myth: The Pistons only win when they have to.
Truth: The Pistons only win when the other team's two best players are injured.

Myth: While not commercially pleasing, this Finals matchup should still be able to attract hardcore NBA fans.
Truth: I'm sorry, Al Michaels got a hold of my keyboard for a minute there…

Myth: The referees call the game according to the rule book.
Truth: The referees call the game according to the ratings, home crowd, and David Stern–controlled electronic shock anklets.

Myth: Larry Brown is the smartest mind in basketball.
Truth: My perfect postseason picks record reveals more basketball intellect than a man who refuses to depart from his system over a seven-game series to feed his lone mismatch ('Sheed) the ball more.

Myth: The casual NBA fan loves Rob Thomas.
Fact: Nobody except your mom, Rob Thomas' mom, and Tim Duncan likes Rob Thomas.

Myth: Tony Parker played in these NBA Finals.
Fact: Jessica Alba's Fantastic Four TV spots had more to do with the Spurs' third title than the invisible Frenchman.

Myth: The Pistons are genuinely pleased with the progress Darko Milicic is making.
Truth: Darko might become the first player in NBA history to log a DNP–CD for an entire career.


ALL MAIL, ALL THE TIME
If you can handle the truth about your team, go ahead and ask me a question. If you can't, go to ESPN.com.

What's in store for the Miami Dolphins this year?
—Will

It's good to see that hardcore NBA fans like Will had no trouble maintaining interest in the league throughout this elongated postseason.


SUMMER VACATION
Making the playoffs? Priceless. Having three months off? Very expensive.
The postseason is a time for the superstars to shine, and the role players on bad teams to go back to their summer jobs. But what about the prime-time players who don't last on the game's biggest stage? I'm glad I asked hypothetically for you…

San Antonio F Tim Duncan
Big Fun will spend his off-season performing shooting drills with his free throw coach, Shaquille O'Neal.


LIKE MIC
Now that the playoffs are receiving more coverage than a Phil Jackson rumor, Bill Walton isn’t the only one out there with nothing to say and two months to spray it.

"The Spurs are a soft team. They’re finished."
—Bill Walton, going out with a bang

[pache100]

:shootme :sleep

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

For as annoying as articles like this can be, it's kind of fun to see the national media diss the Spurs from time to time. They say stupid shit like this and I just pat myself on the back for having picked the Spurs to win it all at the start of the season (granted I'm enough of a homer that I'd pick them even if Tim Duncan's legs suddenly fell off). It just makes me feel like I'm that much smarter than the rest of the basketball fans in the world.

[gospursgojas]

It wasn't that funny, and Im not saying that b/c Im a spurs fan.... just sounds like a guy writing a bunch of his random opinions

[pache100]

It wasn't that funny, and Im not saying that b/c Im a spurs fan.... just sounds like a guy writing a bunch of his random opinions

Or sour grapes because his team didn't win.

[ALVAREZ6]

A big fuckin moron, Paul Ulane is.

[Joesteds]

I actually thought the myth and fact section was true and funny because it is true besides the part of the spurs being soft.

[tw05baller]

Myth: The referees call the game according to the rule book.
Truth: The referees call the game according to the ratings, home crowd, and David Stern–controlled electronic shock anklets.
:lmao

[nkdlunch]

Guy doesn't know a thing about basketball + he's not funny at all. He gets paid to write this shit?

[ALVAREZ6]

Guy doesn't know a thing about basketball + he's not funny at all. He gets paid to write this shit?
I know...it's sad....

[GoSpurs21]

Myth: Paul Ulane writes for Maxium
Truth: Maxium has hacks for writers and unless the Lakers or Shaq is in the finals they will be boring according to Maxium. Like watching detroit beat the lakers 4 straight was real exciting last year. Maxium wouldnt know exciting if it bit them in the ass. Maxium needs to stick to the girlie pictures and leave the sports writing to the people who actually know what they are doing.

Myth: Paul Ulane is loved my millions
Truth: not even Paul's mother claims to know him, much less love him

Myth: Paul Ulane's next column will be insightful and interesting
Truth: It will once again fall extremely short of Bill's page 2 stuff. Paul really needs to find a new line of work. Bryan Cox is interesting compared to this old plagiarism.

[1Parker1]

Myth: Rip Hamilton still wears his facemask as a precautionary measure.
Truth: The guy's a freak who needs counseling.

:wtf...That's true?

Myth: Tony Parker played in these NBA Finals.
Fact: Jessica Alba's Fantastic Four TV spots had more to do with the Spurs' third title than the invisible Frenchman.

:wtf...That's true?
Sure Parker's offense looked shaky at times in the Finals, but his defense was just as important as Bruce Bowen's.

[SWC Bonfire]

This guy writes for Maxim, a magazine for pubescent boys who don't have the balls to go to the counter and get a Playboy. He knows jack about defense, as well as anything remotely related to actual basketball outside of what he sees on shoe commercials.:lol

[Joesteds]

:wtf...That's true?
Sure Parker's offense looked shaky at times in the Finals, but his defense was just as important as Bruce Bowen's.

Whoa whoa whoa. Parker's defense??? I seem to remember Chauncey going off on him to the point where they had to move Bowen over to him in crunch time. I think you are way way way off with that part of it.

[SWC Bonfire]

Whoa whoa whoa. Parker's defense??? I seem to remember Chauncey going off on him to the point where they had to move Bowen over to him in crunch time. I think you are way way way off with that part of it.

Check out the final shot in game 5. Clutch defense by TP.

[clubalien]

I didn't like the calling spurs soft but i think we can all agree we woudl trade parker any day for jesssica allba

Myth: Tony Parker played in these NBA Finals.
Fact: Jessica Alba's Fantastic Four TV spots had more to do with the Spurs' third title than the invisible Frenchman.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Whoa whoa whoa. Parker's defense??? I seem to remember Chauncey going off on him to the point where they had to move Bowen over to him in crunch time. I think you are way way way off with that part of it.


They were able to do that because Parker was able to D up on Rip Hamilton way better than expected. See: Last shot, Finals game 5.

[pache100]

I didn't like the calling spurs soft but i think we can all agree we woudl trade parker any day for jesssica allba

Not me. I would not agree with that at all. Who is Jessica Alba? (j/k)

[Joesteds]

Myth: GoSpurs21 can spell Maxim.
Fact: Bill Simmons is the best sportswriter out there right now, except for his constant takes on Boston. I know you are from Boston, but you are also national now so its time to let go of some of the Boston articles.

[GoSpurs21]

Whoa whoa whoa. Parker's defense??? I seem to remember Chauncey going off on him to the point where they had to move Bowen over to him in crunch time. I think you are way way way off with that part of it.please try not to provide your opinions on things you really dont know about. sure TPs defense on chauncey needed help from Bowen, but I dont remember anyone getting schooled as much as Duncan, Horry, Nazr, and anyone else who tried to guard Amare in the WCF. At least TPs defense on chauncey wasnt that bad.

[1Parker1]

Whoa whoa whoa. Parker's defense??? I seem to remember Chauncey going off on him to the point where they had to move Bowen over to him in crunch time. I think you are way way way off with that part of it.

You're kidding right? I think there was one game where Chancey went off on Parker. Other than that, Parker did a solid job on him. NO ONE scored on him until the last 5 sec of Game 7. His defense was spectacular on Rip in Game 5. Rip and Billups are Detroit's main offensive weapons. The fact that BOTH were held in check is what won the Spurs the title (along with timely shooting). Bruce wasn't guarding both at the same time, was he? :rolleyes

[clubalien]

BTW i thought the r wallace was pretty funny

Myth: Rasheed Wallace doesn't get along with referees.
Truth: Are you kidding me? Look at how much he talks to them during games.

[Spurologist]

Whoa whoa whoa. Parker's defense??? I seem to remember Chauncey going off on him to the point where they had to move Bowen over to him in crunch time. I think you are way way way off with that part of it.

1. Great D by tp in game 5 = clutch. Gets hit in the face by rip, but stands tall and get the job done. Should have been an offensive foul Think about. if that shot goes in big shot bob doesn't have his story book ending.

2 Billups was often killing him, but during some key stretches tp used his speed to his advantage. Billups got a little flustered and was shooting fadeaway jumpers.

3. When pop decided to put bowen on billups. This was a risky move, but it was only made possible by tp's d on rip. When rip got the ball, tp was right with him. Rip thought he could just shoot over the small man, but those contested shots didn't fall. When rip's shots weren't falling, the burden was on billups to try to save the pistons. You can actually see billups pressing. He was trying to jordan against bowen. He was crazy, wild streetball crossovers, but they backfired on him. He become tired as the game wore on and that alllowed the spurs to win.

Conclusion: believe it or not tp played a pivotal role in the spurs Championship.

This clown of a writer is just trying to get people reading and I guess it's working. The fact is that his work is garbage to put it mildly. Rip a freak. wtf. pathetic

[Joesteds]

If you want to sit here and tell me that the Spurs won the championship because of Parker's D, then you are crazy. Yes he shut down Rip on the last play of Game 5, but look at the situation. Richard Hamilton, a mid-range jump shooter who can at times put it on the floor and dish, gets the ball with 6 seconds left and is asked to drive on a much quicker player. I expect Tony to keep up with him in quickness, especially with a team relying on a player to do what he usually does not do.

[Timoha]

Tim Duncan, aka "BIg Fun" :lol