My new song

[Monkeyboy14]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq3e3E0Trgw

Hello people! Just trying to get opinions on my latest song!
Let me know what you think!
Will be available on Itunes and Spotify the 18th

[ColinB]

Without paying attention to the lyrics, it sounds like something I'd hear at a college bible study.

[ColinB]

You have a good voice, but this isn't something I'd listen to. Good luck though.

[Monkeyboy14]

I appreciate your opinion man! Thanks

[silverblk mystix]

Not bad at all. Here is my critique;
First a question? - Which song structure were you using - I am hearing

A (verse)
A (verse)
C (Chorus)

A
A
C

A
A
C

Fade

Is this correct?

It isn't bad but it could use a little work all around.

1) Structure
The verses are ok - but lack dynamics - the chorus is a little better - but doesn't blow you away -
Badly needs a bridge - especially after the 2nd chorus - it just drags and begins to get predictable.


2) Melody - weak to average ( not bad, not shitty, not horrible) -just a bit weak.
Chorus Melody - A little better but - a chorus needs to kick ass not just be "ok"
a chorus needs to grab you and not let go and have you singing and humming that
melody in your head all day long. This one isn't there yet.

3) Vocals - Weak in the verses - a little better in the Chorus - but not really great. (Having said that - I can't sing to save my life - so props to your vocal as it is still acceptable and can only get better) Better Diction/pronunciation and breath control could help improve this.

4) Lyrics - always the most difficult part. Not bad - but not memorable or great. Some lines feel complete - others - feel like throwaway lines and it seems like you stopped working for it - and just accepted what rhymed -

5) Instrumentation - not bad and served the song well. Dynamics are average - maybe a little weak.

Suggestions:

Write and re-write and start all over again - many many times and you will improve.
Think of something you have to say and think of what it will look and "read" like in 10 yrs, 20yrs, 50 yrs...
Are the lyrics something that would stand 50 years from now? Or just something that popped in your head and rhymed and fit the line?
Lyrics are hard to get perfect.

Lots of GOOD potential IMHO.

Cheers!

[cute_spursfan]

wow! you have so much talent!

[Monkeyboy14]

Awesome! Thank you, I appreciate the help, I see what you are saying on a lot of that stuff! Only thing I disagree with is the bridge, cuz it has one haha not exactly sure how you didn't hear.. Not trying to sound rude! I'm just saying because there is a whole keychange and everything haha

[Monkeyboy14]

wow! you have so much talent!
Thanks! :) I'm gonna have a full ep released soon if you are interested!

[RD2191]

Reminds me of the airborne toxic event for some reason.

[Monkeyboy14]

Reminds me of the airborne toxic event for some reason.
Haha u mean by the lyrics or the sound?

[RD2191]

the sound

[Monkeyboy14]

the sound
Oh well.. Thanks! I think.. Haha

[RD2191]

nvm, i can't remember who the song reminds me of.

[RD2191]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghb6eDopW8I

[RD2191]

tell me that aint your voice at 0:23? I found you nigga. haha jk.

[Monkeyboy14]

nvm, i can't remember who the song reminds me of.
I get a lot of ed sheeran, Jason Mara, and the fray comparisons if that helps haha

[silverblk mystix]

Awesome! Thank you, I appreciate the help, I see what you are saying on a lot of that stuff! Only thing I disagree with is the bridge, cuz it has one haha not exactly sure how you didn't hear.. Not trying to sound rude! I'm just saying because there is a whole keychange and everything haha

Didn't take it as rude at all. This was why I was asking about your song structure.

Where did you put the bridge in? At 2:35?

I could have missed it or confused it - with a modulation? It does sound cool - but is that the bridge? I thought it was a modulation and then back to the chorus...

Or is it later?

Either way - good work - good potential.

[Trill Clinton]

You have a good voice, but this isn't something I'd listen to. Good luck though.

this and keep making good music, doggie!

[Monkeyboy14]

Didn't take it as rude at all. This was why I was asking about your song structure.

Where did you put the bridge in? At 2:35?

I could have missed it or confused it - with a modulation? It does sound cool - but is that the bridge? I thought it was a modulation and then back to the chorus...

Or is it later?

Either way - good work - good potential.
Yeah it's right at 2:30 and thanks again!

[silverblk mystix]

Yeah it's right at 2:30 and thanks again!


:toast