Funny Joke

[Horry For 3!]

Why so cheap?" she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you
first that this bird used to live
in a house of prostitution,
and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the beautiful bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird'cage up in her
living room and waited for it to say something
The bird looked around the room, then ather, and said,
"New house, New madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then
thought "...I guess that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned
from school the bird saw them and said,
"New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit
offended but then began to
laugh about the situation considering
how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith
came home from work
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith."

[Horry For 3!]

:lmao

[ObiwanGinobili]

:lmao :lmao

[SWC Bonfire]

A proper preacher wanted to buy a bird as a companion to his other birds.
He picked out a nice looking bird, and instructed the pet store owner that he would like to purchase it.

The owner replied, "I should tell you, preacher, that this bird was in the company of some pretty morally bankrupt people. It may say some things that are offensive that it picked up from its former owners."

At that instant, the bird squacked out, " Hey, I'm loose and I like to fool around on the first date!" The store owner was quite embarassed.

The preacher replied, "Oh, sir, that's OK. I have two other parrots that I have rehabilitated through the healing power of the Lord. Now, instead of cursing, they pray with wings folded all day long."

The pet store owner thought to himself, I've got to see this, so he told the preacher that he would deliver the new bird personally. Upon arrival, he did see the two birds, head bowed and wings folded like they were praying.

"Well, if that don't beat all" said the pet store owner. At that, he opened up the cage and put the new parrot in. The new bird was overjoyed to see other parrots, and immediately started talking. "Hey, I'm loose, and I like to fool around on the first date."

The two other parrots stopped praying at that instant, when one squacked outloud, "Clem, our prayers have been answered!"

[Manu20]

:lol

[SWC Bonfire]

One day, a woman's parrot wouldn't keep making noise. It finally got on the woman's nerves. She told the bird repeatedly to keep quiet. The bird continued making noise.

Finally, in frustration the woman shouted, "If you don't shut up, I'll stick you in the freezer!" The bird continued, and the woman threw the bird in the freezer, cage and all.

When she removed it a minute later, the bird was as quiet as a mouse in church. "Maybe now you'll listen," remarked the woman. The parrot sheepishly replied, "I promise I'll be quiet. By the way, what did the turkey do?"

[Lloyd Christmas]

i dont get it

[Summers]

:lol

[Summers]

This isn't a joke, but it's pretty funny, while we're on the subject of parrots...

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/content_objectid=13832640_method=full_siteid=50143 _headline=-F----THE-NAZIS--SAYS-CHURCHILL-S-PARROT-name_page.html

http://images.icnetwork.co.uk/upl/mirror/jan2004/6/3/000A25C2-B39D-100B-9C6B80C328EC0000.jpg

9 January 2004
F*** THE NAZIS, SAYS CHURCHILL'S PARROT
EXCLUSIVE
By Bill Borrows

SHE WAS at Winston Churchill's side during Britain's darkest hour. And now Charlie the parrot is 104 years old...and still cursing the Nazis.

Her favourite sayings were "F*** Hitler" and "F*** the Nazis". And even today, 39 years after the great man's death, she can still be coaxed into repeating them with that unmistakable Churchillian inflection.

Many an admiral or peer of the realm was shocked by the tirade from the bird's cage during crisis meetings with the PM.

But it always brought a smile to the war leader's face.

Churchill bought Charlie - giving him a boy's name despite the fact she was female - in 1937.

She took pride of place in a bizarre menagerie of pets including lambs, pigs, cattle, swans and, at one point, a leopard.

He immediately began to teach her to swear - particularly in company - and she is keeping up the tradition today.

The blue and gold macaw is believed to be Britain's oldest bird.

The title was previously thought to belong to 80-year-old Cokky the cockatoo.

But it can be proved Charlie is at least 104 and was born in the 19th century.

Peter Oram bought her for his pet shop after Churchill died in 1965. But he was forced to move her into his home after she kept swearing at children.

For the last 12 years, she has lived at Mr Oram's garden centre in Reigate, Surrey.

Centre worker Sylvia Martin said: "If truth be told, Charlie is looking a little scruffy but she is very popular with the public. We are all very attached to her."

James Humes, an expert on the late PM, said: "Churchill may no longer be with us but that spirit and those words of defiance and resolve continue."

Charlie's story is in this month's Jack Magazine, on sale Thursday

[samikeyp]

:lmao

[Ozzy]

A guy decides that he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs and the guy comments out loud "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha ha ha" the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot understood what I said and answered me."

"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I'm a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah? Then answer this. How do you hang on to you're perch without any feet?" the guy asks.

"Well," says the parrot, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow! You really can understand and answer, can't you?," says the guy.

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy... and I'm especially good at ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag and says, "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot motions the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20, just offer." The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the bird.

Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's interesting, he's a great pal... he understands everything, sympathizes, gives good advise. The guy is very happy. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot say's "pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy walks closer to the cage.

"I don't know if I should tell you this or not but it's about your wife and the mailman..."

"What?" says the guy "What?"

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" the guy asks.

"The mailman came into the house, put his hands up the nightgown and rubbed his hands all over her."

"My god!" the guy says."Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got on his knees and began kissing and licking her body, starting with her breasts slowly working his way down..." The parrot paused for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" the guy asks frantically.

"I don't know," says the parrot. "My dick got hard and I fell off my perch."

[Ozzy]

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat", "He's hiding the flowers under the table", "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship ran into trouble, and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After 3 days the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"