Walton Buys Off Me
08-11-2005, 05:10 PM
'Should we make arrangements for the championship parade in South Beach next summer'? That's what yours truly keeps hearing from all the hip, young actresses he's been banging of late. Let me remind these silicon-laden trollips and you fairweather Heat fans of a few things before you go spending some money that you'll never see returns on (wait, isn't that what Pat Riley did this summer)?
So here we go, the Heat were essentially five minutes away from having their asses handed to them by the Spurs in this year's Finals and instead of retaining the same nucleus that got them there, they do away with Damon Jones (who set a new career high by making 43% of his threes last year), Eddie Jones (arguably Miami's most consistent player in the Eastern Conference Finals) and Keyon Dooling (ok fine, they'll find a new waterboy). So that's what the Heat gave up, let's look at what they added; Antoine (I never met a shot I didn't like) Walker whose stint with Miami will be his fourth team in three years, James Posey (somebody remind me what's so special about this guy) and then everybody's favourite pile of steaming white trash, Jason Williams, who when he's not being busted for selling weed on COPS, is getting outplayed and losing his cool on a regular basis. The coup-de-gras however was the Heat's 100 million dollar commitment to a guy that hasn't played a full season since 1991 with the Magic and who moved around like C3PO in game 7 against Detroit last year. This is a guy you want to committing 40% of your payroll for the next five years to? The Heat essentially did excatly what the Lakers management was smart enough not to do, handicap themselves financially for the forceable future by signing a virtual handicap to a deal that forces them to fill out their roster with guys from Arkansas who are the own fathers.
It seems to me like Riley and the Heat and counting on Shaq's infamous general managerial skills (Payton and Malone) at luring high priced talent to South Beach for a chance at a ring. Is that the pitch Robert Horry recently rejected? The only thing you'll get in South Beach for the next five years, aside from neon speedos and pastel blazers is watching Shaq's fat ass sit on the bench in April and May because his little toe hurts.
Heat fans- if (and that's a big if) Shaq stays healthy for the playoffs then you might be able to beat either the Pistons or the Pacers, maybe. Do that first and then we'll talk bitches.........till then, concentrate on filling your arena for starters.
Small fries......you gotta love 'em.
So here we go, the Heat were essentially five minutes away from having their asses handed to them by the Spurs in this year's Finals and instead of retaining the same nucleus that got them there, they do away with Damon Jones (who set a new career high by making 43% of his threes last year), Eddie Jones (arguably Miami's most consistent player in the Eastern Conference Finals) and Keyon Dooling (ok fine, they'll find a new waterboy). So that's what the Heat gave up, let's look at what they added; Antoine (I never met a shot I didn't like) Walker whose stint with Miami will be his fourth team in three years, James Posey (somebody remind me what's so special about this guy) and then everybody's favourite pile of steaming white trash, Jason Williams, who when he's not being busted for selling weed on COPS, is getting outplayed and losing his cool on a regular basis. The coup-de-gras however was the Heat's 100 million dollar commitment to a guy that hasn't played a full season since 1991 with the Magic and who moved around like C3PO in game 7 against Detroit last year. This is a guy you want to committing 40% of your payroll for the next five years to? The Heat essentially did excatly what the Lakers management was smart enough not to do, handicap themselves financially for the forceable future by signing a virtual handicap to a deal that forces them to fill out their roster with guys from Arkansas who are the own fathers.
It seems to me like Riley and the Heat and counting on Shaq's infamous general managerial skills (Payton and Malone) at luring high priced talent to South Beach for a chance at a ring. Is that the pitch Robert Horry recently rejected? The only thing you'll get in South Beach for the next five years, aside from neon speedos and pastel blazers is watching Shaq's fat ass sit on the bench in April and May because his little toe hurts.
Heat fans- if (and that's a big if) Shaq stays healthy for the playoffs then you might be able to beat either the Pistons or the Pacers, maybe. Do that first and then we'll talk bitches.........till then, concentrate on filling your arena for starters.
Small fries......you gotta love 'em.