jaffies
09-04-2005, 05:03 AM
So without further ado, here are my unbiased, unhyped matchup breakdown of ME Vs. MICHEAL JORDAN
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Micheal vs Jaffies
OFFENSE
Sure Micheal has a decent jump shot, and you know...that 30 ppg thing, but come on... the guy is washed up! I, on the other hand, have youth on my side. If anything, I've barely began the decent from the peak of my athletic abilities. I once sank 13 free throws IN A ROW in my career as a Junior High standout.
Winner: Me. Put me on a team with the greatest coach in basketball history and I would score 40 a night!
DEFENSE
Perimeter D: Defensive POY my ass!!! That one time Allen Iverson crossed Jordan over was it, man. One time in my driveway...I beat BOTH my neice and nephew in a game of 21...and guess what their COMBINED score was??.....yeah, that's right: 12. 'Dem little bastards only sank 4 FG's on me and the other 4 points were on FT's. Back home they call me the condom; because you only have a 1% chance of getting by me!!!
Winner: Me, by a landslide...c'mon
REBOUNDING
OK...this one goes to Jordan...ONLY because he's 6'6" and I'm short enough to land the role of Tatu in a remake of Fantasy Island.
Winner: ME, bitches. I changed my mind...if Rodman can outrebound Jordan, so can I.
PASSING
Can you say "ballhog"? Jordan doesn't pass. C'mon...seriously, have you EVER seen Mike dish off a decent looking no-look-behind-the-back-off-the-backboard-off-the-garden-gnome-through-the-legs-off-my-uncle's-El Camino pass??? I don't think so!!!
Winner: Me...oh, and I'm probably better at passing gas, too.
OVERALL
Outside of height, Jordan's got nuttin' on me. If it weren't for my chronic carpal-tunnel from chatting with completely legal chicks online, I would easily have 6 or 7 rings.
Winner:ME
Number of Chuck-E-Cheese tickets won from Hoop-Shoot...
Me: 857
MJ: 0 . ..........................NUFF SAID!!!
The Defense Rests, bitches!
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________
Micheal vs Jaffies
OFFENSE
Sure Micheal has a decent jump shot, and you know...that 30 ppg thing, but come on... the guy is washed up! I, on the other hand, have youth on my side. If anything, I've barely began the decent from the peak of my athletic abilities. I once sank 13 free throws IN A ROW in my career as a Junior High standout.
Winner: Me. Put me on a team with the greatest coach in basketball history and I would score 40 a night!
DEFENSE
Perimeter D: Defensive POY my ass!!! That one time Allen Iverson crossed Jordan over was it, man. One time in my driveway...I beat BOTH my neice and nephew in a game of 21...and guess what their COMBINED score was??.....yeah, that's right: 12. 'Dem little bastards only sank 4 FG's on me and the other 4 points were on FT's. Back home they call me the condom; because you only have a 1% chance of getting by me!!!
Winner: Me, by a landslide...c'mon
REBOUNDING
OK...this one goes to Jordan...ONLY because he's 6'6" and I'm short enough to land the role of Tatu in a remake of Fantasy Island.
Winner: ME, bitches. I changed my mind...if Rodman can outrebound Jordan, so can I.
PASSING
Can you say "ballhog"? Jordan doesn't pass. C'mon...seriously, have you EVER seen Mike dish off a decent looking no-look-behind-the-back-off-the-backboard-off-the-garden-gnome-through-the-legs-off-my-uncle's-El Camino pass??? I don't think so!!!
Winner: Me...oh, and I'm probably better at passing gas, too.
OVERALL
Outside of height, Jordan's got nuttin' on me. If it weren't for my chronic carpal-tunnel from chatting with completely legal chicks online, I would easily have 6 or 7 rings.
Winner:ME
Number of Chuck-E-Cheese tickets won from Hoop-Shoot...
Me: 857
MJ: 0 . ..........................NUFF SAID!!!
The Defense Rests, bitches!