Spurs sign Zzuultron!!

[JeffDuncan]

The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed free agent defensive specialist Zzuultron of the outer galactic planet Flug'flup12.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f4/3d/ce/f43dcef0317dfb26f5b3723c8c0f556b.jpg


Zzuultron last played for team Supernova in the Great Nebula league. Unfortunately, the team name, Supernova, proved tragically prophetic during last year's playoffs, when star NGC1313X went supernova, interrupting the tournament, and vaporizing 90 percent of the planets in the league.


Zzuultron, one of the few survivors, then declared his eligibility for the NBA draft. NBA scouts were skeptical of his ability to transition to the NBA, because he is slow and clumsy, and he has no ability to dribble, shoot, rebound, or handle the ball in any way. However, they were all impressed by Zzuultron's 39.5 foot wingspan. That is his actual wingspan, literally, Zzuultron has wings.


The Dallas Mavericks were rumored to also be interested in Zzuultron. Chris Broussard posted via Twitter that Mavericks owner Mark Cuban spent all weekend flying around the solar system in an effort to find the cave where Zzuultron lurks. Cuban was not able to find Zzuultron, and none of his phone calls were returned.


In the meantime, the Spurs, who have always led the way with foreign players, and alien ones, sent a delegation to Zzuultron's lair to negotiate with him. After about two hours of discussion, and video games, and several bushels of breakfast tacos, Zzuultron inked a two year deal, with a third year team option.


Zzuultron's contract will not count at all against the Spur's salary cap. Zzuultron does not use money, so he has agreed to be paid in tortillas.


The Spurs say they will not start Zzuultron, but will probably use him in special situations where half-court defense is important. By spreading his wings and flapping them, Zzuultron can completely cover about 53 percent of the court.


The Spurs will have their work cut out for them when it comes to developing Zzuultron's offensive skills. Zzuultron has no hands or arms, or even tentacles. He only has wings.


Spurs shooting coach Chip Engelland said that Zzuultron should be able to shoot by using the tips of his wings to flip the ball toward the goal. Engelland said that even if Zzuultron can't grasp the ball, he can be taught to shoot a higher free throw percentage than DeAndre Jordan.


Shortly after his signing, Zzuultron tweeted that he is very pleased to be joining the Spurs, and that he was especially happy to be on the same team as Tim Duncan. Zzuultron said that it is well known throughout the galaxy that Duncan is "the greatest team leader in the universe."

[TXstbobcat]

I guess I'm okay with it for the league minimum. :lmao

[still.focused]

Rich

[cantthinkofanything]

God dammit, unpink me NOW!

[BillMc]

In before Apa9 complains that Zzuultron is taking shots from Kawhi!

[MVPCues]

Meh...he's too slow.

[SpursFan86]

At least Boban won't be the worst looking guy on the team now

[TXstbobcat]

In before Apa9 complains that Zzuultron is taking shots from Kawhi!

:lmao

[TE]

:lmao

[BD24]

In before Apa9 complains that Zzuultron is taking shots from Kawhi!
:lol

[Old School 44]

So who's starting the "Galactic Church of ZZuultron" thread?

[THE SAMOAN TD]

WE STACKKKKKKKKKKKKEDDDDDD!!

[FkLA]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RenOUsGvS90&app=desktop

[rastaspur]

Congrats on your first post, op. You really set a low bar moving forward. Now go back to watching star trek.

[ironman2886]

10/10. :lol

[Silver&Black]

In before Apa9 complains that Zzuultron is taking shots from Kawhi!

Did he get banned?

[Mnky]

OP has nowhere to go but up.
Genius strategy Tbh...

[BillMc]

Did he get banned?

Don't know.

[dabom]

Yeah he got banned.

[Silver&Black]

Don't know.

Check this out:

http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=250799&p=8110765#post8110765

BTW...that post was :lmao. Didn't mean to take away from its greatness...

[dabom]

Thread 11/10. Outta this world. :lmao

[manufan10]

Did he get banned?

:lol Why did he get banned?

[BillMc]

Check this out:

http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=250799&p=8110765#post8110765

BTW...that post was :lmao. Didn't mean to take away from its greatness...

Yeah, looks like he was banned.

Glad you like the post:toast Didn't hurt it all. Just shows you I don't keep up with banning/pinking, etc on this board. My bad.

[dabom]

Signing Zultron bumps our average age to 100k years.

[BillMc]

Thread 11/10. Outta this world. :lmao

:lol Drum roll. The 8 o'clock show is different than the ten o'clock.

[lefty]

:lmao


the Spurs, who have always led the way with foreign players, and alien ones,

[Silver&Black]

Yeah, looks like he was banned.

Glad you like the post:toast Didn't hurt it all. Just shows you I don't keep up with banning/pinking, etc on this board. My bad.

I saw in a thread earlier that he was banned....but I didn't know if it was for real.

:lol Thought he might have faked his e-death again

[BillMc]

I saw in a thread earlier that he was banned....but I didn't know if it was for real.

:lol Thought he might have faked his e-death again

He's hanging out with Elvis and Jimi Hendrix.

[spurraider21]

I saw in a thread earlier that he was banned....but I didn't know if it was for real.

:lol Thought he might have faked his e-death again
game planned imo

[TXstbobcat]

Gotta get to the AT&T center shop to get a Zzuultron jersey!!!!!!!!

[timvp]

Given the fact that the front office scours every nook and cranny for talent, I was only 95% sure the thread was a parody based on the title :lol

[Silver&Black]

game planned imo

C'mon SR21....

That's something that only a vanilla, antiquated, and mainstream big 3 fan would post. You're better than that tbqh.

[spurraider21]

C'mon SR21....

That's something that only a vanilla, antiquated, and mainstream big 3 fan would post. You're better than that tbqh.
forgot to mention media... mainstream media vanilla big 3 player fan

[Silver&Black]

forgot to mention media... mainstream media vanilla big 3 player fan

:pctoss

[Aztecfan03]

Yeah, looks like he was banned.

Glad you like the post:toast Didn't hurt it all. Just shows you I don't keep up with banning/pinking, etc on this board. My bad.
Sometimes people puy "banned" on their tag to make it look like they are banned. Wouldn't put it past apalisoc. Think has even done it before.

[BillMc]

Sometimes people puy "banned" on their tag to make it look like they are banned. Wouldn't put it past apalisoc.

I guess banned or not he achieved his goal of having people talking about him...especially when we should be discussing our acquisition of ZZuultron. :lol

[TheGreatYacht]

OP has nowhere to go but up.
Genius strategy Tbh...
:lmao

[dabom]

Making fun of one of our best posters. smh. :lmao

[ninjaskrzypek]

Championship

[spurs10]

It will unfortunately make us the oldest team in NBA history because Zzuultron is rumored to be almost 100,000 years old.

[buttsR4rebounding]

I thought he was part of the new youth movement. Oh wait, he is.

[Poolboy5623]

Hopefully he gets Parkers mins..

[Poolboy5623]

^ and manus..

[Emperor]

Is he over himself though?

[BD24]

C'mon SR21....

That's something that only a vanilla, antiquated, and mainstream big 3 fan would post. You're better than that tbqh.
:lol:toast

[ElNono]

So that's why RC has that look...

[BillMc]

Is he over himself though?
:lol

[Splits]

I guess banned or not he achieved his goal of having people talking about him...especially when we should be discussing our acquisition of ZZuultron. :lol

Hes banned. You can't PM banned posters, the option is removed.

Ape shit really did get the hammer :lol

[disciple]

The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed free agent defensive specialist Zzuultron of the outer galactic planet Flug'flup12.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f4/3d/ce/f43dcef0317dfb26f5b3723c8c0f556b.jpg


Zzuultron last played for team Supernova in the Great Nebula league. Unfortunately, the team name, Supernova, proved tragically prophetic during last year's playoffs, when star NGC1313X went supernova, interrupting the tournament, and vaporizing 90 percent of the planets in the league.


Zzuultron, one of the few survivors, then declared his eligibility for the NBA draft. NBA scouts were skeptical of his ability to transition to the NBA, because he is slow and clumsy, and he has no ability to dribble, shoot, rebound, or handle the ball in any way. However, they were all impressed by Zzuultron's 39.5 foot wingspan. That is his actual wingspan, literally, Zzuultron has wings.


The Dallas Mavericks were rumored to also be interested in Zzuultron. Chris Broussard posted via Twitter that Mavericks owner Mark Cuban spent all weekend flying around the solar system in an effort to find the cave where Zzuultron lurks. Cuban was not able to find Zzuultron, and none of his phone calls were returned.


In the meantime, the Spurs, who have always led the way with foreign players, and alien ones, sent a delegation to Zzuultron's lair to negotiate with him. After about two hours of discussion, and video games, and several bushels of breakfast tacos, Zzuultron inked a two year deal, with a third year team option.


Zzuultron's contract will not count at all against the Spur's salary cap. Zzuultron does not use money, so he has agreed to be paid in tortillas.


The Spurs say they will not start Zzuultron, but will probably use him in special situations where half-court defense is important. By spreading his wings and flapping them, Zzuultron can completely cover about 53 percent of the court.


The Spurs will have their work cut out for them when it comes to developing Zzuultron's offensive skills. Zzuultron has no hands or arms, or even tentacles. He only has wings.


Spurs shooting coach Chip Engelland said that Zzuultron should be able to shoot by using the tips of his wings to flip the ball toward the goal. Engelland said that even if Zzuultron can't grasp the ball, he can be taught to shoot a higher free throw percentage than DeAndre Jordan.


Shortly after his signing, Zzuultron tweeted that he is very pleased to be joining the Spurs, and that he was especially happy to be on the same team as Tim Duncan. Zzuultron said that it is well known throughout the galaxy that Duncan is "the greatest team leader in the universe."


Good one but don't now tell me that Pop speaks his language.

[KimmyGib]

He'll probably spend the first thousand or so years in the D-league with Kyle Anderson until he reaches his physical prime.

[Strategic]

Damn, we could've had Chewbacca for that price.

[BillMc]

Damn, we could've had Chewbacca for that price.
:lol

[itsamanuthree]

Zzultrongate: according to sources, the Spurs are actively looking to trade Zzultron after it was discovered a certain spur had been texting his wife.

[look_at_g_shred]

Really diggin this guys low post game..

[MI21]

Better than I thought it would be :tu

[itsamanuthree]

damn i was hoping for ...

Oh man! That cartoon was so cool.

[cutewizard]

a poster of fantasy, uwwww

a human after my own heart, pleasantly surprised, lol

[cutewizard]

fantasy battle coming, hahahaha

[cutewizard]

Lord Anomandaris Purake, MALAZAN ALL STAR SUPER FORWARD, considering offers from the Spurs!!!

Awesome breaking news from the cosmic social media today, specifically SPACEBOOK:

Anomandaris, Lord of Darkness, the current reigning Cosmos MVP, has been reported to be considering a one-year vacation on Earth, and thus might be "open" to a none year contract with the Spurs!

The Lord of Darkness, who averaged 40.0 ppg, 18 rpg, 11.5 apg, and 8.9 bpg ( almost a quadruple double) for the Malazan super team last season, is generally acknowledged to be the best player of the Cosmos, and would be a sensational pick-up for the Spurs.

He is the team captain of the Malazan super team, the reigning Cosmic Champions, a team which defeated the Alpha Draconis reptilians in a magnificent nine game Cosmos finals last season.

Will he sign up for our beloved Spurs? We shall soon find out.

https://warosu.org/data/tg/img/0256/26/1372115298621.jpg

[cutewizard]

there you go, hahaha!

[cutewizard]

typo:

should be..............."one year contract with the Spurs"

[cutewizard]

More on the aforementioned news:

Direct from SPACEBOOK:

Lord Icarium of the Jaghut, the center and co-captain of the Malazan superteam, the reigning Cosmic champions, was asked by a reporter from Texas about the reported "possible interest" of Lord Anomandaris with the San Antonio Spurs.

Icarium, flashing his Jaghut tusks, simply smiled.

Last year, the supercenter of the Malazan all-stars, averaged 38.5 ppg, 37.5 rpg (Cosmos leading), and 9.9 blocks per game, while being named Cosmos Defensive Player of the Year.

(More on this news story developing as we go on.)


GO Spurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssssss sssss go!!!

[cutewizard]

Master Yoda was asked by a Texas reporter recently about the recent acquisitions of the Spurs:

He replied:

"Fear the Spurs, this season, the NBA should. Hmmmm..."

(Completely agree with you Master Yoda. Uhmmm, you are so cute, like me! Hahahahaha)

http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11111/111116692/3213841-7948839370-yoda..jpg

[cutewizard]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNYypUbhXpc

[cutewizard]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuRsfIp67x4

[Yuixafun]

He'll probably spend the first thousand or so years in the D-league with Kyle Anderson until he reaches his physical prime.

That got a hearty laugh out of me.


I enjoy the spirit of this thread.


So I'm guessing the Monstars from Space Jam were like the Dream Team, integral in spreading stellar intergalactic interest for the NBA.

And here we thought they were villians the whole time.

[tim_duncan_fan]

Zzultron: The Centerpiece

[Slime Baller]

This... this is a pretty good first post.

[kawhidoyoudothistome]

The future..
http://i.imgur.com/QLjAr5Q.jpg?1

[Despot]

I'm relieved...when I saw the thread title I was afraid artest changed his name again.

[hsxvvd]

I believe RC has called Johnny Moore about letting him wear the 00

[Kawhi 5-0]

Best post I've ever seen on Spurs Talk...by far. This forum needs some literate levity. Keep up the good work! --Paul

[look_at_g_shred]

The future..
http://i.imgur.com/QLjAr5Q.jpg?1
:lmao

[Spur|n|Austin]

How long until Zzuultron disrespects a posters daughter?

[spurs10]

So that's why RC has that look... Either that or he just met Boban!

[Dre_7]

Spurs did not sign Zzuultron. As a matter of fact this thread really offends me! I know the OP was trying to be funny, but there was NOTHING funny about the NGC1313X tragedy. Civilizations died! It is no laughing matter. I knew a Zzuultron that lost a wife and child to the Suprenova. Shame on the OP!

[UNT Eagles 2016]

6/10

[kawhidoyoudothistome]

Spurs did not sign Zzuultron. As a matter of fact this thread really offends me! I know the OP was trying to be funny, but there was NOTHING funny about the NGC1313X tragedy. Civilizations died! It is no laughing matter. I knew a Zzuultron that lost a wife and child to the Suprenova. Shame on the OP!

Think of it as the Spurs trying to help him while he's down. This Supernova could be like Hurricane Hugo for us.

[itsamanuthree]

Spurs did not sign Zzuultron. As a matter of fact this thread really offends me! I know the OP was trying to be funny, but there was NOTHING funny about the NGC1313X tragedy. Civilizations died! It is no laughing matter. I knew a Zzuultron that lost a wife and child to the Suprenova. Shame on the OP!

:lol

[BatManu20]

Solid 1st post, tbh.

[BillMc]

Spurs did not sign Zzuultron. As a matter of fact this thread really offends me! I know the OP was trying to be funny, but there was NOTHING funny about the NGC1313X tragedy. Civilizations died! It is no laughing matter. I knew a Zzuultron that lost a wife and child to the Suprenova. Shame on the OP!
:lmao

[ThaBigFundamental21]

How long until Zzuultron disrespects a posters daughter?

We don't have to worry about that. Didn't you watch the presser!? He said he is willing to probe them all.

[pppp]

9/10

[Pocket Hippo]

http://www.euroleague.net/rs/5mllfjvvlo5odytm/c4974b14-d249-46d4-9092-0e470e8d733d/e6d/filename/c49.jpg

Zzuultron knew he wouldn't have to be self conscious about his looks after he saw that we signed this man.