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Will Hunting
01-02-2016, 02:02 PM
I've been reviewing a lot of resumes for open spots at work and there are some things that seriously bug me. Anyone else have certain things they can't stand seeing/not seeing on a resume?



People who graduated < 2 years ago applying for an analyst role and not listing their GPA on their resume. I'll pretty much throw any resume like that away since the only reason you wouldn't list your GPA for an entry level role is if it sucks.
People applying for an entry level role with a resume > 1 page long. Instant sign of a wordy, narcissistic millennial with an inflated self-esteem who thinks his/her work/academic/personal history is SOOOOOOOO compelling that his/her resume should be longer than the one page limit stated on the application.
Using subjective adjectives to prop something up (i.e., performed "complex" analysis). I'll be the fucking judge of what's complex/simple, I don't need your input.
Similar to the above, people who don't list anything specific but unnecessarily use big words. The one word I see a lot is "analytics", at some point it became the standard for people to describe basic, mundane data entry experience that no one cares about as "analytics".
Listing athletic achievements/extra-curricular activities from high school. No one wants a peaked-in-high-school douchebag who can't think beyond the "glory days" and wears the sacred letterman jacket to work every Friday.
Including fluffy catch phrases like "hard worker", "fast learner" or "team player". Thanks, if someone else applying for this job openly admits on a resume that he's lazy, struggles to learn stuff quickly or doesn't work well on teams, I'll be sure to remember you.

Thread
01-02-2016, 02:09 PM
Just give 'em the fuckin' job. Just about everyone is a 90-day wonder anyhow.

DD
01-02-2016, 02:12 PM
Listing an Objective on your resume/CV. We know your (and everyone else's) objective is to get a job, dipshit

Will Hunting
01-02-2016, 02:18 PM
Listing an Objective on your resume/CV. We know your (and everyone else'sO objective is to get a job, dipshit

:lol that's a good one. To be fair, I've noticed a lot of people ask the question "what are your goals?" during interviews. They're usually the people who are terrible at evaluating applicants and want to hire someone because that person gave a great answer about the leadership he/she demonstrated as treasurer of their college's Save the Rainforest Club and showed a "great attitude" during the interview.

Will Hunting
01-02-2016, 02:25 PM
Btw, this rant is largely related to the fact I now need to train someone at work after I said her resume was dogshit (mediocre GPA with a joke major, 3 different jobs in 2 years, writing ability of a 7th grader, etc.) and that she shouldn't be hired but she still was because people who interviewed her said she had "a lot of energy" and was "really positive".

Thread
01-02-2016, 02:42 PM
Btw, this rant is largely related to the fact I now need to train someone at work after I said her resume was dogshit (mediocre GPA with a joke major, 3 different jobs in 2 years, writing ability of a 7th grader, etc.) and that she shouldn't be hired but she still was because people who interviewed her said she had "a lot of energy" and was "really positive".

Grim reality.

Thread
01-02-2016, 02:43 PM
Grim reality.

The kicker? She'll be giddy on her first dress down Friday after the start.

Will Hunting
01-02-2016, 03:04 PM
The kicker? She'll be giddy on her first dress down Friday after the start.

She's been at work for a few months and hasn't learned shit. I'm starting to get impatient when she asks me to show her how to do something for the 3rd time.

Thread
01-02-2016, 03:29 PM
She's been at work for a few months and hasn't learned shit. I'm starting to get impatient when she asks me to show her how to do something for the 3rd time.

All they want is the idea of the job & of course the paycheck.

Will Hunting
01-02-2016, 03:57 PM
All they want is the idea of the job & of course the paycheck.

There's no question people my age (i.e., in their early or mid 20s) have a horrible sense of entitlement. You can find some who were raised right and want to work hard, but most people coming out of college these days seem to think they don't need to spend all their time at work doing work.

This girl in particular, like clockwork, always has some pop culture news up on one of her screens. The other day I said to her, "You're not given two screens so you can surf the internet on one while you pretend to do work on the other, you're given two screens so you can do more work more efficiently."

DMC
01-02-2016, 04:18 PM
I typically ignore resumes that are longer than a couple pages. I also ignore those on fancy parchment (back when they were on actual paper). I don't look too much into what they say they did. I look at how long they did it and if they were promoted within the organization instead of job hopping to get a promotion.

A resume is a request for an interview, not a request for a job. I've always been offered the job once I've been interviewed, but getting that interview can be tricky. You have to know what the employer is looking for specifically and understand people like Will Hunting aren't going through 2 thousand resumes to find yours. That means there are word filters in play these days and you need to use the proper words to get through them. I use bullet points and only talk about relevant experience, no one gives a shit what you did in another career, what your hobbies are, what award you got in your community.

I read one that read something like this:

Name: Marcus "Superfly" Jackson Email: [email protected]

Objective: To bring a level of professionalism unheard of to your organization!

Education: Associated degree in electronical engineering of sciences

Past experience: Worked with multi-million dollar equipment ensuring all aspects of the job were completed in a timely manner
Past experience 2: dic jockey at a high end club on the strip

Personal: I am an easy going and laid back character until the buzzer sounds at work, then I am superfly getting things done. I quickly rise above the competition and make my presence known.




Dude was applying for a job that required a BSEE at minimum, and the "worked with" told me he was only an operator.

Too many folks have attended the "90 red gumballs, 10 white ones" seminar and think it's about volume of resume submissions and luck.

Koolaid_Man
01-02-2016, 04:18 PM
She's been at work for a few months and hasn't learned shit. I'm starting to get impatient when she asks me to show her how to do something for the 3rd time.


Give her the job...she probably has good character and just need the appropriate leadership....if you question her character then all you have to do is search all your racists posts up in this bitch to know you shouldn't judge..

What I can't stand is people who hire that fail to show true leadership that people can follow....show her she has to live her job by example and your problem is solved..who knows you might get free blowjobs down the road if you play your cards right :hat

DMC
01-02-2016, 04:22 PM
There's no question people my age (i.e., in their early or mid 20s) have a horrible sense of entitlement. You can find some who were raised right and want to work hard, but most people coming out of college these days seem to think they don't need to spend all their time at work doing work.

This girl in particular, like clockwork, always has some pop culture news up on one of her screens. The other day I said to her, "You're not given two screens so you can surf the internet on one while you pretend to do work on the other, you're given two screens so you can do more work more efficiently."

I had the same issue with an employee once. She didn't know anything about computers, so it's easy to fix. I just put a screen saver with the text "time watcher" so it would show up sometimes when the screen saver activated. She had no idea what it was but it looked like someone was keeping an eye on her.

Will Hunting
01-02-2016, 04:37 PM
I had the same issue with an employee once. She didn't know anything about computers, so it's easy to fix. I just put a screen saver with the text "time watcher" so it would show up sometimes when the screen saver activated. She had no idea what it was but it looked like someone was keeping an eye on her.

Yeah unfortunately we don't have that kind of flexibility at big companies :lol, what I'm doing now is that every day she's required to give me a list of everything she did and how much time each thing took. When it supposedly took her 2 hours to send a 15 word email I had her dead to rights.

Will Hunting
01-02-2016, 04:39 PM
Give her the job...she probably has good character and just need the appropriate leadership....if you question her character then all you have to do is search all your racists posts up in this bitch to know you shouldn't judge..

What I can't stand is people who hire that fail to show true leadership that people can follow....show her she has to live her job by example and your problem is solved..who knows you might get free blowjobs down the road if you play your cards right :hat

I'm not questioning her character, I'm questioning her intelligence (or lack thereof) and work ethic.

The bolded part of your comment tells me you're that guy who fucks up a lot at work and blames his manager for :crynot training him enough:cry

Koolaid_Man
01-02-2016, 05:05 PM
I'm not questioning her character, I'm questioning her intelligence (or lack thereof) and work ethic.

The bolded part of your comment tells me you're that guy who fucks up a lot at work and blames his manager for :crynot training him enough:cry

Yep..:hat

:lmao

InRareForm
01-02-2016, 08:03 PM
Lots of truth in this but you sound kind of douchey posting this tbh

Thread
01-02-2016, 08:14 PM
There's no question people my age (i.e., in their early or mid 20s) have a horrible sense of entitlement. You can find some who were raised right and want to work hard, but most people coming out of college these days seem to think they don't need to spend all their time at work doing work.

This girl in particular, like clockwork, always has some pop culture news up on one of her screens. The other day I said to her, "You're not given two screens so you can surf the internet on one while you pretend to do work on the other, you're given two screens so you can do more work more efficiently."

It's hopeless, but, you know that. Sickens the stomach.

TDMVPDPOY
01-02-2016, 08:56 PM
how many graduate that come out have any relevant work experience for that type of role?

u are advertising a entry level role, its not like your seeking someone with 2-3 year experience

bigzak25
01-02-2016, 09:15 PM
And why do you guys have screen savers and dual screens at McDonald's?

DMC
01-02-2016, 09:44 PM
lol guy with name "bigzak" commenting on McDonald's. You have to see the irony there.

hehateme
01-02-2016, 11:02 PM
You can find someone with the best resume and they still turn out to be the shittiest co-worker. Just saying from experience...

leemajors
01-02-2016, 11:11 PM
You can find someone with the best resume and they still turn out to be the shittiest co-worker. Just saying from experience...

The people who don't know how to work under pressure/with deadlines/adversity but kill in interviews are way worse. They end up wedging themselves into positions they never should have been anywhere near and making everyone else work twice as hard.

DPG21920
01-03-2016, 12:11 AM
Hiring people is very difficult. Especially if you have vanilla ideas about what makes someone intelligent & no importance on culture.

Resumes are just a very general generic overview designed to give you some hope of narrowing the pool down. The interview(s) are what is important.

DMC
01-03-2016, 12:46 AM
Yeah unfortunately we don't have that kind of flexibility at big companies :lol, what I'm doing now is that every day she's required to give me a list of everything she did and how much time each thing took. When it supposedly took her 2 hours to send a 15 word email I had her dead to rights.
I never looked for dirt in the gold mine. I needed a specific amount of gold or I needed gold at a specific time. If my folks could do that without shitting on each other then I was cool with them taking their pound of flesh. Folks will work harder to reach goals if they have a reason to, and "it's your job" isn't a motivating reason, but "If you get done by noon you can fuck off the rest of the afternoon" seem to get lots of play.

DMC
01-03-2016, 12:47 AM
The people who don't know how to work under pressure/with deadlines/adversity but kill in interviews are way worse. They end up wedging themselves into positions they never should have been anywhere near and making everyone else work twice as hard.
And it takes years to get rid of them, if you can find a manager with enough balls to even deal with it.

DMC
01-03-2016, 12:50 AM
Hiring people is very difficult. Especially if you have vanilla ideas about what makes someone intelligent & no importance on culture.

Resumes are just a very general generic overview designed to give you some hope of narrowing the pool down. The interview(s) are what is important.

I don't get the culture comment or how you know your ideas about intelligence aren't just as vanilla as anyone else's. I guess it depends on the job role, but I don't recall ever seeing "culture" listed in the required skills area.

Will Hunting
01-03-2016, 10:48 AM
The people who don't know how to work under pressure/with deadlines/adversity but kill in interviews are way worse. They end up wedging themselves into positions they never should have been anywhere near and making everyone else work twice as hard.

This. I hate the job interview system, it's an unreliable way to evaluate someone. Some people have a shitty work ethic, aren't smart and can't manage themselves, but are naturally gifted interviewers who can kill it interviewing for jobs they're not qualified for.

Will Hunting
01-03-2016, 10:52 AM
I don't get the culture comment or how you know your ideas about intelligence aren't just as vanilla as anyone else's. I guess it depends on the job role, but I don't recall ever seeing "culture" listed in the required skills area.

Yeah looking for culture/diversity is what leads to hiring mistakes. People are so focused on someone being a good "culture carrier" and coming from a "diverse background" they don't bother to check whether or not that person is capable of doing the fucking job.

BD24
01-03-2016, 12:45 PM
Often times the people who have the best resumes actually aren't the best candidates. More often than not they have just fluffed the shit out of their resume.

Best way to figure out if someone can actually do the job or not is see if they can speak to their resume. Ask them what exactly they did at a certain company. What did their day to day look like. If they start saying well we did this and we did that. No no no. I wont to know what you did. Alot of people have these great resumes, but if you can paint them in a corner you figure out they actually don't have the experience they pretend to.

djohn2oo8
01-03-2016, 01:02 PM
Then people not listing experience relevant to the job.

Thread
01-03-2016, 01:32 PM
Anybody remember the job interview scene from "Kramer Vs. Kramer?" Hoffman bullies his way into an instant job offer two days before Christmas. As the office Christmas party rages outside the interview room Hoffman first demands that the underling fetch the decision maker. This is done reluctantly. Drink in hand the boss enters: "You have two minutes." Hoffman makes his pitch. "We'll let you know after the holidays."

"No, it's a one time offer. Once I leave it's null."

"Give us a minute."

He sits outside the door and watches---the Xmas party is in his face.

---

A year later I pulled this stunt in Omaha, Nebraska on a job interview with a father & son company, though not at Xmas. "Dale, we'll think about it and make a decision next week.

"No, I need a decision now, not next week, now." They blanched in unison. "Can you give us minute, Mr. Robinson?"

I sat in the chair to the right of the office. They hit the phone immediately (I could hear it) and called my ex-employer who I had the forethought to brief and arrange a sterling reference.

They opened the door, I entered to handshakes, just like in the movie.

Starts about a minute in:::
Jh57rErGcmw

DPG21920
01-03-2016, 01:35 PM
I don't get the culture comment or how you know your ideas about intelligence aren't just as vanilla as anyone else's. I guess it depends on the job role, but I don't recall ever seeing "culture" listed in the required skills area.

You don't get the culture comment? One, especially for the "new age" workforce, things like culture matter. You want to attract the best? Make working at your company different and more enjoyable. What I meant by the culture comment is people who have no defined culture and have the "I'm paying you, just do your damn job" mentality (IMO) are missing the boat. Doesn't mean you can't have a successful company. Far from it. Even restaurants with mediocre service, food & management can stay open forever just due to good marketing/location (think Chili's).

But if you focus on building a good culture (whatever it is), and look for people that not only have the skillset for the role, but fit in and want to be a part of that culture, I feel that is how you avoid the frustrations in the OP. If your culture is one of all work, no play, even someone who is smart and can do "the job", won't make you happy if they care about things like I discuss. The culture comment was about maximizing the candidate and fit along with attracting better people.

I never said "my" version of intelligence is better than anyone else's. What I meant by that comment, was people (especially for entry level jobs) focusing only on what people have done, vs their aptitudes (which there are tests to help determine that as well) are missing the boat (again IMO). Anyone who's gone to college (and I have gone through many years of college all the way through Masters) knows getting a degree doesn't always take intelligence. Unless you have a very technical degree, most of school just proves that the person has enough common sense and drive to show up and get the degree. GPA is a great way to break a coin-toss, but just going by that, especially for non-technical undergraduate degrees probably leaves you more frustrated than anything.

I'd rather use the degree/GPA as a starting point, but find out how intelligent they are by what they do, their aptitudes and future upside.

Obviously this is not blanket. Cooking fries and doing labor isn't the same.

DPG21920
01-03-2016, 01:35 PM
Yeah looking for culture/diversity is what leads to hiring mistakes. People are so focused on someone being a good "culture carrier" and coming from a "diverse background" they don't bother to check whether or not that person is capable of doing the fucking job.

Then the person hiring is not doing their job if they are completely neglecting either side.

DPG21920
01-03-2016, 01:41 PM
I don't get the culture comment or how you know your ideas about intelligence aren't just as vanilla as anyone else's. I guess it depends on the job role, but I don't recall ever seeing "culture" listed in the required skills area.

Also, and I'm not knocking you, I'm not surprised at this type of comment. Very few companies place a lot of emphasis on culture. Most people, especially small business owners, focus on "do the damn job". Obviously the most important thing is someone having the ability to do the job.

However, I would take someone with no degree/experience that has a lot of aptitude vs the grumpy, do barely enough person who can probably do the job but will do no better than needed and end up being a major source of frustration because they are trading time for money.

DJR210
01-04-2016, 09:52 AM
:lol at people using their high school email addresses for contact info on a professional document

TDMVPDPOY
01-04-2016, 10:37 AM
how about clowns u went to uni with who did jackshit, let alone drop out and all of sudden bullshit talk their way into a job without any relevant work experience or qualification...now that pisses me off

Caltex2
01-04-2016, 11:48 AM
And why do you guys have screen savers and dual screens at McDonald's?

:lmao