Blender is a horrible music magazine...

[CharlieMac]

At the risk of sounding like an emo music snob, they kind of suck. They don't "Spin suck", but they suck nonetheless.

[MannyIsGod]

Don't they all suck?

[Shelly]

yeah..but I get it free

[CharlieMac]

To make a long story short.....yes.

Blender has pictures of pretty girls, so I guess they suck the least.

[CharlieMac]

yeah..but I get it free

You know, I got ripped of a while back. You know those college students that go door to door selling magazines so they can get a trip to Cancun or whatever? Well, long story short, I paid too much for a magazine subscription that I never received. It's so hard to say no to cute girls when you're 18.

[Drachen]

well I keep getting it for free too, I dont know why. I do concur though, it sucks, yall should see the "Top 500 songs ever (since you were born)" article (its the "best of the 80's, 90's and the awesome aughts") anyway it was one of the worst "best" lists I have ever seen. Pearl Jam's "Black" one of the absolute classics of our time is ranked BEHIND Mad Cobra "Flex." (among others) If you want to know more go look at it, its gotta be online somewhere.

[Spurminator]

It's affiliated with the geniuses behind Maxim and Stuff... I'd expect no less.

I've pretty much given up on trying to find a decent music magazine.

[MannyIsGod]

CMJ isn't bad for indie music.

But yeah, Black is incredible and that ranking is shit.

[mookie2001]

yall ever read a Chunklet?

[Duff McCartney]

I like it....don't take it too seriously but it's funny reading some of the stuf they write.

[mookie2001]

Blender cant be worse than Rolling Stone
according to RS Eminem has 2 of the top 10 albums of all time

[mookie2001]

Chunklet is fucking hilarious
mostly because they scoff emos
and shitty bands
and good bands

[Spurminator]

Rolling Stone is easily worse. Blender at least has some "guilty pleasure" appeal.

[mookie2001]

Band Bio Dictionary
by Brian Teasley




What do publicists really mean in those irritatingly patronizing scraps of toilet paper known as “the one sheet?” Well, not much of anything really, their job isn’t to translate any authentic information about a specific band; their job is to get you “pumped” about a record so you will either write a favorable review about it, play it on radio or TV (or as pathetic as it may be, possibly even on the internet), stock it in your store, or maybe just actually buy it — or at least that was the case when people actually bought music.


They’re basically poorly paid bullshit artists having to hype bands that they never choose to work with. I do concede you can’t blame someone for having to write about a shitty band when it’s simply their job. I do, however, blame someone for taking an utterly despicable job in the first place. If being a publicist is a record label’s version of a prostitute, then writing a hype sheet is certainly the equivalent of a facial.


What I’ve done here is run their dim-witted, amateurish prose through the bullshit decoder and gotten to the really distasteful orangey, stale butterfingery-like center in their den of lies. Publicist, you can’t help bands; you can only hurt them. You gotten way to use to your own stanky shit-piles and have forgotten that some people can actually smell it. I guess what I’m saying is “Fuck You, You Pathetic Ass Puppets.”



If a one sheet’s bio describes their latest album to be a “mature work,” it really means...
...it’s a slapped-together, shit-dribbled menagerie of slow songs for people over thirty who don’t go to rock shows any more.


If a band’s one sheet relates all the awesome bands that they have toured with, it really means...
...that they still can’t headline their own shows and have all but failed in developing their own fan base.


If a band’s one sheet reveals the fact that their record was home-recorded, it really means...
...that their last record didn’t sell dick and didn’t get enough of a budget from their label to record at a real studio.


If a band’s one sheet describes their music as being “whiskey-soaked,” it really means...
...the band can’t play together for shit and most likely plays some fake country crap.


If band’s one sheet claims that their chops are “dexterous,” it really means...
...that the dudes in said band were pimple-faced, D& D playing nerds who grew up on Rush and practiced for several hours a day. Thankfully, they still mostly only hang out with other guys.


If a band’s one sheet claims that they “deliver” something, it really means...
...that they did as little as they could to keep their skinny necks above the sewage that contains all other bands that they are compared to, or often steal from.


If a band’s one sheet labels their record as “experimental,” it really means...
...the band is lazy and can’t really compose authentic music, but has enough money to buy expensive samplers and computers.


If a band’s one sheet describes their demeanor as being “enigmatic,” it really means...
...the band sucks at doing interviews and are sad, sour bastards.


If a band’s one sheet overloads you with parentheses relating what everyone involved with the record has done, it really means...
...that although this record by no means can stand on its own merits... oh shit, did you see who the guest vocalist plays with?


If a one sheet describes a songwriter’s music as being “introspective,” it really means...
...he uses the fine backdoor art of subtlety to get pussy from girls who work at vintage clothing shops.


If a band’s one sheet terms their career as “long-time,” it probably means...
...they probably have just been together for far too long and rock like two old Jewish men playing chess in Washington Square Park.


If a band’s one sheet says their sound is “idiosyncratic” (or worse, “quirky”), it really means...
...they’re sucking with such a special kind of suck that no one is anywhere near the same league of suckiness as they are.


If a band’s one sheet calls their music “cathartic,” it really means...
...you’ll probably have to take a big dump after listening to the first few songs.


If a band’s one sheet says that they’re “challenging,” it really means...
...their record has absolutely no fucking hooks on it.


If a band one sheet says their singer is a “chanteuse,” it really means...
...she’s a frumpy alt-country singer who has drooping breasts and a flair for the ironic.


If a band’s one sheet describes their music as “ambitious,” it really means...
...that the band spent way too much money in the studio ordering take-out and recording out-of-key harmony vocals that they’ll never use, because of the great expense of making the record (not finished).


If a band’s one sheet alleges that a record is a “return to form,” it really means...
...the band has sold out and compromised enough to recreate a watered-down version of what they were when everyone really liked them, otherwise known as the SOMPTfP* game.


If a rock band’s one sheet describes their sound to be sometimes “jazzy,” it really means...
...their guitar player and/or drummer wasted a lot of money majoring in music and will punish their audience with whacky chords and jerky rhythms whenever possible.


If a band’s one sheet credits someone as having played a “Mellotron,” it really means...
...there was a non-functioning Mellotron at the studio where they did their basic tracking, but they used a Midi sample of a Mellotron on one or two songs and most likely mixed it so low you couldn’t even hear it.

[Spurfect]

Rolling Stone once had Clay Aiken on the cover. enough said

[mookie2001]

Blender cant be worse than Rolling Stone
according to RS Eminem has 2 of the top 10 albums of all time

it was said here

[Spurminator]

Actually Mookie, these were RS's top 10 albums of all time:

http://www.usatoday.com/life/music/news/2003-11-16-rolling-stone-list_x.htm

1. The Beatles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
2. The Beach Boys, Pet Sounds
3. The Beatles, Revolver
4. Bob Dylan, Highway 61 Revisited
5. The Beatles, Rubber Soul
6. Marvin Gaye, What's Going On
7. The Rolling Stones, Exile on Main Street
8. The Clash, London Calling
9. Bob Dylan, Blonde on Blonde
10. The Beatles, The Beatles (The White Album)

[Spurminator]

This is where Eminem ranked in the top 500...

273) The Slim Shady LP
302) The Marshall Mathers LP
317) The Eminem Show

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Rolling_Stone's_500_Greatest_Albums_of_All _Time#1-100

[mookie2001]

pathetic

[mookie2001]

above
wu tang enter the wu tang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
and nas illmatic
and epmd strictly business
LOLOLOLLLOL

oh my god look for yourself
what a fucking joke


www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Rolling_Stone's_500_Greatest_Albums_of_All _Time#1-100 (http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Rolling_Stone's_500_Greatest_Albums_of_All %20_Time#1-100)

[tlongII]

The best music magazine by far!

http://i18.ebayimg.com/04/i/04/e0/88/6c_2.JPG

[Drachen]

CMJ isn't bad for indie music.

But yeah, Black is incredible and that ranking is shit.


Yeah they are saying that "Black" is the 294th best song since 1980, and that flex song is 270th.

[Horry For 3!]

Never heard of this Blender magazine.