Damn lesbos keep stealing my paper

[Wilford Brimley]

I've seen them do it. I see them out of the spyglass pepshole in the morning. It's both of them. Some mornging it will be the one with the short hair. And then other days it's her fat dyke lover. I dont' know if I shoudl call the police or just open the door on them one morning.

[Fabbs]

Hidden camera time.

[Thread]

Whatever you do don't advance it into a situation where you have to think about your car sitting out in that parking lot. Don't be coy, nor cute. Perhaps discontinue the service for a short while.

[SpursforSix]

I've seen them do it. I see them out of the spyglass pepshole in the morning. It's both of them. Some mornging it will be the one with the short hair. And then other days it's her fat dyke lover. I dont' know if I shoudl call the police or just open the door on them one morning.

I'll tell you what you do...

Identify which of them would be easiest for you to impersonate. Probably whichever has the closest body size to you. Study her for a couple of weeks. Learn her mannerisms. Practice imitating them in front of a mirror. Go by a Halloween costume that includes a mask and one big enough that masks your body shape. Assuming you don't exactly match the target lesbian. On Halloween, wait by your door and keep an eye out for the paper stealer that day. Hopefully, it's the one you have been working to imitate. As soon as she gets in front of your door, grab her and pull her inside. Hit her in the head with something hard enough to knock her out. Tie her up in a chair. While she's still unconscious, put on the costume. Get the paper and go to their home. Wait...are you in a house or apartment???? Also, where do they throw your paper? Doorstep?

Wait!??! So instead of actually going out and picking up your own paper...you're standing at the peephole and watching someone else steal it?

Scratch my plan above. Here's what you do...when you get up in the morning, go out and pick up your fucking paper.

[Wilford Brimley]

I'll tell you what you do...

Identify which of them would be easiest for you to impersonate. Probably whichever has the closest body size to you. Study her for a couple of weeks. Learn her mannerisms. Practice imitating them in front of a mirror. Go by a Halloween costume that includes a mask and one big enough that masks your body shape. Assuming you don't exactly match the target lesbian. On Halloween, wait by your door and keep an eye out for the paper stealer that day. Hopefully, it's the one you have been working to imitate. As soon as she gets in front of your door, grab her and pull her inside. Hit her in the head with something hard enough to knock her out. Tie her up in a chair. While she's still unconscious, put on the costume. Get the paper and go to their home. Wait...are you in a house or apartment???? Also, where do they throw your paper? Doorstep?

Wait!??! So instead of actually going out and picking up your own paper...you're standing at the peephole and watching someone else steal it?

Scratch my plan above. Here's what you do...when you get up in the morning, go out and pick up your fucking paper.

You're a dumb piece of shit fuck.