Nbadan
10-24-2005, 03:31 AM
An Excellent blog from a american short-timer in Iraq
Who's on First?
People ask, "How is it over there? Are we winning?" You askin' me? Me? You askin' me what's goin' on? How am I supposed to know? I don't know shit. All I know is that steak and lobster was moved from Wednesdays to Saturdays, they just expanded the PX to include all kinds of nifty new uniform items, top drafted a duty schedule for the NCOs to start holding weekly training classes... lemme tell ya, when the lifers start creating a sphere of 'normalcy,' you can safely pencil in the end of the world on your calender, cause it's end times baby.
For the rest, what's there to know? As far as I'm concerned, I should be asking you guyz what's goin' on. You're the ones with the unrestricted Internet access, cable television and full spectrum of mediaheads at your disposal. So what's been goin' on? Where we at? Are we up? Are we down? We put any points on the board? What? Up by ten? Fifty? For that matter... what friggin' game are we playin'? Is it half-time yet? Third period? Fourth quarter? Extra innings? How many more laps? Who's got the ball? Who's movin' the puck? Passing the baton. Rowin' the oars. Swinging the racket. Waiving the paddle. Knocking down the pins. Behind the eight ball. ANYONE? ANYONE at ALL can tell me what's goin' on?
Whatever dimension of fuckery we're dealing with, I know my part of it. My contract's been renegotiated and I'm playing extra innings injury overtime fifth quarter sudden death.
I asked the LT, "So what's the score sir?"
"What score?" he says.
"The score. The game. Are we up? Are we down? Are we winning? By how much? What's the deal?"
"What game?"
"The war."
"This war's not a game specialist."
"No sir. A metaphor sir."
"What metaphor?"
"For the war."
"A metaphor for the war?"
"Yes sir. A game metaphor for the war."
"Games aren't a suitable metaphor for war specialist."
"An indicator. A catch-all. A headline. Something tangible to throw to the troops."
"Well, we're winning this war. It's going to take time though. All good things do. Rome wasn't built in a day after all."
"We're building Rome sir?"
"It's a metaphor specialist."
"Oh, is that what that is. Right, so what would you say? We're fourth and long? Third and short? Bottom of the ninth? One under par on the seventeenth hole?"
"I wouldn't put it that way."
"Last week in the briefing you said we're in the seventh inning stretch but we still had a long game ahead of us."
"I did?"
"Yes sir."
"Hmm, well, if I said that, what I meant was, we've accomplished a great deal and come a long way, but we still have a long road ahead of us."
"So we're on our last legs? Nose to the wind? Taking the high road? Easy street? Fair sailing? In rough waters? Dire straights? In the doldrums? Steaming ahead?"
"What do you want from me specialist?"
"A definitive, declarative statement of our status sir."
"Our status is... we're winning--"
"We're winning sir?"
"Yes, we're winning--"
"So how do I know we're winning sir?"
"Cause I'm telling you we're winning specialist."
"So we're winning cause you say so sir?"
"That's right specialist. Cause I say so."
"That's more like an order sir. Are you saying you're ordering this a win?"
"I'm saying we're winning specialist. WINNING. And you may as well consider that an order."
"So when they start asking, you're saying we're winning because you ordered it sir, do I have that right sir?"
"When who starts asking?"
"Whoever wants to know whether we're winning sir."
"Are you trying to get my goat specialist?"
"No sir, the lieutenant's goat was never under consideration sir. I just want to know our status sir."
"WE'RE WINNING."
"I see sir. So our status is, we're winning--"
"The status is we're winning and there's still a lot that needs to be done. You're dismissed."
"You didn't summon me sir."
"Well... I've got to go."
"Yes sir. Thanks for taking time to clarify sir."
And there you have it. We're winning. How? Why? By how many touchdowns? What are you? A commie subversive? We're winning goddamnit. You have it straight from the horse's mouth. Call me a jackass for asking assinine questions. You wanna know which way the wind's blowing, you're barking up the wrong tree. Best I can figure is, you can frogmarch a horse to water at gunpoint, but you can't make him drink the 'Mocracy... is best I can figure. Don't quote me on it though.
American Short-timer.blogspot (http://americanshort-timer.blogspot.com/)
Who's on First?
People ask, "How is it over there? Are we winning?" You askin' me? Me? You askin' me what's goin' on? How am I supposed to know? I don't know shit. All I know is that steak and lobster was moved from Wednesdays to Saturdays, they just expanded the PX to include all kinds of nifty new uniform items, top drafted a duty schedule for the NCOs to start holding weekly training classes... lemme tell ya, when the lifers start creating a sphere of 'normalcy,' you can safely pencil in the end of the world on your calender, cause it's end times baby.
For the rest, what's there to know? As far as I'm concerned, I should be asking you guyz what's goin' on. You're the ones with the unrestricted Internet access, cable television and full spectrum of mediaheads at your disposal. So what's been goin' on? Where we at? Are we up? Are we down? We put any points on the board? What? Up by ten? Fifty? For that matter... what friggin' game are we playin'? Is it half-time yet? Third period? Fourth quarter? Extra innings? How many more laps? Who's got the ball? Who's movin' the puck? Passing the baton. Rowin' the oars. Swinging the racket. Waiving the paddle. Knocking down the pins. Behind the eight ball. ANYONE? ANYONE at ALL can tell me what's goin' on?
Whatever dimension of fuckery we're dealing with, I know my part of it. My contract's been renegotiated and I'm playing extra innings injury overtime fifth quarter sudden death.
I asked the LT, "So what's the score sir?"
"What score?" he says.
"The score. The game. Are we up? Are we down? Are we winning? By how much? What's the deal?"
"What game?"
"The war."
"This war's not a game specialist."
"No sir. A metaphor sir."
"What metaphor?"
"For the war."
"A metaphor for the war?"
"Yes sir. A game metaphor for the war."
"Games aren't a suitable metaphor for war specialist."
"An indicator. A catch-all. A headline. Something tangible to throw to the troops."
"Well, we're winning this war. It's going to take time though. All good things do. Rome wasn't built in a day after all."
"We're building Rome sir?"
"It's a metaphor specialist."
"Oh, is that what that is. Right, so what would you say? We're fourth and long? Third and short? Bottom of the ninth? One under par on the seventeenth hole?"
"I wouldn't put it that way."
"Last week in the briefing you said we're in the seventh inning stretch but we still had a long game ahead of us."
"I did?"
"Yes sir."
"Hmm, well, if I said that, what I meant was, we've accomplished a great deal and come a long way, but we still have a long road ahead of us."
"So we're on our last legs? Nose to the wind? Taking the high road? Easy street? Fair sailing? In rough waters? Dire straights? In the doldrums? Steaming ahead?"
"What do you want from me specialist?"
"A definitive, declarative statement of our status sir."
"Our status is... we're winning--"
"We're winning sir?"
"Yes, we're winning--"
"So how do I know we're winning sir?"
"Cause I'm telling you we're winning specialist."
"So we're winning cause you say so sir?"
"That's right specialist. Cause I say so."
"That's more like an order sir. Are you saying you're ordering this a win?"
"I'm saying we're winning specialist. WINNING. And you may as well consider that an order."
"So when they start asking, you're saying we're winning because you ordered it sir, do I have that right sir?"
"When who starts asking?"
"Whoever wants to know whether we're winning sir."
"Are you trying to get my goat specialist?"
"No sir, the lieutenant's goat was never under consideration sir. I just want to know our status sir."
"WE'RE WINNING."
"I see sir. So our status is, we're winning--"
"The status is we're winning and there's still a lot that needs to be done. You're dismissed."
"You didn't summon me sir."
"Well... I've got to go."
"Yes sir. Thanks for taking time to clarify sir."
And there you have it. We're winning. How? Why? By how many touchdowns? What are you? A commie subversive? We're winning goddamnit. You have it straight from the horse's mouth. Call me a jackass for asking assinine questions. You wanna know which way the wind's blowing, you're barking up the wrong tree. Best I can figure is, you can frogmarch a horse to water at gunpoint, but you can't make him drink the 'Mocracy... is best I can figure. Don't quote me on it though.
American Short-timer.blogspot (http://americanshort-timer.blogspot.com/)