My friend may be having a miscarriage. What to say to her?

[easjer]

She lives in Portland, so not nearby. This would be her second child, and they were actively trying for another to be close in age to their first. She was so excited when she got a positive test result. Things had seemed to be going really well, with little morning sickness and less fatigue than last time.

Then yesterday she started bleeding, pretty lightly and brown, not much to worry about. Her doc didn't call back for several hours, at which point her husband (a cardiologist) placed a call. They thought things were ok last night, but she's still bleeding this morning, and more heavily, and she thinks she may have passed the mucus plug.

They don't want her to come into the hospital, because there isn't anything they can do to stop it if it is a m/c, and she's not in pain. But they don't know for certain that it is a m/c, because it's not heavy bleeding or bright red and there are no cramps or large clots.

She's home with her 18 mo old, crying her eyes out, and her husband had to work, and she doesn't know if she's still pregnant.

I've already said prayers for her, but she is not a religious person. What else can I say or do to help her?

:depressed

[tlongII]

That's weird that they don't want her to come into the hospital/Dr's office. I would get a new doc.

[ObiwanGinobili]

:depressed
wow. I have had several miscarriages myself - so I know from personal experiance that it is one of the hardest things i nthe world to deal with.
Really there is nothing you want to hear that can make it better except the words you'll never hear: "this is all a nightmare and you really are still pregnant".

the best you can do is just offer her your support, your willing to listen and help out in anyway. let her know that you feel for her and her husband and that they lost a child. Onf of theo worst things people try to do to make it seem better at a time like this is downplay the loss. I'm not saying your that person - i'm just saying stay away from thoughtlines /words like that.
such as: "well at least you weren't farther along", "maybe there was asomethign wrong with the baby and this was just god's/nature's way of saving you further heartache" , "you can always try again", "at least you have your other one"... blah blah blah. those are all no-no's. some of them may sound a bit harmless - btu to a highly emotional women going thru a terrible loss... it's absolutely awful.

the best things to say are just that your sorry, and want to offer her support... that type of thing. just be there for her. She;ll remeber and appreciate that. Let her talk about it if she wants too. She may not want to... and then agian she might. It'll be hard at 1st since I'm sure alot of people know that she is expecting.. and now they'll have to find out that she's not. And ofcourse everyone will be asking her the same questions "what happened?" that she'll have to answer a bizillion times.
And the truth is that every 1 out of 3 pregnancies results in miscarriage and most of the time there is no defined "reason".......but thats not a conversation she wants to get in with "joan" at the heb in 4 weeks when she runs into her and is asked how the pregnancy is doing.

so right now just lots of (((((hug))))) lots of empathy, lots of you being her good friend and willing to help and listen in anyway. :tu
thast the best you can offer and thats what she'll need.

oh- and BTW- you might want to go online and order them a pizza for dinner tonight or tomarrow. it helps to not have to cook.

[ObiwanGinobili]

That's weird that they don't want her to come into the hospital/Dr's office. I would get a new doc.


unless your pretty far along there is nothing the doctors do to you whne having a miscarriage. I was running to the doc all the time during my 1st miscarriage (lasted 5 days)... all i got for it was a hug, pat on the back... and a massive bill :bling for office visits and blood tests that just tracked the downword spiral of preggo hormones. :( :(

my next miscarriages I just stayed home & then called the doc to let them know I had miscarried. htey had me come in for a cjeck-up, gave me some motrin and that was it.


one thing that absolutely sucks and just rips your heart a littel bit more is getting a bill in the mail 4 weeks later from the hospitol full of chargess and tests and procedures and what not for a baby they couldn;t even save.

[easjer]

That's weird that they don't want her to come into the hospital/Dr's office. I would get a new doc.

Ah, now I've got more of the story. They are using the OB/GYN clinic through her husband's hospital because it's free to them. The OB on call (not her personal OB that she normally meets with) offered to do an ultrasound, but said that they wouldn't admit her at this point, because she's not in pain and they can't stop it. If she is feeling severe discomfort or pain they can admit her, but otherwise, she should stay at home resting until her regularly scheduled appointment Thursday, at which point they can see what is happening and admit her for a D&C if necessary. Unfortunately, she can't find someone to watch her child on this short notice, and he's been sick with a cold, so she can't get a playgroup mom to watch him, and she can't take him with her to the clinic.

All in all, she's handling this really well. She's calmed down a lot, and has spoken with her sister and a friend who had a m/c between children, and that helped her a lot I think.

I just wish I could make everything better for her - it's the not knowing that must be hard.

[CharlieMac]

It's rough, and there isn't much you can say, except to be there when she is ready to talk. I was with a girl who was pretty far along in the pregnancy when she lost the child. I felt horrible, but I cant even begin to imagine how she felt. Sometimes all you can do is listen when they are ready to talk.

[Horry For 3!]

:depressed
wow. I have had several miscarriages myself - so I know from personal experiance that it is one of the hardest things i nthe world to deal with.
Really there is nothing you want to hear that can make it better except the words you'll never hear: "this is all a nightmare and you really are still pregnant".

the best you can do is just offer her your support, your willing to listen and help out in anyway. let her know that you feel for her and her husband and that they lost a child. Onf of theo worst things people try to do to make it seem better at a time like this is downplay the loss. I'm not saying your that person - i'm just saying stay away from thoughtlines /words like that.
such as: "well at least you weren't farther along", "maybe there was asomethign wrong with the baby and this was just god's/nature's way of saving you further heartache" , "you can always try again", "at least you have your other one"... blah blah blah. those are all no-no's. some of them may sound a bit harmless - btu to a highly emotional women going thru a terrible loss... it's absolutely awful.

the best things to say are just that your sorry, and want to offer her support... that type of thing. just be there for her. She;ll remeber and appreciate that. Let her talk about it if she wants too. She may not want to... and then agian she might. It'll be hard at 1st since I'm sure alot of people know that she is expecting.. and now they'll have to find out that she's not. And ofcourse everyone will be asking her the same questions "what happened?" that she'll have to answer a bizillion times.
And the truth is that every 1 out of 3 pregnancies results in miscarriage and most of the time there is no defined "reason".......but thats not a conversation she wants to get in with "joan" at the heb in 4 weeks when she runs into her and is asked how the pregnancy is doing.

so right now just lots of (((((hug))))) lots of empathy, lots of you being her good friend and willing to help and listen in anyway. :tu
thast the best you can offer and thats what she'll need.

oh- and BTW- you might want to go online and order them a pizza for dinner tonight or tomarrow. it helps to not have to cook.
Damn that sucks on how much miscarriages you had. My mom had a miscarriage when she was like 19 or 20. But the only thing good came out of that was if she didn't have a miscarriage and stuff, I probably couldn't of been here. My dad said he probably wouldn't of married her if she had a kid already.

[Oh, Gee!!]

I hate hearing about stuff like this. I have a 3-month old. I can't imagine my life without her.

[Horry For 3!]

So I actually have a half bro/sis somewhere in heaven, I believe. I always wanted an older bro or sis too :depressed

[angel_luv]

So I actually have a half bro/sis somewhere in heaven, I believe. I always wanted an older bro or sis too :depressed

I believe you do too. =)

[MiNuS]

Its hard to be excited one month and all down the next few months.My wife went thru it this year and its something that doesn't just go away.Its something a man can't understand but we need to supportive and lend both ears and alot of hugging.
Patience is SUPER important.

[Mixability]

My dad said he probably wouldn't of married her if she had a kid already.

:wtf

[Gatita]

So I actually have a half bro/sis somewhere in heaven, I believe. I always wanted an older bro or sis too :depressed

Ah, que sad.

[Horry For 3!]

:wtf
Do you know how to read? Obviously not.

[Mixability]

Do you know how to read? Obviously not.

Good comeback! :rolleyes
Not marrying someone because they have a kid? Thats stupid! Understand now?

[spurs=bling]

if she did have a miscarriage. she needs alot of support.

one of my aunts has had two miscarriages, and support is something she will need.