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batman2883
11-01-2005, 10:55 AM
ASSOCIATED PRESS-------BULLETIN--------


AGGIE football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Coach Fran immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 11:36 AM
We are the Aggies
The Aggies are we
We're not as stupid
As you think we is

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 11:46 AM
What do they print on the bottom of Dr. Pepper bottles from College Station?

Answer: "Open other end."

Marcus Bryant
11-01-2005, 11:46 AM
That batman, he funny.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 11:49 AM
Next year at Kyle Field they no longer will offer ice at the concession stands.

The senior who knows the recipe is graduating.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 11:54 AM
Why did they have to put in artificial turf at Kyle Field?

Answer: To keep the coeds from grazing.

Horry For 3!
11-01-2005, 12:07 PM
:lmao that is funny shit

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:09 PM
An Aggie who got an agricultural degree decided he was going to raise chickens. So he bought several acres of land and hundreds of chicks. He planted the chicks in the ground and waited for them to grow. However, they all died.

So, next he bought more chicks and planted them with their heads above ground, so they could breathe. They lived a little longer, but eventually all died.

Next, he bought some more chicks and planted them with their tails above ground. That didn't work either -- they all died too.

So, he wrote a letter to his alma mater explaining what he had tried, and asked if they could figure out what he was doing wrong.

A&M wrote back requesting a soil sample.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:14 PM
True stories:

When they built the library at A&M, why did they have to put in one less story than planned?

Answer: The original design failed to account for the weight of the books.

Why is it in some of the dorms at A&M that rooms on one side are longer than rooms on the other side?

Answer: The original design forgot the hallway.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:15 PM
Did you hear that when they were renovating the library at A&M, they found a skeleton in an unused storage closet?

It turns out it was the hide and seek champion from 1978.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:17 PM
They say in the oil business you can always spot the Aggie on a drilling platform.

He'll be the one throwing bread at the helicopters.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:20 PM
What's the difference between Aggies and Rice Krispies?

Answer: Rice Krispies know what to do in a bowl.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:21 PM
Why won't they put in a 911 system on the A&M campus?

Answer: Because Aggies can't find the eleven on the phone.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:23 PM
Why do they keep a bag of manure outside at Aggie weddings?

Answer: To keep the flies off the bride.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:24 PM
There was an Aggie who had an idea to knit expensive sweaters in College Station.

However, he gave up once he realized there wasn't any virgin wool within 100 miles.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:26 PM
What do you call 144 Aggies?

Answer: Gross ignorance.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 12:28 PM
What do you call an Aggie with two brain cells?

Answer: Pregnant.

IceColdBrewski
11-01-2005, 12:52 PM
ASSOCIATED PRESS-------BULLETIN--------


AGGIE football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Coach Fran immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Why is it that I can't make it through just one football season without having to hear this old joke?

SWC Bonfire
11-01-2005, 12:57 PM
They outlawed the wave at Kyle Field after several Aggies drowned.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 01:28 PM
Once, the Aggies were down by four points to Baylor late in the game.

One Aggie got the bright idea to throw a lighted firecracker onto the field. When it went off, the Baylor players thought it was the final gun and ran off the field.

Three plays later, the Aggies scored.

SWC Bonfire
11-01-2005, 01:43 PM
The A&M library was closed down for a week when the book was finally returned, and it was all colored in!

samikeyp
11-01-2005, 03:00 PM
Why is it that I can't make it through just one football season without having to hear this old joke?'

I am just glad that its not in reference to Dallas for a change! :lol

SWC Bonfire
11-01-2005, 03:27 PM
A bear, a t-sip, and an aggie had to make a long trek across the desert. They could only take one thing with them. The bear takes water. The t-sip takes food. The aggie takes a car door. When asked why, he explained, "that way I can roll the window down when I get hot."

batman2883
11-01-2005, 03:43 PM
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Damn Extra Stout Has A Shit Load Of Aggie Jokes

SWC Bonfire
11-01-2005, 03:45 PM
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Damn Extra Stout Has A Shit Load Of Aggie Jokes

Where do you think Aggie jokes come from? Aggies.

Here's the greatest one of all:

What do you call an Aggie after graduation?

Boss.

batman2883
11-01-2005, 03:56 PM
Where do you think Aggie jokes come from? Aggies.

Here's the greatest one of all:

What do you call an Aggie after graduation?

Boss.
ha ha ha ha ha thats the funniest one i've heard cause i'd sooner die than let an aggie be my boss

SWC Bonfire
11-01-2005, 03:59 PM
OK.

How do you get a t-sip off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 05:07 PM
What does an Aggie graduate say to a t-sip graduate?

"Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?"

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 05:13 PM
So, in a lounge, there were several Ivy League high rollers and an Aggie trying to guess where one another had gone to college.

The first gentleman most agreed was a Harvard man. "That's correct," he said, "what guided you toward that conclusion?" The group pointed toward his ready grasp of complex political issues and his sharp legal mind .

They settled upon a second fellow as a Yale alum. "You've got it," he said. They agreed that his command of the English language, and his nuances in communication both the written and spoken word, pointed toward New Haven.

Next, they settled upon the Aggie. "Texas A&M," they cried in unison. "How did you guess?" queried the Aggie. "Is it my down-to-earth speaking style? Is it my clear-eyed view of the world? Is it my expansive knowledge of chicken anatomy?"

"No," the others replied. "We saw your class ring while you were picking your nose."

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:16 PM
A T-sip goes to Aggieland to visit ande Whoop it up with an Ag. The Ag takes him out to the field and they come upon a sheep with her head stuck in the fence.

The Ag pulls down his overalls and goes to town on the sheep.

After he finishes, the Ag looks at the T-sip and says, "Ok cityboy, your turn now!"

The T-sip walks over next to the sheep, pulls down his pants, bends over and sticks his head in the fence...

:) :tu

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:18 PM
How do you make Aggie Cookies?








Put them in a big bowl and beat them for three hours

samikeyp
11-01-2005, 05:21 PM
What does the "N" on Nebraska's helmets stand for?

Nowledge. :)

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 05:23 PM
So, an Aggie goes to visit his Cajun friend down in New Orleans. They're walking through the French Quarter and happen upon a vegetable stand. The Cajun wants some, so he ambles up and says, "I'da like ta ahrder sem 'taters, sem 'maters, an' sem ahrnyens."

His Aggie friend gives him a disapproving look. "Your diction, it's terrible," he says. "Nobody is ever going to take you seriously as long as you speak like that."

The Cajun rolls his eyes. "Just watch me and learn," says the Aggie.

They come upon another establishment, and the Aggie walks in with the Cajun in tow. The Aggie confidently walks up to the counter to the clerk, stands up straight, and announces in a clear voice, "Good afternoon. I would like to order some potatoes, some tomatoes, and some onions."

The clerk leans across the counter and says, "Hey, you went to Texas A&M, didn't you?" "Why, yes, I did!" beams the Aggie as he looks over at his Cajun friend and winks. "Why do you ask?"

The clerk leans a little lower and says, "Son, this is a furniture store."

SWC Bonfire
11-01-2005, 05:26 PM
Q. How many Aggie engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One, we just stick the bulb up & the earth revolves around us.

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:26 PM
Two T-Sip firemen are having carnal relations in a smoke filled house. The Aggie Fire Chief runs over and says, "What in the heck is going on here?" The Top T-Sip exclaims, "This Brother 'Horn has smoke inhalation!"

"Smoke Inhalation?", asks the Aggie Firechief. "You are supposed to render mouth-to-mouth for that!"

The Bottom T-sip exclaims happily, "He did, how do you think we got to this point?"

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:27 PM
What does the "N" on Nebraska's helmets stand for?

Nowledge. :)

Hey! That is OUR line we use for our class rings, ya know!!!!! :lol

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 05:29 PM
Q: How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 1,001: 1 to hold the bulb and 1000 to rotate the house.

Q: How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: I'm not sure, but you get 3 hours of credit for it at A&M.

Kdfelicity
11-01-2005, 05:31 PM
What comes out of a Chinaman's ass? Rice rice rice

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:37 PM
What comes out of a Chinaman's ass? Rice rice rice

NO...Lice, Lice, Lice!
Rice, Rice, Rice is in a Chinaman's hair...hehehe

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 05:37 PM
A Colorado grad walks into a bar in College Station and orders a white wine. All the good ole boys sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful refugee from the north.
The Aggie bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

The guy says, "No, I'm from Boulder, Colorado, and a proud graduate of the University of Colorado."

The Aggie says, "What do you do in Boulder, Colorado?"

The Buffalo says, "I'm a taxidermist."

The Aggie says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive taxis! I mount animals," sniffed the Colorado grad. The Aggie grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us!"

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:43 PM
Two T-sips go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving to Austin they're really depressed. One T-sip turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other T-sip says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:45 PM
There was an Aggie that was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

The Aggie wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Aggie."

The Aggie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Aggie checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Aggie opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Aggie do this to another Aggie?"

Extra Stout
11-01-2005, 05:52 PM
So, this touristy type fella is driving through the swamps of Louisiana when he happens upon this little store that sells alligator shoes.

He walks on in and looks over their merchandise, shoes, boots, belts, handbags, even coats. He finds a pair of shoes he likes... until he sees the price tag. "Twelve hundred dollars for a pair of damn shoes??!! That's highway robbery!"

The propietor of the business hears him and replies, "It's hard work making those shoes. But, if you're looking for a deal, if you can catch your own alligator, I'll make you a pair of shoes for $200."

The tourist thinks that sounds like a good deal, so the owner outfits him with a set of waders and a club and sends him out in the swamp. "Be careful, though," he says, "I sent a couple of Aggies out this morning and they're still not back yet."

The tourist slowly and carefully walks through the swamp. Everything is eerily still and quiet. After half an hour goes by, he comes upon a thicket and suddenly can hear a terrible ruckus going on somewhere in it! He walks around looking for a clearing, and when he finds one, takes a look inside.

What a spectacle! There's two Aggies in their overalls thrashing about in the muck with a huge alligator. One has his arm wrapped around the gator's jaws while the other is trying to keep a hold of the tail and whack him with the club at the same time! Finally, the gator is exhausted and just collapses.

The Aggies pick him up, look him over, and respond with frustration and exasperation. They each grab an end, and yell, "One, two, three!" before heaving the gator on top of something! The tourist cranes his neck and sees an enormous pile of gators piled up!

One Aggie puts his arm around the other and says, "Y'know, eventually one of these sumbitches has got to be wearing shoes."

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:54 PM
Q: Where was O.J. Simpson headed in the white Bronco?
A: College Station. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there.

hussker
11-01-2005, 05:56 PM
Q : How do you come to own a small business in Texas?
A : Start a large business and put an t.u. grad in charge of it.