Losing a parent

[djohn2oo8]

For those of you who have gone through it how did you get through it ?

[Millennial_Messiah]

I lost my grandmother in November 2018. It hurt because of all the childhood memories, but I took it in stride. My mom on the other hand never stopped crying over it.

[Trill Clinton]

If you lost a parent, my condolences.

[RD2191]

Hasn't happened yet but I'm at that age where it's becoming a bigger possibility with each passing year. To be honest I don't know how I'll react. Also my condolences if you lost someone.

[Millennial_Messiah]

Hasn't happened yet but I'm at that age where it's becoming a bigger possibility with each passing year. To be honest I don't know how I'll react. Also my condolences if you lost someone.

Probably best to act apathetically, like that it is simply a matter of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and other elements being passed on from one living organism back into the environment, as part of the course of nature and the natural cycle of life on Earth.

[Dirks_Finale]

If you lost a parent, my condolences.

[Chucho]

It's rough is all I can say.

Condolences if you've lost one.

[Millennial_Messiah]

It's rough is all I can say.

Condolences if you've lost one.

RIP Chucho's mom/dad. Tbh.

I guess losing a close parent (not, for example, an estranged deadbeat dad) turns one into an i-don't-give-a-fuck psycopathic internet edgelord. :lol

[spurraider21]

probably gonna put andy on ignore again. nothing useful ever comes from him

[Reck]

RIP Chucho's mom/dad. Tbh.

I guess losing a close parent (not, for example, an estranged deadbeat dad) turns one into an i-don't-give-a-fuck psycopathic internet edgelord. :lol

Are you 15? Life hasn’t come at you fast yet. You’ll see.

[SpursforSix]

probably gonna put andy on ignore again. nothing useful ever comes from him

I like it. And I didn't even ignore Avante.

I think we should start a movement.

[Ball Buster]

Cry often.

The time around a parents passing, leading up to and afterward, is just awful. It could take a year or two before life starts to feel normal again. Try to be at peace with the understanding that everybody dies.

After it’s been a while, like around nine months I recommend going to grief counseling classes. It can help you deal with lingering emotions, and get you in a better place mentally.

[elbamba1]

This title made me think of my favorite Oscar Wilde line: To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

I recommend therapy if you are struggling. Speaking with an expert is always a good move.

[Chucho]

RIP Chucho's mom/dad. Tbh.

I guess losing a close parent (not, for example, an estranged deadbeat dad) turns one into an i-don't-give-a-fuck psycopathic internet edgelord. :lol

Nobody likes you Andy. The mods don't even care when you cry that someone tells you to off yourself. :lol

What's your excuse for being a lonely person who is universally disliked and shat on at every turn? You're basically the less-paid-attention-to Derp.

[Millennial_Messiah]

Are you 15? Life hasn’t come at you fast yet. You’ll see.

My grandmother died two years ago and it was heart wrenching, but it gave me a pretty nihilistic view of life

[benefactor]

Hasn't happened yet but I'm at that age where it's becoming a bigger possibility with each passing year. To be honest I don't know how I'll react. Also my condolences if you lost someone.
Same tbh. Both are in their 70s. I don't like to think about it.

Condolences, djohn

[Millennial_Messiah]

probably gonna put andy on ignore again. nothing useful ever comes from him

That's not my name/nickname and ignore list is dumb. It's just the times

[Millennial_Messiah]

I like it. And I didn't even ignore Avante.

I think we should start a movement.

I take back my statement from this morning. It was nihilistic and dumb with respect to shit going on from my work. spurraider21 don't put me on ignore please

[NASpurs]

Lost my dad in 2019 when he was 62 years old. Always felt like my parents were going to die super old and that would take the sting off but 62 years old wasn't old and it just fucking sucked. One day he was alive, then we took him to the hospital because he was in pain, he was diagnosed with cancer and died three months later.

Left a huge hole in my life and it's just been a process of living life knowing you'll never talk to them. But time goes by and it's gotten a lot better. You just keep on going because life keeps on going.

[Robz4000]

Hasn't happened yet but I'm at that age where it's becoming a bigger possibility with each passing year. To be honest I don't know how I'll react. Also my condolences if you lost someone.

This. Condolences djohn2oo8

[Adam Lambert]

Sorry for your loss.

[Spurs Homer]

For those of you who have gone through it how did you get through it ?

understanding and acceptance

enjoy the time you have every day because they will be gone way too early/too soon and you are left wondering why you took them for granted

my dads passing threw me for a loop and i became a bit destructive as i was still young

my moms passing slowly destroyed me and then allowed me to be reborn again as it took a couple of years of suffering while i cared for her
which allowed me to get to know her all over again

making me feel like a child - AND- a caregiver/parent all at once


just a brutal life-changing time - but with understanding that this is all part of the deal of life

you grow, accept, appreciate and move on - trying to live an exemplary life that both your parents would be proud of


but enough happy stories for one day...


oh - and sorry for your loss if applicable

[spurraider21]

i haven't had to go through it yet. have lost grandparents/uncles, but not parents.

sorry for your loss

[djohn2oo8]

Thank you guys I really do appreciate it. Got a call from my mom last night that my dad was taken to the hospital but the last update she had was he was doing fine so she went home. Got called back, he coded out 5 times with two heart attacks. Drove from Houston to Beaumont, got told he was gone when I got there. Congestive heart failure and kidney failure.

[djohn2oo8]

Cry often.

The time around a parents passing, leading up to and afterward, is just awful. It could take a year or two before life starts to feel normal again. Try to be at peace with the understanding that everybody dies.

After it’s been a while, like around nine months I recommend going to grief counseling classes. It can help you deal with lingering emotions, and get you in a better place mentally.
Thanks that’s all I feel like doing right now. I have spells where I’m okay and spells where I can’t hold it together

[FkLA]

Sorry for your loss, bro. I cant even imagine how tough it must be.

[djohn2oo8]

Sorry for your loss, bro. I cant even imagine how tough it must be.
Thanks man. Seeing them hand back his possessions, his glasses, his hat, rings, of course I’m keeping these things but it’s just awful.

[Spurs Homer]

Thanks man. Seeing them hand back his possessions, his glasses, his hat, rings, of course I’m keeping these things but it’s just awful.

Condolences again -

may sound strange - but I have actually discovered that my dad and mom visit me in dreams - and it used to suck -

then it changed -

and i really look forward to seeing them in my dreams - i wake up feeling happy now when it happens - it just feels like a blessing.

Its hard.

Understanding that this is life - we all must go. No exceptions. Makes the present really valuable - and you discover that cherishing the present and the loved ones around right now - is really all that we have.

It will pass - you never really get over it - but you always feel like they are somehow still with you. Makes you act better.

IME - anyway.

Just breathe. Allow moments to come and go. Don't listen to those who insist you must "stay busy" - "get lost in your work"
"always do something - don't sit around...etc"

learn to just allow things to be - without trying to run away from it, distraction, denial,etc

feel it...understand it...leave the feelings/emotions/waves/dark clouds alone

leave them be

dont welcome it either - just tell yourself that these feeling are going to arrive...do their thing...and then move on until the next dark cloud arrives

it will seem strange - but it will pass and instead of fighting it or trying to "fix" anything -
you just allow "it" to do its thing and then move along

quite a discovery you have to look forward to ...just stay steady and allow things to pass thru you and then be patient until it moves on

in time - the pain lessens and you remember the fond times ...

[BD24]

I like it. And I didn't even ignore Avante.

I think we should start a movement.
Joining the movement. Done. A shame you can’t hide threads created by that poster as well.

Back to the thread, my condolences my man. My parents are both still living. But my pops is having some health issues and probably only has a few years left. Gonna be a mess when it happens tbh

[Spurtacular]

Thoughts and prayers.

[Neo.]

truly sorry to hear, deepest condolences

[Ball Buster]

Thanks that’s all I feel like doing right now. I have spells where I’m okay and spells where I can’t hold it together

Very sorry. I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s going to be rough for a while.

You may get a sign that he’s still looking out for you, something happens that’s very ironic, or a visit or a message in a dream. That may help you process things as time goes by. It will get better eventually.

Spiritual teachers say death is an illusion, and we will always have the present moment. I think that’s true.

Condolences to your family during these difficult times.

[mrsmaalox]

I’m very sorry for your loss, djohn. I lost my mom very suddenly and unexpectedly 10 years ago. We had our usual happy news phone call one beautiful Tuesday morning, she told me she had to rush off to get ready for some event that day and would call me back later. An hour later my brother called and said my dad found her unresponsive in the bathroom and that the firefighters were doing cpr and getting ready to transport. I think I set a record getting to the SA airport and on a flight to El Paso in less than an hour, but she was gone by the time I got there. The hardest part was comforting my dad, as his heart was broken in a million pieces. That first night was horrible as he wailed and cried all night.

But then morning came and people started coming. They came from all over the city and country, they brought us food and love and they held us in their arms and shared our grief. The love and support lifted me and I was able to find some peace and the strength to carry my dad though it. Her funeral was a grand celebration of her life and memory, and a reunion with relatives and friends I had not seen in years. That day I decided that the “heart full of love” feeling I had was something I wanted to feel EVERY day and I made up my mind to seek it for the rest of my life. To every person who hugged me, comforted me, reached out to me I silently promised to be there for them and try to give them the warmth they gave me. And I have kept that promise. I am that person who shows up to every funeral, wedding or birth, brings food, sends cards and flowers, donates money and reaches out to make sure no one is forgotten. I maintain contact with every person who touches my heart.

My mom’s death changed me. I struggled for most of my adult life trying to understand why the powers that be put me here and what my role should be. Well I still don’t know why I was put here, but I realized the only thing in my control was whether I would be a positive or negative force on this world. I decided positive and I actively work on it. Every day of my life. Seek out ways to help. Volunteer, donate, support.

My mother and I didn’t always have a great relationship, it was very contentious most of the time. My mom was a fiercely stubborn and independent woman and was hard to get close to. The absolute last thing she wanted in her life was to be a burden on anyone. So I’m glad she went how she wanted, never having to ask me or depend on me for anything. I no longer save or hold on to love— I give it freely and generously to anyone who’ll take it. This is a gift my mother gave to me.

Djohn, your father is in your heart, he will never leave you. YOU ARE HIM. And comfort will come to you by living your life in a way that honors him and makes use of the love he gave you. Again, my sincere condolences to you and your family. Love WILL carry you.

[vy65]

Shit sucks. RIP.

[LaMarcus Bryant]

Sorry for your loss bro-ham.

[koriwhat]

If you lost a parent, my condolences.

Ditto

[DeadlyDynasty]

My condolences, brother. My Dad is turning 70 in April, and even though he’s still spry and in good health, I can’t imagine not having either of my parents around, too scared to ponder it. Not only does the thought of that stress me, but it’ll also mean I’m on deck to be next in the grave in our family line. Enjoy every moment, and if you live far away from them like I do, call them everyday and say you love them.

[tlongII]

It sucks. You never really get over it, but you learn to accept it. I hated seeing my dad die. It’s been 5 years but I still think about him all the time.

[Biggems]

well, I was an adult when they both died, two years apart. I was in a long term relationship when my Dad died and leaned on her. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him and wish I could talk to him again. She was still my lady when my Mom passed, this time, I also had an infant daughter. I miss her dearly. As a child she didn't seem to be that humorous, but as I grew older, I found her to be quite hilarious and quick witted. Though I miss them, I am glad that they passed on, because both were extremely ill and suffering through pain, and their bodies shutting down. At least both had full mental capacities up until the end. My lady, who is now my wife, my daughter and step kids are what kept me going. I have a family of my own that I am responsible for. I couldn't just curl up in the fetal position in the corner. I had to work and pay bills. I had to help raise the little ones. I had to help my wife manage the household.

What hurts the most is that my daughter never got to meet my Dad, just as I was born after his Dad passed away. I see a lot of my Mom in my daughter.

[ElNono]

Condolences... lost my dad last year. He was 90, so he had a few close calls before then, and frankly, while it sucks, he lived a long, full life.

Just extra tough these days with COVID, depending where you are.

[Texas_Ranger]

sucks.... just spend as much time with ur mom and the rest of the family if u can for a while.... and yea, its ok to cry or be pissed..... my condolences.

[Biggems]

one more thing....talk to your mom as much as you can. Ask her all the questions you can think to ask about her past, your past, your family past. Learn recipes, family stories.....whatever knowledge you can soak in. Cause once they are gone, you have no one left to tell you any of that. That is what I miss the most, the conversations, discussions, disagreements, and learning about who I am and where I came from. I am so proud of my name because my parents talked to me about our history and ups and downs. There is a lot that I never knew on my Dad's side, cause he kept a lot to himself. I wish he was more open about his side of the family, but that is just how he was.

[DMC]

Lost my mom a couple decades ago, my dad is on the edge. It makes you feel alone, even if you are grown and have kids and grandkids. They are part of your core identity so losing them is in effect losing you. Remember those you have and that you aren't alone.

[BWS-1994]

Our deepest condolence, djohn2008 ����

[DJR210]

Sorry for your loss.

I don't think you ever get "through" it. You just start thinking about it less. When my Dad died I found a bunch of shit I would do during the course of my day triggering memories of being a kid and it was tough for a few months.

[Mitch]

Condolences, it leaves a hole in your life and it's hard to come to terms with only having memories of that person - especially a parent. There's no universal method to pick up what they left behind and move on, all you can do is let out whatever emotions you have and take it one day at a time. Some people need others to support them, some need isolation for self reflection and you need to find what helps you through this.

My only advice is be strong when you need to be, let your guard down when you have the time to and keep the memory of them alive the best you can.

[TimDunkem]

Lost my father when I was 11. Cried my eyes out the first night and day. Never again after. Not sure why.