tlongII
11-17-2005, 01:22 PM
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you
should have remained a virgin."
- Lillian Carter (mother of 39th President, Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw
that statement.
- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then
she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.
- Jilly Coope
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
- Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me
the position.
- Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
- Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time
for my nap.
- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- WC Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will
avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
- Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to
go anywhere.
-Unknown
should have remained a virgin."
- Lillian Carter (mother of 39th President, Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw
that statement.
- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then
she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.
- Jilly Coope
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes
you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
- Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me
the position.
- Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
- Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time
for my nap.
- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- WC Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will
avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
- Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to
go anywhere.
-Unknown