Ordering Pizza in 2010
Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?
Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.
Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.
Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.
Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is
[email protected] . Which number
are you calling from sir?
Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?
Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.
Customer: The HSS, what is that?
Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will
add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas.
Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
Customer: Whaddya mean?
Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your
National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?
Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.
Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
.
Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.
Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit.
Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
gets here.
Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.
Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?
Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while
you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle
can be a little awkward.
Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?
Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so yo ur
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank
yesterday.
Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#
Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here
in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh
yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State
Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to
society?
Customer: (speechless)
Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us
from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits
this.. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.
ONE NATION:UNDER SURVEILLANCE