Girl Trouble....

[Mixability]

Well not really, but my girl is having trouble.

Let me set the scene first: My girlfriend has a young child(7 months). The cute little guy isn't mine though. The father of the child was around for the birth and a few weeks after. He treated her like shit, took her for granted and assumed that she wait around for him.

Then I came along, got along well with "our" kid and we've been going strong for months now. :) Now that the father found out that she's been seeing me and she's totally happy, now he wants to be in the baby's life again, not to mention he's trying to win her back. :rolleyes

She had let the baby's daddy take the baby on a couple of days out of the week, but everytime he'd bring him back in the morning, the baby would smell like weed and was never changed(diaper or clothes) :cuss The Dad has been on probation for possesion and whatnot. The baby calls me Daddy and sees me 1000x more than his real Dad, I provide for him like I'm his biological father!

My girl is trying to figure out what to do:

1. Go after him for child support, but then he gets to see the baby. She wouldn't get alot of money from him on child support since he doesn't have a good job and he doesn't work enough hours. His mom even said if my girlfriend gets him for child support that he should just not work and she'll support him! :cuss I don't even like this option very much since he'll be able to see the baby and possibly neglect him and subject him to whatever it is he does when he has him. (Drugs/Alcohol/Neglect)

2. Get him to sign over his rights and never request child support. This is all depending on whether or not he'll sign them over. He might have signed the papers before he found out about me, but now I have no idea. I'd prefer this option, since we don't need his money. I make more than enough for all 3 of us, and I'd rather have him out of the picture anyway!

Any advice?

[T Park]

Id have him sign over his rights.

A slimeball sounding guy like that doesnt deserve to be involved ina child's life like that.

Your a good guy Danyo.

Good luck, and Merry Christmas.

Hope you and the misses are having a good one tommarow.

[SequSpur]

Actually, its up to him.

If he wants to see the child, he can. If he wants to give up the rights and she approves of it, then he can as well.

I know a few people that have skated around child support and crap for years and it doesn't pay off for anyone, mother or father.

All I know is an attorney, the attorney general's office and child protective services should be involved immediately for proper procedures for paperwork and an investigation to see if homeboy is fit to be around a child.

Your outside of the fence, you really can't do anything.... the fence is tall with lots of barbed wire at the top.

[Mixability]

Id have him sign over his rights.

A slimeball sounding guy like that doesnt deserve to be involved ina child's life like that.

Your a good guy Danyo.

Good luck, and Merry Christmas.

Hope you and the misses are having a good one tommarow.

Thanks, my girl and I are liking that option too. Thanks for your time and opinion. You have a great Christmas also, New Years too!

[T Park]

Sequ is partly right in that the guy has to do this.

But from what it sounds, I like that option too.

Kick butt and keep the misses happy.

Hope you went to zales! haha

[Mixability]

Actually, its up to him.

If he wants to see the child, he can. If he wants to give up the rights and she approves of it, then he can as well.

I know a few people that have skated around child support and crap for years and it doesn't pay off for anyone, mother or father.

All I know is an attorney, the attorney general's office and child protective services should be involved immediately for proper procedures for paperwork and an investigation to see if homeboy is fit to be around a child.

Your outside of the fence, you really can't do anything.... the fence is tall with lots of barbed wire at the top.

Yeah we know it's all up to him. I know for sure that he would've signed over his rights if it wasn't for me being around now. He would've done it just to save a few dollars, but now that he sees "his" son crying for me, now he wants to be around more to "catch up". We have an attorney ready to go, we're just wondering how we can basically "tattle tale" about his drug problem to the proper authorities. The Dad wants to take the baby for Christmas, which I first thought Hell no! My reasons are: He knows about me now, so I know he won't bring him back and if he does take off with "my boy", he live out of Bexar County, so we'll have an even harder time finding him.

[Mixability]

Sequ is partly right in that the guy has to do this.

But from what it sounds, I like that option too.

Kick butt and keep the misses happy.

Hope you went to zales! haha

I'm more of a Heidelberg Jewelers kinda guy! :lol

[T Park]

OOOO good choice.

What did you get her,

tennis B, earrings, ring, or other.

[SequSpur]

Dude should be paying child support already and a meeting should've already occurred to go over custody issues.

That child belongs to his real father and mother. Weed or no weed.

If you want to prove something, the next time you pick up the kid and he smells like weed or something to that effect... call 911.

Get the ball rolling, supervised visits, psychological assessment, CPS workup, the whole nine yards.

Tattle telling doesn't work....

You have to have a legal paper trail.....

According to Texas, that kid will always be his and hers..... never yours....

Call Tuesday and get the ball rolling.

[Mr. Defense]

Well not really, but my girl is having trouble.

Let me set the scene first: My girlfriend has a young child(7 months). The cute little guy isn't mine though. The father of the child was around for the birth and a few weeks after. He treated her like shit, took her for granted and assumed that she wait around for him.

Then I came along, got along well with "our" kid and we've been going strong for months now. :) Now that the father found out that she's been seeing me and she's totally happy, now he wants to be in the baby's life again, not to mention he's trying to win her back. :rolleyes

She had let the baby's daddy take the baby on a couple of days out of the week, but everytime he'd bring him back in the morning, the baby would smell like weed and was never changed(diaper or clothes) :cuss The Dad has been on probation for possesion and whatnot. The baby calls me Daddy and sees me 1000x more than his real Dad, I provide for him like I'm his biological father!

My girl is trying to figure out what to do:

1. Go after him for child support, but then he gets to see the baby. She wouldn't get alot of money from him on child support since he doesn't have a good job and he doesn't work enough hours. His mom even said if my girlfriend gets him for child support that he should just not work and she'll support him! :cuss I don't even like this option very much since he'll be able to see the baby and possibly neglect him and subject him to whatever it is he does when he has him. (Drugs/Alcohol/Neglect)

2. Get him to sign over his rights and never request child support. This is all depending on whether or not he'll sign them over. He might have signed the papers before he found out about me, but now I have no idea. I'd prefer this option, since we don't need his money. I make more than enough for all 3 of us, and I'd rather have him out of the picture anyway!

Any advice?


your girlfriend must make the decision. you are an awesome person for coming into her life and being the man she and her baby needs, but it has to be her choice. tell her you'll be there for her no matter what she decides. you can guide her by saying that you think she should do what she thinks is best for HER child. the father obviously has some issues he has to deal with, but your girl needs to ask herself, IF her ex was a good man, would she be with him?

i hate to say this to you brother, but it may be time to step back a bit and tell her that she needs to decide what she wants and you'll accept her decision because you care for her so much. Goodluck and Godbless you on what is a very sticky situation.

as wonderful as it would seem for an apparent good for nothing father to sign over his rights, he won't, if he thinks that's what you guys want. you know that. and it's in the best interests of the child to know his/her father, maybe not now...but for sure in the future. all i can do is pray for you and your girl and her child. again...goodluck. very tough...but SHE must make the choice. she's the mama. :tu

[Kori Ellis]

If the guy is returning the baby to you/her unchanged and smelling like weed, then in my book, he doesn't want rights to the kid and is already neglecting him.

Get him to sign over the rights. At this point, you are the baby's Daddy. That guy is nothing but a sperm donor.

[BIG DADDY JOSH]

i dunno know dood but i have a lot of friends in this situation...........what the others said makes a lot of sense. i have a "hit" service called La Onda...perhaps i can help you.......

seriously.......you might have to just go through the motions on this one cas you are not the father. If he is bringing the baby back consistently smelling like weed...poo...etc...then i have a small idea. Once in the process have the meeting place be a police substation...it is very standard. make notes of what is going on and if the child is returned in a way that the mom feels is inappropriate immediatley make a report in the substation. I know it may sound small but it may make a difference. In texas, sorry to say, then dad has a lot of rights and you might be screwed unless and until this dumbass screws up......in the end...there is always La Onda....El MeroMero offers you his protection..:P Merry christmas

[Summers]

I thought this thread was going to be about a yeast infection.

Sorry. Okay, since noone else has mentioned it from the kid's point of view, let me tell you how pissed off this little kid is going to be at his mother and you in about 15 years when he figures out it was your idea to never let him see his father again. It doesn't matter if the guy is a pothead and slightly negligent. He has a right to see his son; his son has a right to know who his father is. If he's a complete scumbag, the kid can figure that out for himself. But if you remove the opportunity for him to know his father you are asking for big trouble later. It's not ethical. Give the slimeball a chance to be a father. If he stops seeing his kid, that's on him, and his kid can be pissed off at him later.

If you're really concerned that the baby is not being properly watched while he's in the father's care, you can have a judge grant him only supervised visits (not necessarily your house, but the slimeball's mother's house, for example).

[kris]

There has been some good advice and some bad advice. First, do not call 911 when the baby is returned in such a state unless it is truly an emergency. Second, do familiarize yourself with child protective services. Document every negative impact the biological father has on the child, every time, very specifically. Date, time, period father had baby, problem(s) with the child, time called CPS, action they told you to take. Write this all down every single time. Also, take photos if applicable. Getting other people to affix their signatures as witnesses corresponding to the documentation is also good. Another good idea would be to not let the father know you are doing this. Then, you will have more going forward than you and the mother's claims that a guy you obviously have a reason not to like is neglecting the child.

If what you have said is indeed true, and the court finds as such, you'll be able to benefit from both of your either/or scenarios.

[ZStomp]

ACP???

:lmao

[bowlephant]

It takes a big man to raise another man's child!! My praise to you Danyo!! Hope everything works out!

[Vashner]

I would not recommend calling 911 for a "weed smell". But calling the police non emergency desk would be better. Or child protective services directly.

[goliath]

Couple of points:

1. He has to agree to terminate his rights (at least under the circumstances you put out). It takes ALOT to get an involuntary termination.

2. Most judges wont sign off on an AGREED termination unless it involves an adoption. They view it from the kids best interest. Most feel that its in the childs best interest to have a mom and dad (even if the dads a scum ball). Unless he agrees to terminate and you adopt, the judge probably wont sign off on it.

3. If she hasnt gone to court to establish custody rights, he can legally take the baby and not have to return him to your gf. If there isnt a court order custody, custody goes to the person who has physical possession of the child. So he can take the child, refuse to return the baby and even the cops cant force him to give the baby back.

4. He cant just quit his job to not pay child support. The court will make him pay based on minimum wage or if he feels he isnt working or is working a low paying job on purpose the court can make him pay what he has been making in the past.

[Mixability]

Let me set this straight: I'm not trying to take the baby completely away from his Dad, I have nothing against him, other than the fact that he's being completely stupid about how he cares for his son. He's young, but thats no excuse for being an idiot. The only reason he's been wanting to spend time with his son now is because I'm in the picture. I've met the guy and was completely a man about it, I didn't "mad dog" him, nothing like that. If he were just a better father, then I'd feel more comfortable letting his son go with him for a day or so.

But as far as how things are now, whenever the little guy is with his Dad, I can't enjoy my day, not knowing if he's alright. Both my girls family and my family have quite a few offers of "taking care of the problem", but I don't want it to come to that. As far as the baby growing up to hate me because I kept him from his real Dad, i don't think so.

He literally screams constantly when his Dad is carrying him, and leans to me to get him, which isn't my fault, because his Dad made the choice to not be around. I can provide for my gf and son to not need him around. He's a 3rd strike from getting locked up for 3-5 years, so who knows how hard it'll be for me to officially become this babys legal Dad. :wtf

[TDMVPDPOY]

Can u support me too :D

[Triumph]

dude...are you ready to be a dad? or are you just leasing the pussy?

if your ready? then do what you gotta do.

if not...then step off and let this family deal with their own shit...:tu

[Mixability]

dude...are you ready to be a dad? or are you just leasing the pussy?

if your ready? then do what you gotta do.

if not...then step off and let this family deal with their own shit...:tu

I'm more than ready to be a Dad, I've been doing the partying scene since very young, it's getting pretty old. And its not like after I become this boys father, I'm gonna grow old and not ever have a good time.

FYI: I totally forgot to mention that this guy used to beat up my girl. And I do not want him to start that with the boy. It's easy to get frustrated with an infant, especially when they can scream like hell! I'm a very patient person, especially with children, because you can't blame them when they're sick or teething, its not like they can tell you whats wrong. I just don't want the boy to be another statistic of child abuse and it's us thats gonna appear on the 9 o'clock news saying "we never knew".

[Tres_Till_it_MHz]

dude...are you ready to be a dad? or are you just leasing the pussy?

if your ready? then do what you gotta do.

if not...then step off and let this family deal with their own shit...:tu

Triumph is right, whats gonna happen next week when your tired of ole girl? The baby's daddy will have been cut off and you'll be gone too. Then the cycle of boyfriends will begin. Most women who are used to abuse will seek out those relationships and the child will be the innocent victim.

If your serious about this girl and her child then ask her to marry you and adopt that child. If you do that you will make a world of a diffrence in the childs life for the best. If not let her make her own decisions.

[MannyIsGod]

I thought this thread was going to be about a yeast infection.

Sorry. Okay, since noone else has mentioned it from the kid's point of view, let me tell you how pissed off this little kid is going to be at his mother and you in about 15 years when he figures out it was your idea to never let him see his father again. It doesn't matter if the guy is a pothead and slightly negligent. He has a right to see his son; his son has a right to know who his father is. If he's a complete scumbag, the kid can figure that out for himself. But if you remove the opportunity for him to know his father you are asking for big trouble later. It's not ethical. Give the slimeball a chance to be a father. If he stops seeing his kid, that's on him, and his kid can be pissed off at him later.

If you're really concerned that the baby is not being properly watched while he's in the father's care, you can have a judge grant him only supervised visits (not necessarily your house, but the slimeball's mother's house, for example).
I was wondering if I was going to get to the end of the thread befor anyone brought up the child.

[batman2883]

fucking holidays always brings out the biznitch in every woman

[Mixability]

Triumph is right, whats gonna happen next week when your tired of ole girl? The baby's daddy will have been cut off and you'll be gone too. Then the cycle of boyfriends will begin. Most women who are used to abuse will seek out those relationships and the child will be the innocent victim.

If your serious about this girl and her child then ask her to marry you and adopt that child. If you do that you will make a world of a diffrence in the childs life for the best. If not let her make her own decisions.

I'm very serious about this girl and I'm old enough to settle down. I would love to start a family already, having a kid already gives us a headstart! If we do get married, does that affect the custody issue? Does a judge take into consideration that we'd have a more stable household?

Thanks for everyones help.

[Mixability]

3. If she hasnt gone to court to establish custody rights, he can legally take the baby and not have to return him to your gf. If there isnt a court order custody, custody goes to the person who has physical possession of the child. So he can take the child, refuse to return the baby and even the cops cant force him to give the baby back.

This is what worries me the most. He's tried taking off with the baby before....on Christmas Eve most recently. :cuss So my gf has decided that he will not see the baby unless its at our place with supervision. He doesn't really have a choice any more, since he doesn't even have transportation any more. We've told him that he could've taken the baby more often if he'd just get his own baby stuff(car seat/bottles/formula), but he's just blown that off. Now he has to wait until he hears from our lawyer.

[Hot Daisy]

You should do what you think is best for your girlfriend and child...I'm sure she wants the best for her child as well...this is a very sticky situation and I believe in due time things will settle down. Good luck with all. Prayers will be with you and your family (even if your not married yet).

[SpursWoman]

It doesn't matter if the guy is a pothead and slightly negligent.


Huh? You'd have no problem sending off your little baby with a pothead who is "slightly" negligent?

She has every right to withhold any kind of visitation if she has legitimate cause for concern that she is sending her baby into a potentially dangerous situation.

Let him get an attorney to fight it.

[spurjur]

I've been in this situation before. Its very hard. I'll never put myself in a position like this ever again. My ex and I were together for one year without the baby's daddy ever being around because he never knew about me or never visited the baby.

Well, let me just tell you that I seriously doubt the father will give up his rights. If you can deal with having him around then go for it, if not, break the relationship off because all kinds of arguments occur.

[Mixability]

Huh? You'd have no problem sending off your little baby with a pothead who is "slightly" negligent?

She has every right to withhold any kind of visitation if she has legitimate cause for concern that she is sending her baby into a potentially dangerous situation.

Let him get an attorney to fight it.

Exactly, I would never let my child go with anyone whom I didn't trust. We had let the baby go with him this one time, because he said he was going to take him to see his grandmother. But on our (my gf and I) night out, we saw his vehicle at his friends house, which is no biggie, other than that it's practically a crackhouse. I'm not just saying that just assuming because he's a pothead. My gf used to go with him to that house and she says its basically an "afterschool special waiting to be filmed".

[Mixability]

Well, let me just tell you that I seriously doubt the father will give up his rights. If you can deal with having him around then go for it, if not, break the relationship off because all kinds of arguments occur.

Break it off? Not gonna happen. I'd deal with his shit, before I give up on someone I love. You obviously didn't care about your girl that much then. The baby is an "added incentive" not "baggage".

[Tres_Till_it_MHz]

Sounds like you pretty much know what you want to do, all we can do now is wish the best for you.

Much props on being a man and taking care of anothers biological child. Kids are tough but are very rewarding as well, once again good luck brah.

[Mixability]

Sounds like you pretty much know what you want to do, all we can do now is wish the best for you.

Much props on being a man and taking care of anothers biological child. Kids are tough but are very rewarding as well, once again good luck brah.

I know what I want her to do, but I'll leave the decision to her, since I feel it should be up to her. We had quite a few drunken offers of "taking care of the problem" over the Christmas holiday. Alcohol makes my relatives think they're all hitmen! :lol

[MannyIsGod]

I would take the proper legal action, but you have to tread very carefully. Kids aren't always logical when it comes to parents. It is very easy for a horrible parent to be the good guy in the childs eyes, but in the end you both should do what is best for the child.

I would go to court and do what I could to limit the contact the father has.

[Summers]

Huh? You'd have no problem sending off your little baby with a pothead who is "slightly" negligent?

She has every right to withhold any kind of visitation if she has legitimate cause for concern that she is sending her baby into a potentially dangerous situation.

Let him get an attorney to fight it.

What I meant was the kid still has a right to know his father. I'm not saying I'd send my kid off unsupervised with him, especially if there's a history of violence, but I'm really disturbed by how often women try to completely cut off a father from their child. There are worse things than getting high and not changing a diaper. Hell, my husband's an excellent father, but he'll let my son wallow around in a poopy diaper until I get back from the store just because he doesn't like changing them. :lol (Sadly, that's true).

I absolutely agree she has a right to withhold visits... UNTIL she gets the situation sorted out. But if she just cuts him off, she's the one who has to answer to the kid when he's a teenager and starts asking questions about who his father is and how come he's never met him. If it were you, and your mom told you she stopped letting your father see you when you were an infant because you came back from his place smelling like weed and your diaper was wet, how would you feel? This guy may be a royal asshole, but she bred with him and she has a duty to her child to stay connected to him.

[2Blonde]

What I meant was the kid still has a right to know his father. I'm not saying I'd send my kid off unsupervised with him, especially if there's a history of violence, but I'm really disturbed by how often women try to completely cut off a father from their child. There are worse things than getting high and not changing a diaper. Hell, my husband's an excellent father, but he'll let my son wallow around in a poopy diaper until I get back from the store just because he doesn't like changing them. :lol (Sadly, that's true).

I absolutely agree she has a right to withhold visits... UNTIL she gets the situation sorted out. But if she just cuts him off, she's the one who has to answer to the kid when he's a teenager and starts asking questions about who his father is and how come he's never met him. If it were you, and your mom told you she stopped letting your father see you when you were an infant because you came back from his place smelling like weed and your diaper was wet, how would you feel? This guy may be a royal asshole, but she bred with him and she has a duty to her child to stay connected to him.
How her teenager feels in fifteen years is irrelevant. Teenagers are mad at at their parents for beings alive. Her job is to be a parent not a friend to her child. All she has to do is what she feels is in his best interests. The child won't understand anymore than he would understand if she told him she let him spend time with a drugged out father because she didn't want to sever a relationship that was unhealthy for her son. The only duty she has is to her son. She owes her ex nothing. The child is the focus here. Breeding with someone, as you so eloquently put it, doesn't put their rights ahead of the child. Let the courts deal with him. If they think he's a fit parent then so be it but don't let your girlfriend stress herself out over it. When the child is grown, he will understand the sacrifices you two have made. Just take the high road and always try not to bad mouth his bio father in front of him. I know it's hard but it will pay off in the end. THey see the truth for themselves eventually. It took my daughter 13 years before she wised up.

[SpursWoman]

They see the truth for themselves eventually.


:tu

I have 2 different friends that experienced the same thing...it's very unfortunate for everyone, but they actually grew up to resent their dad for being an irresponsible POS and causing their mother (who took care of them all alone) all of the hardship. The kids aren't blind or stupid...and are going to go with the one who was there for them. If the dad can't grow up and get his head on straight and misses out on his child's life, tough shit. I just don't have a lot of sympathy for people like that. Fortunately, my daughter is finally starting to come around...eventually my son will, too.

:fro

[Mixability]

How her teenager feels in fifteen years is irrelevant. Teenagers are mad at at their parents for beings alive. Her job is to be a parent not a friend to her child. All she has to do is what she feels is in his best interests. The child won't understand anymore than he would understand if she told him she let him spend time with a drugged out father because she didn't want to sever a relationship that was unhealthy for her son. The only duty she has is to her son. She owes her ex nothing. The child is the focus here. Breeding with someone, as you so eloquently put it, doesn't put their rights ahead of the child. Let the courts deal with him. If they think he's a fit parent then so be it but don't let your girlfriend stress herself out over it. When the child is grown, he will understand the sacrifices you two have made. Just take the high road and always try not to bad mouth his bio father in front of him. I know it's hard but it will pay off in the end. THey see the truth for themselves eventually. It took my daughter 13 years before she wised up.

:tu best advice ever!

I just want the best for the boy. If his father was a little better with basic duties then I'd be all for letting him have the baby for a weekend or so. But when the baby comes back with 1 less bottle than he left with after 24 hours, a dirty diaper and wearing the same clothes he left with, I came to my own conclusions. I let my gf make the decision to limit the contact after that, because I didn't want to get in her business. We're currently waiting on a call from our lawyer to see what our next steps are. I'm prepared to legally become the father if necessary. Wow, I might be a Dad soon! :king

[Mixability]

The day Danyo becomes a father is the day Sequ will grow hair on his head.

Thanks for your great contribution to the thread.... :rolleyes

Jealous because I don't have a reproduction limiting STD?

[Summers]

How her teenager feels in fifteen years is irrelevant.

It's absolutely not irrelevant. Way too many young men grow up not knowing their fathers and they turn into pissed off angry young men. It is in this child's best interest to let him know who his father is, for better or for worse. That doesn't mean the father has to be allowed week-long visitations. But this trend of erasing a child's father from his life as if he never existed really disturbs me.

She owes her ex nothing. The child is the focus here. Breeding with someone, as you so eloquently put it, doesn't put their rights ahead of the child.
That is my point exactly. I am talking about the child's rights.

Let the courts deal with him. If they think he's a fit parent then so be it but don't let your girlfriend stress herself out over it. When the child is grown, he will understand the sacrifices you two have made. Just take the high road and always try not to bad mouth his bio father in front of him. I know it's hard but it will pay off in the end. THey see the truth for themselves eventually. It took my daughter 13 years before she wised up.

My father was a heroin addict when we returned home from Vietnam and knocked up my mother. Our relationship is beginning to repair itself, but in the meantime, I've had the immense pleasure of knowing his parents and and other family members, all wonderful people. My mother had the court arrange supervised visits, and he chose not to take them, but in the meantime, I grew up knowing his family and who he is. I'd be pissed if my mother removed that opportunity from me.

[Mixability]

My father was a heroin addict when we returned home from Vietnam and knocked up my mother. Our relationship is beginning to repair itself, but in the meantime, I've had the immense pleasure of knowing his parents and and other family members, all wonderful people. My mother had the court arrange supervised visits, and he chose not to take them, but in the meantime, I grew up knowing his family and who he is. I'd be pissed if my mother removed that opportunity from me.

Your mother could've easily let you know his family without dealing with him. It's been done, my older brothers and sisters went through it. I'd be pissed if Mom would've let me have access to such a horrible example of a man. Good thing my father knows what it takes to be a real father.