How do I fall out of love?

[David Bowie]

I've had this friend for about two and a half years. We spend a lot of our time together. I've had strong feelings for this person ever since I've met them. However, those feelings became much stronger when we shared an apartment this semester. the thing is, this person is gay and has always been very upfront with me about that. (yes, I am female.) None the less, I became what you might call addicted to my friend and wanted to spend all the time I could with them. When I'm around that person, I feel very protected and like I'm at home. Because of the living situation, one thing sometimes did lead to another, which made me fall for the person even more. However, my friend was mostly trying to see if he could settle for a female companion if he didn't have a boyfriend. And he decided that he couldn't. On top of that, our personalities really clash and we spend a lot of time driving one another up the wall. If you listen to us talk, we sound like a married couple who's about to get a divorce. However, I can't stop thinking about this person. My mind knows that nothing will ever happen, but my heart won't accept it. I know that the cure for this is to go and find soeone who will return m feelings, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to find a person I like as much and it is hard to find people I connect with in general. So, I'm on vacation right now, and I'm missing this person terribly. And I'm going to be abroad next semester, so I won't see them for a long time. But not seeing this person doesn't seem to help. It only makes me think about them more and it's driving me absolutly crazy. So, how do I stop thinking about this perosn and move on ? (Sorry for the rant, its just one of those sleepless nights ): )

[Vashner]

I want to throw up....

[katyon6th]

It sounds like you need to get out. You know, have a good time with other people you enjoy. Try to take your mind off of him. Have you told him how you feel? Maybe that would help. And if you're scared about all the things that could happen, that's understandable, but I think you should be honest with him about it. Maybe you'll feel better. Good luck.

[Vashner]

LOl well I meant that as a funny.

Hey just tell the BEEPot that being gay is BEEPed up and he needs a REAL woman. Then give him a taste and if the next day he still wants the BEEP then BEEPin forget it. (again just being silly).

[The sone]

run girl just run!!

[Samr]

How do I fall out of love?

Kill her.

[ObiwanGinobili]

time and distance.
thats the only thign that will help.
lots of time and lots of distacne.
and total this-person-abstinance.... no phonecalls, no "runing into him", nothing.
just cut it off. Being abroad next semester should really help.

otherwise your just going to be breaking your own heart ofr as long as you let this go on.

but you also have to find somethign or someone to fill the void he will leave. friends, activities, school, a boyfriend(s).. whatever. But as you take him out of your life, fill that space up.


good luck.

[midgetonadonkey]

It's impossible to fall out of love. Just drink alot and screw around. That can usually fill the void for a little while. In time, all the alcohol will kill the memory cells in your brain and you will forget that you love him. Of course, I'm probably the last person you should take advice from when it comes to stuff like this.

[Taco]

How do I fall out of love?

Let me Kick you in the Nuts!!!
That will get your mind off of her :lol

[1Parker1]

You fall out of love my moving on and coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't meant to be. :)

[ChumpDumper]

Are you going to Europe?

Every movie I've ever seen about chicks going to Europe has them falling in love with some really hot dude with dark curly hair and a thick accent riding a Vespa.

So you got that going for you....

If you're going to Asia, you're screwed.

[SpursWoman]

Are you going to Europe?

Every movie I've ever seen about chicks going to Europe has them falling in love with some really hot dude with dark curly hair and a thick accent riding a Vespa.

So you got that going for you....

If you're going to Asia, you're screwed.


My daughter makes me watch the Lizzy MacGuire Movie a lot, too. :nerd :lmao

[tlongII]

time and distance.
thats the only thign that will help.
lots of time and lots of distacne.
and total this-person-abstinance.... no phonecalls, no "runing into him", nothing.
just cut it off. Being abroad next semester should really help.

otherwise your just going to be breaking your own heart ofr as long as you let this go on.

but you also have to find somethign or someone to fill the void he will leave. friends, activities, school, a boyfriend(s).. whatever. But as you take him out of your life, fill that space up.


good luck.

I thought chicks didn't like to be called "broads"??? :wtf

[tlongII]

Try changing your avatar.

[MrChug]

I really think this situation will manifest itself into some deep, emotional trauma. On one hand maybe you should feel special to think that he'd want to try being with a girl for you. At least that's a testiment to how comfortable you make him feel. On the other hand, let's look at it for what it is. He doesn't want to be with you...you were an "experiment", and nothing more. He thought he could be a mate to you but realized he won't "swing" that way and there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing. I'm sorry. Meeting a guy that actually wants you for a real relationship might change the way you think... That's like saying I reeeeally love Sue Bird, but I need her to play vollyball...if she can't then it's not gonna work...

[tlongII]

Send a PM to gayABC and solicit his advice.

[MannyIsGod]

Buy Waking Hour by Vienna Teng and listen to Unwritten Letter #1 over and over and over and over again. It's your song.

Unwritten Letter #1
Download

nightfall we're brushing past your town
destination not you my one
the driver doesn't know way down
how deep these bright-eyed feelings run
I've no intention of confessing today
I need to make distance awhile
but miles don't make your image fade
they don't erase this secret smile

everything reminds me
wet gray gold-lit street
shop displays near-lovers meet
I feel the grasp of your hand still
this your face now in the glass
breathing whisper what is this
bent so close we nearly kiss
although we never will

strange that there's no hurtful need
used to be my only sign
on my mind would make me bleed
why is it that I'm feeling fine
why is it this warmth within
no candlelight that causes burn
memories of you begin
well welcome friends
glad you've returned

everything reminds me
music surging bedroom dance
crazy spinning sultry glance
I inhale your presence still
these your arms of daring grace
encircle me what pact is made
desire is your masquerade
want me you never will

you gave me truth I chose illusion
now we are used to this confusion
but I know
yes I know this story has to end
never groped for a connection
never hoped for more affection
for I know
I know I am your friend
only your friend

[atlfan25]

Let me Kick you in the Nuts!!!
That will get your mind off of her :lol
what if she doesnt have nuts

and the her is a he

[DesiSpur_21]

Send a PM to gayABC and solicit his advice.

:lmao

Actually it'd be a great idea - for all you know they gayABC and HIM pair could click.

[SpursWoman]

I hope I never have to find out... :)




That's pretty rough that that happened, but be consoled that he at least did try...it just was never in the cards. I think your distance (and time) will help you the most...going out and meeting someone else wouldn't hurt, either. Good luck!

[Vashner]

Call the Fab 5...

[2centsworth]

Time and distance. Then work on yourself and Pray. I hope you have a good support group around you. If you don't try to surround yourself with the most positive people you can.

[2Blonde]

I noticed that your entire post was full of referring to him as "this person" and "them". It seemed almost like you wouldn't refer to him as a "he" even though you acknowledged he was male. I can't say I'm totally surprised you can't come to terms with this in your mind when you can't even describe the issues gender correctly on paper. Maybe you need to get it all straight (no pun intended) in your head first. I am sure he is a wonderful person, maybe just not the one for you.

Relationships come with enough headaches already, worrying about wether you have to compete with a whole other gender is a can of worms not even worth dealing with. Go abroad and focus on yourself and your education.

[SequSpur]

First of all don't come here for relationship advice.

That is rule #1.

[easjer]

Well it sort of depends on how far things have gone. I mean, did you live together as companions or roommates or were you living together like lovers? Were there ground rules set for this time (no dating other people, etc)? I'm not clear on if you were having a actual relationship with him or if you were very good friends who lived together and the intimacy of living with someone (roommates or more) made you feel more than friendship and you *want* a relationship?

It's important to sort out. Also important is how much you value yourself and how open you are to yourself about your own sexuality and it's importance in your life. Another important thing to sort out is how your feelings progressed and whether or not they are returned in any measure. Did you move in with him after a bad break-up? Has your dating life been average to this point? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Are you good at meeting new people? Are you comfortable dating someone you don't know well (using a dating relationship as a means to get to know someone)?

You mentioned feeling comfortable and protected. That suggests to me that you may be uncomfortable in new relationships and that one thing that love is equated with to you is home and safety.

Time will help you. So will distance.

I had a relationship with a guy before I met my husband. We were friends, we lived in the same building. We got to be quite close friends, because we saw a lot in common and had these amazing conversations. And we became more than friends. Not lovers, but also not boyfriend and girlfriend. There was no definition or boundaries to the relationship. At the time I was ok with that. We went out together all the time, we slept in the same bed with each other regularly (naps), we would call each other first when something good or bad happened. But we never dated. Of course, I ended up falling in love with him, and I remember he told me that if he could chose to love anyone, it would be me. He started talking about other girls and mooned over a couple and I was always supportive, but it just ate at me. The reason he couldn't love me, he told me, was that he was not attracted to me sexually. Because I was too fat. Sigh. I wish I'd been smarter and gotten out sooner. Eventually he went away for the summer and we talked frequently, but without him there - the spell was broken. In my case, part of me always knew that this relationship wasn't healthy at all and that I was only staying because I got some of what I needed from a real relationship with someone who cared and I thought that was all I deserved. He stuck around because he got bonuses - a woman taking care of him and a fun date whenever he didn't have a model on his arm. Once that stuff was gone from my daily life, I was able to see the situation more clearly and see how damaging it was for me to be showering him with all my love and affection for a pittance in return.

I think things are continuing to degenerate in your relationship because you are convinced you've fallen in love with him and he doesn't feel the same way. The bickering and snide remarks and cuts are coming from you because you are hurt that he doesn't love you the way you do him. And he is responding in kind because he is hurt by your tone and comments and possibly because he is aware that you feel as you do and he is freaked out or hurt because you both know he's gay.

Anyway, I hope some of this horribly long post is helpful to you in some way.

[Hot Daisy]

It sounds like you were infatuated with this guy. If you became intimate with him, you would have naturally developed feelings that are strong because its a union meant for two people in love. You need to forgive your self for getting in the relationship in the first place and move on. Remember that gay guys have sexual issues to deal with. Many have been raped by an uncle or a neighbor and develop these feelings toward other men because of their past. Whatever his preference is, you need to move on and look for a guy that is straight and that will love you unconditionally. There is one out there...the thing is that it takes time. You need to get your self out there and start meeting new people. My suggestion is to start hanging out with your girlfriends and forget about men for a while. You need healing time and jumping straight into another relationship might not be healthy. Good luck!

[2Blonde]

Many have been raped by an uncle or a neighbor and develop these feelings toward other men because of their past. !
WTF !!! What planet are you from? What an idiot. :lmao

Please GayABC or someone else respond to this post. I too dumbfounded to even reply to this stupid statement.

[Faccia di Angelo]

Interesting topic.
I've gotten a lot of advice on things in the past, but here's a piece of advice I received recently from someone that really hit it home.
Don't make someone a priority in your life, if you're merely an option in theirs.
Its best if you find someone who loves you back the way you love them. Everyone deserves that.


Buy Waking Hour by Vienna Teng and listen to Unwritten Letter #1 over and over and over and over again. It's your song.


I was gonna go find the lyrics until I saw you posted them. Thanks. Sounds like a good song, I'll have to check it out.