Bad Parenting

[ObiwanGinobili]

let me say ahead of time that I'm sure everyone will have an opinion on this topic and your all welcome to it. I won;t apologize for mine and I'd love to hear yours.
ok, lets get to it.


Normaly I could give a rats ass how other people raise thier kids....some people spank, sopme don't. Fine.
Some people have bedtimes for the kiddos , some don't. Fine.
Some people have timeouts , some don't. (I've actually recieved verbal tongue lashings from people trying to save my daughter form the "horrors" of a timeout :rolleyes)Fine. Fine Fine Fine. Whatever , it;s your kid not mine.

BUT - this thing I ran into recently has got my head spinning. Get this: I actually spent time iwht a group of parents who don;t belive in using the word no. :huh

They will not tell thier children NO.

One of the ladies said that her 8year old regualry asks for cookies beofre dinner.. "Instead of denying him I ususally make a compromise like he can have 2 cookies now and 2 on his dinner plate, that way he knows there are always options" huh???

some other examples of what I was told that day:

" if Hunter (yes the kids name is hunter) is told NO then he'll stop striving and trying. We don;t want to hamper his creativity"

"If it's not convienant for the fami;ly for Susan to sleep over her friends - we don't say NO.. instead we'll suggest that she do so on another night or that her friend can sleep over at our house. It requires alot of compromise on our part but it;s worth it to ensure a communicative relationship with her" She's 11 btw.

"Instead of telling Felix NO we try to distract him from what he is doing or what he is getting into" Felix is 2. Apparently this applies to things like drawing on the walls with crayon, pullign the cats tail, throwing food or cups, adn hitting his younger sister.


I'm an admitadly new parent and i usually ask other parents for ideas and such to help me form our "plan" for raising out kids..... but I'm sorry:
what kinda ball-less dr phil pussy parents are these??
how can you not tell your kids no????
what are these kids gonna do when thier boss or landflord tells them NO???
what about a bank loan? When they get denied will they try to negotiate ? " ok... uhm, how bout you give me 1/2 the loan now nad 1/2 on my dinner plate?"

ugh.
I'm the friggin boss in my house and not every darn thing needs an explantion or a compromise. I'm sure there are compromises to be made- but to completely BAN the use of the word NO???

crazy. I'm telling you it;s crazy.

[Shelly]

Ha! I just told my kid no!

[desflood]

I just had to go stop my 1-year-old from playing in the toilet. Should I have not told her no? Oh God, she's crying. What have I done??? :lol :rolleyes

[Justin Timberlake]

I say just let your kids listen to me, I make great music from the heart.....your kids will turn out just fine, this i promise you

[AlamoSpursFan]

Ha! I just told my kid no!

For a reason? Or just for good measure?

:lol

[SpursWoman]

Not only "no", but...."Oh, helllll no!"

[midgetonadonkey]

They are the same parents that will be crying because their teenage kids are screaming at them, doing coke in their rooms and prostituting themselves for cigerettes.

I will tell my kid no for everything and then spank them for asking.

[Justin Timberlake]

I'm telling you all, get them to listen to me Justin Timberlake

[2Blonde]

Yeah, one of my sisters tried that crap on me one time. I just rolled my eyes and continued to tell my nephew no. Her husband did the same thing. :lol Don't get me wrong, he is growing up to be an amazing kid with incredible manners. Probably one the most well behaved kids at 8 years old that I have ever met, but I seriously doubt that is the only reason. I think personality has a lot to do with it.
I tell my daughter no on a regular basis. She might as well get used to it now. Hey, then maybe she'll work harder and be thrilled when someone says YES!

[Shelly]

n/m

[Shelly]

For a reason? Or just for good measure?

:lol

:lol A little of both!

AND, He just copped a snotty attitude with me so he got sent to his room.

My youngest is the type of kid that will keep asking and bugging you until he thinks he can wear you down. So he hears NO a lot.

[2Blonde]

My youngest is the type of kid that will keep asking and bugging you until he thinks he can wear you down. So he hears NO a lot.
Oh man I friggin hate that!!!! :makemyday

[Shelly]

Oh man I friggin hate that!!!! :makemyday


I just ignore him, which makes him ask louder!



Where do I pick up my Mother of the Year award?

[2Blonde]

My daughter is going away on a retreat with our church this weekend. I am so excited. 2 days w/o her.. :smokin She thinks she's the one getting a vacation. :lmao

[pache100]

I'm the friggin boss in my house and not every darn thing needs an explantion or a compromise. I'm sure there are compromises to be made- but to completely BAN the use of the word NO???

crazy. I'm telling you it;s crazy.

Amen.

Yeah, when my brother and sister were kids still at home, it was popular not to spank children. The buzzword then was "choices". Always give your kids more than one choice when you are trying to get them to do (or not do) something. My Mom said, "Oh, you have choices. 2. One, you can do what I tell you to do. If you choose not to do that, your only other choice is to get your butt beat with the belt." Worked like a charm. Every time. :lol

[Shelly]

My daughter is going away on a retreat with our church this weekend. I am so excited. 2 days w/o her.. :smokin She thinks she's the one getting a vacation. :lmao

:lmao

[2Blonde]

I just ignore him, which makes him ask louder!



Where do I pick up my Mother of the Year award?
Here ya go, Sweetie !
http://www.kieshawrightchildrensfoundation.org/web_ima/1.jpg
*SHELLY*
SPURS MOTHER OF THE YEAR

[ObiwanGinobili]

They are the same parents that will be crying because their teenage kids are screaming at them, doing coke in their rooms and prostituting themselves for cigerettes.

I will tell my kid no for everything and then spank them for asking.


now thats what I'm talking about! :tu

__________________________________________________ _______

needles to say, I have declined an invitation to get together with those numbnuts again. I don't think I could seriously keep my big mouth shut should I see them. :princess

[Shelly]

Here ya go, Sweetie !
http://www.kieshawrightchildrensfoundation.org/web_ima/1.jpg
*SHELLY*
SPURS MOTHER OF THE YEAR

I had a great tan when that was taken!

[ObiwanGinobili]

:tu nice extensions.

[easjer]

Kids need boundaries and routine. This has been proven in psychological study over psychological study.

Kids need to hear NO. Especially young kids (in the toddler range). Trust me when I say that toddlers do not understand reasoning or choices. They are too young. As kids get older, offering choices is a good thing. But when a kid asks for cookies before dinner and they not only give him cookies before dinner but during dinner, the kid is not learning that he has 'choices' - what choices have there been? He's gotten exactly what he wanted, more even, without sacrificing anything. He's got his parents manipulated. But little kids don't need to be distracted (though that is a good technique when they are fretful but not actually doing anything bad) when they are doing something wrong. How are they supposed to learn that you are not supposed to draw on the walls if you aren't told no?

And time out is a time tested, good method!

(No I don't have kids, but I've read a lot on child psychology).

[ObiwanGinobili]

easjer, you will make an awesome momma! :tu

[Shelly]

I think my youngest first words were, "Oldest son's name. NO!"

[ObiwanGinobili]

My daughter doesn't even say "yes".

she says NO (=no) and Nokay (=yes). :lol

[jcrod]

I just ignore him, which makes him ask louder!



Where do I pick up my Mother of the Year award?


:rollin

I say no to much!

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Kids need boundaries and routine. This has been proven in psychological study over psychological study.

Kids need to hear NO. Especially young kids (in the toddler range). Trust me when I say that toddlers do not understand reasoning or choices. They are too young. As kids get older, offering choices is a good thing. But when a kid asks for cookies before dinner and they not only give him cookies before dinner but during dinner, the kid is not learning that he has 'choices' - what choices have there been? He's gotten exactly what he wanted, more even, without sacrificing anything. He's got his parents manipulated. But little kids don't need to be distracted (though that is a good technique when they are fretful but not actually doing anything bad) when they are doing something wrong. How are they supposed to learn that you are not supposed to draw on the walls if you aren't told no?

And time out is a time tested, good method!

(No I don't have kids, but I've read a lot on child psychology).

Damn straight. I want my daughter to learn the word "no" from the get go. The last worry I'm going to need as a father is that there would be boys hitting on her and instead of saying, "No you skeezy bum," she's saying, "Well, let me give some choices for how you want to deflower me."

I realize that that's going overboard, but I remain adamant. And as for the woman "distracting" the kid, how the fuck is that "communicating"? My sister-in-law teaches first grade and she's running into more and more kids that are raised like this. Some of them are surprisingly well mannered and have excellent communication skills. Others simply figure that it means that they can generally have their way in the face of authority. And then she has to deal with parents who sit there and lecture her that this isn't how they've raised their child and who is she tell their child no?

I was raised on a dirt simple system. We knew the house rules and if we broke them we were looking at a time out or the business end of a wooden spoon. The result? Five kids, no felony arrests!

[easjer]

:lol @ nokay.

Well, as cheesy as it sounds, the Supernanny is generally right. Her book is really good too. One thing she points out is that kids are not happy when they are in control. You would think they would be, because they are getting all the toys, sweets and attention (positive and negative) that they want, but they are miserable and it only gets worse. She says to think about it - if you were suddenly dropped into a job for which you had absolutely no experience, background or training, would you be happy? It's worse for a toddler who can't even comprehend or express the frustration and anger the way you as an adult can.

Kids need to know they aren't in charge of a household. Telling them no is not a bad thing. Offering choices (simple ones) is not a bad thing in the right circumstances, but toddlers don't understand bargaining and get confused by too many choices. Asking about whether they'd prefer the red or green pants is okay, but they get overwhelmed when asked to choose anything to wear. Their minds aren't capable of focusing to make that kind of decision.

It just boggles my mind the way some kids are parented today. I understand (because I'm like this) not wanting anyone to dislike you, especially someone you love as fiercly as you do a child, but if you are trying to be their friend instead of their parent, you aren't doing a good job of raising them or preparing them for the real world (which is ultimately your job and responsibility as a parent).

In the real world, they are gonna hear NO a whole hell of a lot and there are not always choices or options. How are these kids going to cope with that?

[Shelly]

Damn straight. I want my daughter to learn the word "no" from the get go. The last worry I'm going to need as a father is that there would be boys hitting on her and instead of saying, "No you skeezy bum," she's saying, "Well, let me give some choices for how you want to deflower me."

:lmao

I just told my dog NO. Do you think she's traumatized? And why does she listen better than my 10 year old?

[HB22inSA]

"Instead of telling Felix NO we try to distract him from what he is doing or what he is getting into" Felix is 2. Apparently this applies to things like drawing on the walls with crayon, pullign the cats tail, throwing food or cups, adn hitting his younger sister.

Okay, How did I make it into the bad parenting Thread????????????

Obi????

[ALVAREZ6]

"No" was my first word.

[AlamoSpursFan]

:lmao

I just told my dog NO. Do you think she's traumatized? And why does she listen better than my 10 year old?

Sure hope Mr. Shelly doesn't try to get a little nookie tonight. She's on a roll!

:lmao

[easjer]

There is behavior that is acceptable behavior (if not desirable behavior) and behavior that is unacceptable. How do kids learn which is which (the difference betwen whining and hitting a sibling) if they are never told no?

It's not ok to hit other people. How do kids learn that if you distract them? And while it may work on a 2 year old with a short attention span, it won't on a five year old. So then what?

[easjer]

Shelly, you told your dog no?!? I'm calling animal cruelty!

[Shelly]

Sure hope Mr. Shelly doesn't try to get a little nookie tonight. She's on a roll!

:lmao

:lol

3rd times the charm. My oldest is just about to walk in the door. I'll tell him NO and get it out of my system.

[ObiwanGinobili]

:lol

3rd times the charm. My oldest is just about to walk in the door. I'll tell him NO and get it out of my system.


:lmao :lmao

Go for it!
Kids should here NO at least 5 times a day.

[ObiwanGinobili]

Okay, How did I make it into the bad parenting Thread????????????

Obi????


uhmmm..... you say my name and couldn;t resist??? :angel

[SpursWoman]

User is really exceptional at saying "no" to my kids....better than me, actually. He thoroughly enjoys it...so much so that more than half the time he's gotten the "no" out before they've even finished.


:)

[easjer]

So the question, Shelly, is will your oldest immediately look guilty when you tell him no or not?

[Shelly]

No, I have to give him a legitimate no.

Our conversation when he comes home is like this:

The best mom in the world: "How was school today?"
Teen angst: "Boring."

But I only had 1-1/2 cookie, so I told myself NO to anymore.

[SpursWoman]

The 1/2 one didn't count. :)

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

"No" is not an issue in our house. We've got no problem with the word.

Our latest discussion is on spanking. Mrs. Chopper and I had a two hour debate on the "to spank or not to spank" debate. She refuses to accept the notion that a child can be spanked without creating any mental trauma for the child.

I grew up fearing the belt but understanding that I was entirely deserving of every spanking (and there were many) that I received. Mrs. Chopper was spanked once in her life and claims it was a horrible memory that she'll never forget.

This debate stemmed from my two year old coming to my office and pulling a bottle of Liquid Paper out of my desk drawer. Before I could get to him he opened the bottle and as I tried to get it away from him he chunked it across my office and Liquid Paper covered my credenza, my briefcase, my wall. Needless to say I wasn't too happy and wanted to give him a swat on the butt...not out of anger but because he needed a paddling. I was out-voted 1-to-1 and he was given a "timeout".

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are circumstances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.

[easjer]

Ah see? You told yourself NO, and that was good. You also told me No, but it was an answer not a directive, so I'm not sure it counts (you know, like the half-cookie).

[Shelly]

The 1/2 one didn't count. :)


It was 35 calories! Same as one whole shortbread cookie :cuss

But yes, it doesn't count :nerd

[SpursWoman]

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are circumstances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.



My mom had no such issues, and I'd be happy to send a very nice email stating how perfectly normal and successful I am...with a tremendous respect for authority.... :lol


The first time I ever spanked the hell out of my daughter was when she got on her bicycle (I think she was about 4) and even after repeated reminders and warnings and descriptive tales of what can happen to little girls that don't look both ways....she shot right out of the driveway into the path of a moving vehicle. Right after I told her not to.

Since my repeated words had ZERO impact in keeping her out of the street, and her continuing that behavior could have killed her ... I had no problem whatsoever making it a lesson she wasn't soon to forget. And I don't apologize to those that take exception to it. I'd rather deal with the crying and the finger-pointing than scraping her brains up out of the middle of the street.

And I'm sure that poor lady that was driving that car that was in tears because of that would have loved to have gotten a hold of her, too. :fro

[SpursWoman]

It was 35 calories! Same as one whole shortbread cookie :cuss

But yes, it doesn't count :nerd


It doesn't...because all of the calories fall out when you break it. :lol

[Shelly]

"No" is not an issue in our house. We've got no problem with the word.

Our latest discussion is on spanking. Mrs. Chopper and I had a two hour debate on the "to spank or not to spank" debate. She refuses to accept the notion that a child can be spanked without creating any mental trauma for the child.

I grew up fearing the belt but understanding that I was entirely deserving of every spanking (and there were many) that I received. Mrs. Chopper was spanked once in her life and claims it was a horrible memory that she'll never forget.

This debate stemmed from my two year old coming to my office and pulling a bottle of Liquid Paper out of my desk drawer. Before I could get to him he opened the bottle and as I tried to get it away from him he chunked it across my office and Liquid Paper covered my credenza, my briefcase, my wall. Needless to say I wasn't too happy and wanted to give him a swat on the butt...not out of anger but because he needed a paddling. I was out-voted 1-to-1 and he was given a "timeout".

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are circumstances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.

Tell her my 'fork in the arm at 14 by my mother for using a double negative' story. I now speak correctly.

Corporal punishment at it's finest!!

[JoeChalupa]

I use the word NO when I mean NO.
I get upset when I see a child acting like a brat, and mine do to, and they won't discipline their kids but baby them like they are going to break.
Nip it in the bud is my motto.

I've been told that I'm too strict with my girls but I don't believe in the "I want to be friends" with my kid theory. I'm their parent first and their friend second and they've known that from the start.

[pseudofan]

I tell my kids no. I tell their friends no. I tell my nephews no. And I make it no secret that I will beat the living crap out of them if they piss me off.

They all love me and respect me.

[SpursWoman]

I tell my kids no. I tell their friends no. I tell my nephews no. And I make it no secret that I will beat the living crap out of them if they piss me off.

They all love me and respect me.


My daughter's friends, too. I swear to God she has this one (11 year old) that I can't stand who needs a good spanking more than anyone I've met in my life...and obviously has never had one.

I have no problem whatsoever telling her to STFU. Well, not like that exactly, but you should see how big her eyes get. :lol

[JoeChalupa]

And I have spanked my daughters.

[Shelly]

It doesn't...because all of the calories fall out when you break it. :lol


:lol

But sometimes those 1/2 cookies become whole ones. Or 3 or 4.

The only time my oldest got it good was when he was around 5 and decided to push his 2-1/2 year old brother down the stairs. For no reason. I think my youngest went into shock or something because he wouldn't eat or come out of his room. Finally at about 11pm the next day, I woke him up to eat something and when he wouldn't, I told him that he would have to go to the hospital and they would have to feed him with a tube and mommy wouldn't be allowed to stay with him. He was very clingy at that time in his life so when he heard that, he sure gobbled down that sandwich.

And then hit his brother over the head with a big Tonka truck the next day :)

I keed!

[easjer]

I was spanked and turned out just fine. I respect parents who choose not to spank, as long as they discipline their kids. There are plenty of situations in which other forms of discipline would be appropriate, but SpursWoman's story is one that I would applaud and do the same in a similar situation. Sometimes kids don't get the adult reasoning behind the danger.

SW - my brother did the same thing when he was six or seven, just carelessly pulled out in front of some woman on his bike. She sat in her car shaking for 20 minutes, saw which house he went home to, came and rang our doorbell and told my dad what happened. My dad was pissed as hell and grounded my brother, made him apologize to the woman (who clearly felt terrible, but was concerned for his safety), and spanked him when she left. I remember him crying later that night (my dad), he was so shaken up by everything, and hugging my brother really tightly.

[Shelly]

I tell my kids no. I tell their friends no. I tell my nephews no. And I make it no secret that I will beat the living crap out of them if they piss me off.

They all love me and respect me.

I love and respect you too!

One time my next door neighbor's kids were over here and they starting bickering with each other. I told them that it's bad enough I have to listen to my own kids bicker and I sure don't need to listen to them and sent them home.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Well it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels that a spanking is not outside the realm of acceptable parenting.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

I know today's parenting says not to spank but I don't care. I was told that if I can provide Mrs. Chopper with research to support my theory that spanking will not harm my child's development that she will consider whether there are circumstances that will warrant ever spanking a child. I responded that she can bite me.

Well, it's not exactly scientific but you can offer up my family tree as a perfect example. My mom was one of 6 kids, my dad was one of 7, all were spanked by their parents growing up. On my mom's side 5 are happily married (4 of whom have children who they spanked), the sixth one became a nun. Then on my dad's side all seven are happily married with children. Of the nearly 50 cousins in my family tree (who as far as I know were spanked growing up) there are no felony arrests, about half are happily married men and women (the remainder are still a little young), have careers, and there's not a single felony arrest in the bunch. The only fucked up cousin I have came entirely from outside the spanking system, from my aunt's husband who had a daughter from a previous marriage. So neither of her parents were spankers, and now she's part of some fucked up all girl goth band, has a shaved head and crazy ass tattoos and other weird shit, and still hits her father up for money even though she's probably nearly 30. So, out of a group of about 65 total people, the only weirdo in the bunch is the ONLY ONE who was not spanked as a child. Pretty compellling stuff, I think.

[easjer]

EHJ. It just totally depends. On the situation and the child. Most psychologists agree that if you spank it shouldn't be in anger, and it should never be a beating, and that implements shouldn't be used.

A lot of children respond to that, and a lot don't. My friend has twins, and if she threatens her son with a spanking, he's immediately remorseful and apologetic and doesn't break that rule again. Her daughter though, you could spank five times in a day, and it wouldn't affect her as much as threatening to take her favorite toy (whatever it happens to be at that moment) away or sending her to her room, because she hates missing out on the action.

Maybe your wife, if you showed her some of these stories, would agree that there might be situations in which spanking is warranted, if it's done in a certain way.

[The sone]

:tu nice extensions.


hate to correct you but those is called "stenshuns"...

[Shelly]

Oh, yeah..the threat.

Only I threaten them with their father! :lol

[easjer]

SFIE, it's fortunate for your argments that Ed hasn't met you or your family . . .

:lol

[IceColdBrewski]

I'm definitely a card carrying member of the ass-whoopin club. So hearing 'NO" is the least of my kids' concerns when they piss me off.

[midgetonadonkey]

I used to get the belt. That was my reason for staying in line. Belts hurt. Belts hurt a lot.

[SpursWoman]

if she threatens her son with a spanking, he's immediately remorseful and apologetic and doesn't break that rule again. Her daughter though, you could spank five times in a day, and it wouldn't affect her as much as threatening to take her favorite toy (whatever it happens to be at that moment) away or sending her to her room, because she hates missing out on the action.

Good Lord, that's my son & daughter to a tee! :wow :wow


I think the only spanking that ever worked on her was the one I mentioned above ... well that, and she lost her bicycle for a really long time. :spin

[HB22inSA]

Well, when both parents are at home, this is a problem. I've found, however, that in single-parent environments, especially coming from the Mothers (sorry, ladies), they are more interested in being their kids friend than being a parent.

They want their children to love them, so they spoil them and don't say no to them, so they can be made to be the "better" parent. They are so insecure about themselves that they think if they say no to their own kids, their kids will leave them or hate them.

It's a very vicious cycle, and very damaging to the children.

They fail to learn responsibility and boundaries, which is a terrible thing.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

I was shocked by the whole new age parenting ideas about not spanking a child.

I get the fact that it shouldn't be done in anger, and shouldn't be done in a way that a child will be physically harmed in any way. But I never "suffered" from a spanking. I remember having a red butt that lasted for awhile, but it was effective.

I came from a family of five kids and what used to get me in trouble was laughing when a brother or sister was getting spanked. It was half nervous laughter and half because I was an hornery lil' guy. But I remember that laughing at a sibling getting spanked translated that you were about to get it worse when Mom or Dad finished with that kid.

I still tend to laugh in a heated argument, which tends to piss off whoever is on the other side. It's a really bad character flaw, but I can't help myself.

[SpursWoman]

I've found, however, that in single-parent environments, especially coming from the Mothers (sorry, ladies), they are more interested in being their kids friend than being a parent.

Sorry, I vehemently disagree. I've been a single mother for pretty much 10 years, and have known many, many more just like me. If anything, the opposite is true. If you just be their friend and let their bad behavior go unchecked....it's even more difficult when you're on your own and no one else has your back as they get older and into even more serious things. Like life really needs to be anymore difficult than it already is for a single mom...most of us know that that shit needs to be nipped in the bud. :)

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Sorry, I vehemently disagree. I've been a single mother for pretty much 10 years, and have known many, many more just like me. If anything, the opposite is true. If you just be their friend and let their bad behavior go unchecked....it's even more difficult when you're on your own and no one else has your back as they get older and into even more serious things. Like life really needs to be anymore difficult than it already is for a single mom...most of us know that that shit needs to be nipped in the bud. :)

I agree. I've seen both examples, but the single moms I've known usually have worked extremely hard to be good parents because they've often had to be mom and dad depending on how involved dad is.

Often single moms are more strict than a mom in a two parent home.

My wife's mom did the "buddy" thing and it didn't work. Mrs. Chopper and her mom don't talk much these days.

[easjer]

It just depends. I know single mothers who fit both examples. One who is really indulgent to make up for her asshat of an abusive husband (she's also afraid to trigger trauma or bad memories of his violence towards her that they witnessed), and another who is a very firm disciplinarian. The latter's children are much more happy, well rounded, well mannered and well behaved than the former's.



To be fair, I know people who were traumatized by spanking. Of course, they were spanked until they were seventeen, forced to take off their pants or skirts, and bend over a chair to be spanked with a belt. Which at that age is inappropriate, degrading and utterly humiliating. And it would be for not making an A in a class or 'attitude' rather than something really important. So I'm not much surprised in their cases.

Anyway, if it's done responsibly, it can be quite effective.

[jcrod]

My dad sure gave us a licking when we were out of line, never punched us or hit us above the waist, but apparently more extreme than ya'll. Because they way he wupped on us, i told myself i would never hit my kids. The most I've done if she didn't listen to me repeatedly is one swapt on the behind. I do yell a little to much though.

[JoeChalupa]

Yeah, it depends.

My sister is a single mother, via divorce, and she did the friend thing and always said my brother was too strict with his kids and so am I.

To cut to the chase, both of my brothers kids are in college.
My sister's kids didn't graduate from high school but they are still great young people just going down different paths.

Just one example.

[ObiwanGinobili]

Well it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels that a spanking is not outside the realm of acceptable parenting.

I was spanked as a child and I will/do spank my kids.
My 2 year old (well, almost, she's 22 months) gets swats on the butt or hand.

I am a perfectly well adjusted adult. Infact I don't think I would respect my mother as much as I do if she had not spanked me.

[Despot]

http://gallery.hd.org/_exhibits/bizarre/_more2005/_more06/bad-parenting-mother-duck-leads-ducklings-over-drain-from-which-they-have-to-be-rescued-ANON.jpg

[HB22inSA]

Sorry, I vehemently disagree. I've been a single mother for pretty much 10 years, and have known many, many more just like me. If anything, the opposite is true. If you just be their friend and let their bad behavior go unchecked....it's even more difficult when you're on your own and no one else has your back as they get older and into even more serious things. Like life really needs to be anymore difficult than it already is for a single mom...most of us know that that shit needs to be nipped in the bud.
SpursWoman, I wasn't saying that ALL Mothers were like that, it's just that more women seem to exhibit that behavior than men, mainly because most men aren't as close to their children, especially in a divorce situation.

Bottom line is that the Kids are negatively affected.

[Guru of Nothing]

I tell my kids NO, even when I mean yes (habit); and when they ask me WHY, I tell'em "because I'm mean."

[spurster]

Another way to traumatize your kids is go on a loud, screaming tirade for a few minutes. There's no bruises that way. They also behave to keep you from turning into an insane maniac again. I don't recommend it outside the home though.

[AlamoSpursFan]

Another way to traumatize your kids is go on a loud, screaming tirade for a few minutes. There's no bruises that way. They also behave to keep you from turning into an insane maniac again. I don't recommend it outside the home though.

Mom?

:lol

[spurs=bling]

I used to get the belt. That was my reason for staying in line. Belts hurt. Belts hurt a lot.


i agree.


and preach on Obi.

[adrienne]

That's ridiculous. Sure, it can be bad to say no to your child....like if the question they asked is "do you love me?". But if they're asking for a pony, are you supposed to negotiate with them? Are you kidding me?

I was told no all the time as a kid. Even though they've always had money, my parents made me work for things that I wanted but really didn't need...that doesn't mean I was deprived of anything. They taught me the satisfaction of really earning something. I didn't need to hear yes all the time to know they loved me, they showed me by being kind and supportive and by actually telling me how much they loved me...and now I love them even more for not spoiling me rotten as a child.

[spurs=bling]

"do you love me?".

i pull that one on my dad all the time



But if they're asking for a pony, are you supposed to negotiate with them? Are you kidding me?


i asked for a horse and i got one

[ObiwanGinobili]

i pull that one on my dad all the time





i asked for a horse and i got one


spoiled brat! :lmao

[spurs=bling]

spoiled brat! :lmao


hey!!

if i mess up i'll get my butt whooped :oops

[HB22inSA]

That's ridiculous. Sure, it can be bad to say no to your child....like if the question they asked is "do you love me?". But if they're asking for a pony, are you supposed to negotiate with them? Are you kidding me?

I was told no all the time as a kid. Even though they've always had money, my parents made me work for things that I wanted but really didn't need...that doesn't mean I was deprived of anything. They taught me the satisfaction of really earning something. I didn't need to hear yes all the time to know they loved me, they showed me by being kind and supportive and by actually telling me how much they loved me...and now I love them even more for not spoiling me rotten as a child.

That's almost exactly how I was raised...

[adrienne]

Should I have mentioned that in my dad's old age (okay, not old....he's in his early forties) he's turned into a softie and has a harder time saying no to me? I was an only child until my brother was born when I was 13, and so as he saw what it was like to have a boy...and I got into my late teens...I guess he just appreciated me more and more. :angel I'm daddy's little girl more than I was when I was a little girl, lol.

[spurs=bling]

Should I have mentioned that in my dad's old age (okay, not old....he's in his early forties) he's turned into a softie and has a harder time saying no to me?



why can't my dad be a softie with me? i guess he has to get older than 40......















joking :lol

[ObiwanGinobili]

hell my dad just sucks.

his 3 fav things in the world:
1. drinking
2. feelign sorry for himself.
3. fighting with his kids liek they are his siblings and thus acting like more of a child then them.


but my mom is the bomb diggity. We affectionatly call her "drill sargent".

[spurs=bling]

hell my dad just sucks.

his 3 fav things in the world:
1. drinking
2. feelign sorry for himself.
3. fighting with his kids liek they are his siblings and thus acting like more of a child then them.


but my mom is the bomb diggity. We affectionatly call her "drill sargent".


lucky you , you still have your mom.

and we call our dad "drill sargent" :fro

i would list why but that would take me a thousand years

[HB22inSA]

Should I have mentioned that in my dad's old age (okay, not old....he's in his early forties) he's turned into a softie and has a harder time saying no to me? I was an only child until my brother was born when I was 13, and so as he saw what it was like to have a boy...and I got into my late teens...I guess he just appreciated me more and more. I'm daddy's little girl more than I was when I was a little girl, lol.
They all get soft with there little daughters eventually, especially after they leave the nest...err, the house.

:)

[Kori Ellis]

Though we don't have kids (yet), I'm all for saying "No" but I'm against spanking:tu

[spurs=bling]

Though we don't have kids (yet), I'm all for saying "No" but I'm against spanking:tu

well i hope you have kids soon.


i'm off for the day, going to talk to a cute guy i met today :angel

[jcrod]

Though we don't have kids (yet), I'm all for saying "No" but I'm against spanking:tu


:tu

Like I said I don't spank my kids and my daughter is the most behaved kid I've seen. My boy on the other hand, even at the young age of one, looks like he's going to be more than a hand full.

[ShoogarBear]

Though we don't have kids (yet), I'm all for saying "No" but I'm against spanking:tuYes, you'll just be banning them for a couple of days.

[ShoogarBear]

well i hope you have kids soon.


i'm off for the day, going to talk to a cute guy i met today :angelSpeaking for your dad, I hope there's no connection between those two statements.

[spurs=bling]

Speaking for your dad, I hope there's no connection between those two statements.
no, there is no connection

[BIG DADDY JOSH]

Obiwan......i agree with everyone on all sorts of levels but i think you missed the point of what those parents are doing with their children......it is risky because it is not the norm and it is FREAKIN hard to do..... but they are simply applying child guidance techniques on their children... granted it sounds messed at first sight AND it depends alot on how your children are......but they are teaching their children to communicate and problem solve.....you can't always not say "NO"...i think they were blowing smoke up your ass BUT....it is one parenting technique that is out there and when done properly...the results are awesome.....