Guide for The Hormone Hostage [Archive]

SpursWoman

02-15-2006, 01:14 PM

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his
own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
other:

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants (ie - fat pants :nerd )
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff...... ..And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

:lol

Slomo

02-15-2006, 01:18 PM

:lol @ ULTRASAFE option.

Peter

02-15-2006, 01:21 PM

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants (ie - fat pants :nerd )
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff...... ..And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

:lol

1a. Praise My Shit

1Parker1

02-15-2006, 01:22 PM

3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets

Very true!!!! I always end up craving Brownies....and then wondering why I feel so puffy :lol

SpursWoman

02-15-2006, 01:23 PM

1a. Praise My Shit

:lol :lol

Peter

02-15-2006, 01:37 PM

1aa. Pussy: Men Submit

ShoogarBear

02-15-2006, 01:50 PM

Please Makeyourself Scarce

desflood

02-15-2006, 02:22 PM

1. Pass My Shotgun
12. Pack My Stuff

I have hit both of those phases so far just today :lol

ObiwanGinobili

02-15-2006, 03:00 PM

hahah hah HAH!!

period free since July 2003 and counting.

hussker

02-15-2006, 05:04 PM

hahah hah HAH!!

period free since July 2003 and counting.

Congratulations

midgetonadonkey

02-15-2006, 05:07 PM

period free since July 2003 and counting.

Me too!!

SpursWoman

02-15-2006, 05:11 PM

hahah hah HAH!!

period free since July 2003 and counting.

And still got pregnant? I don't think I've heard of that ever happening before... :wtf

Shelly

02-15-2006, 05:33 PM

Ha! I haven't seen the PMS ones before!

Harry Whittington

02-15-2006, 05:45 PM

point
my
shotgun!!

2Blonde

02-15-2006, 06:34 PM

hahah hah HAH!!

period free since July 2003 and counting.

For me it's been since October 1999 !!! :hat
But that's because I had to have a hysterectomy. Still, it was the best thing I ever did. All the sex & none of the consequences. :spin

Oh, and ya'll forgot one....Put up with My Shit

HB22inSA

02-15-2006, 06:44 PM

But that's because I had to have a hysterectomy.
Yeah, my fiancee had a full one, and she's never felt better!! In fact, her "drive" actually increased, which is apparently not very normal, but great for me.

Anyway, I thought PMS was clinically proven to be a figment of a woman's hyperactive imagination, an excuse for being nasty, mean, hard to deal with, etc. on purpose and get away with it.

Only women who want to get PMS actually have it.

It's science.

hussker

02-15-2006, 07:43 PM

Mr. Blonde

02-15-2006, 07:45 PM

bleeding women are easy. don't listen to them, don't say anything, and throw a pint of haagendaas at them every so often.

spurs=bling

02-15-2006, 07:46 PM

hahah hah HAH!!

period free since July 2003 and counting.

Obi you are so lucky i can't go through the computer........

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome :angel

SpursWoman

02-15-2006, 07:47 PM

Anyway, I thought PMS was clinically proven to be a figment of a woman's hyperactive imagination, an excuse for being nasty, mean, hard to deal with, etc. on purpose and get away with it.

Only women who want to get PMS actually have it.

It's science.

Huh? Tell that to my fat jeans that aren't so fat for the exact same 3 days of every month. And a normal if not scarce appetite that somehow manages to become voracious for the 2 days after the exact 3 days of every month... No way that's just a coincidence ... :oops :depressed

Please find a link if you can ... I've never heard that before in my life from a source other than a man who blames his inability to pick up after himself on my hormones. Hormonal changes (sometimes severe) during a cycle a very well documented.

:fro

SpursWoman

02-15-2006, 07:49 PM

bleeding women are easy. don't listen to them, don't say anything, and throw a pint of haagendaas at them every so often.

Awesome. :tu :lol

hussker

02-15-2006, 07:49 PM

Huh? Tell that to my fat jeans that aren't so fat for the exact same 3 days of every month. And a normal if not scarce appetite that somehow manages to become voracious for the 2 days after the exact 3 days of every month... No way that's just a coincidence ... :oops :depressed

Please find a link if you can ... I've never heard that before in my life from a source other than a man who blames his inability to pick up after himself on my hormones. Hormonal changes (sometimes severe) during a cycle a very well documented.

:fro

YOU PREACH IT MAMA!

HB22inSA

02-15-2006, 07:51 PM

Please find a link if you can ... I've never heard that before in my life from a source other than a man who blames his inability to pick up after himself on my hormones. Hormonal changes (sometimes severe) during a cycle a very well documented.

SW, please, of course there is no link, I was being mildly sarcastic. :) As far as picking up for myself, I'm probably the cleanest man any of you will ever meet.

In all seriousness, the guys usually make "PMS" worse for their women because they don't really support or keep things civil. They pretty much figure, well, since she is going to be nasty, so will I, and that makes it tougher on the woman.

spurs=bling

02-15-2006, 07:57 PM

YOU PREACH IT MAMA!

you are starting to scare me Hussker

hussker

02-15-2006, 07:58 PM

you are starting to scare me Hussker

Hey, I have treated it a lot...well, not in the prison.

hussker

02-15-2006, 08:00 PM

SW, please, of course there is no link, I was being mildly sarcastic. :) As far as picking up for myself, I'm probably the cleanest man any of you will ever meet.

In all seriousness, the guys usually make "PMS" worse for their women because they don't really support or keep things civil. They pretty much figure, well, since she is going to be nasty, so will I, and that makes it tougher on the woman.

GOT YOUR @$$ BACKED INTO A CORNER HUH HB? HAHAHAHA

spurs=bling

02-15-2006, 08:03 PM

Hey, I have treated it a lot...well, not in the prison.

okay, but one it sucks to be in my family ( all of the family together) there is alot of women.

prison???

hussker

02-15-2006, 08:04 PM

okay, but one it sucks to be in my family ( all of the family together) there is alot of women.

prison???

I practice in a Prison for the State of Texas

spurs=bling

02-15-2006, 08:06 PM

I practice in a Prison for the State of Texas
ah, TDCJ

hussker

02-15-2006, 08:07 PM

ah, TDCJ

YOU GOT IT!

2Blonde

02-15-2006, 08:32 PM

Yeah, my fiancee had a full one, and she's never felt better!! In fact, her "drive" actually increased, which is apparently not very normal, but great for me.

I had the full one too. And as soon as we found the right combo of hormones, BINGO !!! :smokin Sex drive increased like crazy. It was great before the hysto...awesome after !!!

Hey OBI,
I could have sworn I remembered you saying that you started your period right before you went to pick up your husband from the airport when he came home from Japan after 3 weeks apart. Am I hallucinating?

hussker

02-15-2006, 08:37 PM

I had the full one too. And as soon as we found the right combo of hormones, BINGO !!! :smokin Sex drive increased like crazy. It was great before the hysto...awesome after !!!

YEP...all about hormones and the lack of Negative Feedback to turn them off...literally makes women water fountains! :)

Jekka

02-15-2006, 09:03 PM

Speaking of which, I'm dying over here - all of my usual cramp remedies are failing, including prescription ibuprofen.

But at least I've got cappuccino brownies in the oven :)

2Blonde

02-15-2006, 09:21 PM

Speaking of which, I'm dying over here - all of my usual cramp remedies are failing, including prescription ibuprofen.

But at least I've got cappuccino brownies in the oven :)
Those ought to do the trick. I always drank straight up leaded Coca-Cola. I'm generally a Diet Pepsi person but when I have a migraine or when I used to have cramps I had to switch to regular old Coca-Cola. Snickers bars always worked well too. :lol

Jekka

02-15-2006, 10:05 PM

Those ought to do the trick. I always drank straight up leaded Coca-Cola. I'm generally a Diet Pepsi person but when I have a migraine or when I used to have cramps I had to switch to regular old Coca-Cola. Snickers bars always worked well too. :lol

Man, these brownies are like a miracle of modern science - so much chocolate, and yet fat free ... I think the No Pudge Brownie Company was made for crampy women.

And you have to love a brownie box with a pig on the front :)

Sapphire

02-15-2006, 10:13 PM

Man, these brownies are like a miracle of modern science - so much chocolate, and yet fat free ... I think the No Pudge Brownie Company was made for crampy women.

And you have to love a brownie box with a pig on the front :)

Where did you get those? I've never heard of them, but they sound great!

Jekka

02-15-2006, 11:12 PM

Where did you get those? I've never heard of them, but they sound great!

I've gotten them at Central Market the last few years, but I've seen them at all HEBs the last year. They're super-easy, too - just mix the stuff in the box with 2/3 cup of fat free yogurt. I haven't tried the mint, but the regular, cappuccino, and raspberry mixes are all good. They also have a recipe on the side of the box so you can make individual servings in the microwave (talk about handy when stuck in a dorm room :lol)

ObiwanGinobili

02-15-2006, 11:26 PM

I had the full one too. And as soon as we found the right combo of hormones, BINGO !!! :smokin Sex drive increased like crazy. It was great before the hysto...awesome after !!!

Hey OBI,
I could have sworn I remembered you saying that you started your period right before you went to pick up your husband from the airport when he came home from Japan after 3 weeks apart. Am I hallucinating?

I was wrong.
it lasted like 6 hours.
then it was gone so I'm not counting it.

ObiwanGinobili

02-15-2006, 11:27 PM

And still got pregnant? I don't think I've heard of that ever happening before... :wtf

If I hadn;t gotton knocked up Feb 3rd or 4th or 5th ( not sure on date) I would've gotton a period 2 weeks later.
But I hit the "jackpot" 1st thing out the gate.

HB22inSA

02-15-2006, 11:34 PM

I had the full one too. And as soon as we found the right combo of hormones, BINGO !!! Sex drive increased like crazy. It was great before the hysto...awesome after !!!
Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I thought I was going to be entering the "dry" zone, and no sex for 6 months, and sex only twice a year.

But we actually went at it before the doctor cleared her, and since then, it's been water works city.

Almost like I got a new woman.

:smokin

Kori Ellis

02-16-2006, 03:13 AM

I've never had PMS.

I'm a bitch whenever I want to be. I don't let the calendar dictate it.

adrienne

02-16-2006, 06:29 AM

I don't necessarily get in a bad mood...but I seriously can not control my appetite. What is it about brownies? I have to admit there have been months that I made a pan...and didn't let anyone else touch it...yet they were still gone in a day or two. :angel

Is it normal for women to be horny during their periods too? Because that tends to happen sometimes...

SpursWoman

02-16-2006, 09:08 AM

Is it normal for women to be horny during their periods too? Because that tends to happen sometimes...

:tu

ShoogarBear

02-16-2006, 09:20 AM

:tu

Now can we get an answer from someone responding to this part of the question:

during their periods too?

Shelly

02-16-2006, 09:23 AM

I used to get terrible PMS. My husband must really love me to put up with me all these years. However, with the miracle of modern medicine in creating pills that are the same doasage all 3 weeks, it's pretty much non-existent now.

BUT...I do notice on my off week that I tend to get weepy. I need to remind myself not to watch Lifetime movies during that time.

Ginofan

02-16-2006, 09:28 AM

I've never had PMS.

I'm a bitch whenever I want to be. I don't let the calendar dictate it.

:lol

Jekka

02-16-2006, 09:43 AM

Is it normal for women to be horny during their periods too? Because that tends to happen sometimes...

Definitely - that's what shower sex is for :eyebrows

easjer

02-16-2006, 01:23 PM

I practice FAM (the Fertility Awareness Method of birth control -like Natural Family Planning, but allows barrier methods during fertile times), and it wasn't until I started charting a couple of years ago that I really was able to link things up. I never thought I suffered from PMS, but I really do. Every cycle, I have a really irritable day where the smallest things just outrage me (usually two days before my period). I get completely furious, angry and then turn into a weepy mess. I also have off and on depression starting half-way through my luteal phase (post ovulation phase), culminating in a weepy, clingy day where I need constant reassurance from my husband that he still loves me and thinks I'm sexy, and then the day before my period is usually pretty calm. I get the strongest cravings (for sugar and salt) when my period starts.

Every woman from my mom's side of the family has had a hysterectomy after getting 'stuck' in menopause. They start menopause, but never seem to break out of it, and they end up with really reall heavy periods that hormones can't control and eventually the docs advise a hysterectomy. So much to look forward to . . . sigh. That's when my mom went nuts, after her hysterectomy.