Parents especially: What would you do - report this to CPS?

[easjer]

Seriously. This is my friend in Indiana not sure what to do here. The whole thing seems really scary and wrong to me, mostly because it's done on a regular basis.

Basically my friend and her husband live in a small apartment complex (maybe 10 units?). They've become very friendly with the folks who live above their unit, which is a nice young couple with two kids, a one year old and a three year old. On occassion, my friend has watched the kids to help out. They are friendly, well behaved children. The wife works a second shift, and is away from home from 5 to 10, but the husband is home from work then.

Yesterday my friend got home from work at 8:00 to find their neighbor (the husband) drinking beer with her husband. When she arrived, the neighbor asked if she had plans for the evening, and if not, would she mind just running upstairs and watching TV up there, since the kids were alone. The neighbor had been downstairs already for half an hour. Having watched the kids before, my friend knows that the kids don't usually go to bed before 8:30. She is not certain, but she thinks they were still awake when the father was downstairs. Her husband was upset, not realizing that the kids were alone upstairs.

Anyway, this is not the first time something like this has happened. A few weeks ago, the father dropped by to see if they'd watch the kids while he ran to the store to get more diapers and some groceries. They couldn't because they were meeting someone and walking out the door. He said ok, but they found out later that he left anyway, just leaving the kids alone in the middle of the afternoon. Also, he never locks the door, so the kids were left in an open apartment. And there are a couple of other times this has happened.

Now on one hand, I could see, in an emergency, going downstairs after the kids were sound asleep. Even hanging out for a bit. But they can't hear anything from upstairs in their apartment, so it's not like the father would know if something was happening upstairs. But I really can't see consistently leaving the kids by themselves at that age, particularly when they are awake. There are so many things a toddler can get into and so many things that could happen (abductions, fire, etc). And the kids could wander outside (near a major highway) without anyone knowing since he leaves it open.

Anyway, she's uncomfortable, because they are friends with saying anything, but she's also worried that he's leaving the kids alone. She doesn't want to report them to CPS, because they generally take good care of their kids. What would you do?

PS - I told her to start telling lurid tales of fires, kidnappings, chokings etc that happened when the parents just stepped out for a moment in the hopes that he might find reason to be concerned. Nothing bad has happened yet, so he's going to continue doing it, we fear. Maybe if he saw some good reason not to leave the kids alone, he wouldn't.

[Mixability]

I'd flat out tell them that I was concerned about their childrens safety. Hopefully they'd get the point that if nothing is done, that I'd report it.

[SpursWoman]

No, I would not report them to CPS ... but if he were my husband I'd tell them he will watch them the right way or I'd find someone who would and he can pay for daycare himself. And I'm sure I could find numerous other ways to torture him until he complied also. :devil



PS - I told her to start telling lurid tales of fires, kidnappings, chokings etc that happened when the parents just stepped out for a moment in the hopes that he might find reason to be concerned. Nothing bad has happened yet, so he's going to continue doing it, we fear. Maybe if he saw some good reason not to leave the kids alone, he wouldn't.

That's good, too. :tu

[Old School Chic]

Just yesterday I went to lunch with a friend from work. As we parked we noticed 2 little girls playing with the CV radio from the 18 wheeler they were in. We thought it was odd since we thought those 2 little girls looked like they were supposed to be in school. We were looking around for the parents and we saw no one in sight. We walked in to the Pizza Hut and sat by the window facing the 18 wheeler. Well, 10 minutes later we saw a man walking to the truck with 2 bags from McDonalds. Obviously the fool did not fit in the parking lot @ McDonalds so he figured that parking 3 business's away would be fine. I wanted to call 911 so bad and report the situation, but my friend insisted that they would probably be gone by the time the cops got there... What I don't understand is, why in the heck did this dude not take the little girls with him.

[jcrod]

If they generally take good care of the kids, then no. If the husband is the only one doing it and not the mother, maybe she doesn't know. Myabe she should mention it to her, but if your friends don't have kids, most people will get mad.

[Vashner]

Take his ass out behind the woodshed and beat him senseless.

[easjer]

Yeah, my friend does not have kids, which also makes her hesitant to say anything, but she works with kids all day long and has so much training with kids, it's coming through. They are not allowed to leave kids alone for an instant in the museum (a children's museum - she runs the science exhibits and the planetarium), so if a parent steps away, they have to get security to find them while they stay with the child.

I'm sure her background plays into it.

[Darrin]

My mother would leave me at home when she went to get my brother from school and had fallen asleep. At times, I would wake up to find everyone out of the house, and start balling my eyes out (I was somewhere between 3 and 5). She's be gone no longer than 30-40 minutes.

Around the same time, my father would sometimes leave my brother and me (my brother was about 3 years older) and do the same thing to go get cigarettes at the local drugstore on the corner. He'd be gone no longer than 10-15 minutes.

Nothing ever happened - no fires or abductions. And it's not like we lived in the safest of neighborhoods.

My point is, get them to lock to the door, don't call CPS. If they are willing to do so, tell their friends to just knock on the door and keep an eye out for something happening. That's exactly what my parents did - we had this neighbor down the street who was always home, and would watch to make sure nothing happened - like us leaving the house to go in our backyard or someone coming up to the house.

As a 22-year-old with no kids, this sounds like much ado about nothing.

[jcrod]

If he goes down again, I would just say something like are you sure the kids are ok by themselves. Not mean, not questioning more like mentioning it.

Is the house or room he leaves them in child proof? That would be my main concern with leaving kids that young by themselves.

[Mixability]

My point is, get them to lock to the door, don't call CPS.

If the door is locked and someone hears the kids screaming from the inside, then what? Now we can call CPS/Police?

[mookie2001]

if anyone is ever unsure of anything
just NARC!
dont even consider anything else

havent you seen the commercials?

[easjer]

If the door is locked and someone hears the kids screaming from the inside, then what? Now we can call CPS/Police?


I will suggest these things to her. Thanks. Like I said, she likes these people and think generally that they care for their children well.

I was left alone a lot too, but from when I was 8 or 9. I can think of tons of things inside the house that a three year old could get into without thinking about it, or something entirely bizarre happening. I know that's what worries Gena.

For instance, something that happened in Indiana a couple of years ago - a young single mother needed formula and her infant and toddler were napping, so she locked them in the apartment and told the neighbor she was leaving briefly. She drove to a store five minute away and came back to the apartment on fire, because of a grease fire started in the apartment below hers. The toddler woke up, but could not reach the locks to unlock the door. Fortunately, the neighbor knew the kids were in there and the fire department was able to get them out without too much injury, but the toddler was frightened to death, and there was no way the infant could have gotten out on it's own.

That's nothing the mother did wrong, but like driving with your kids on your lap - it's frequently something some other idiot does that can harm them because of your negligance and reliance on it not being a big deal.

[midgetonadonkey]

I say kidnap the kids and sell them for a large profit.

[Mixability]

I will suggest these things to her. Thanks. Like I said, she likes these people and think generally that they care for their children well.


:tu

the locking them inside was a moronic suggestion. :lol

[2Blonde]

My point is, get them to lock to the door, don't call CPS. If they are willing to do so, tell their friends to just knock on the door and keep an eye out for something happening.
So when the apartment catches fire while he runs out to the store the kids burn up and can't get out?


Is the house or room he leaves them in child proof? That would be my main concern with leaving kids that young by themselves.
It's truly impossible to child proof an entire house which is why kids need an adult present. They can crawl on a counter and fall, turn on the stove, pull something heavy off on top of themselves, turn on the water and drown in two inches of water in the sink/tub or any one of a hundred things you can't protect from.

[2Blonde]

I agree with Spurswoman that reporting them is not the way to go yet. You didn't say if the mom knows what is going on. I would talk to her and I'll bet she tells her husband to get his act together because it sounds as if they do care for the kids but the dad is just being lazy. Sometimes parents just need a wake-up call and some parenting advice. If nothing changes then make the call but be sure to add that they do take very good care of the kids other than the occasional trip out of apartment. Maybe CPS could require them to take a parenting class.

[jcrod]

It's truly impossible to child proof an entire house which is why kids need an adult present. They can crawl on a counter and fall, turn on the stove, pull something heavy off on top of themselves, turn on the water and drown in two inches of water in the sink/tub or any one of a hundred things you can't protect from.

true, but you can avoid just about anything by child proofing. They sell stove protection turners, you can put things out of reach so it want fall on them and you can buy door knobs that you can lock the door from the outside. Theres tons of stuff you can do, but nothing is better than adult supervison of course.

[Mixability]

It's truly impossible to child proof an entire house which is why kids need an adult present.

:tu :tu :tu

My gf has a 9 month old. I swear, if I dared leaving him alone in an empty padded room, he'd STILL come out with a broken arm. :lol He gets into EVERYTHING!!!!

[Mixability]

true, but you can avoid just about anything by child proofing. They sell stove protection turners, you can put things out of reach so it want fall on them and you can buy door knobs that you can lock the door from the outside. Theres tons of stuff you can do, but nothing is better than adult supervison of course.

Trust me, alot of those "protectors" can easily be worked around.........by a 9 month old. :pctoss

I bought a spare electrical outlet, put those plugs in. I installed it in a 2x4, unpowered of course. He had the plugs out of the outlet and in his mouth in 5 min. :pctoss

[jcrod]

Trust me, alot of those "protectors" can easily be worked around.........by a 9 month old. :pctoss

I bought a spare electrical outlet, put those plugs in. I installed it in a 2x4, unpowered of course. He had the plugs out of the outlet and in his mouth in 5 min. :pctoss


:lol You my friend have it in for you. I have two kids, my daughter wasn't bad, but damn my boy gets into everything. We always double check the trash can because he's always throwing stuff in there.

[ObiwanGinobili]

I wouldn;t call CPS.
But i would definatly mention somethign to the mother. If the husband is goign to continue doing things like go downstairs to drink with his friend the very least they could do is buy a baby monitor. those things come in 5.8ghz now.


Side note: my ex-boyfriend was left alone at age 3 with his 6 year old sister while his mom went to go cash her check. This was in chicago in the early 80's. He was playing with matches (how cliche is that?) in the closet and lit the place on fire. he got out but his sister suffered 2nd adn 3rd degree burns on 60% of her body. She had died from a subsequent infection by time I met him. Also I met him in Connecticut where he, his mom and his older sisters had moved to to escape CPS 'harrasment'.

[Mixability]

:lol You my friend have it in for you. I have two kids, my daughter wasn't bad, but damn my boy gets into everything. We always double check the trash can because he's always throwing stuff in there.

he's already started walking too(i didn't think he would at only 9 months), which makes it 100000X more dangerous for him. Cause now that he can walk, he thinks he can run!

[ObiwanGinobili]

Trust me, alot of those "protectors" can easily be worked around.........by a 9 month old. :pctoss

I bought a spare electrical outlet, put those plugs in. I installed it in a 2x4, unpowered of course. He had the plugs out of the outlet and in his mouth in 5 min. :pctoss
yep.
those things are useless.
worst $2.99 I ever spent.

[Mixability]

yep.
those things are useless.
worst $2.99 I ever spent.

he's climbed baby gates too.

and figured out those cabinet locks.

I think Houdini has been reincarnated.

:depressed

[SpursWoman]

Just wait until he gets into your porn and your GF's locked box. :fro

[Darrin]

So when the apartment catches fire while he runs out to the store the kids burn up and can't get out?

I guess what I forgot to mention is that neighbor that knew we were alone also had a key to the house.

[Mixability]

I guess what I forgot to mention is that neighbor that knew we were alone also had a key to the house.

thats just creepy.

:lol

[Darrin]

thats just creepy.

:lol

There's not way to win this one, is there? :)

[Mixability]

There's not way to win this one, is there? :)

back in the day, it might've been cool.

but nowadays with sex offenders hiding out in every neighborhood. I wouldn't dare giving a key to a neighbor.

[Peter]

I know someone who was the recipient of a bogus "referral" to CPS out of retribution. The parents couldn't be around while the CPS worker interviewed the kids. Talk about some scary shit. Anyways, I guess the point is that going to CPS is pretty damn serious. Frankly, this doesn't sound like anything that should merit it.

[CosmicCowboy]

Sounds like the guy is basically a good parent but has a couple of faults. These can be easily overcome with proper conditioning.Tell your GF to ask him next time he comes downstairs for a beer if the kids are alone. If he says yes, your GF should immediately shoot him right in the nuts with a taser. After two or three times his Pavlovian conditioning should be complete and he will go drink someone elses beer when he ditches the kids.

[PM5K]

You should do something but I'm not sure CPS is the best answer, I'd use it as a last resort.

One and three is too young to be left alone to go somewhere. Now if he's just downstairs hanging out for a few minutes, and checks them every five to ten minutes I think that's fine, but to actually leave in his vehicle is just too much for kids that age, especially a one year old, I've found one can be more terrible than two, they get into everything and mess with everything....

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

When my wife was a little girl, around 7 y.o., and her brother was 9, her mom went on an out-of-state mini vacation for 2 1/2 days and left the kids at home completely alone.

Her mom was/is a bit of a nutcase.

[hussker]

1) What kind of beer does the dad drink?...JK

I would not report, but express concern. There are ways to do it and get the point across as many of the fine posters here have suggested. All you will do with the CPS issue is likely create a pissing contest. Do you want to be in a pissing contest with people who disregard their own children? Just a thought.

[ObiwanGinobili]

When my wife was a little girl, around 7 y.o., and her brother was 9, her mom went on an out-of-state mini vacation for 2 1/2 days and left the kids at home completely alone.

Her mom was/is a bit of a nutcase.


:lmao you avatar thief.