Would you leave your spouse if this happened to you?

[easjer]

If your spouse, upon learning that you might be expectingan unplanned baby, demanded a paternity test, because your spouse was 'careful' and 'took precautions'?

Note A: You have NEVER cheated on your spouse, EVER. Never flirted with anyone else, never met anyone for coffee, never dated anyone else. The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.

Note B: I swear to God, this is NOT me. SFIE and I are NOT expecting a baby, planned or otherwise.

[Oh, Gee!!]

Dump him, girl.

[Kori Ellis]

No, I wouldn't leave him for just questioning and wanting a paternity test. But obviously whoever this is needs to work on some trust issues in the relationship.

[Oh, Gee!!]

Take him for everything he's got, girlfriend.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

WHAT!?!?!

I was careful! We used protection! There's no way that baby is mine! You're getting a paternity test done, dammit!

[FromWayDowntown]

How about subtlely dropping some literature on the failure rates of condoms.

Sounds to me like the expecting daddy is a dolt if he thought he was completely insulated from fatherdom by a thin sheet of latex.

[lebomb]

Ok...Ok.....I admit it. She was coming on to me dude!!! I couldnt help myself. Her constant begging for it and just the way she was bouncing and moving sent me over the edge!!! :depressed

[Oh, Gee!!]

Take his ass to the attorney general, girl. Get you some child support.

[Mr. Peabody]

Take his ass to the attorney general, girl. Get you some child support.

What's 20% of nothing....?

[SpursWoman]

Sounds to me like the expecting daddy is a dolt if he thought he was completely insulated from fatherdom by a thin sheet of latex.


You'd think he'd be boasting about how strong his DNA is that no barrier can restrain it.

:makemyday




I don't think it's outrageous if he figured it couldn't be his because he wore protection. I've found there are quite a few men out there (and women, too) who are so ignorant of the entire reproductive process, I wouldn't be that surprised if he questioned her maternity.

:fro

[Taco]

WHAT!?!?!

I was careful! We used protection! There's no way that baby is mine! You're getting a paternity test done, dammit!

:lol

The answer is no for me

[Oh, Gee!!]

What's 20% of nothing....?


-20?

[CosmicCowboy]

I don't know about the baby issue but having to wear a raincoat with my spouse would be enough reason to consider divorce.

[Messican Lover]

Probably freaking out if its his first child. Men in general don't trust women give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Kumar]

If your spouse, upon learning that you might be expectingan unplanned baby, demanded a paternity test, because your spouse was 'careful' and 'took precautions'?

Note A: You have NEVER cheated on your spouse, EVER. Never flirted with anyone else, never met anyone for coffee, never dated anyone else. The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.


Just call the Maury show!!! Make a little vacation out of it.

[Hot Teen]

Murry Murry Murry.

YOU are



















































































































NOT THE FATHER!!!!!!!!

[Mr. Peabody]

-20?

You are obviously a product of the Texas public education system.

[Trainwreck2100]

-20?


:lol

God I hope you not serious

And congratulations to easjer and SFIE on their new arrival.

[easjer]

WHAT!?!?!

I was careful! We used protection! There's no way that baby is mine! You're getting a paternity test done, dammit!

:flipoff

[easjer]

NO, no new arrivals, Trainwreck. Maybe next summer, we'll start trying.

This question was posed on another board I frequent, probably because of a friend of a friend. I thought it interesting.

That would be one hell of a problem to overcome and a hell of a lot of counseling.

[Messican Lover]

NO, no new arrivals, Trainwreck. Maybe next summer, we'll start trying.

This question was posed on another board I frequent, probably because of a friend of a friend. I thought it interesting.

That would be one hell of a problem to overcome and a hell of a lot of counseling.quietly slowly stepping back from the screen.

[Oh, Gee!!]

You are obviously a product of the Texas public education system.


If my calculations are correct, she'll end up owing him money every month.

[Trainwreck2100]

NO, no new arrivals, Trainwreck. Maybe next summer, we'll start trying.

This question was posed on another board I frequent, probably because of a friend of a friend. I thought it interesting.

That would be one hell of a problem to overcome and a hell of a lot of counseling.


Suuuuure ;)

[SpursWoman]

Shit ... I keep trying to tell my ex-husband that they aren't his and he won't buy it. :( :lol

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Well, I would want to know a little more about the parties involved, I'd say leave the dude because that doesn't sound like a relationship that's going to make it.

[MannyIsGod]

Depends, did dude have a vasectomey? Was that his precaution? Cause if so he should just leave. :lol

[Summers]

I don't know about the baby issue but having to wear a raincoat with my spouse would be enough reason to consider divorce.

Funny, I was thinking the same thing.

[SpursWoman]

Depends, did dude have a vasectomey? Was that his precaution? Cause if so he should just leave. :lol


The failure rate of a vasectomy is 1-3 per 1,000. :spin

[ObiwanGinobili]

If your spouse, upon learning that you might be expectingan unplanned baby, demanded a paternity test, because your spouse was 'careful' and 'took precautions'?

Note A: You have NEVER cheated on your spouse, EVER. Never flirted with anyone else, never met anyone for coffee, never dated anyone else. The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.

Note B: I swear to God, this is NOT me. SFIE and I are NOT expecting a baby, planned or otherwise.


i don't thin kit would put him out the door, but it would definatly set his ass in a room at the hotel 8 for awhile. dumbass mofo. how dare he. i would never ever. fuckign numbnut. who does he think I am???

Serious issues behind a question like that. Definatly calls for a e-mail to Dr.Phil. If it was me .. prob. end up spending big $$ on marriage counseling.

[ObiwanGinobili]

Depends, did dude have a vasectomey? Was that his precaution? Cause if so he should just leave. :lol


The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.

[tlongII]

I think he should leave her.

[ShoogarBear]

Just to present another viewpoint: we're supposed to believe she could never have cheated on her husband just because she said so? How do we know he doesn't have a reasonable cause for suspicion?

[MannyIsGod]

Yeah, watch her get all high and mighty and then the kid come out a different race.

:lol

Ah, thank god for the people that make the Maury show keep going.

[Kori Ellis]

Just to present another viewpoint: we're supposed to believe she could never have cheated on her husband just because she said so? How do we know he doesn't have a reasonable cause for suspicion?

That's what I was thinking. Also, I don't know why the women here have the initial reaction of leave him, make him sleep in a hotel, etc. If he's a good husband, then obviously he just has some insecurities. Why wouldn't you want to just see where he's coming from and try to work it out? Weird that people would give up on their husband (or throw him out for a while) over this.

[T Park]

No, I wouldn't leave him for just questioning and wanting a paternity test. But obviously whoever this is needs to work on some trust issues in the relationship.

I agree with that.

[SpursWoman]

That's what I was thinking. Also, I don't know why the women here have the initial reaction of leave him, make him sleep in a hotel, etc. If he's a good husband, then obviously he just has some insecurities. Why wouldn't you want to just see where he's coming from and try to work it out? Weird that people would give up on their husband (or throw him out for a while) over this.


I'd assume it must be hard to be inferred as being a whore when you actually weren't this time. Dammit.

:drunk

[desflood]

I'd just quietly give him the paternity test - then when the results came back, I would make him SO sorry for doubting me for the rest of his pitiful life.

[easjer]

Shoogerbear, it was just posed as the question you saw here. No details, no mentions of a friend or anything. I know it wasn't the poster in the situation . . . so ?

If he does have reason to suppose she's cheating, then why not ask that, rather than insinuate he's cheating.

If he doesn't have reason to suppose that, and she has never cheated, how would you react? That's an awfully big set of insecurities that would seem to have been building all the time. I think any knee jerk reaction I have is that there is an immediate leap from 'may be pregnant without trying, hoping, or planning' to 'you must have cheated on me' - where is the in between? Where is the discussion of birth control failure? The immediate leap is to infedelity (proven because the guy wore a condom)? That is some major issues right there.

Maybe it is just insecurities, but doesn't that belie a deeper mistrust of the marriage and the woman? How do you recover from such a deep mistrust? I know it can be done, but I'm not surprised that some people would immediately think about leaving.

[Kori Ellis]

I know it can be done, but I'm not surprised that some people would immediately think about leaving.

I am surprised. It doesn't say much for a person's investment in their marriage if they immediately consider leaving just because of their spouse's questions or insecurities.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Easjer, PM me the approximate location of this woman and I'll check my travel records for the last few weeks in order to rule myself out as a possible suspect.

[T Park]

^^ :rollin

[easjer]

:lol


You have a point there, Kori. It's hard for me to judge, because I can't ever picture myself in this situation. Other situations, yes (not saying my marriage is perfect), but Jason goes out of his way (generally) to make sure not to hurt my feelings. So it's difficult to get a read on it.

On my other board (all women), it was split between kicking him out and maybe doing counseling before letting him back in, and just trying to work through it.

[Melmart1]

I'd just quietly give him the paternity test - then when the results came back, I would make him SO sorry for doubting me for the rest of his pitiful life.

:tu

[T Park]

I agree with Cosmic.

If your married, WTF is with having to continue with the raincoat?

Thats bs man.

[easjer]

Presumably, he did not want children, and like a responsible adult, was taking pains to ensure they did not happen.

Which, as has recently been discussed to death, is still not full protection unless it involves a vasectomy.

[Kori Ellis]

I agree with Cosmic.

If your married, WTF is with having to continue with the raincoat?

Thats bs man.

If you are trying to prevent pregnancy, some women don't like having to be on the pill and deal with its side effects and long term problems on your body.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

I agree with Cosmic.

If your married, WTF is with having to continue with the raincoat?

Thats bs man.

If the guy didn't want a kid he might do well to wear one. From what it sounds like the guy doesn't trust her to be faithful, so he probably doesn't trust her if she were to go on the pill.

[Kori Ellis]

If the guy didn't want a kid he might do well to wear one. From what it sounds like the guy doesn't trust her to be faithful, so he probably doesn't trust her if she were to go on the pill.

Or it could be just what I said.

I know a lot of married women who choose other forms of birth control other than the pill.

[CharlieMac]

Some of the people you think are the most trustworthy can be the sluttiest. Male and female. Kori had it right, that person probably shouldn't leave, but they should probably see someone about those trust issues.

[CosmicCowboy]

Presumably, he did not want children, and like a responsible adult, was taking pains to ensure they did not happen.

Which, as has recently been discussed to death, is still not full protection unless it involves a vasectomy.

ahhh...interesting perspective considering there are other alternatives the female can take that have a much higher success rate in pregnancy prevention.

[Slomo]

I'd just quietly give him the paternity test - then when the results came back, I would make him SO sorry for doubting me for the rest of his pitiful life.:lol

That's how these things usually play out in real life!

[Peter]

Sounds like dude needs to review his vows. You aren't single anymore.

[T Park]

interesting perspective considering there are other alternatives the female can take that have a much higher success rate in pregnancy prevention

Don't dare say that, you sexist. "toungeincheek"

[Melmart1]

ahhh...interesting perspective considering there are other alternatives the female can take that have a much higher success rate in pregnancy prevention.

First of all... there are other precautions a man can take, too.. why is it the female's burden only?

Second, the pill can have a terrible affect on a woman's body, especially long-term, and especially if she is a smoker. The pill is not always an option. Some women can never find one that suits their body. They can make you violently ill, gain weight, throw off your hormonal imablance, cause heart conditions, strokes... the list goes on and on. Just because it may work for you or your wife doesn't mean it works for everyone.

It really pains me how ignorant people can be about birth control. Not meant as a slap a CC, but at people in general.

[T Park]

why is it the female's burden only?

Don't believe anyone said it was.

[timvp]

I'd just quietly give him the paternity test - then when the results came back, I would make him SO sorry for doubting me for the rest of his pitiful life.

That is the most realistic female answer in this thread :lol

[timvp]

Oh and I don't blame the guy. You never know.

:smokin

[Kori Ellis]

What's funny is if the situation was reversed and men could get pregnant, and a husband came home and said he was pregnant and the wife had been using birth control, then all the women here would be screaming that he cheated on her. :lmao

But now that it's reverse and the man is questioning the women's infidelity, then the women are appalled at the question and want to leave him :lmao

[T Park]

Agreed.

Women's modern day hypocrisy reaches new heights every day.


Thats why Kori is one cool mofo, she is old school in the GOOD ways. :smokin

[easjer]

I still think there is a place in the middle to first question the efficacy of the birth control. It's that jump that bugs me. Condoms fail. 3% annually if used correctly, more if not used correctly.

Otherwise, your point is well taken.


And married or not, if you don't want kids, you should take the appropriate measures to prevent them. This has been hounded into the ground already, but it's true. Outside of hormonal birthcontrol and sterilization, condoms are the most efficacious bc available. Also one of the least expensive.

[Peter]

It doesn't strike me as a healthy situation if the first response is 'who have you been sleeping with?' instead of 'hey, we're pregnant.'

[T Park]

Peter and Kori are both right.

[Kori Ellis]

My point really in this whole thread is that easjer has only heard the female's version of the story. For all we know, the guy might have reason to doubt her, thus his initial reaction.

[CosmicCowboy]

First of all... there are other precautions a man can take, too.. why is it the female's burden only?

Second, the pill can have a terrible affect on a woman's body, especially long-term, and especially if she is a smoker. The pill is not always an option. Some women can never find one that suits their body. They can make you violently ill, gain weight, throw off your hormonal imablance, cause heart conditions, strokes... the list goes on and on. Just because it may work for you or your wife doesn't mean it works for everyone.

It really pains me how ignorant people can be about birth control. Not meant as a slap a CC, but at people in general.

No argument that some women have complictions with the pill. Trust me, I am not one of those "birth control is her responsibility" guys. At the same time, if "temporary" birth control is the goal for family planning purposes then there are a lot more effective products out there from the female side than there are the male side. Most couples figure this out.

[SpursWoman]

ahhh...interesting perspective considering there are other alternatives the female can take that have a much higher success rate in pregnancy prevention.

Hmmm.....here are 3 right off the top of my head that have a higher success rate:


1. birth control pills - nothing but hormones. Speaking personally...I've been on and off of those bastards for almost 20 years and have yet to find one that doesn't leave me nauseated all fucking day. Plus..I'll be 35 this year and I smoke, which means because I take the pill, I am a stroke waiting to happen. And you have to take it everyday, regardless of whether or not you're getting laid. Up until a few years ago it wasn't covered by insurance--so that was about $40/mo. I keep crackers in my desk drawer just like I used to do when I was pregnant.

2. IUD - can cause painful (cramping) periods, and non-stop spotting or bleeding. Not to mention they can damage the inside of the uterus. Sounds fun. :tu

3. tubal ligation - may also cause painful periods and cramping, a very invasive, expensive surgery. There is a 2% chance the woman will still become pregnant within 10 years of surgery, of which there is a high probability it will be an etopic pregnancy...which can be deadly. Great.




But don't mind me, though ... I'm still jealous because I can't pee standing up. :fro

[Melmart1]

No argument that some women have complictions with the pill. Trust me, I am not one of those "birth control is her responsibility" guys. At the same time, if "temporary" birth control is the goal for family planning purposes then there are a lot more effective products out there from the female side than there are the male side. Most couples figure this out.

yeah, most couples do. But forgive me for saying this only hearing one side... But this couple, BOTH of them... sound pretty DUH to me to begin with.

[Kori Ellis]

No argument that some women have complictions with the pill. Trust me, I am not one of those "birth control is her responsibility" guys. At the same time, if "temporary" birth control is the goal for family planning purposes then there are a lot more effective products out there from the female side than there are the male side. Most couples figure this out.

Effective, maybe but as Spurswoman so eloquently explained, not too great for the woman.

Probably if you are temporarily avoiding pregnancy in your marriage, avoid sex around ovulation and using condoms on the other days just to be sure is not a bad solution.

[ShoogarBear]

Shoogerbear, it was just posed as the question you saw here. No details, no mentions of a friend or anything. I know it wasn't the poster in the situation . . . so ?

If he does have reason to suppose she's cheating, then why not ask that, rather than insinuate he's cheating.

If he doesn't have reason to suppose that, and she has never cheated, how would you react? That's an awfully big set of insecurities that would seem to have been building all the time. I think any knee jerk reaction I have is that there is an immediate leap from 'may be pregnant without trying, hoping, or planning' to 'you must have cheated on me' - where is the in between? Where is the discussion of birth control failure? The immediate leap is to infedelity (proven because the guy wore a condom)? That is some major issues right there.

Maybe it is just insecurities, but doesn't that belie a deeper mistrust of the marriage and the woman? How do you recover from such a deep mistrust? I know it can be done, but I'm not surprised that some people would immediately think about leaving.

Given what you have stated , it does seem that he's being unreasonable. My problem is that the stated facts are so one-sided that they fall into "doth protest too much" territory.

The answer could be the guy's an asshole.
It could also be that he doesn't understand how a condom does/doesn't work.
And it could be that we don't have all the facts.

[easjer]

Edit: Never mind. Points already been made and my husband assures me that I will only make myself sound like a raging feminist if I continue. Since I live in perpetual dread of that occurrence, I delete my original statement.

And we are going home now. Night, folks! :spin

[CosmicCowboy]

Actually, condoms are the best 'temporary' measure availble, as they do not require a doctor's appointment, fitting, spermicidal jelly, can be bought anywhere, used or not used as choice requries, does not interfere with either partner's daily functioning, and are cheap, with the best success rate at preventing pregnancy outside of hormonal interference or sterilization.

hehehe...I should know better than to argue with a woman about birth control...

Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective..

[2Blonde]

hehehe...I should know better than to argue with a woman about birth control...

Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective..
Spoken like a man... :lol Been there done that. I took it years ago when I still had a uterus. I bled for 4 straight months without stopping while on that lovely shot. And it is still a hormone shot, just because the hormone in question isn't estrogen.

[easjer]

:lol

Sorry, I don't use any hormonal bc - it doesn't work for me. We use FAM (the fertility awareness method). But most of my friends are on the pill, and I've got a couple who used Depo (pre-kids) and really liked it a lot.

[Kori Ellis]

Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective..

I've known three people who tried it and they all bled for about 3 weeks out of the month. So I never considered it.

[mookie2001]

ehhh...

[pseudofan]

hehehe...I should know better than to argue with a woman about birth control...

Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective..


Ever tried a kick in the balls? It supposed to be less painfull each time you have it done. Aside from builiding up calluses from long term treatments it's supposed to be pretty trouble free and nearly 100% effective.


Chew on that... :princess

[ShoogarBear]

I'm surprised nobody has suggested asking Ray Allen what he uses.

[easjer]

:lmao

My husband says he uses the Vince Carter method.

[2Blonde]

Ever tried a kick in the balls? It supposed to be less painfull each time you have it done. Aside from builiding up calluses from long term treatments it's supposed to be pretty trouble free and nearly 100% effective.


Chew on that... :princess

I really like that suggestion !!! I think we have a winner !!! :lmao

[CosmicCowboy]

:lmao

OK guys...the jury is in. Freeze your sperm just in case and get a vasectomy. Make sure you use other birth control until you have your "after operation" sperm tested.

Which reminds me of one of the greatest practical jokes I have ever heard of. A friend of mine is a prominent urologist in SA and does a lot of vasectomies. He did one for a "friend of a friend" (another doctor' friend). Then did the follow up testing...no live sperm. Six months later the guy calls him and tells him his wife is pregnant. He comes in for a sperm test. He supplies a "hot" load for the test provided by the doctor friend. SHIT! LITTLE SPERMIES EVERYWHERE! My friend is freaking and visualizing his malpractice insurance raising this kid and putting him through Harvard. They let him flounder through all the apologies/options etc. till the other doctor comes crashing through the door about 20 minutes later laughing his ass off....

[SpursWoman]

hehehe...I should know better than to argue with a woman about birth control...

Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective..


You still have to make an appointment every 3 months and actually go to it, as if once a year isn't hard enough to remember. :oops :lol

Timing is a huge issue with those types of things, too, which in and of itself can make it really inconvenient, thus failure-prone.

[SpursWoman]

Ever tried a kick in the balls? It supposed to be less painfull each time you have it done. Aside from builiding up calluses from long term treatments it's supposed to be pretty trouble free and nearly 100% effective.


Chew on that... :princess


:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

[T Park]

Just because your man is a pain in the ass Pseudo, don't lump ALL men into it goddamnt. :lol

[CosmicCowboy]

damn...I throw in the towel with a total surrender and concession, try to add a little humor to the situation and...

They still want to kick me in the balls....*sigh*

:lmao

[ObiwanGinobili]

I've thought about this a bit more. mulled it over.

and yes. If was preggo again and we had used a condom and Emo immediatly assumed it wasn;t his and asked for the paternity test.

that would be the end of it right there.
I'm sorry it would be. I've been married 7 years and in that time i have never been alone with a man. Not in car for a ride, not in a home or apartment with male aquantiances. nothing. the same is true of Emo.
Also I would thin kthat after al lthis tiem my hubby would know my views about sex an intimacy.
we were both virgins when we got married. WE've always had the same views about casual sex and I thin ki've stated more than once that even tho Emo wants me to remarry in the case of his death I would find it very very hard to do that since it would involve sex & getting nekid.

so if after all this time and us basically feelign the same abotu this issue - if he asked me for a paternity test??? yes. that would most likely be the end or the begining of the end of our relationship. It would be evidence of a complete 180 on my hubby's part and a total scew of our littel world.... that a question like that would ever come into play.

[ShoogarBear]

Ever tried a kick in the balls? It supposed to be less painfull each time you have it done. Aside from builiding up calluses from long term treatments it's supposed to be pretty trouble free and nearly 100% effective.

It helps if said balls can be easily kicked with minimal leg elevation.

[ObiwanGinobili]

hehehe...I should know better than to argue with a woman about birth control...

Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective..


I had the Depo.
each shot is good for 3 months, I had 3 shots that 9 months on the Depo total.
I gained 50 lbs the 1st 3 months.
I bleed a period the whole 9 months.
I got pregnant the 7th month.
& I had a miscarriage.
:depressed.

[CosmicCowboy]

Emo is a good man. Most women that gained 50 pounds in three months wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant by their husbands.

Just kidding ObiG...

Now I am going to slither out of this thread before y'all women hang my nuts in your trophy room... :lol

[MannyIsGod]

Jesus Christ.

[ObiwanGinobili]

Emo is a good man. Most women that gained 50 pounds in three months wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant by their husbands.

Just kidding ObiG...

Now I am going to slither out of this thread before y'all women hang my nuts in your trophy room... :lol


:lmao :lmao

it was the 1st months of our marriage also.... :( I hate the Depo and I hope it dies.

[SpursWoman]

:lol :lol



And yet the number #1 excuse men use for not wanting to wear a condom is because it doesn't feeeeel quite as good. For the whole 4 minutes. Coming in a close second is the "what if it falls off?" excuse. Well, all I can say to that is if ya'll would quit buying them 2 sizes too big to impress the chick at the cash register, that wouldn't be an issue.

:lmao

I wouldn't dump or leave my significant other because he said something like that ... but knowing who I am I would certainly be hurt or at least seriously offended by it. That would seriously suck all of the excitement out of what should be a joyful thing...planned or not. And he would never forget it. :)

[JoeChalupa]

Unless he's sterile and shooting blanks there is always a chance his boys can swim to victory. If he's doubting then there is more there than just this issue.

[SequSpur]

damn...I throw in the towel with a total surrender and concession, try to add a little humor to the situation and...

They still want to kick me in the balls....*sigh*

:lmao
http://www.picpop.com/gallery/albums/userpics/Bandwagon/im_with_you_dawg.jpg

[Darrin]

If your spouse, upon learning that you might be expectingan unplanned baby, demanded a paternity test, because your spouse was 'careful' and 'took precautions'?

Note A: You have NEVER cheated on your spouse, EVER. Never flirted with anyone else, never met anyone for coffee, never dated anyone else. The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.

Note B: I swear to God, this is NOT me. SFIE and I are NOT expecting a baby, planned or otherwise.

In women X's position, I wouldn't leave over demanding a paternity test, but I would demand we go into couples therapy.

Why? Because if there's no cheating going on, either the husband doesn't trust his wife, or he doesn't want this baby and is looking for a way out of having either A) the baby or B) the responsibility for that baby.

It may signal he's been cheating or he's thinking about leaving the relationship. This is a very damaging acquistation because if I was a dick like this guy, the "paternity test" isn't the first conclusion I would jump to. I would ask Wife X if she was trying to get pregnant without my knowledge.

There's a member of my family who flew off the handle out when his wife told him she was pregnant because he had come to the conclusion he was gay, and this meant another 20 years in the marriage because there is another kid to take care of. He had already resolved to to leave her once the kids were grown up. Nice guy, huh? At least you're not related to him.

[Please_dont_ban_me]

Um, no.

If you don't have anything to hide, why not just take it? Don't give me that 'its the principle' shit. If you want to stay together, and if it is HIS baby, just take the damn test.




The End.

[Please_dont_ban_me]

In addition...


If you always put your wallet on the counter. Every day. Like clockwork. Then one day it's missing, but you're sure you put it there...and you were very careful...would you not confront your wife about it? It's not "trust" it's just common sense.



If you were careful, and shit happened...maybe it wasn't your penis, I mean fault.

[Old School Chic]

I had the Depo.
each shot is good for 3 months, I had 3 shots that 9 months on the Depo total.
I gained 50 lbs the 1st 3 months.
I bleed a period the whole 9 months.
I got pregnant the 7th month.
& I had a miscarriage.
:depressed.


:wow

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

:lol :lol



And yet the number #1 excuse men use for not wanting to wear a condom is because it doesn't feeeeel quite as good. For the whole 4 minutes. Coming in a close second is the "what if it falls off?" excuse. Well, all I can say to that is if ya'll would quit buying them 2 sizes too big to impress the chick at the cash register, that wouldn't be an issue.

:lmao



SW, I think you left the "0" out after that 4, honey.

[Johnny_Blaze_47]

SW, I think you left the "0" out after that 4, honey.

From what's going around on the forum, Copter, it's been more like Derek Fisher in 2004.

:lmao

[SpursWoman]

SW, I think you left the "0" out after that 4, honey.



:eyebrows :makeout :lol



Questioning I guess is one thing, as for asking for them to take an actual paternity test ... I really don't know how I would respond to that. Other than he'd better not ask when I any sharp, or dull for that matter, object in my hand or anywhere within reach. :flipoff :lol

[angel_luv]

If your spouse, upon learning that you might be expectingan unplanned baby, demanded a paternity test, because your spouse was 'careful' and 'took precautions'?

Note A: You have NEVER cheated on your spouse, EVER. Never flirted with anyone else, never met anyone for coffee, never dated anyone else. The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.

Note B: I swear to God, this is NOT me. SFIE and I are NOT expecting a baby, planned or otherwise.




If the man I loved did that to me I would be heartbroken.



:eyebrows :makeout :lol



Questioning I guess is one thing, as for asking for them to take an actual paternity test ... I really don't know how I would respond to that. Other than he'd better not ask when I any sharp, or dull for that matter, object in my hand or anywhere within reach. :flipoff :lol

High five, Sista! I'm with you! :)

[Carie]

Coming into this last as always.

"Any of y'all tried the Depo-Provera shot? It's supposed to have a lot less side effects since it doesn't have estrogen. Aside from bone density effects with long term use it is supposed to be pretty trouble free and almost 100% effective.."

Depo-Provera is of the devil. It's nasty nasty nasty stuff. I've been told (after the fact of course) by several endocrinologists and ob/gyns that if you have any, and I mean even a tiny, hormonal imbalance it will jack it the fuck up. What Obi said about the weight gain is so very common. And bleeding for months at a time is not out of the norm. I will discourage anyone who mentions their interest in it from taking it.

I'm not up on the latest birth control methods for women, but I will say that if they involve hormones in the slightest then there is a very big potential for problems. Potentially very bad problems. For us (husband and myself, not women in general), a condom was much simpler and involved no side effects. I'm not knocking guys for not wanting to wear one because of the sensation issue. I mean, I wouldn't want one on my tatas while they're being tended to.

As far as the original question, in my relationship that would be a big red flag. People are asking why are women's first reaction to dump him? Why was the man's first reaction to question her fidelity? That in and of itself is a huge, huge issue. Would I automatically leave my husband? No, not for any reason other than abuse. But we sure as hell would be in counseling pronto.

[pache100]

If your spouse, upon learning that you might be expectingan unplanned baby, demanded a paternity test, because your spouse was 'careful' and 'took precautions'?

Note A: You have NEVER cheated on your spouse, EVER. Never flirted with anyone else, never met anyone for coffee, never dated anyone else. The spouse's precautions consisted of a condom, not a vasectomy.

Note B: I swear to God, this is NOT me. SFIE and I are NOT expecting a baby, planned or otherwise.

I know a man who had a son by a woman he was not married to (he was married at the time). He'd been seeing this woman for years, they worked together. He broke it off with her because he was sure she'd cheated on him because 'HE HAD HAD A VASECTOMY'. She was devastated, because she knew the child was his. A few months after the baby was born he saw him and realized the baby looked exactly like his 24-yr old son. So, he asked for a paternity test and found out the baby was indeed his. He'd divorced in the interim, and the two of them are now married and have another child (never completely trust a vasectomy :blah sometimes they just don't work!). I suspect they will live happily ever after. I don't know if I could have just picked up where we left off if I were her, though.

[SpursWoman]

And the chances for failure are even higher for tubal ligations. I'm telling you ... the only thing that's 100% if you're still planning on having any kind of sex is a complete hysterectomy. :lol :cry

[pache100]

And the chances for failure are even higher for tubal ligations. I'm telling you ... the only thing that's 100% if you're still planning on having any kind of sex is a complete hysterectomy. :lol :cry

You know, that's the really weird thing. They had been trying to have another child since they married but had no luck (she did have one miscarriage). She decided she was tired of worrying about it and went in to get her tubes tied because she felt she was getting too old (she was 34). During the pre-op, when they ran the pregnancy test (as the do for all surgeries on women of child-bearing age), she found out she was pregnant! She still says (and their youngest child is 7 now), "Was this meant to be, or what?"

[Melmart1]

34 is too old? Ouchie! I better find myself a hubby soon!

[pache100]

34 is too old? Ouchie! I better find myself a hubby soon!

Well, she had some other health problems, too. She had a triple bypass this past fall at the ripe old age of 40. And she didn't even KNOW she had heart problems. She's always had migraines (that leave her vision blurred for a couple of days) and they thought a couple of times she might have had mild strokes. And, she's diabetic, too. So, it wasn't JUST her age.

[SpursWoman]

34 is too old? Ouchie! I better find myself a hubby soon!


I'm 34 ... and I can tell you, by already having 2 kids (9 & 10) ... I'm definitely too old. That's a challenge when you're in your early 20's...no way I'm changing diapers or having to stay up all night with a collic-y baby this *close* to 40. I'm pretty sure I'd die. :depressed :lol

Watching too much Discovery Health channel and seeing all of these babies born with the must crazy conditions imaginable (rare or not) can't possibly have helped, either...it got me too spooked. :oops :lol

[pache100]

I'm 34 ... and I can tell you, by already having 2 kids (9 & 10) ... I'm definitely too old. That's a challenge when you're in your early 20's...no way I'm changing diapers or having to stay up all night with a collic-y baby this *close* to 40. I'm pretty sure I'd die. :depressed :lol

Watching too much Discovery Health channel and seeing all of these babies born with the must crazy conditions imaginable (rare or not) can't possibly have helped, either...it got me too spooked. :oops :lol

My Mom had her last baby when she was 33. It wasn't planned, but it sure was wanted. But, in 1966, that was VERY rare, to be having a baby at that age; it's a lot more common now, and even older. It was her easiest pregnancy of the three, though. And it didn't hurt having a 14-yr old (ME!) to help out with the new baby and the 6 yr-old.

[easjer]

Heh. If things go as planned, our first will be when I am just at 28. Two years in between, ideally, puts me at 30 for the second. Four years in between, ideally, puts me at 34 for the third, and two years in between puts me at 36 for the last one.

I'm ok with that. But people can be cruel. One of my pregnant friends due this year is 40. She cries nearly everyday, because people feel it is their right to tell her how dangerous it is to be carrying a child and all the risks of birth defects that go up after 35, and on and on and on. All she wanted was a child with her new husband, the experience of having kids with a man who loves and supports you. They were excited about the baby - they'd tried for almost two years to get pregnant. Now all they hear about is how BAD it is to have kids at that age.

Why does pregnancy entitle people to behave outside common decency? Telling pregnant women horror stories about miscarriages, birth defects, difficult labor and deliveries, horror stories about pain and problems with pain medication? Dissecting their choices of hospitals, doctors, delivery methods, diet, choice to know or not know the gender of the child? Going up to them and touching them without any permission? I just don't get it. As much as we want kids and I am looking forward to it, I am not looking forward to the above.

[Kori Ellis]

34 isn't too old. I'm 38 and planning to have more than one baby. Easjer tell your friend to read up on how many successful pregnancies there are after 40 these days. It's sad that people are making her feel bad and worried.

[SpursWoman]

It is for me because I have 2 older ones. I'm too road-weary already. :fro

[pache100]

34 isn't too old. I'm 38 and planning to have more than one baby. Easjer tell your friend to read up on how many successful pregnancies there are after 40 these days. It's sad that people are making her feel bad and worried.

I agree. There was a girl that I knew in same grade I was in school when my Mom was pregnant with my sister whose mom was also pregnant. That girl was so ashamed of her mom (both her parents, really), and she was so mean to them and made jokes about it all the time. I was PROUD of my Mom and soooo excited about the baby. My sister developed spinal menengitis when she was 2 days old and didn't come home from the hospital until she was 6 weeks old. We were all terrified she wouldn't make it, and I was old enough to really understand what was going on. When she did come home, I LOVED helping to take care of her and taking care of my brother when needed.

I hate it when people ask "When are you going to have a baby?" when people don't have them; maybe they (like me) didn't want children. And I hate it when people carry on when someone over 21 has a baby. What the hell is their problem? If they are healthy, able, and want a baby whatever their age - I say go for it!

[Melmart1]

I hate it when people ask "When are you going to have a baby?" when people don't have them; maybe they (like me) didn't want children. And I hate it when people carry on when someone over 21 has a baby. What the hell is their problem? If they are healthy, able, and want a baby whatever their age - I say go for it!

I am only 29, but I am the oldest. Two out of three of my younger siblings both already have two kids a piece. So naturally, everyone wonders when I am going to have them. They pester and badger and make me feel worthless because I have not gotten married or had children. Being from an old-school Mexican family, my aunts have said I should either join the convent or move to Mexico and be a rich couple's nanny. Ouchie! I don't think they realize that I am the 3rd generation of Americans (half my family still lives in Mexico). That shit don't fly here. THe badgering gets old QUICK!!

People need to learn to mind their own business!!!
Ok, vent over :)

[Darrin]

My mom was 31-years-old when she had her first baby, and 34 when I was born. All of her brothers and sisters (the 3rd of 8 kids) had already had children when she had her first.

[CosmicCowboy]

I can't imagine being 55-60 and dealing with teenagers. Those babies may be cute and adorable when you are 40 but....*shiver*.....noooooooo thank you!

[ShoogarBear]

I'm too road-weary already. :fro
Are we still talking about having babies?

[boutons_]

Estimates are that up to 10% of kids aren't the children of the man married to the mother. If DNA testing were cheap enough, the 10% number could be confirmed/denied.

The 10% estimate comes from the record of men in child support cases who run paternity tests to get out of child support to women who are their wives (or not), and do find that "his" child is really not HIS child.

Apart from the $$$ of the paternity test, the unfaithful women have a huge advantage because:

1) most decent men love "their" unknown "love child" anyway and/or

2) love their wives and don't want to open that Pandora's box.


Women in peak fertiliy days want to get fucked, and women in peak fertility who aren't completely happy with their man are more ready to get it elsewhere. Not every time, perhaps not 10%, but apparently much more frequently than is generally known.

[SpursWoman]

Women in peak fertiliy days want to get fucked, and women in peak fertility who aren't completely happy with their man are more ready to get it elsewhere.


And men want to get fucked all of the time, and men who aren't completely happy with their woman are more ready to go elsewhere. There are actually quite a significant percentage who do this, apparently. :fro

[SpursWoman]

Are we still talking about having babies?



More or less. :drunk

[pache100]

I can't imagine being 55-60 and dealing with teenagers. Those babies may be cute and adorable when you are 40 but....*shiver*.....noooooooo thank you!

Well, as I said in an earlier post, my Mom was 33 when my sister was born and my Dad was 35. In 1966, that was considered ancient to be having kids. But, I can tell you one thing...that girl kept my parents young. They did stuff with her that they couldn't afford to do with my brother and me. My Dad coached her t-ball and softball teams; they went to high school football games long after my brother graduated (he played) because she was in the band; they traveled all over the southwest because she ran summer track for about 5 years. Some of those road trips were priceless. My Dad would have been a hermit long before he actually became one if not for following that little girl around. She really kept them young.

[ObiwanGinobili]

It's funny how so many people have commented on a general attitiude of what age is too old ot have kids.... even mentioning the early 30's as an age where others have made stu[pid comments.
I'm sure thats true, I'm sure plenty of peopel have said stupid shit about someone having kids at 35, 38 .. even 32.

But it's the complete opposite of my experiance. :lol EVERYONE made a big deal about me having kids. My 1st was born when I was 24 (I was 23 for most of the pregnancy).
I can't tell oyu how many times people told me thats too young, or don;t you want to do somethign with your life 1st, or you havn't had enough life experiance yet to raise a kid, or it;s bad enough you got married so young (I was 18.... so that means I was married for 5 years when Isabella was born.. not exactly a n00b) now you want to bring kids into it, my persoanl fav.. Can't you wait untill you've settled down 1st.

wtf?????

I've come to the conclusion that the general public feels the need to make disparaging remarks about pregnancy no matter what. If your young or older, have alot of kids or none, married or not, overweight, etc etc etc... they will find something to say about your pregnancy.
Fuck the public. I've had it up to here with them.

__________________________________________________ ____

Also.
If someone is ahving kids at 35 or older. Fine by me. I don;t thin kthe 60+ yr olds should be having all that invetro but thats a differnet subject.
Personally I wanted to have my kids early.. before my 30's. Both my mother and father were "change of life" babies and all of my grandparents and step grandparents (expcet one who is estranged) are dead. they wer edead beofre I turned 11 and before my brother was born. So I really wanted my kids to have the best chance at a relationship with thier grandparents as possible.
Also my mom has 4 kids .. the 3 born in her 20's are very healthy. But my younger brother born when she was 38 has several health problems. Epiliepsy, dyslexia, colorblind, deaf in one ear with 50% hearing in the other. Sure it could be just a coincidence.. probably is... but it;s also somethign I took into consideration when decided to have children.

[SpursWoman]

On another note ... my kids are dying for me to have another baby. They brought it up again this morning on the way to daycare. But even away from the age thing ... it'd be really difficult for me to even consider it without my mom around anymore. :depressed

[pache100]

Fuck the public. I've had it up to here with them.

:tu


Both my mother and father were "change of life" babies and all of my grandparents and step grandparents (expcet one who is estranged) are dead. they wer edead beofre I turned 11 and before my brother was born. So I really wanted my kids to have the best chance at a relationship with thier grandparents as possible.

That is the one really sad thing about my sister being so much younger. Both my brother and I (me more so than him) remember so many family times that she has no clue about. We have cousin and aunt-and-uncle stories galore; he and I had so much fun and so many adventures when we were kids. She doesn't remember any of it. I even spent quite a bit of time with my great-grandparents (my Mom's grandparents); my great-grandfather didn't die until I was 13! My cousins and I had so many great adventures with the two of them. All of our grandparents were dead when my sister was really young. She did have one glorious year with my Dad's father; he had a heart-attack, and back then, that put you out of commission for a long time, not like now. She was 1 yr old when it happened. They spent every waking minute together, were just inseperable. My Grandaddy "read" her hundreds of books (my Mom finally told us about 10 years ago that Grandaddy could not read...he memorized all those books, or just made stuff up!). Problem is, she doesn't remember it, she was too young. I can see that when we tell stories about our camping and fishing trips with cousins and aunts and uncles, and hunting "poke salit" with my great-grandparents, she wishes she could have known some of those things.

[Carie]

I hate it when people ask "When are you going to have a baby?" when people don't have them; maybe they (like me) didn't want children. And I hate it when people carry on when someone over 21 has a baby. What the hell is their problem? If they are healthy, able, and want a baby whatever their age - I say go for it!
The next person that asks me that dies a slow miserable death. We've been married for 10 years (married when I was 22). Until recently, our family and friends were great about leaving us alone, but the people we work with and meet socially? ARGH. They are so annoying!

Now, apparently, my MIL is ready for us to have kids. I've explained my fertility related health problems to her, but she still asks and hints. We were at a baby shower about a month ago and she mentioned it at least 5 times. Hello, what part of my fertility problems explanation did she not get? Does she think it makes me feel better by asking? Summers had a great idea, I'm going to have a shirt made that says "WE'RE WORKING ON IT" and wear it whenever we're around her.