mcornelio
04-21-2006, 11:58 AM
Why the NBA is worth watching again
Randy Hill / Special to FOXSports.com
In a moment, you will be accosted by the urge to roll your eyes.
There are at least two reasons why you should avoid such a maneuver:
Unless you're using a surface that's soft and unusually clean, rolling your eyes always is a bad idea.
What I'm about to declare just may be true.
OK, here's my big announcement (if you have the drum-roll option on your computer, use it now):
The NBA is close to becoming fantastic, again.
Sure, I'm aware of the obvious reasons to reject this notion.
Let's begin with the New York Knicks, who are sufficiently horrible to burden first-year coach Larry Brown with an acid reflux condition. But I worry that Knicks president Isiah Thomas could be in for an even trickier gastronomic crisis if he attempts to eat Stephon Marbury's contract.
The NBA also must reconcile the issue of tights being worn by one of its two leading MVP candidates. When Michael Jordan began filming commercials on behalf of Hanes, we had little idea it would come to this.
Anyway, those issues notwithstanding, the NBA really is coming around. So, with the playoffs now within sniffing distance, I've listed a few reasons why the league is much better than a lot of you alleged basketball purists may want to believe:
The San Antonio Spurs
It's true — the possibility of seeing the point guard's girlfriend is the most exciting element attached to a Spurs game.
But — much like Eva Longoria's Desperate Housewives character — the Spurs are dangerous playing fast or slow.
The chance to see Eva Longoria courtside may be the most exciting aspect of a Spurs game ... but it isn't the only one. (Eric Gay / Associated Press)
If you prefer a quick tempo, Longoria's guy (Tony Parker) will team up with Manu Ginobili to run the ball down your throat. If the pace is a bit slower, the Spurs can throw the ball into Tim Duncan; the opposition then must decide between the poisons of single coverage and open 3-pointers out of double teams.
By the way, the Spurs also play great defense.
The Detroit Pistons
Now that Brown is in New York, the Pistons — who were playing good defense before Larry showed up in Motown — are playing very well on offense.
They also honor purist sensibilities by thriving without suiting up a dominant star.
The Phoenix Suns
If you prefer a ridiculously fast tempo, this is your team. For the record, the Suns have achieved the Western Conference's second seed while playing without superstar big man Amare Stoudemire.
They continue to be even scarier in transition than your mother-in-law's makeup kit.
For the sake of full disclosure, we must point out that the Phoenix defense still can be as toothless as Steve Nash's comb.
LeBron James
He has the size, strength and athleticism of a cartoon character.
According to Akron insiders, LeBron has been on the radar for greatness since he bypassed the tricycle and went right to a two-wheeler.
Announcers
You will not hear Dick Vitale or Billy Packer during an NBA telecast. But you may hear Bill Walton (preceded by Stephen A. Smith), so this one's a push.
Mrs. Andrei Kirilenko
The former Russian pop star allows her hubby — the best player currently employed by the Utah Jazz — to take a road-trip lover for one night per season. We're just wondering if Andrei would be allowed an infidelity bonus if the Jazz made the playoffs.
Player development
You may disagree, but I believe Dwight Howard showed more improvement last season as an Orlando Magic freshman than Josh McRoberts did at Duke this year.
Dwight Howard
The kid looks good enough to take some of the pressure away from Darko Milicic.
Best-of-seven
The NBA's playoff format almost guarantees that the best team from each conference will survive to provide us with a compelling final.
Even though I love college basketball, the one-and-done variable of March Madness left us with a dull championship game.
Chris Paul
The Oklahoma City-New Orleans rookie point guard is considered by many to be the second coming of Isiah Thomas.
Let's just hope he doesn't go into coaching or team management.
L.A. Clippers
Sam Cassell continues to crave that precious ring, but Elton Brand is much easier to follow than Frodo.
Avery Johnson
Thanks to a voice seemingly assisted by the intake of helium, Avery has been able to drown out Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. More important, Johnson has convinced the Mavericks that defense is the way to win in May.
Before Avery arrived in Little D, the Mavs were incapable of keeping a Kia under 100.
No zone offense required
Commissioner David Stern allowed the zone defense to return a few years ago, but passing and shooting skills have limited its use.
In the college game, the disturbingly close 3-point line encourages teams to attack zones by shooting over them. The proper way to gut a zone is to flash a player into the middle (near the foul line) and pass him the ball, but we don't see enough of that.
The NBA's lack of zone usage preempts the chore of watching inappropriate zone offense.
Kobe Bryant
While wearing those stylish tights, Kobe has dragged a rag-tag L.A. Lakers team into the Western Conference playoffs.
Think of him as a magician working with scab rabbits.
Ron Artest in Sacramento
It's difficult to establish street cred when some of the streets have cattle guards. With Artest on board, the Kings now offer more than cow bells to stop opposing stars.
Venues
A football stadium will not be the site of an NBA Finals series.
European influence
While European players often sabotage the concept of team defense, they do provide an upgrade in shooting skill.
In summation, the early returns have been favorable, but we'll draw the line at armpit hair on a Laker Girl.
Randy Hill is a frequent contributor to FOXSports.com.
Randy Hill / Special to FOXSports.com
In a moment, you will be accosted by the urge to roll your eyes.
There are at least two reasons why you should avoid such a maneuver:
Unless you're using a surface that's soft and unusually clean, rolling your eyes always is a bad idea.
What I'm about to declare just may be true.
OK, here's my big announcement (if you have the drum-roll option on your computer, use it now):
The NBA is close to becoming fantastic, again.
Sure, I'm aware of the obvious reasons to reject this notion.
Let's begin with the New York Knicks, who are sufficiently horrible to burden first-year coach Larry Brown with an acid reflux condition. But I worry that Knicks president Isiah Thomas could be in for an even trickier gastronomic crisis if he attempts to eat Stephon Marbury's contract.
The NBA also must reconcile the issue of tights being worn by one of its two leading MVP candidates. When Michael Jordan began filming commercials on behalf of Hanes, we had little idea it would come to this.
Anyway, those issues notwithstanding, the NBA really is coming around. So, with the playoffs now within sniffing distance, I've listed a few reasons why the league is much better than a lot of you alleged basketball purists may want to believe:
The San Antonio Spurs
It's true — the possibility of seeing the point guard's girlfriend is the most exciting element attached to a Spurs game.
But — much like Eva Longoria's Desperate Housewives character — the Spurs are dangerous playing fast or slow.
The chance to see Eva Longoria courtside may be the most exciting aspect of a Spurs game ... but it isn't the only one. (Eric Gay / Associated Press)
If you prefer a quick tempo, Longoria's guy (Tony Parker) will team up with Manu Ginobili to run the ball down your throat. If the pace is a bit slower, the Spurs can throw the ball into Tim Duncan; the opposition then must decide between the poisons of single coverage and open 3-pointers out of double teams.
By the way, the Spurs also play great defense.
The Detroit Pistons
Now that Brown is in New York, the Pistons — who were playing good defense before Larry showed up in Motown — are playing very well on offense.
They also honor purist sensibilities by thriving without suiting up a dominant star.
The Phoenix Suns
If you prefer a ridiculously fast tempo, this is your team. For the record, the Suns have achieved the Western Conference's second seed while playing without superstar big man Amare Stoudemire.
They continue to be even scarier in transition than your mother-in-law's makeup kit.
For the sake of full disclosure, we must point out that the Phoenix defense still can be as toothless as Steve Nash's comb.
LeBron James
He has the size, strength and athleticism of a cartoon character.
According to Akron insiders, LeBron has been on the radar for greatness since he bypassed the tricycle and went right to a two-wheeler.
Announcers
You will not hear Dick Vitale or Billy Packer during an NBA telecast. But you may hear Bill Walton (preceded by Stephen A. Smith), so this one's a push.
Mrs. Andrei Kirilenko
The former Russian pop star allows her hubby — the best player currently employed by the Utah Jazz — to take a road-trip lover for one night per season. We're just wondering if Andrei would be allowed an infidelity bonus if the Jazz made the playoffs.
Player development
You may disagree, but I believe Dwight Howard showed more improvement last season as an Orlando Magic freshman than Josh McRoberts did at Duke this year.
Dwight Howard
The kid looks good enough to take some of the pressure away from Darko Milicic.
Best-of-seven
The NBA's playoff format almost guarantees that the best team from each conference will survive to provide us with a compelling final.
Even though I love college basketball, the one-and-done variable of March Madness left us with a dull championship game.
Chris Paul
The Oklahoma City-New Orleans rookie point guard is considered by many to be the second coming of Isiah Thomas.
Let's just hope he doesn't go into coaching or team management.
L.A. Clippers
Sam Cassell continues to crave that precious ring, but Elton Brand is much easier to follow than Frodo.
Avery Johnson
Thanks to a voice seemingly assisted by the intake of helium, Avery has been able to drown out Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. More important, Johnson has convinced the Mavericks that defense is the way to win in May.
Before Avery arrived in Little D, the Mavs were incapable of keeping a Kia under 100.
No zone offense required
Commissioner David Stern allowed the zone defense to return a few years ago, but passing and shooting skills have limited its use.
In the college game, the disturbingly close 3-point line encourages teams to attack zones by shooting over them. The proper way to gut a zone is to flash a player into the middle (near the foul line) and pass him the ball, but we don't see enough of that.
The NBA's lack of zone usage preempts the chore of watching inappropriate zone offense.
Kobe Bryant
While wearing those stylish tights, Kobe has dragged a rag-tag L.A. Lakers team into the Western Conference playoffs.
Think of him as a magician working with scab rabbits.
Ron Artest in Sacramento
It's difficult to establish street cred when some of the streets have cattle guards. With Artest on board, the Kings now offer more than cow bells to stop opposing stars.
Venues
A football stadium will not be the site of an NBA Finals series.
European influence
While European players often sabotage the concept of team defense, they do provide an upgrade in shooting skill.
In summation, the early returns have been favorable, but we'll draw the line at armpit hair on a Laker Girl.
Randy Hill is a frequent contributor to FOXSports.com.