Tuesday quickies

[Ocotillo]

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.-- Steven Wright


“While in the United States, the President of China plans to make the rounds of Wal-Mart stores doing inventory.”-- Jay Leno


"President Bush creating thousands of new jobs. The bad news, they're all in the White House. As you know, staff members have been leaving the White House in droves. Today, press secretary Scott McClellan stepped down. He said he wanted to spend more time lying to his family." --Jay Leno

If we were all smart, we would hire whoever builds Waffle Houses to build everything. They seem to be the only buildings left standing after hurricanes. - Zing!


"America is great because she is good. If America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great." -- Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1859)


Peace

[ObiwanGinobili]

“While in the United States, the President of China plans to make the rounds of Wal-Mart stores doing inventory.”-- Jay Leno

:lmao :lmao

[Ocotillo]

Being a real cowboy, George Bush decides to go horseback riding.. He mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but W begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, he grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. He tries to throw his arms around the horse's neck, but he slides down the horse's side. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up his frail grip, W attempts to leap away from the horse and throw himself to safety.

Unfortunately, his foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and is at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as his head strikes the ground over and over. As his head is battered, he is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to his great fortune........

Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees his dilemma and unplugs the horse.



Also

Police Arrest Nude Man Stuck in Chimney (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060425/ap_on_fe_st/naked_man_chimney;_ylt=Akkx8YSPtJ4p_oGeq1Bujf7tiBI F;_ylu=X3oDMTA5aHJvMDdwBHNlYwN5bmNhdA--)

HAYWARD, Calif. - A man who spent five hours naked and stuck in the chimney of his stepmother's home was arrested on suspicion of being under the influence of drugs, police said.

Police say Michael Urbano, 23, locked himself out of the house early Saturday morning and decided to get in on a cable TV wire through the chimney.

But the wire broke and Urbano fell, getting stuck about three-quarters of the way down. He was freed when a firefighter pushed him to safety.

"We get him up, and he's naked as a jaybird," said Hayward police Lt. Gary Branson. "He tells us he took his clothes off because there would be less friction going down the chute. We did find his clothes. So that part checked out."

Authorities were called about 6:15 a.m. Saturday. A neighbor heard "faint, distressing" calls since about 2:30 a.m. and decided to call police.

Police say it probably wasn't a comfortable few hours for Urbano.

"He's not fat," Branson said, "but he used to play football. He's not that little."