Shelly
10-05-2004, 08:27 PM
Ouch! :lol
Link (http://www.suntimes.com/output/roeper/cst-nws-roep30.html#)
Young, untalented celebs coming out of woodwork
September 30, 2004
BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
Pass by any newsstand this week and you'll see more cover photos of newlyweds Britney Spears and Kevin Federline than presidential combatants George Bush and John Kerry.
Check out that classy photo album from the big day! Isn't that a beautiful ring Britney bought for herself? How about that wacky prenup? And can we crown Spears and Federline as the new King and Queen of White Trash America?
You betcha.
While we count the days until Federline and Spears announce a trial separation, I'd like to steer your attention to the New York Times list of the top-selling non-fiction books in the country.
At No. 7, just behind books about Kerry and Bush and books by Tommy Franks and Bill Clinton, we find Confessions of an Heiress by Paris Hilton.
People are actually buying this book. They're paying $22 to read Ms. Hilton's astonishingly dull-witted take on life, and to look at literally hundreds of glossy color photographs of Paris doing that same sleepy-eyed, tilted-head, brain-dozing pose of hers in one sleazy outfit after another.
Born with all the economic advantages and educational opportunities imaginable, this woman sounds like she's 11 years old. Some actual quotes from the book:
"I love yellow. It's sunny and happy and cheers me up."
"I'm nice to everyone. . . . I'll talk to everybody, even if they're boring."
"Maine: I went there once. Good lobster, but there's nothing to do."
"Never call a guy first. Wait till he calls you. Once he's your boyfriend, then you can call him."
Did I mention there were lots of pictures? In color?
A bimbo eruption
This is shaping up to be the Year of the Celebrity Nymphet. Granted, there's nothing new about socialites, heiresses, party girls and marginally talented singers and actresses who become famous mostly for being famous -- but I can't recall when there have been so many happy-vapid babes vying for the spotlight.
They're young and they're cute, and they're amazingly unaware of the outside world. They spend their days shopping and lunching and sunbathing topless, and they spend their nights at clubs and private parties. They're always, always talking on their cell phones. And they wear red-string Kabbalah bracelets, because, like, it shows how, like, spiritual they are.
There's Lindsay Lohan, who just a few short years ago was starring in "The Parent Trap." Now Lohan's a freshly minted 18, and she's busy clubbing, chain-smoking, feuding with Hilary Duff, hooking up with her boyfriend -- Wilmer Valderrama, the 24-year-old fifth banana on "That 70s Show" -- and denying rumors that her breasts have been surgically enhanced. It's a wonder the girl has time to make movies!
There's Christina Aguilera, a pretty good singer who often looks like she's posing for Skank Monthly. Aguilera, who's been pierced more frequently than a porn star at a biker rally, now says she's going minimalist -- keeping just one special piercing.
There's the little Hilton knockoff sister, Nicky, 20, who married her 33-year-old boyfriend in Vegas. Big sister Paris and fellow party girl Bijou Phillips were in attendance at the classy affair.
There's Nicole Richie, she of the pierced nippled ring that triggers metal detectors everywhere.
Why, there's even Barbara and Jenna Bush -- fine and decent young women, to be sure, but also way more into the party scene than, say, Chelsea Clinton.
There's Jessica Simpson, with her giant blond head and her giant bronze chest and her giant capacity for playing the ditz.
There's the rapidly aging Tara Reid, who looks like the third runner-up in the 1997 Miss Hawaiian Tropic Pageant.
There's Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher, the spoiled-brat princesses featured on MTV's "Rich Girls."
There's Mischa Barton. Seems like only yesterday she was the little ghost girl under the bed in "The Sixth Sense." Now she's all about string bikinis and the oil heir boyfriend and Fashion Week.
And of course, there's Paris and there's Britney, engaged in a fascinating battle to see who can be the tackiest person on Earth.
Britney lip-syncs and Paris -- well, Paris is Paris. She has no talent, yet she has a hit TV show, a best-selling book, her own line of jewelry for sale on amazon.com, an upcoming CD -- and, horror of horrors, she's going to star in a remake of "The Great Gatsby."
I'm starting to feel bad I was so rough on Jenny McCarthy in the late 1990s. For a year or two, the Mother McAuley grad and Playboy Playmate became a huge crossover star: co-hosting a show on MTV, getting her own sitcom on NBC, the cover of Rolling Stone, roles in movies, her own book, etc., etc. At the time I questioned whether Ms. McCarthy's talents extended beyond her cleavage and her propensity for making funny faces and sticking her tongue out.
I take it all back. Compared to Paris Hilton, Jenny McCarthy is a Renaissance woman.
Richard Roeper appears on the WBBM-Channel 2 news every Friday at 6 a.m. and 6 p.m.
Link (http://www.suntimes.com/output/roeper/cst-nws-roep30.html#)
Young, untalented celebs coming out of woodwork
September 30, 2004
BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
Pass by any newsstand this week and you'll see more cover photos of newlyweds Britney Spears and Kevin Federline than presidential combatants George Bush and John Kerry.
Check out that classy photo album from the big day! Isn't that a beautiful ring Britney bought for herself? How about that wacky prenup? And can we crown Spears and Federline as the new King and Queen of White Trash America?
You betcha.
While we count the days until Federline and Spears announce a trial separation, I'd like to steer your attention to the New York Times list of the top-selling non-fiction books in the country.
At No. 7, just behind books about Kerry and Bush and books by Tommy Franks and Bill Clinton, we find Confessions of an Heiress by Paris Hilton.
People are actually buying this book. They're paying $22 to read Ms. Hilton's astonishingly dull-witted take on life, and to look at literally hundreds of glossy color photographs of Paris doing that same sleepy-eyed, tilted-head, brain-dozing pose of hers in one sleazy outfit after another.
Born with all the economic advantages and educational opportunities imaginable, this woman sounds like she's 11 years old. Some actual quotes from the book:
"I love yellow. It's sunny and happy and cheers me up."
"I'm nice to everyone. . . . I'll talk to everybody, even if they're boring."
"Maine: I went there once. Good lobster, but there's nothing to do."
"Never call a guy first. Wait till he calls you. Once he's your boyfriend, then you can call him."
Did I mention there were lots of pictures? In color?
A bimbo eruption
This is shaping up to be the Year of the Celebrity Nymphet. Granted, there's nothing new about socialites, heiresses, party girls and marginally talented singers and actresses who become famous mostly for being famous -- but I can't recall when there have been so many happy-vapid babes vying for the spotlight.
They're young and they're cute, and they're amazingly unaware of the outside world. They spend their days shopping and lunching and sunbathing topless, and they spend their nights at clubs and private parties. They're always, always talking on their cell phones. And they wear red-string Kabbalah bracelets, because, like, it shows how, like, spiritual they are.
There's Lindsay Lohan, who just a few short years ago was starring in "The Parent Trap." Now Lohan's a freshly minted 18, and she's busy clubbing, chain-smoking, feuding with Hilary Duff, hooking up with her boyfriend -- Wilmer Valderrama, the 24-year-old fifth banana on "That 70s Show" -- and denying rumors that her breasts have been surgically enhanced. It's a wonder the girl has time to make movies!
There's Christina Aguilera, a pretty good singer who often looks like she's posing for Skank Monthly. Aguilera, who's been pierced more frequently than a porn star at a biker rally, now says she's going minimalist -- keeping just one special piercing.
There's the little Hilton knockoff sister, Nicky, 20, who married her 33-year-old boyfriend in Vegas. Big sister Paris and fellow party girl Bijou Phillips were in attendance at the classy affair.
There's Nicole Richie, she of the pierced nippled ring that triggers metal detectors everywhere.
Why, there's even Barbara and Jenna Bush -- fine and decent young women, to be sure, but also way more into the party scene than, say, Chelsea Clinton.
There's Jessica Simpson, with her giant blond head and her giant bronze chest and her giant capacity for playing the ditz.
There's the rapidly aging Tara Reid, who looks like the third runner-up in the 1997 Miss Hawaiian Tropic Pageant.
There's Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher, the spoiled-brat princesses featured on MTV's "Rich Girls."
There's Mischa Barton. Seems like only yesterday she was the little ghost girl under the bed in "The Sixth Sense." Now she's all about string bikinis and the oil heir boyfriend and Fashion Week.
And of course, there's Paris and there's Britney, engaged in a fascinating battle to see who can be the tackiest person on Earth.
Britney lip-syncs and Paris -- well, Paris is Paris. She has no talent, yet she has a hit TV show, a best-selling book, her own line of jewelry for sale on amazon.com, an upcoming CD -- and, horror of horrors, she's going to star in a remake of "The Great Gatsby."
I'm starting to feel bad I was so rough on Jenny McCarthy in the late 1990s. For a year or two, the Mother McAuley grad and Playboy Playmate became a huge crossover star: co-hosting a show on MTV, getting her own sitcom on NBC, the cover of Rolling Stone, roles in movies, her own book, etc., etc. At the time I questioned whether Ms. McCarthy's talents extended beyond her cleavage and her propensity for making funny faces and sticking her tongue out.
I take it all back. Compared to Paris Hilton, Jenny McCarthy is a Renaissance woman.
Richard Roeper appears on the WBBM-Channel 2 news every Friday at 6 a.m. and 6 p.m.