easjer
05-10-2006, 10:18 AM
Though it wasn't intended to be an ultimatum.
The background is that since no one official has spoken to people about the events with the coworker who is leaving in July, rumor and speculation are rife and there is a lot of tension and paranoia running through here. And I've gotten a distinct vibe that I was not considered in any way with regard to this new position, which really started to steam me, given that my work is nearly always highly applauded, and my boss J assures me it is not unnoticed, and she has told me that I should find a coordinator position, etc etc.
So J and I had our regular meeting this morning and as we are wrapping up she asked if I was angry with her for some reason, because I seem unhappy and she wondered if it was with her (she's been really late on several projects).
And I said that all the tension and paranoia is catching up with me. And that I was uncomfortable with all the uncertainty, and worried that the new position created when H leaves would alter my position, potentially in a way that I was uncomfortable with. That I wasn't feeling very positive about things right now. She said that was pretty negative way to view things, that she really didn't think I'd be affected by the changes. Then I said, but what is worse is that I don't feel like I am being considered at all for whatever that position will be. And that makes me unhappy.
We talked about something else and then came back to it. She asked what appealed to me about that job or the potential future jobs. And I said, student development. I pointed out that I'd talked about that for years and laid out several plans I thought could and should be implemented. I talked about the problems I've seen and the things I thought could be improved.
And then I said, you know, I don't know what this position would be and whether or not I would be qualified for the final incarnation, or if I would even want the final incarnation. But not even being considered is not cool with me. That I fully believed that she was sincere when she's said the nice things she has said, that she does appreciate my contributions to the college and my work. But if I'm not being considered, then it's worthless. That I've not come around asking for more money or anything else, because I appreciated the budgetary concerns and other limiting factors. But that she herself has said that they can't do anything for me unless one of the pair of my colleagues leaves, and here it is. There is an opening. That should be the time to consider another shift for me. And if that wasn't even being considered, it's a pretty clear sign to me that advancement for me is not hindered by budget or amount of work, but because they don't think I'm capable of working in a higher capacity (though, to you, I say, they sure are willing to pile grunt work on me and take me for granted). And if that's the case . . . it's a very clear signal to me to leave. That not moving up because there is no room for growth is one thing, but being passed over when there finally is an opportunity is quite another thing.
I said that if I'm considered and the final position is not one I'm suited for or don't want, that's fine. But other than that . . . I'm done. I will not stay. Because it makes me feel about an inch tall to be told that I am good and be told that my work is appreciated, to have all these ideas that I came up with years ago now being proposed and coming to fruition because someone else proposed them, but to not even be considered . . . no. I can't get a clearer sign.
She seemed surprised, and said that I've given her a lot to think about (in a surprised and thoughtful way, not a sarcastic way). I don't actually expect anything will come of this. Shrug. At least it's off my chest and my expectations are out there. I don't want to be like H, who felt she should have been asked to take over J's job when she first left. She was always resentful and felt passed over, but she also expected to be asked, and never indicated she was interested in that position. At least it's out there that I want to move up and that I am very interested in student development. I also told her that it my statements were not meant as a threat or an ultimatum, just a marker for where I am mentally in regards to this position.
These past few days have sucked. A lot. :depressed
The background is that since no one official has spoken to people about the events with the coworker who is leaving in July, rumor and speculation are rife and there is a lot of tension and paranoia running through here. And I've gotten a distinct vibe that I was not considered in any way with regard to this new position, which really started to steam me, given that my work is nearly always highly applauded, and my boss J assures me it is not unnoticed, and she has told me that I should find a coordinator position, etc etc.
So J and I had our regular meeting this morning and as we are wrapping up she asked if I was angry with her for some reason, because I seem unhappy and she wondered if it was with her (she's been really late on several projects).
And I said that all the tension and paranoia is catching up with me. And that I was uncomfortable with all the uncertainty, and worried that the new position created when H leaves would alter my position, potentially in a way that I was uncomfortable with. That I wasn't feeling very positive about things right now. She said that was pretty negative way to view things, that she really didn't think I'd be affected by the changes. Then I said, but what is worse is that I don't feel like I am being considered at all for whatever that position will be. And that makes me unhappy.
We talked about something else and then came back to it. She asked what appealed to me about that job or the potential future jobs. And I said, student development. I pointed out that I'd talked about that for years and laid out several plans I thought could and should be implemented. I talked about the problems I've seen and the things I thought could be improved.
And then I said, you know, I don't know what this position would be and whether or not I would be qualified for the final incarnation, or if I would even want the final incarnation. But not even being considered is not cool with me. That I fully believed that she was sincere when she's said the nice things she has said, that she does appreciate my contributions to the college and my work. But if I'm not being considered, then it's worthless. That I've not come around asking for more money or anything else, because I appreciated the budgetary concerns and other limiting factors. But that she herself has said that they can't do anything for me unless one of the pair of my colleagues leaves, and here it is. There is an opening. That should be the time to consider another shift for me. And if that wasn't even being considered, it's a pretty clear sign to me that advancement for me is not hindered by budget or amount of work, but because they don't think I'm capable of working in a higher capacity (though, to you, I say, they sure are willing to pile grunt work on me and take me for granted). And if that's the case . . . it's a very clear signal to me to leave. That not moving up because there is no room for growth is one thing, but being passed over when there finally is an opportunity is quite another thing.
I said that if I'm considered and the final position is not one I'm suited for or don't want, that's fine. But other than that . . . I'm done. I will not stay. Because it makes me feel about an inch tall to be told that I am good and be told that my work is appreciated, to have all these ideas that I came up with years ago now being proposed and coming to fruition because someone else proposed them, but to not even be considered . . . no. I can't get a clearer sign.
She seemed surprised, and said that I've given her a lot to think about (in a surprised and thoughtful way, not a sarcastic way). I don't actually expect anything will come of this. Shrug. At least it's off my chest and my expectations are out there. I don't want to be like H, who felt she should have been asked to take over J's job when she first left. She was always resentful and felt passed over, but she also expected to be asked, and never indicated she was interested in that position. At least it's out there that I want to move up and that I am very interested in student development. I also told her that it my statements were not meant as a threat or an ultimatum, just a marker for where I am mentally in regards to this position.
These past few days have sucked. A lot. :depressed