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KoriEllis
08-25-2004, 03:24 AM
Aug 24 2004

Haulin' and Callin' Out the NBA's Trash
It's obvious that USA Basketball didn't send its best 12 to the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, but thank God they didn't send the worst! The 25 names listed below (not all American -- that should put some pride back in our system) may elicit a wide range of emotions ... shock, disgust, outright loathing, etc... To guide you through the pain, we've attached our patented snide commentary to help you verbalize some of your feelings.

And now the very worst of what the NBA has to offer: (Disclaimer: All Bobcats were protected from this list and big, goofy white guys are all spoken for under Eschmeyer)

1. Evan Eschmeyer, C, Dallas -- The standard bearer for today's legion of big white stiffs in the NBA

2. Michael Stewart, C, Boston -- 'Yogi' is only slightly more threatening on the court than the cartoon bear

3. Wang ZhiZhi, C, Miami -- Even the Chinese government has disowned him

4. Dan Dickau, PG, Dallas -- Testament that some teams do all their scouting at the NCAA Tournament

5. Jerome Moiso, PF, Toronto -- Carrying on the proud French NBA tradition started by Frederic Weis and No. 6 on our list...

6. Tariq Abdul-Wahad, SG, Dallas -- We liked him better as Olivier St. Jean

7. Jerome James, C, Seattle -- Fulfilling the wasted on-court comedic promise of Chris Washburn

8. Steven Hunter, C, Phoenix -- A harsh reminder to any GM who mistakingly falls in love with an unknown player at the NBA pre-Draft camps

9. Ryan Humphrey, SF, Memphis -- More myth than baller, Humphrey has never actually been seen playing in a real game

10. Tom Gugliotta, PF, Boston -- Former All-Star scored in double figures once last season ... the preseason, that is

11. Kedrick Brown, SG, Philadelphia -- Interesting how many guys on this list either play for or were drafted by the Celtics

12. Reece Gaines, PG, Houston -- On a team crying out for point guard help, the No. 1 pick Gaines got into only 38 games

13. Marcus Haislip, PF, Milwaukee -- And speaking of first-round bombs, Haislip notched a team-low 8.5 minutes per game

14. DeSagana Diop, C, Cleveland -- We've taken to calling him 'Saggy' and a more fitting nickname in the League we don't know of

15. DeShawn Stevenson, SG, Orlando -- Don't shooting guards have to be able to shoot? 78 starts last season and only 19 3-Pointers made?

16. Kareem Rush, SG, Lakers -- Averaged 0.8 assists and 1.3 rebounds ... you gotta score more than 6.4 points to get away with that

17. Ira Newble, SF, Atlanta -- The patron saint of crap players getting big contracts after big years with crap teams

18. Ron Mercer, SG, New Jersey -- No team would even waste a chance on the former No. 6 pick after he got dumped by San Antonio mid-season

19. Samaki Walker, PF, Washington -- Entering the twilight years of a pitiful career -- with a name like that, how could he have failed?

Three Former Spurs in Row :)

20. Dajuan Wagner, SG, Cleveland -- Too bad a shooter to play SG, too bad a passer to play PG and too small to play in the NBA -- sounds like a winner!

21. Tyronn Lue, PG, Lakers -- Milked his 15 minutes of fame in the 2001 NBA Finals for a big contract

22. Morris Peterson, SF, Toronto -- To think New Orleans took this clown off Toronto's hands and the Raptors matched the contract offer!

23. Dikembe Mutombo, C, Bulls -- Rigor Mortis has set in for Deke, can't wait for him to completely calcify under the basket on some February night

24. Jacque Vaughn, PG, New Jersey -- Can't wait for the night when the Nets trot out a starting backcourt of Vaughn and Mercer in front of 11 comotose fans in the Swamp

25. Juwan Howard, PF, Houston -- The burden of carrying his garish contract sucked the life out of Howard's game long ago

Next Five Bringing Up the Rear:
Michael Olowokandi, C, Minnesota
Jake Tsakalidis, C, Memphis
Eddie Robinson, SF, Chicago
Shandon Anderson, SG, New York
Vladimir Radmanovic, SF, Seattle

Five for the Future:
Kendrick Perkins, PF, Boston
Ndudi Ebi, SF, Minnesota
Travis Outlaw, SF, Portland
Pavel Podkolzine, C, Dallas
Brian Cook, PF, Lakers

probasketball.about.com/o...layers.htm (http://probasketball.about.com/od/player1/a/worstNBAplayers.htm)

KoriEllis
08-25-2004, 03:26 AM
5. Jerome Moiso, PF, Toronto -- Carrying on the proud French NBA tradition started by Frederic Weis and No. 6 on our list...

Dang, don't be dissing UCLA guys.


Okay, he sucks.

But he wouldn't if he weren't so damn lazy.

Kevin Kaster
08-25-2004, 04:19 AM
Terrible list. Anyone who puts Wagner before Madsen (who this guy doesn’t even list) is a complete and utter moron.

KoriEllis
08-25-2004, 04:38 AM
17. Ira Newble, SF, Atlanta -- The patron saint of crap players getting big contracts after big years with crap teams

Isn't he on the Cavs?

SpursFanInAustin
08-25-2004, 08:46 AM
Ask Wolves009 and SickDSM if they think Kareem Rush is horrible. :lol

Useruser666
08-25-2004, 10:28 AM
No Malik? I don't get it?!






J/K!!! :spin

Useruser666 :eyebrow

Spurminator
08-25-2004, 10:55 AM
I'd take Newble on my bench.

emmo
08-25-2004, 11:14 AM
Menke Bateer.

2Cleva
08-25-2004, 11:22 AM
Obviously done by someone who doesn't know the game.

Spurminator
08-25-2004, 11:24 AM
The thing about most of these players is that they are rarely "in the way" (Mercer and Wagner notwithstanding). Most of them play garbage minutes, and a lot of the others are aware that they are merely roleplayers.

On the other hand, players like Antoine Walker don't realize this... so they are constantly in the way and impede the progress of the team. On top of that, because their numbers are typically higher than people who know they suck, they command more salary than they are really worth. So while their overall talent might be above roleplayer level, they demand a superstar role on the team. And no team can be successful with them as their go-to player.

That's why I feel it's much worse to have an Antoine Walker on your team than a Samaki Walker or the like.

Steve Francis would be another example of this.

Useruser666
08-25-2004, 11:58 AM
The worst player list is not complete without Grant Hill!

Yes he was great and it's not his fault he's injured. He sucks a whole team down salaray cap wise and when he tries to return he can throw the lineup and chemistry out of whack. Plus, he takes up one stair step machine that could be used for a player who actually gets minutes.

:Q Does he actually go to the Magic'z home games at least?

Useruser666 :eyebrow

gospurs21
08-25-2004, 12:14 PM
"Three Former Spurs in Row"

I guess that's better then 3 current Dallas players

exstatic
08-25-2004, 12:26 PM
Terrible list. Anyone who puts Wagner before Madsen (who this guy doesn�t even list) is a complete and utter moron.


(Disclaimer: All Bobcats were protected from this list and big, goofy white guys are all spoken for under Eschmeyer)

Tommy Duncan
08-25-2004, 12:28 PM
Where is Malik Rose? Obviously the author of that article is not a Spurs fan.

2pac
08-25-2004, 02:25 PM
Holy Crap!

I have to make some changes to my fantasy team RIGHT AWAY!

Bandit2981
08-25-2004, 02:43 PM
where the hell is kwame brown on the list? :wtf

SpursWoman
08-25-2004, 03:03 PM
:lol @ ex

SickDSM
08-26-2004, 11:57 PM
Ebi will turn heads in a few years. I guess Darko counts as a big white stiff because ebi at least does stuff when he gets in the game besides blowing dunks.

E20
08-27-2004, 12:23 AM
Ron Mercer aint that bad.

Johnny Blaze 47
08-27-2004, 02:50 AM
You're right, E20. He's not that bad at bagging my groceries or washing my truck.

What the author of this article needs to realize is that all 25 of these players always will make multiple times more money that (s)he will ever see.