mcornelio
05-17-2006, 04:40 PM
These NBA guys are downright 'offensive' Randy Hill (http://msn.foxsports.com/writer/archive?authorId=49) / Special to FOXSports.com
Posted: 3 hours ago // front-end hack to remove postedTime from Rumors page until a better way can be determined if (document.URL.indexOf("/name/FS/rumors") != -1) document.getElementById("postedTime").style.display = 'none';
If this qualifies as a Dream Team, it's time to cut back on the spicy food.
Inclusion on this special NBA squad requires considerable and specialized effort, although lack of genuine effort also can be a contributing variable.
Each individual selected has received 100 percent of the vote. For the record, these selections were made by one voter.
It was my turn.
Please note that I did not have an opportunity to vote for Most Valuable Player, Coach of the Year, Rookie of the Year or even Most Improved Player.
My input was not solicited before the All-Defensive team was unveiled.
I have no quarrel with any of the choices attached to the categories listed above. However, I am a bit concerned that a few questionable performances have not been recognized.
With that in mind, I'm pretty close to introducing my very first NBA All-Offensive team.
These selections are not based on offensive skill. Instead, I've spent a great deal of time figuring out which NBA-related individuals are the most difficult to tolerate.
For the record, Kobe Bryant could not crack the lineup. Despite possessing the popularity of the Brussels sprout, the L.A. Lakers star led the league in scoring and spent a reasonable amount of time guarding people. The Lakers, who might be worthy of an NCAA tournament at-large bid without Kobe, almost reached the second round of the Western Conference playoffs.
The missing list also includes Latrell Sprewell, an unemployed swingman who needs to realize that market value is set by the market. Rasheed (Too Many 3s, Too Many Ts) Wallace was able to muster nothing more than Honorable Mention status.
Stephon Marbury's potential for an All-Offensive bid was mitigated by the efforts of his coach. Tim Duncan has yet to commit a legitimate foul, but his disgust-registered arm waves were not enough for the Spur to make the following roster:
First team, players
<LI>Shaquille O'Neal (Miami Heat): Despite having strong currency with local reporters, Shaq always will be a threat to make this list. Why? Well, O'Neal deserves the annual nod for having the pluck to demand a contract extension while his body-fat ratio was rising to meet his declining free-throw percentage.
But Shaq is overwhelmingly offensive (to me) because he's settled for being one of the greats instead of (possibly) the greatest.
Even Anna Nicole Smith summoned enough motivation to get back into playing shape.
<LI>Wally Szczerbiak (Boston Celtics): Although he's been in the league a while, Wally should not be excused for going shirtless during pre-draft workouts.
He also qualifies for being one of the few players capable of being taken off the dribble in a wax museum. Another vote-gathering tactic for Szczerbiak is celebrating wildly each time he knocks in a jumper.
<LI>Reggie Evans (Denver Nuggets): I'll pause while you insert a one-liner regarding Reggie's below-the-Equator reach against L.A. Clippers center Chris Kaman.
Suggestion for reader: He has a great feel for the game.
According to Evans-watchers in Seattle (where he worked for the SuperSonics), Reggie also has been known to yank down the shorts of opposing players.
Suggestion for Reggie: Unless they have a Spalding logo, leave 'em alone.
<LI>Vince Carter (New Jersey Nets): What a wonderful talent. What (at times) a considerable waste of this talent.
To be sure, the Nets would be awful without Vince, who reached Jersey employment after admittedly tanking on purpose in Toronto.
Despite having elite quickness, leaping ability and strength, Carter often is a liability on defense.
But Vince's most damning All-Offensive tactic is featuring the worst shot selection north of Dick Cheney.
<LI>Ron Artest (Sacramento Kings): Simply put, Artest has done more to hurt the Indiana Pacers than Michael Jordan and Isiah Thomas.
First team, non-players
<LI>Larry Brown (New York Knicks): Despite inventing the game, Larry needed just one season to help turn the Knicks into a train wreck.
Larry may be the only man in America who reads the want ads on the night before his just-been-hired press conference.
Brown also makes the list for being harder on referees than airline food.
<LI>Mark Cuban (Dallas Mavericks): The Mavs owner seemingly has devoted his life to playing watchdog in regard to NBA refs.
http://msn.foxsports.com/id/5611466_36_2.jpgThe Mavs' deep run in the playoffs has given Mark Cuban more time to get on the refs' nerves ... and ours. (David J. Phillip / Associated Press)
So, instead of receiving appropriate credit for turning the Mavericks into a signature franchise, Cuban has become the equivalent of a poorly dressed youth-league dad who spends an entire hour screaming "Three seconds!"
With his interest in officiating considered, it's a shame Cuban doesn't own an NFL franchise.
<LI>Robert Sarver (Phoenix Suns): The Suns' relatively new owner is enough of a ham to — in theory — embarrass Cuban.
Sarver, who has participated in the mini-tramp dunk routine, should realize the Suns already had the league's best mascot.
<LI>Front-row fan (Los Angeles Lakers): It's not who you think. The guy on my Offensive list sits on the Lakers' side of the scorer's table and celebrates each play by whacking his palm with a rolled-up game program.
I don't know his name or what he does to afford those terrific seats, but this rascal might be tolerable if he'd starred in The Shining.
Nah.
<LI>Jim Goldstein (curiously-dressed NBA fan): This interesting citizen usually is seen occupying a front-row seat along the baseline.
Where? Everywhere you find a big NBA game.
Jim, an L.A.-based dude who made his fortune in trailer parks, gets around more than Paris Hilton.
Unfortunately, his Cher-caliber wardrobe (think leather jump suits with hats made from the leftovers) eventually may require a dress code among NBA fans. Veteran columnist Randy Hill is a frequent FOXSports.com contributor.
http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/5609346
Posted: 3 hours ago // front-end hack to remove postedTime from Rumors page until a better way can be determined if (document.URL.indexOf("/name/FS/rumors") != -1) document.getElementById("postedTime").style.display = 'none';
If this qualifies as a Dream Team, it's time to cut back on the spicy food.
Inclusion on this special NBA squad requires considerable and specialized effort, although lack of genuine effort also can be a contributing variable.
Each individual selected has received 100 percent of the vote. For the record, these selections were made by one voter.
It was my turn.
Please note that I did not have an opportunity to vote for Most Valuable Player, Coach of the Year, Rookie of the Year or even Most Improved Player.
My input was not solicited before the All-Defensive team was unveiled.
I have no quarrel with any of the choices attached to the categories listed above. However, I am a bit concerned that a few questionable performances have not been recognized.
With that in mind, I'm pretty close to introducing my very first NBA All-Offensive team.
These selections are not based on offensive skill. Instead, I've spent a great deal of time figuring out which NBA-related individuals are the most difficult to tolerate.
For the record, Kobe Bryant could not crack the lineup. Despite possessing the popularity of the Brussels sprout, the L.A. Lakers star led the league in scoring and spent a reasonable amount of time guarding people. The Lakers, who might be worthy of an NCAA tournament at-large bid without Kobe, almost reached the second round of the Western Conference playoffs.
The missing list also includes Latrell Sprewell, an unemployed swingman who needs to realize that market value is set by the market. Rasheed (Too Many 3s, Too Many Ts) Wallace was able to muster nothing more than Honorable Mention status.
Stephon Marbury's potential for an All-Offensive bid was mitigated by the efforts of his coach. Tim Duncan has yet to commit a legitimate foul, but his disgust-registered arm waves were not enough for the Spur to make the following roster:
First team, players
<LI>Shaquille O'Neal (Miami Heat): Despite having strong currency with local reporters, Shaq always will be a threat to make this list. Why? Well, O'Neal deserves the annual nod for having the pluck to demand a contract extension while his body-fat ratio was rising to meet his declining free-throw percentage.
But Shaq is overwhelmingly offensive (to me) because he's settled for being one of the greats instead of (possibly) the greatest.
Even Anna Nicole Smith summoned enough motivation to get back into playing shape.
<LI>Wally Szczerbiak (Boston Celtics): Although he's been in the league a while, Wally should not be excused for going shirtless during pre-draft workouts.
He also qualifies for being one of the few players capable of being taken off the dribble in a wax museum. Another vote-gathering tactic for Szczerbiak is celebrating wildly each time he knocks in a jumper.
<LI>Reggie Evans (Denver Nuggets): I'll pause while you insert a one-liner regarding Reggie's below-the-Equator reach against L.A. Clippers center Chris Kaman.
Suggestion for reader: He has a great feel for the game.
According to Evans-watchers in Seattle (where he worked for the SuperSonics), Reggie also has been known to yank down the shorts of opposing players.
Suggestion for Reggie: Unless they have a Spalding logo, leave 'em alone.
<LI>Vince Carter (New Jersey Nets): What a wonderful talent. What (at times) a considerable waste of this talent.
To be sure, the Nets would be awful without Vince, who reached Jersey employment after admittedly tanking on purpose in Toronto.
Despite having elite quickness, leaping ability and strength, Carter often is a liability on defense.
But Vince's most damning All-Offensive tactic is featuring the worst shot selection north of Dick Cheney.
<LI>Ron Artest (Sacramento Kings): Simply put, Artest has done more to hurt the Indiana Pacers than Michael Jordan and Isiah Thomas.
First team, non-players
<LI>Larry Brown (New York Knicks): Despite inventing the game, Larry needed just one season to help turn the Knicks into a train wreck.
Larry may be the only man in America who reads the want ads on the night before his just-been-hired press conference.
Brown also makes the list for being harder on referees than airline food.
<LI>Mark Cuban (Dallas Mavericks): The Mavs owner seemingly has devoted his life to playing watchdog in regard to NBA refs.
http://msn.foxsports.com/id/5611466_36_2.jpgThe Mavs' deep run in the playoffs has given Mark Cuban more time to get on the refs' nerves ... and ours. (David J. Phillip / Associated Press)
So, instead of receiving appropriate credit for turning the Mavericks into a signature franchise, Cuban has become the equivalent of a poorly dressed youth-league dad who spends an entire hour screaming "Three seconds!"
With his interest in officiating considered, it's a shame Cuban doesn't own an NFL franchise.
<LI>Robert Sarver (Phoenix Suns): The Suns' relatively new owner is enough of a ham to — in theory — embarrass Cuban.
Sarver, who has participated in the mini-tramp dunk routine, should realize the Suns already had the league's best mascot.
<LI>Front-row fan (Los Angeles Lakers): It's not who you think. The guy on my Offensive list sits on the Lakers' side of the scorer's table and celebrates each play by whacking his palm with a rolled-up game program.
I don't know his name or what he does to afford those terrific seats, but this rascal might be tolerable if he'd starred in The Shining.
Nah.
<LI>Jim Goldstein (curiously-dressed NBA fan): This interesting citizen usually is seen occupying a front-row seat along the baseline.
Where? Everywhere you find a big NBA game.
Jim, an L.A.-based dude who made his fortune in trailer parks, gets around more than Paris Hilton.
Unfortunately, his Cher-caliber wardrobe (think leather jump suits with hats made from the leftovers) eventually may require a dress code among NBA fans. Veteran columnist Randy Hill is a frequent FOXSports.com contributor.
http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/5609346