People who influence you.

[easjer]

So for various reasons, I did not attend the funeral of my dear friend and teacher last Friday. I was sorry to miss the eulogy that my boss gave for him, but a friend posted the text on a blog. This completely captures my wonderful, extraordinary friend.

I've been thinking a lot about him and how he influenced me and how I can continue that legacy (after all, he inherited it himself from another great teacher, as Plato did from Socrates). I think the world would be a better place if we did as our positive influences did, rather than talking about how great they are.

It's been a hard couple of weeks. It's hard to explain how special and unusual and amazing Ross was, and why his loss is such a devastation not only to me, but to everyone. I think Ted did a brilliant job in capturing why this is important.

I hope I can use some of what Ross taught me to be the person he believed I could be. I will try to be less selfish and more generous to everyone, giving of what I have, even if what I have is only myself. If all the people Ross touched in that way did the same - well, the world would in fact be a better place.

If you care to know, too late, what was lost last week, here is the eulogy for Ross Lence.

http://blog.kir.com/archives/003298.asp

[furry_spurry]

Tell the person while he or she is still alive.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Tell the person while he or she is still alive.


Hey, furry. Shove it up your bunghole.

[furry_spurry]

Not that I need to defend myself, but it is how I feel. I lost a very close family member this month, so I know what grief is. But I am still not a fan of people getting up and giving speeches about how great someone was after they are gone. If they meant a lot to you, you should tell them while they are still alive. Saying it after they are deceased is for you and not for them.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

furry, everyone deals with loss differently. I doubt Easjer needs your criticism right now.

[easjer]

I did tell him while he was alive. Ross knew very much how I felt about him. Even if I hadn't told him, he knew because he read the letter I wrote on his behalf when he was up for the distinguished teaching chair in his name. Actually, I wrote more than one letter of recommendation/nomination for Ross, and I was quite explicit in how I treasured and admired and respected and love him. But I did tell him. I only wish I'd told him more often.

Since this board was so supportive of me throughout his illness and death, I thought I would try to share why he was so special. I have not been able to do it with my own words, but his eulogy hit the mark in describing him. Take it or leave it.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Easjer, it's obvious that this person meant a lot to you. He's lucky to have had so many great friends and people who loved him like you did.

[Mixability]

Saying it after they are deceased is for you and not for them.

i agree

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

i agree

Actually I'd say it's also for everyone else who's grieving.



I pray some folks have a few good things to say about me after I'm gone, like how huge my pee pee was, how amazingly sexy I was, how my wit and charm exceeded that of every other man they knew. But most of all I hope they mention my humility.

[furry_spurry]

My comment was not meant as criticism but actually letting people know that sometimes life is too short and you forget to tell people what they mean to you. Like with my family member, people have shared things that I never even knew about. While I appreciate what they are trying to express, all I keep thinking is that I hope they told him while he was still around.

[FromWayDowntown]

I think easjer's posts make it clear that there are 2 very different issues attendant to your relationship with those who influence your life in some positive way. The first, as furry brings up, is making sure that the person knows that they've had that impact on your life by sharing your appreciation with him or her while you can. The other, which I think is part of what easjer was recommending initially, is living that person's legacy while he or she is alive and after he or she is gone. Living your life in a fashion that extends the legacy of someone who's exerted great influence on you is not a function of that person being alive or dead.

[pache100]

I think easjer's posts make it clear that there are 2 very different issues attendant to your relationship with those who influence your life in some positive way. The first, as furry brings up, is making sure that the person knows that they've had that impact on your life by sharing your appreciation with him or her while you can. The other, which I think is part of what easjer was recommending initially, is living that person's legacy while he or she is alive and after he or she is gone. Living your life in a fashion that extends the legacy of someone who's exerted great influence on you is not a function of that person being alive or dead.

Excellent post! Well said...thanks! I was the only one of us three kids who spoke to my Dad on the day he died. My brother and sister say I am lucky that I was able to see him that day because they didn't. We all try to live the way he taught us and wanted us to. And it's amazing how little things bring a person back to you. For example, sometimes, when we are working together outside or doing something that we used to do with him...I will look at my sister's hands...and see my Dad's. She says that some things I do, some of my gestures, remind her of him.

There are so many different ways of remembering someone who meant a lot to you and had a great influence on your life, just about as many ways of remembering as there are people who remember.

I'm so sorry about your friend, easjer. The good ones often go too young. I hope you can find comfort in your memories of him.

[ShoogarBear]

I pray some folks have a few good things to say about me after I'm gone, like how huge my pee pee was, how amazingly sexy I was, how my wit and charm exceeded that of every other man they knew. But most of all I hope they mention my humility.

What they could do is take all your posts and put them in a book to give to your children.

Boy, wouldn't that be a horrible thought for some of us? :oops

[pache100]

What they could do is take all your posts and put them in a book to give to your children.

Boy, wouldn't that be a horrible thought for some of us? :oops

Yes. :oops :depressed