boutons_
08-03-2006, 08:47 PM
http://media.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2006/03/06/PH2006030600539.gif (http://blog.washingtonpost.com/celebritology/)
Posted at 10:41 AM ET, 08/ 3/2006
A Scheme of Hasselhoffian Proportions
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/images/celebritology/hasselhoff_large.jpg
A seemingly innocuous David Hasselhoff signals to his minions at Wimbledon. (Reuters)
There is some kind of wrinkle in the fabric of the universe, a glitch in the matrix, if you will, and this intergalactic snafu, this disturbance in the force, centers on one man: David Hasselhoff.
To wit, Hasselhoff's "Baywatch" co-star Pamela Anderson married Kid Rock over the weekend. But Anderson was previously married to Tommy Lee, who is currently appearing on "Rockstar: Supernova" with Dave Navarro, who recently split with Carmen Electra, who also co-starred on "Baywatch" with, yes, David Hasselhoff.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/images/celebritology/hoff_diagram.jpg
(Graphic illustration by Liz Kelly)
Dismissed as coincidence.
I'm not yet sure what this means or why we should care, but it's no coincidence. Hasselhoffian forces are mobilizing and up to no good. The evidence continues to mount:
Why would Pam and Kid suddenly reunite and marry if it weren't somehow to Hasselhoff's advantage? Why would Carmen and Dave -- who told us on MTV that they'd be together "Till Death Do Us Part" -- suddenly split? Hasselhoff again. Clearly, he's realigning his former female co-stars for some coming event, the depravity of which I daren't imagine. Somewhere Yasmine Bleeth awaits her orders.
But wait, there's more:
- In a diabolical scheme to wipe jugglers out of the entertainment industry, Hasselhoff inexplicably landed a cherry job as a judge on "America's Got Talent (http://www.nbc.com/Americas_Got_Talent/show/judge_dhasselhoff.shtml#main)."
- His "Jump Into My Car (http://www.autoblog.com/2006/07/07/david-hasselhoff-wants-you-to-jump-in-his-car-just-say-no/)" video has stolen at least three minutes from my life and, I'm sure, caused hundreds of hours of lost productivity the world over.
- His recent guerrilla attacks on a hotel bathroom (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=6665), Wimbledon (http://www.thesuperficial.com/2006/07/06/david_hasselhoff_gets_kicked_o.html) and British Airways (http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,19612,00.html) were quickly hushed up.
The final, incontrovertible proof that Hasselhoff is up to no good? Knight Rider: The Movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384254/), coming soon to a theater near you.
Don't say you weren't warned.
Posted at 10:41 AM ET, 08/ 3/2006
A Scheme of Hasselhoffian Proportions
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/images/celebritology/hasselhoff_large.jpg
A seemingly innocuous David Hasselhoff signals to his minions at Wimbledon. (Reuters)
There is some kind of wrinkle in the fabric of the universe, a glitch in the matrix, if you will, and this intergalactic snafu, this disturbance in the force, centers on one man: David Hasselhoff.
To wit, Hasselhoff's "Baywatch" co-star Pamela Anderson married Kid Rock over the weekend. But Anderson was previously married to Tommy Lee, who is currently appearing on "Rockstar: Supernova" with Dave Navarro, who recently split with Carmen Electra, who also co-starred on "Baywatch" with, yes, David Hasselhoff.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/images/celebritology/hoff_diagram.jpg
(Graphic illustration by Liz Kelly)
Dismissed as coincidence.
I'm not yet sure what this means or why we should care, but it's no coincidence. Hasselhoffian forces are mobilizing and up to no good. The evidence continues to mount:
Why would Pam and Kid suddenly reunite and marry if it weren't somehow to Hasselhoff's advantage? Why would Carmen and Dave -- who told us on MTV that they'd be together "Till Death Do Us Part" -- suddenly split? Hasselhoff again. Clearly, he's realigning his former female co-stars for some coming event, the depravity of which I daren't imagine. Somewhere Yasmine Bleeth awaits her orders.
But wait, there's more:
- In a diabolical scheme to wipe jugglers out of the entertainment industry, Hasselhoff inexplicably landed a cherry job as a judge on "America's Got Talent (http://www.nbc.com/Americas_Got_Talent/show/judge_dhasselhoff.shtml#main)."
- His "Jump Into My Car (http://www.autoblog.com/2006/07/07/david-hasselhoff-wants-you-to-jump-in-his-car-just-say-no/)" video has stolen at least three minutes from my life and, I'm sure, caused hundreds of hours of lost productivity the world over.
- His recent guerrilla attacks on a hotel bathroom (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=6665), Wimbledon (http://www.thesuperficial.com/2006/07/06/david_hasselhoff_gets_kicked_o.html) and British Airways (http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,19612,00.html) were quickly hushed up.
The final, incontrovertible proof that Hasselhoff is up to no good? Knight Rider: The Movie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384254/), coming soon to a theater near you.
Don't say you weren't warned.