Ideas for Revenge on Crappy Apartment Complex

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

Here's the situation. As my wife alluded to in her thread, we'll soon be leaving our apartment for good (hopefully). As she also mentioned we had a $300 electric bill, which I attribute partially to the fact that Reliant gouges everyone, but primarily to the fact that this complex is run by assholes who don't bother to maintain anything in decent working condition. This AC issue is the latest in a long string of stupidity. In addition to this, the communal areas are disaster zones. The pools are so murky I can rarely see the bottom even in the 3 ft. depth, many of the washing machines are routinely broken and stay that way for months at a time, and the "security" gate is often broken and standing wide open. Hell, six weeks ago there were two gaping holes in the perimeter fence where cars had hit them. They finally got around to fixing that about two weeks ago.

There's more, but I just need to give you a good idea as to how much these guys suck. Here's the topper. A while back Liz and I were moving some stuff around and put our exercise bike out on the patio. Less than 18 hours later we got found a note on our door saying that we needed to remove that "no no" (yes, they actually fucking used that term). That pretty much sums it up. In the last year they've done nothing to improve any of those conditions, but they were diligent enough to keep our offensive exercise equipment from scarring the face of the complex. Of course no one ever really looks up at someone's patio because they are to busy looking down to avoid stepping in dog shit, broken glass, or used condoms.

Now, if you were willing to read all of that you'll probably agree these bastards deserve some payback. What's a good way to get back at them that they can't trace back to me?

[easjer]

:rolleyes

[midgetonadonkey]

How about you bore the building owners with your long posts.

[midgetonadonkey]

Just busting balls people. Seriously, I read like 2 lines of that and have nothing important to add.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

How about you bore the building owners with your long posts.

That's a two minute read, Midget. You're awfully cranky this morning.

[midgetonadonkey]

That's a two minute read, Midget. You're awfully cranky this morning.

Not cranky, just bored.

[PakiDan]

First off, I must commend your bravery for taken up residence in the third ward. It's easy, just invite one of the crack whores who most certainly frequent your complex up to your place. Get her so hopped up on the crack you can no doubt buy from your neighbor, she od's. Get one of your friends to help you jimmy open the trunk of the apartment managers 86 Olds Cutlas and stuff her in there. Call the cops and walla!!!! Instant Revenge. Just be sure not to step on any used needles or slip on the condoms while carrying her down.

[CubanMustGo]

Seriously, just move on and be happy you're leaving that shit behind. They probably can afford to spend more on lawyers than you can if they find out you did something.

[mcornelio]

That's a two minute read, Midget. You're awfully cranky this morning.dunno what the hells wrong with him... looks like someone is having withdrawals...:lol

if i didnt know any better id say midge was sent a video of his gf getting bukaked in columbia this morning:spin

[easjer]

I did live in 3rd ward for awhile, albeit at UH, and not in the depths of 3rd ward. Alas, the complex we live in now is near Westchase, and since the change of management has gone downhill. Meh, we're moving anyway.

We have had people come to our door, pull out a bag full of jewelry and ask if we wanted to buy any. I still don't know if it was stolen or if it was a poor soul trying to sell whatever else they could raise money.

[midgetonadonkey]

if i didnt know any better id say midge was sent a video of his gf getting bukaked in columbia this morning:spin

Wasn't it your girl that got bukkaked in Columbia while you were hanging out fucking fat crack heads and bragging about it? How did your relationship with her end up going anyway?

[DFW Spurs]

What's a good way to get back at them that they can't trace back to me?

Take the back of the toilet off before you move out and take a big fat burrito dump in it. It will smell like shit for weeks and no one will get wise as to where its coming from. Trust me this works. :lol

[leemajors]

if you don't really care about a deposit at this point, always leave meat in the freezer and unplug it.

[PM5K]

If it's already a shithole, and they don't care, what can you do? Break more bottles and throw you and Easjer's used condoms on the ground?

And anytime a post is that long you should put cliffs....

And don't be an idiot and damage YOUR apartment....

Go put some cement in a washer ala Seinfeld...

[CosmicCowboy]

shrimp heads/shells behind the return air grill is always effective. Gives you a few days to get your deposit back before it becomes obvious, and by then it is TOOOOO late.

[RandomGuy]

The best thing to do is to simply walk away. It isn't worth it.

If you are really serious, read over your lease. It will spell out what you and the complex are responsible for.

Getting even, but doing it legally, is a great way to go, but requires a bit of effort.

First step:

Arm yourself with the law. The Texas Apartment Association puts out a "Redbook" every year that gives all the texas legal code that deals with apartments and leases. Read it.

Second step:
Start building a legal case. Take pictures, and document everything. The purpose of this is to be able to prove in court that the apartment complex is not living up to its side of the contract (your lease). You have given money, but have not gotten value for that money. This is a hard hurdle to clear though. From what I have read you have the beginnings of a case.

Third step:
Consult a lawyer. Spend a bit of money, but you might be able to find someone who can do some pro bono (free advocacy) work.

Fourth step:
Send some letters asking for things to get fixed. When they don't or are routinely very late, document that.

Fifth step:
Stop paying rent, and sue them. They will have a VERY hard time evicting you, and you will really be able to put the screws to them.

This is not easy and that is why it is rarely done, but it is possible.

On the other hand, if legality isn't your thing, I am sure that a google search or trip to a bookstore, (amazon.com?) would probably provide some good ideas.

Not something that I would do, or encourage anyone else to do for that matter. If you really aren't angry enough to go the legal route, you probably don't care enough to take the risk of an illegal one. In that case, walk away, and never go back.

[Gatita]

Sounds like a shithole.

Move.

[Bandit2981]

Take a dump in a box and mail it to the office.

[TheSanityAnnex]

Take a dump in a box and mail it to the office.



:tu

[CuckingFunt]

Fifth step:
Stop paying rent, and sue them. They will have a VERY hard time evicting you, and you will really be able to put the screws to them.
No they won't. Having a tenant stop paying rent is just about the easiest way to evict someone as the law in that situation is always in the landlord's favor -- at least, it is in California, and I'd be surprised if it were that different in Texas. You'd probably end up with a few months of free rent, but the credit/rental history issues would follow you for several years. Not worth it.

If the problems are that severe at the complex, contact local Fair Housing and/or Housing Authority offices to report them. Also, if there is some sort of city Code Enforcement, call them. Biggest pain in the ass as a property manager is dealing with Code Enforcement. I've worked in management for about 8 1/2 years now, and I can tell you that even the bogus claims can slow us down for several months.

[missmyzte]

My first apartment sounds similar to the situation you are describing and I got news for you - it ain't over after you move out. When I finally got out of there, thought I was free and clear until we started talking about the security deposit. They told me that the apartment needed to be in the same condition it was when I had moved in 2 years previous and to expect that I wouldn't get ANYTHING back. We cleaned that place spotless but still, we'd lived in it for 2 years (me and a roommate).

So I contacted the Fair Housing and discovered that there are big fines for not refunding security deposits correctly. Furthermore, my lease agreement said that I was allowed for "normal wear and tear", not that it had to be in the same condition as when I had moved in. I sent a letter to the apartment complex and the management company with a copy of the lease, the information from the Fair Housing authority and a promise that if they didn't refund my security deposit that I would seek legal action.

I got a check in the mail about a week later, with all my money.

[Marklar MM]

Put fish in their walls, and complain of stench.

[CuckingFunt]

My first apartment sounds similar to the situation you are describing and I got news for you - it ain't over after you move out. When I finally got out of there, thought I was free and clear until we started talking about the security deposit. They told me that the apartment needed to be in the same condition it was when I had moved in 2 years previous and to expect that I wouldn't get ANYTHING back. We cleaned that place spotless but still, we'd lived in it for 2 years (me and a roommate).

So I contacted the Fair Housing and discovered that there are big fines for not refunding security deposits correctly. Furthermore, my lease agreement said that I was allowed for "normal wear and tear", not that it had to be in the same condition as when I had moved in. I sent a letter to the apartment complex and the management company with a copy of the lease, the information from the Fair Housing authority and a promise that if they didn't refund my security deposit that I would seek legal action.

I got a check in the mail about a week later, with all my money.
Probably sent you a check for the fact that fighting a security deposit dispute isn't worth the trouble. However, "normal wear and tear" generally has more to do with damages than cleaning.





And with that, I'm done with this thread. I fucking hate my job, but still get sucked into lecture mode.

[Samr]

I am sorry, all I got out of your topic post was "blah blah blah my appartment manager guy is an asshole blah blah blah revenge." But if its revenge you are looking for, I have a few ideas, in varying degrees of possible repercussions:

1) Shaving cream. Shaving cream, when used as a writing utensil, is embarassingly juvenile and ineffective. However, shaving cream, when frozen, is a ticking time bomb. Step 1) Freeze one bottle of shaving cream. This turns it into a solid block, which is incredibly stable. Step 2) Using an exacto knife, make holes in the can. Step 3) Toss the frozen cans (plural-- use many of these) through a window, outside of the landlord's door, in the complex swimming pool, down a chimney, up a cat's ass-- basically any place that would cause an inconvenience to the manager if it was completely filled with shaving cream, because as the can defrosts, the cream expands out of the holes. One can covers a fairly large area, so like I said, you need to use several.

2) Weed killer. Go to any generic Home and Garden store and purchase a spray can of weed killer. Spray your message on a grassy area that's seen by as many people as possible. Suggestions for messages include: I HAVE A SMALL PEE-PEE; GONE IN 15 SECONDS; CALL [cell phone number] FOR A GOOD TIME; I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO RUN AN APPARTMENT COMPLEX; I GET OFF TO RIPPING PEOPLE OFF; or if you want the afore-mentioned target murdered, MARK CUBAN IS MY HOMEBOI.

3) Weed in garden. For fear of my own legal reprocussions, I'm just sayin' cops tend to not like it when they find this on someone's property.

4) Dead fish. Dead fish stink. Dead fish that haven't been properly disposed of and are given time to decompose really stink. So hide them around his house, in or around his car, down his chimney, up his cat's ass, etc.

5) Eggs in car vent. Most cars have an air intake right below the windshield wipers. So crack some eggs over them. They'll rot in the sun, and it'll take forever for him to find the source of the rancid stench.

6) Watermelon car crash. Cut the rine off a watermelon, so it's just a slice with the green skin and the white part, then jack his car up. Place a slice of rine under each of his back tires, and lower the car. When he hits the gas to leave, the car won't go anywhere because the tires will be spinning on the slippery watermelon skin. Eventually, however, the tires will wear down the skin and his car/truck will take off unpredictably and rarely controllably. And, much to your approval, he will crash.

7) Dirty pervert cellphone prank. Take a pen or marker wherever you go, and whenever you have to use the restroom, write his number on the wall, with the instructions to "call for a good time" or "if you want 'relieve some tension'." The humor is in the longevity with this prank. He'll be getting calls for years, and he'll have no way to stop it.

[spurs_fan_in_exile]

1) Shaving cream. Shaving cream, when used as a writing utensil, is embarassingly juvenile and ineffective. However, shaving cream, when frozen, is a ticking time bomb. Step 1) Freeze one bottle of shaving cream. This turns it into a solid block, which is incredibly stable. Step 2) Using an exacto knife, make holes in the can. Step 3) Toss the frozen cans (plural-- use many of these) through a window, outside of the landlord's door, in the complex swimming pool, down a chimney, up a cat's ass-- basically any place that would cause an inconvenience to the manager if it was completely filled with shaving cream, because as the can defrosts, the cream expands out of the holes. One can covers a fairly large area, so like I said, you need to use several.

2) Weed killer. Go to any generic Home and Garden store and purchase a spray can of weed killer. Spray your message on a grassy area that's seen by as many people as possible. Suggestions for messages include: I HAVE A SMALL PEE-PEE; GONE IN 15 SECONDS; CALL [cell phone number] FOR A GOOD TIME; I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO RUN AN APPARTMENT COMPLEX; I GET OFF TO RIPPING PEOPLE OFF; or if you want the afore-mentioned target murdered, MARK CUBAN IS MY HOMEBOI.

3) Weed in garden. For fear of my own legal reprocussions, I'm just sayin' cops tend to not like it when they find this on someone's property.

4) Dead fish. Dead fish stink. Dead fish that haven't been properly disposed of and are given time to decompose really stink. So hide them around his house, in or around his car, down his chimney, up his cat's ass, etc.

5) Eggs in car vent. Most cars have an air intake right below the windshield wipers. So crack some eggs over them. They'll rot in the sun, and it'll take forever for him to find the source of the rancid stench.

6) Watermelon car crash. Cut the rine off a watermelon, so it's just a slice with the green skin and the white part, then jack his car up. Place a slice of rine under each of his back tires, and lower the car. When he hits the gas to leave, the car won't go anywhere because the tires will be spinning on the slippery watermelon skin. Eventually, however, the tires will wear down the skin and his car/truck will take off unpredictably and rarely controllably. And, much to your approval, he will crash.

7) Dirty pervert cellphone prank. Take a pen or marker wherever you go, and whenever you have to use the restroom, write his number on the wall, with the instructions to "call for a good time" or "if you want 'relieve some tension'." The humor is in the longevity with this prank. He'll be getting calls for years, and he'll have no way to stop it.

Now THIS is what I'm talking about. Fuck that legal route. Honestly this move is going to be so down to the wire that I don't know if I'll have time to even attempt anything, but thanks for the ideas.

[Samr]

Addendum: I am an asshole. My favorite tool-- and I did mean to use that word-- is confetti. One does not fully respect the destructive nature of these small pieces of paper, or if you're really heartless, foil, until they experience the perennial asswhopping that this common party decor can bring to their environment. You will not comprehend the full impact of what I am obviously about to propose until you do it yourself. This is simple:

Confetti's the prank that keeps on giving. Buy several, and by several I mean about a dozen, packs of confetti. It does not matter which kind, but keep in mind that your victim will be seeing these reminders of their vulnerability for the forseeable future, so if you can get it in colors like hot pink and yellow, this is obviously preferred. My favorite targets are the victims' cars, because generally the cleanliness of such is a source of pride, but confetti is equally as annoying if you combine a cracked window, or a lack of door threshold, with a fan. My car was attacked three months ago and its still giving birth to reminders of why I hate the people I work with.

Really, dollar-for-dollar, and after weighing the risk-vs-reward factor, this is the best way to go. I cannot overstate this.