MannyIsGod
12-10-2006, 04:33 AM
This is probably the most personal thing I've ever posted on Spurstalk. I share a lot on this board, but contrary to what some may think I hold some things very close to my chest. This is something I just want to talk about to people outside of Jess and since I consider some of you very good friends and others will never meet me I guess its as good a place as any. I can't talk to my family about many of these things because it would just make a horrible time harder.
My uncle Danny passed away today. I'm not exactly sure how old he was, but he was in his mid 40s. He's in California so I will not be able to attend the funeral. I come from a poor family, and my mother and aunt can't afford to go so I paid for them rather than go myself. My mother was very close to Danny. I had what I considered a strong bond to him as well, but it had been several years since I had last seen him.
Danny got a really raw fucking deal delt to him. The world is a really cruel place, and I see that when I look at what happend to him. When I was young, I spent my summer's in California with my family. Almost all of them worked in varius fields out there. In the summer it was always strawberry fields. Well, because my entire family worked out there, I would have to go with them and spend the day out there. 90% of the time I spent it with Danny. He drove the trucks that delivered the strawberries to the processing plants, so I would ride around with him when he made the trips. I spent a ton of time around him, and coming from a home with no father he became much like a father to me. I idolized him so much. I would get my mom to buy me clothes like he had because I wanted to dress like him. I got peopel to stop calling me Manuel and to start calling me Manny instead because I wanted to be more like him.
Danny got married eventually and had 2 boys. He was recently divorced because Danny was an Alcoholic and as we later learned a drug addict. He never beat his wife and never mistreated her, but she couldn't handle the blatant alcholism. He spent far too much time drunk. The divorced killed him. I mean that literally. He loved Anna so much and he loved his kids so much it destroyed him completely. He just couldn't stop drinking to save his marriage. I know some people will think that if he loved them so much, he should have just quit the drinking but if only things were that easy. It had such a vicious and nasty grip on him. I don't know whether or not he started using cocaine before or after the divorce, but I do know he was busted recently. He recieved probation and was also ordered to a rehab center. At the time he was also diagnosed with diabetes.
He underwent rehab, and he came out but he came out an alcholic. I don't believe he was using cocaine any longer, but the alcohol was still there. We tried to get him to Texas because California was toxic for him. His ex wife was there and it tore him up to be so close. His kids were there. Just to clear something up as well, Danny was an excellent father, alcoholism or not. He managed to buy a nice house for them, always had them fed, never abused them or anything of the like. He was not a violent drunk or an abusive drunk in any way. He was just a drunk.
Anyhow, my mother tried to get him to Texas, but the State of California dragged their fucking heals on transfering his probation to Texas. Texas already has it on record here, but California would not let him leave. There have been some major miscommunications between the states and a lot of red tape. I can't describe to you how angry it makes me to know that Danny being in Texas may have saved his life, but due to red tape and incompetence he had to stay in California. It got so bad as to where we recieved letters from the probation officer in Texas threatening to revoke his probation if he didn't report. YET CALIFORNIA DIDN"T LET HIM LEAVE THE FUCKING STATE.
In California he was staying with one of my aunts. I love her greatly, but I feel she was very toxic to him as well. Danny was intensely depressed and she's the worst kind of person to be around in that state. She rode him and fought with him constantly over minute shit. I know how she is, and I completely understand how it was there without ever being there for one fight.
Friday, he was sick early in the day. My uncle came over, and they decided to fly my grand parents to California because as bad as he looked they suspected he might be dying. He had recently been somewhat ill and had some fainting spells, but I was never aware that he was close to death. But heres what really makes my blood boil. They decided to fly my grand parents over at 2pm in the afternoon. Danny did not get to a hospital until that night. THAT FUCKING NIGHT. I can't fucking comprehend why on earth you would wait so god damn long to call a fucking ambulance if you suspected he was ill enough to fly over his parents!?!?!?!?!? It just doesn't add up in my head any way I look at it. WHY? WHY WOULD YOUR FIRST REACTION NOT BE TO CALL AN AMBULANCE!?!?!?!?
My mom informed me that all this was happening on Friday night. I was worried, but I don't think I ever suspected the worst. Earlier today I was at my mothers house and we called the hospital to get the news. The nurse told us that his internal organs were poisined but that he was expelling the toxins from his body and they were giving him antibotics. That his body was expelling things was a good sign according to her. She never gave me an official prognosis, but she had an overall positive tone and she sounded upbeat about it.
Less than 2 hours later my aunt called in tears because the doctor had just informed her that Danny would probably not survive the day. His pancrease and kidneys had collapsed and his body was rapidly failing. Later this evening we got the call that Danny had passed away.
I've never had much experience with death. This is the closest person I've ever lost. I'm angry at my aunt and I'm angry at the states. I just feel this wasn't inevitable and there were things that could have been done to prevent it. Danny of course shares a large part of the blame, but I think life treated him so badly there in the end he was just completely broken. I'm not sure Danny wanted to live another day. I spoke to him recently and he didn't sound like a broken man. He sounded like the man I grew up wanting to be exactly like. I hadn't seen him in years, and I won't see him before they bury him. I just wanted to get most of this out and I wanted to say it to someone. I don't want my family to remeber him as a drug addict or drunk. I think they will though.
My uncle Danny passed away today. I'm not exactly sure how old he was, but he was in his mid 40s. He's in California so I will not be able to attend the funeral. I come from a poor family, and my mother and aunt can't afford to go so I paid for them rather than go myself. My mother was very close to Danny. I had what I considered a strong bond to him as well, but it had been several years since I had last seen him.
Danny got a really raw fucking deal delt to him. The world is a really cruel place, and I see that when I look at what happend to him. When I was young, I spent my summer's in California with my family. Almost all of them worked in varius fields out there. In the summer it was always strawberry fields. Well, because my entire family worked out there, I would have to go with them and spend the day out there. 90% of the time I spent it with Danny. He drove the trucks that delivered the strawberries to the processing plants, so I would ride around with him when he made the trips. I spent a ton of time around him, and coming from a home with no father he became much like a father to me. I idolized him so much. I would get my mom to buy me clothes like he had because I wanted to dress like him. I got peopel to stop calling me Manuel and to start calling me Manny instead because I wanted to be more like him.
Danny got married eventually and had 2 boys. He was recently divorced because Danny was an Alcoholic and as we later learned a drug addict. He never beat his wife and never mistreated her, but she couldn't handle the blatant alcholism. He spent far too much time drunk. The divorced killed him. I mean that literally. He loved Anna so much and he loved his kids so much it destroyed him completely. He just couldn't stop drinking to save his marriage. I know some people will think that if he loved them so much, he should have just quit the drinking but if only things were that easy. It had such a vicious and nasty grip on him. I don't know whether or not he started using cocaine before or after the divorce, but I do know he was busted recently. He recieved probation and was also ordered to a rehab center. At the time he was also diagnosed with diabetes.
He underwent rehab, and he came out but he came out an alcholic. I don't believe he was using cocaine any longer, but the alcohol was still there. We tried to get him to Texas because California was toxic for him. His ex wife was there and it tore him up to be so close. His kids were there. Just to clear something up as well, Danny was an excellent father, alcoholism or not. He managed to buy a nice house for them, always had them fed, never abused them or anything of the like. He was not a violent drunk or an abusive drunk in any way. He was just a drunk.
Anyhow, my mother tried to get him to Texas, but the State of California dragged their fucking heals on transfering his probation to Texas. Texas already has it on record here, but California would not let him leave. There have been some major miscommunications between the states and a lot of red tape. I can't describe to you how angry it makes me to know that Danny being in Texas may have saved his life, but due to red tape and incompetence he had to stay in California. It got so bad as to where we recieved letters from the probation officer in Texas threatening to revoke his probation if he didn't report. YET CALIFORNIA DIDN"T LET HIM LEAVE THE FUCKING STATE.
In California he was staying with one of my aunts. I love her greatly, but I feel she was very toxic to him as well. Danny was intensely depressed and she's the worst kind of person to be around in that state. She rode him and fought with him constantly over minute shit. I know how she is, and I completely understand how it was there without ever being there for one fight.
Friday, he was sick early in the day. My uncle came over, and they decided to fly my grand parents to California because as bad as he looked they suspected he might be dying. He had recently been somewhat ill and had some fainting spells, but I was never aware that he was close to death. But heres what really makes my blood boil. They decided to fly my grand parents over at 2pm in the afternoon. Danny did not get to a hospital until that night. THAT FUCKING NIGHT. I can't fucking comprehend why on earth you would wait so god damn long to call a fucking ambulance if you suspected he was ill enough to fly over his parents!?!?!?!?!? It just doesn't add up in my head any way I look at it. WHY? WHY WOULD YOUR FIRST REACTION NOT BE TO CALL AN AMBULANCE!?!?!?!?
My mom informed me that all this was happening on Friday night. I was worried, but I don't think I ever suspected the worst. Earlier today I was at my mothers house and we called the hospital to get the news. The nurse told us that his internal organs were poisined but that he was expelling the toxins from his body and they were giving him antibotics. That his body was expelling things was a good sign according to her. She never gave me an official prognosis, but she had an overall positive tone and she sounded upbeat about it.
Less than 2 hours later my aunt called in tears because the doctor had just informed her that Danny would probably not survive the day. His pancrease and kidneys had collapsed and his body was rapidly failing. Later this evening we got the call that Danny had passed away.
I've never had much experience with death. This is the closest person I've ever lost. I'm angry at my aunt and I'm angry at the states. I just feel this wasn't inevitable and there were things that could have been done to prevent it. Danny of course shares a large part of the blame, but I think life treated him so badly there in the end he was just completely broken. I'm not sure Danny wanted to live another day. I spoke to him recently and he didn't sound like a broken man. He sounded like the man I grew up wanting to be exactly like. I hadn't seen him in years, and I won't see him before they bury him. I just wanted to get most of this out and I wanted to say it to someone. I don't want my family to remeber him as a drug addict or drunk. I think they will though.