Ed Helicopter Jones
01-23-2007, 01:14 PM
FREEZER, SW Texas (AP) -- Spurstalk announced today that veteran poster, Ed Helicopter Jones, known to millions as the "Chopper" was placed on the forum's inactive list after only being re-activated in October of 2006. While only able to maintain a PPD average of 3.1 during his attempted comeback, the Chopper suggested numerous reasons for his return to inactive status:
"Work is a bear right now. With all the deadlines I'm facing I can't believe I'm concerning myself every four hours with whether or not Fletch deserves to be called a 'Guy's Movie'! Everyone knows I love Shelly, but just because she's back I can't stick around if I'm not on my game. Besides, I know Jim will be glad to look after her, even if his manhood, like his biceps, are one-half the size of mine. She'll just have to survive until The Man returns....somehow."
"Mavs fans are driving me nuts. Our fans are driving me nuts. Kids riding their bikes across my lawn are driving me nuts. Everyone's driving me nuts except the guy who's supposed to be driving me nuts...I ordered those damn mail order pecans two weeks ago!! Where the hell are they?!!"
Asked about what he plans to do while on the inactive list Chopper stated that he plans to "roll with his hotties, sipping Crystale." When pressed further on the matter, the Chopper admitted that he'd probably just "sit around the house and fondle myself."
Does this second trip to the DL in less than four months indicate that the Chopper intends to retire from Spurstalk? "Hell no! I've still got a lot of posting in me, I know I do. Right now I've just got some other things that are a little more of a priority. As a result my focus just isn't there so my touch is a little off. I can't do anything unless I can devote the time to it to be the best. Second place just means you're the top loser! But you can bet I'll be back....come March!"
Mr. Jones then began babbling in some incoherent tongue. The only words that could be interpreted sounded like "Spam" and then "you stupid muthaf#$%^%s!" Following this sudden tirade he proceeded to rip off his clothes and slam the door to Spurswoman's freezer, leaving all of us on the outside to wonder. . .why.
"Work is a bear right now. With all the deadlines I'm facing I can't believe I'm concerning myself every four hours with whether or not Fletch deserves to be called a 'Guy's Movie'! Everyone knows I love Shelly, but just because she's back I can't stick around if I'm not on my game. Besides, I know Jim will be glad to look after her, even if his manhood, like his biceps, are one-half the size of mine. She'll just have to survive until The Man returns....somehow."
"Mavs fans are driving me nuts. Our fans are driving me nuts. Kids riding their bikes across my lawn are driving me nuts. Everyone's driving me nuts except the guy who's supposed to be driving me nuts...I ordered those damn mail order pecans two weeks ago!! Where the hell are they?!!"
Asked about what he plans to do while on the inactive list Chopper stated that he plans to "roll with his hotties, sipping Crystale." When pressed further on the matter, the Chopper admitted that he'd probably just "sit around the house and fondle myself."
Does this second trip to the DL in less than four months indicate that the Chopper intends to retire from Spurstalk? "Hell no! I've still got a lot of posting in me, I know I do. Right now I've just got some other things that are a little more of a priority. As a result my focus just isn't there so my touch is a little off. I can't do anything unless I can devote the time to it to be the best. Second place just means you're the top loser! But you can bet I'll be back....come March!"
Mr. Jones then began babbling in some incoherent tongue. The only words that could be interpreted sounded like "Spam" and then "you stupid muthaf#$%^%s!" Following this sudden tirade he proceeded to rip off his clothes and slam the door to Spurswoman's freezer, leaving all of us on the outside to wonder. . .why.