View Full Version : Bad Joke Thread
A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time".
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your dick is bigger than your brother's".
Knock knock
Whos there
Fuck
Fuck who
Fuck this thread.
brokeback deer camp!!
The guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
"Good morning," he said.
They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night."
Johnny_Blaze_47
04-13-2007, 09:48 AM
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?".
The guy says, "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."
"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"
"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"
Marklar MM
04-13-2007, 11:22 AM
What did the five fingers say to the face?
Slap!!!
ShoogarBear
04-13-2007, 11:34 AM
Three guys walked into a bar . . . they were THAT drunk.
spurs_fan_in_exile
04-13-2007, 11:44 AM
I was once engaged to a girl with a wooden leg. It kept getting in the way during sex so I had to break it off.
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to the supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget...."
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower - Cooter, Pete, and K.C.
As they started their decent, Cooter slipped, falling off the tower, and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says,"Well d@mn, someone should go and tell his wife."
K.C. says, "O.K., I'm perty good at that sesitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, K.C.?"
"Cooter's wife gave it to me.", K.C. replies.
"That's unbelievable! You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?!"
"Well, not exactly," K.C. says, "When she answered the door, I said to her 'you must be Cooter's widow.' She said, 'You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow'...then I said 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'"
MoSpur
04-13-2007, 11:58 AM
Why didn't the cookie go to school?
He felt crummy.
Viva Las Espuelas
04-13-2007, 12:00 PM
what do 50 battered women have in common?
they all don't know when to shut the f' up
AlamoSpursFan
04-13-2007, 12:06 PM
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Hey...let's go ride bikes!
Ed Helicopter Jones
04-13-2007, 02:18 PM
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to the supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget...."
:lol That's so bad it's good.
T Park
04-13-2007, 02:22 PM
:lmao
they are all good
especially the wife one at the top.
Summers
04-13-2007, 02:28 PM
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c...
Moo!
One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a
bondage S+M magazine.
This was highly upsetting to her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father
walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said,
"This is what I found in your son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said,
"Well I don't think you should spank him."
T Park
04-13-2007, 02:54 PM
:lol
more more!!
ShoogarBear
04-13-2007, 02:54 PM
:lol
more more!!You sound like Little Johnny.
T Park
04-13-2007, 03:21 PM
Who? :wtf
Mixability
04-13-2007, 03:23 PM
Who? :wtf
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
:pctoss
ShoogarBear
04-13-2007, 03:23 PM
One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room . . .
BacktoBasics
04-13-2007, 03:23 PM
Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.
"It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls.
"How can you tell?" says the other.
"I can smell cock in the air" replies the first hooker.
"Sorry", her friend replied, "I just burped!"
Shelly
04-13-2007, 03:36 PM
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to the supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget...."
that made me lawl
TheTruth
04-13-2007, 04:01 PM
how do you keep a gay baby happy?
STICK THE PACIFIER UP HIS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
T Park
04-13-2007, 04:54 PM
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
Whats he got to do with it?
bendmz
04-13-2007, 05:52 PM
the egg just got dropped into the boiling water.
the egg tells the water, be patient,it may take a few minutes for me to get hard, I just got laid by this chick........
ZipSpan
04-13-2007, 06:54 PM
Why shouldn't you gamble in the jungle?
There are a lot of cheetahs.
ZipSpan
04-13-2007, 07:01 PM
Why do lions always eat raw meat?
They don't know how to cook!!!
Viva Las Espuelas
04-13-2007, 07:31 PM
what do you tell a woman that has two black eyes?
bitch, i done told you twice.
Jekka
04-13-2007, 09:21 PM
what do 50 battered women have in common?
they all don't know when to shut the f' up
what do you tell a woman that has two black eyes?
bitch, i done told you twice.
Do you honestly think you're funny? I realize it's a "bad joke" thread, but that doesn't even approach funny. How much of that shit do you have stored up?
Viva Las Espuelas
04-14-2007, 02:42 AM
Do you honestly think you're funny? I realize it's a "bad joke" thread, but that doesn't even approach funny. How much of that shit do you have stored up?settle down, jekka. i realize you share feelings with manny which says little to me. the thread is labeled bad joke which it is. no need to "rise above". just drink your wine and blend in.
THE ONE AND ONLY
04-14-2007, 02:46 AM
How much of that shit do you have stored up?
Fuck Yeah Man I want more of those jokes!
Viva Las Espuelas
04-14-2007, 02:48 AM
Fuck Yeah Man I want more of those jokes!jekka says it's wrong so i guess i should stop. http://spurstalk.com/forums/images/smilies/smirolleyes.gif
Viva Las Espuelas
04-14-2007, 02:51 AM
this might only appeal to older people
what do you call three asians, a mexican, and three black people?
a sprinkler
chink, chink, chink, spick.............nigga, nigga, nigga.
if you're offended, read the thread heading and grow up.
A girl has been sitting at a bar all night drinking by herself, the bartender notices this and he starts up a conversation with her.
The girl replys to the bar tender "Ugh, I blew chuncks last night, I feel terrible."
The bartender replies "Well, that's okay, everyone vomits once in a while."
The girl replies, " No, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog..."
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.
One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it.
He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."
The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."
Johnny_Blaze_47
04-14-2007, 09:09 PM
Guy goes to the doctor and says he has a sex problem.
"Doc, I can't get aroused when I'm with my wife."
Doc tells the guy to bring his wife in. Next day, guy brings his wife to the doc's office with him.
Doc asks the guy's wife to strip naked. She does.
He walks around looking her up and down.
Doc goes to the guy and whispers in his ear.
"There's nothing wrong with you, she doesn't get me hard, either."
midgetonadonkey
04-14-2007, 09:16 PM
A guy walks into a whore house with two dollars and tells the madam, "What can I get for these two dollars?" She replies, "There isn't much you can get for that but you can have your way with the dead hooker in room 2b." The guy thinks about it and finally agrees. "Sure, why not?" He gives her the two dollars and proceeds upstairs. He has his way with the dead hooker and after 20 minutes he finishes and comes back downstairs. The madame asks him, "So how was it?" He says, "It was great, but at the end her nose started to run. I found it kind of strange." She relies, "Oh, she must've been full."
BorderChic
04-14-2007, 09:46 PM
a newly wed goes to her mother for advice because her new husband would not have sex with her.
Upon observing one nite as they go to bed the mother comes to her daughter with the following advice.
Before you go to bed take a bath in perfumed water, slid your robe off as you step into bed and lay next to your husband very close and rub against him....
As the daughter went to bed after following her mothers advice, she was ready. meanwhile the mother was looking to see the reaction of the husband and much to her surprise, she saw the husband raise his arm and put his hand down between her daughter's legs. at that point the mother knew her advice had worked.......
The next morning the daughter comes to her crying again, and the mother says to her but why..... I saw him put his hand between your legs...
the daughter says, no, no, mother, he was only getting his fingers wet to turn the page of the book he was reading............................ :pctoss
td4mvp21
04-14-2007, 10:07 PM
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.
One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it.
He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."
The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."
:lmao That's really bad, but so funny.
Viva Las Espuelas
04-14-2007, 10:17 PM
are "ethnic" jokes cool here?
DNS Error
04-14-2007, 10:49 PM
A cat, a dog, and a penis are sitting around talking about how thier owners abuse them.
The cat says, "man, my owner makes me crap in a box full of sand.."
the dog's like, " that's nothing, my owner makes me get up and put a newspaper in my mouth to deliver personally to him.
the penis says, "well at least your master doesnt put a bag on your head and make you do pushups until you throw up.."
ZipSpan
04-14-2007, 10:59 PM
A cat, a dog, and a penis are sitting around talking about how thier owners abuse them.
The cat says, "man, my owner makes me crap in a box full of sand.."
the dog's like, " that's nothing, my owner makes me get up and put a newspaper in my mouth to deliver personally to him.
the penis says, "well at least your master doesnt put a bag on your head and make you do pushups until you throw up.."
:lmao
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