MajorMike
04-12-2007, 10:17 AM
By Bob Rybarczyk
SPECIAL TO THE POST-DISPATCH
04/03/2007
Apparently, somewhere along the way, dog poop became a popular toy for little girls.
I was just as surprised to learn this as you are. Little girls aren’t supposed to like poop. Little boys are the ones who like poop. What little boy doesn’t like poop? When I was a kid, a pile of dog duty was a mound of untapped potential.
But little girls aren’t supposed to like poop. It’s gross. It’s brown. It’s stinky. Girls don’t like any of those things. And yet, somehow, some way, someone actually figured out a way to make dog poop fun for girls. And that someone is Barbie.
No, really. Barbie has made dog poop fun.
I’m telling you, if Barbie announces that she’s going to start a company that will invent interstellar travel, establish world peace and create a pill that makes people better-looking, I’m investing.
Anyway, here’s what’s going on with the poop. The Barbie folks recently put out a new doll called, descriptively enough, Barbie With Tanner The Dog. The actual Barbie portion of Barbie With Tanner The Dog is not all that noteworthy. (In other words, she doesn’t poop.)
But Tanner, well, Tanner’s a different story. Tanner The Dog, you see, comes with these little magnetic brown pellets. They’re about the size of an average Tic Tac. Except they’re not Tic Tacs. Not at all.
If your daughter pushes down on Tanner’s tail, his doggy mouth opens, and she can insert one of these “biscuits” (Barbie’s words, not mine) into it. Then all she has to do is shake ol’ Tanner a little bit, lift his tail, and voila, what moments ago was a doggie biscuit is now a completely different kind of doggie biscuit.
Better yet, Barbie can use her magnetic pooper-scooper stick to pick up Tanner’s little intestinal disaster. Ta daaaa, great fun is had by all.
I think they’re running out of ideas for new Barbies
See, to me, as a person who spent a little too much of his childhood studying, poking at, stepping in, and otherwise enjoying dog poop, this whole girl-friendly approach to poop is just a bit weird. Shouldn’t it bother little girls that a single object is both a dog biscuit and a dog dropping? What’s really all that fun about using a little magnetic stick to pick up little magnetic faux-turds?
Most importantly, is Barbie With Tanner The Dog really worthy of being on any little girl’s birthday wish list?
According to my kids, at least, the emphatic answer to that last question is: hell yeah.
My kids are absolutely infatuated with Tanner. The Barbie, to be honest, they could care less about. She’s a dime a dozen. But a pooping dog, that’s something else entirely.
It all got started at my house a few months ago, when I took my kids to a toy store to pick out a few things for their wish lists. My six-year-old, Chi Chi (not her real name), spotted Barbie With Tanner The Dog and practically leaped out of her shoes.
“Pooping Barbie!” she said, frantically pointing to the box. “Daddy, I want a Pooping Barbie!”
As you might imagine, I initially thought she was kidding. “This Barbie poops?” I asked, feeling somewhat but not entirely skeptical. You never know.
“No,” said Gustavo (not her real name), my older daughter. “The dog poops. My friend has one.”
“Pooping Dog Barbie!” Chi Chi repeated, cheerfully oblivious to the conversation flowing over her head.
“You want one on your list, too?” I asked Gustavo. She seemed to be looking at the box longingly.
“Nah,” she said. “I don’t really play with Barbies any more.”
“Suit yourself,” I said. I acted like I was scribbling the name of the toy down on my pad of paper, but I didn’t really write anything. I just couldn’t see the girls playing with a pooping toy. They’re girls. Girls don’t like poop. I assumed they just liked the dog.
But whenever I’d ask Chi Chi what she really wanted for Christmas, she’d always say the same thing: “Pooping Barbie.” Every single time, the same answer. And this from a child who can barely remember to flush the toilet. Though I still thought she’d never really play with it, I officially put the Barbie on her list anyway.
And what do you know…she loved the darn thing. It was the first toy she opened on Christmas Day, and the last one she played with before bed that night. She squealed with delight every time Tanner dropped a magnetic load on the carpet in her room. It was a source of endless joy.
I’m looking forward to the regurgitating budgie
Chi Chi enjoyed it so much that for her birthday last month, she asked for the feline version of the same toy: Teresa With Mika The Cat. Or as Chi Chi called it, “Peeing Cat Barbie.” I guess if Barbie thought dog poop was fun, cat pee was a street party.
And sure enough, Peeing Cat Barbie was almost as big a hit as Pooping Dog Barbie. It wasn’t quite as fun, because water in a miniature sandbox isn’t as awesome as magnetic poop, but it was still a hit.
Pooping Barbie, as she is now known around our house, has even managed to win back a former customer. Just this past weekend, I found Gustavo in Chi Chi’s room, playing with Pooping Barbie and Peeing Cat, and having a ball. Gustavo had managed to find a way to scoop three turd-magnets at the same time and was quite proud of herself.
It was one of those moments when, as a parent, you wonder if your child’s development is somehow going horribly wrong. As I often do when these moments occur, I shook it off and moments later forgot about it entirely.
Then I noticed that Gustavo was looking just a bit forlorn. I asked her what was wrong. “Pooping Barbie’s cool,” she said. “But I just had my birthday and Christmas is really far away. It’s too late for me to ask for one.”
Unreal. I hadn’t seen Gustavo even touch a Barbie in at least two years. I never thought I’d see her play with one again. And what was it that brought her back? That’s right: poop.
Little girls, playing with poop. It boggles the mind. I mean, what’s next, grown men attending Justin Timberlake concerts?
You know, on second thought, let’s not go there.
Bob Rybarczyk ([email protected]) writes stuff. He once plumbed the depths of despair and found that it already had its own Starbucks. Thrilled, he ordered a pumpkin spice latte.
SPECIAL TO THE POST-DISPATCH
04/03/2007
Apparently, somewhere along the way, dog poop became a popular toy for little girls.
I was just as surprised to learn this as you are. Little girls aren’t supposed to like poop. Little boys are the ones who like poop. What little boy doesn’t like poop? When I was a kid, a pile of dog duty was a mound of untapped potential.
But little girls aren’t supposed to like poop. It’s gross. It’s brown. It’s stinky. Girls don’t like any of those things. And yet, somehow, some way, someone actually figured out a way to make dog poop fun for girls. And that someone is Barbie.
No, really. Barbie has made dog poop fun.
I’m telling you, if Barbie announces that she’s going to start a company that will invent interstellar travel, establish world peace and create a pill that makes people better-looking, I’m investing.
Anyway, here’s what’s going on with the poop. The Barbie folks recently put out a new doll called, descriptively enough, Barbie With Tanner The Dog. The actual Barbie portion of Barbie With Tanner The Dog is not all that noteworthy. (In other words, she doesn’t poop.)
But Tanner, well, Tanner’s a different story. Tanner The Dog, you see, comes with these little magnetic brown pellets. They’re about the size of an average Tic Tac. Except they’re not Tic Tacs. Not at all.
If your daughter pushes down on Tanner’s tail, his doggy mouth opens, and she can insert one of these “biscuits” (Barbie’s words, not mine) into it. Then all she has to do is shake ol’ Tanner a little bit, lift his tail, and voila, what moments ago was a doggie biscuit is now a completely different kind of doggie biscuit.
Better yet, Barbie can use her magnetic pooper-scooper stick to pick up Tanner’s little intestinal disaster. Ta daaaa, great fun is had by all.
I think they’re running out of ideas for new Barbies
See, to me, as a person who spent a little too much of his childhood studying, poking at, stepping in, and otherwise enjoying dog poop, this whole girl-friendly approach to poop is just a bit weird. Shouldn’t it bother little girls that a single object is both a dog biscuit and a dog dropping? What’s really all that fun about using a little magnetic stick to pick up little magnetic faux-turds?
Most importantly, is Barbie With Tanner The Dog really worthy of being on any little girl’s birthday wish list?
According to my kids, at least, the emphatic answer to that last question is: hell yeah.
My kids are absolutely infatuated with Tanner. The Barbie, to be honest, they could care less about. She’s a dime a dozen. But a pooping dog, that’s something else entirely.
It all got started at my house a few months ago, when I took my kids to a toy store to pick out a few things for their wish lists. My six-year-old, Chi Chi (not her real name), spotted Barbie With Tanner The Dog and practically leaped out of her shoes.
“Pooping Barbie!” she said, frantically pointing to the box. “Daddy, I want a Pooping Barbie!”
As you might imagine, I initially thought she was kidding. “This Barbie poops?” I asked, feeling somewhat but not entirely skeptical. You never know.
“No,” said Gustavo (not her real name), my older daughter. “The dog poops. My friend has one.”
“Pooping Dog Barbie!” Chi Chi repeated, cheerfully oblivious to the conversation flowing over her head.
“You want one on your list, too?” I asked Gustavo. She seemed to be looking at the box longingly.
“Nah,” she said. “I don’t really play with Barbies any more.”
“Suit yourself,” I said. I acted like I was scribbling the name of the toy down on my pad of paper, but I didn’t really write anything. I just couldn’t see the girls playing with a pooping toy. They’re girls. Girls don’t like poop. I assumed they just liked the dog.
But whenever I’d ask Chi Chi what she really wanted for Christmas, she’d always say the same thing: “Pooping Barbie.” Every single time, the same answer. And this from a child who can barely remember to flush the toilet. Though I still thought she’d never really play with it, I officially put the Barbie on her list anyway.
And what do you know…she loved the darn thing. It was the first toy she opened on Christmas Day, and the last one she played with before bed that night. She squealed with delight every time Tanner dropped a magnetic load on the carpet in her room. It was a source of endless joy.
I’m looking forward to the regurgitating budgie
Chi Chi enjoyed it so much that for her birthday last month, she asked for the feline version of the same toy: Teresa With Mika The Cat. Or as Chi Chi called it, “Peeing Cat Barbie.” I guess if Barbie thought dog poop was fun, cat pee was a street party.
And sure enough, Peeing Cat Barbie was almost as big a hit as Pooping Dog Barbie. It wasn’t quite as fun, because water in a miniature sandbox isn’t as awesome as magnetic poop, but it was still a hit.
Pooping Barbie, as she is now known around our house, has even managed to win back a former customer. Just this past weekend, I found Gustavo in Chi Chi’s room, playing with Pooping Barbie and Peeing Cat, and having a ball. Gustavo had managed to find a way to scoop three turd-magnets at the same time and was quite proud of herself.
It was one of those moments when, as a parent, you wonder if your child’s development is somehow going horribly wrong. As I often do when these moments occur, I shook it off and moments later forgot about it entirely.
Then I noticed that Gustavo was looking just a bit forlorn. I asked her what was wrong. “Pooping Barbie’s cool,” she said. “But I just had my birthday and Christmas is really far away. It’s too late for me to ask for one.”
Unreal. I hadn’t seen Gustavo even touch a Barbie in at least two years. I never thought I’d see her play with one again. And what was it that brought her back? That’s right: poop.
Little girls, playing with poop. It boggles the mind. I mean, what’s next, grown men attending Justin Timberlake concerts?
You know, on second thought, let’s not go there.
Bob Rybarczyk ([email protected]) writes stuff. He once plumbed the depths of despair and found that it already had its own Starbucks. Thrilled, he ordered a pumpkin spice latte.