Subfallen
04-29-2007, 07:28 PM
Latest article (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=jackson/070427).
How does this guy keep getting work? He's a pretentious hack who thinks colorful writing means putting lame slang into every third sentence. Or, in Scoop's case, sentence FRAGMENT. Good lord, I haven't seen such choppy writing since I edited my pet monkey's book of free verse. Maybe I could overlook Scoop's juvenile style if his content was even a little funny or insightful. But he fails completely on both counts, and brings us again to the baffling mystery of his continued employment.
I mean, the above Deng piece would really make a fine Exhibit A for prosecuting Scoop's resignation. This article couldn't be worse.
OK, Scoop deserves some credit for predicting Luol's success. But instead of just taking a brief shot at the experts who disagreed with his predictions, Scoop makes self-congratulation his theme, ignoring proven wisdom that the best humor is self-deprecating. Or, perhaps it is overly generous to assume Scoop is even trying to be funny! Maybe he really imagines people are INTERESTED in his petty bragging. Either way, Scoop adds insult to injury by bragging with obnoxiously vague references to talk shows that surely only he remembers. Some of us have lives outside our SJ Daily Prophesy Diaries, Scoopy!
Even when Scoop finally breaks his masturbatory fit to get around to Deng, he's utterly forgettable. None of his commentary on Luol's quotes adds any depth, although he does repeatedly remind us that Luol lived in Sudan, Brixton, and Durham before playing for the Bulls. In case that's not enough for the cultured reader, Scoop also throws in a blindingly random reference to a Beatles' lyric he implies they plagiarized from Billy Preston. Look at that, the "white-musicians-just-stole/copied-black-influences" theme appearing out of nowhere! Maybe Scoop doubles as an amateur magician.
But this is all foreplay leading up to the lowlight of this article: a paragraph bad enough to deserve some sort of journalistic Razzie. Brace yourself.
He is the last Bull to leave the court after practice. The cameras swarm him. His bright and gentle smile are a perfect complement to his strong African features. In the new international game of basketball, he stands before all as a different type of player. One whose route to get in front of these cameras was vastly different than others who came from different soil to find freedom in this game, in these playoffs.
Here Scoop opens with the tritest situational set-up in sports, then keeps his momentum with a case error ("bright and gentle smile are" [sic].) To cap off this masterpiece, he says---once more!---that Deng is from Sudan, but HE SAYS IT VAGUELY, PRETENTIOUSLY, AND USES SENTENCE FRAGMENTS IN THE PROCESS! Now there's writing for you, god damn it!
Ok, I'm calming down now. But seriously, how does this guy have a job??
How does this guy keep getting work? He's a pretentious hack who thinks colorful writing means putting lame slang into every third sentence. Or, in Scoop's case, sentence FRAGMENT. Good lord, I haven't seen such choppy writing since I edited my pet monkey's book of free verse. Maybe I could overlook Scoop's juvenile style if his content was even a little funny or insightful. But he fails completely on both counts, and brings us again to the baffling mystery of his continued employment.
I mean, the above Deng piece would really make a fine Exhibit A for prosecuting Scoop's resignation. This article couldn't be worse.
OK, Scoop deserves some credit for predicting Luol's success. But instead of just taking a brief shot at the experts who disagreed with his predictions, Scoop makes self-congratulation his theme, ignoring proven wisdom that the best humor is self-deprecating. Or, perhaps it is overly generous to assume Scoop is even trying to be funny! Maybe he really imagines people are INTERESTED in his petty bragging. Either way, Scoop adds insult to injury by bragging with obnoxiously vague references to talk shows that surely only he remembers. Some of us have lives outside our SJ Daily Prophesy Diaries, Scoopy!
Even when Scoop finally breaks his masturbatory fit to get around to Deng, he's utterly forgettable. None of his commentary on Luol's quotes adds any depth, although he does repeatedly remind us that Luol lived in Sudan, Brixton, and Durham before playing for the Bulls. In case that's not enough for the cultured reader, Scoop also throws in a blindingly random reference to a Beatles' lyric he implies they plagiarized from Billy Preston. Look at that, the "white-musicians-just-stole/copied-black-influences" theme appearing out of nowhere! Maybe Scoop doubles as an amateur magician.
But this is all foreplay leading up to the lowlight of this article: a paragraph bad enough to deserve some sort of journalistic Razzie. Brace yourself.
He is the last Bull to leave the court after practice. The cameras swarm him. His bright and gentle smile are a perfect complement to his strong African features. In the new international game of basketball, he stands before all as a different type of player. One whose route to get in front of these cameras was vastly different than others who came from different soil to find freedom in this game, in these playoffs.
Here Scoop opens with the tritest situational set-up in sports, then keeps his momentum with a case error ("bright and gentle smile are" [sic].) To cap off this masterpiece, he says---once more!---that Deng is from Sudan, but HE SAYS IT VAGUELY, PRETENTIOUSLY, AND USES SENTENCE FRAGMENTS IN THE PROCESS! Now there's writing for you, god damn it!
Ok, I'm calming down now. But seriously, how does this guy have a job??