Greg Oden’s Draft Stock Plummets!

[StrangeCheez]

Greg Oden’s Draft Stock Plummets Over Reports of Osteoporosis, Alzheimer’s and Prostate Cancer

One day after the Portland Trail Blazers won the NBA draft lottery and the rights to take him with the No. 1 overall pick, Greg Oden’s draft stock has plummeted over reports that he is afflicted with an array of diseases most often found in elderly men.

Oden’s agent, Mike Conley, Sr., refused to comment directly on the report, but said his client is undergoing the usual battery of tests required of any draft prospect and that initial tests “have uncovered some unusual things.”

But while Conley, Sr. refused to offer any specifics, a league source says Oden is suffering from the early stages of osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s and is positive for prostate cancer.

“It’s sad, but it seems this 19-year-old young man has the body of someone three to four times his age,” said the league source.

Oden’s head coach at Ohio State, Thad Matta, says that while he can’t confirm the reports, he wouldn’t be surprised if they were true.

“No, I’m not surprised at all,” said Matta. “I saw all of this stuff coming. The osteoporosis? If his bones weren’t so brittle, I’m sure he never would have hurt his wrist at the beginning of the year. And the Alzheimer’s? That’s obviously why he acts so strange for someone his age. No 19-year-old kid has that many quirks about him without some sort of brain condition.”

And while Oden no longer seems to be the consensus No. 1 overall pick or even a lottery pick, NBA experts think plummeting out of the top of the draft will be beneficial for him.

“Now he can go to a team at the bottom of the draft who is already good and can use a defensive-minded shot blocker to help them win a title,” said TNT’s Steve Kerr. “Just picture him going to the Suns. He could win a title with them in the next year or two before his body completely falls apart and he dies. It would be a wonderful, if bittersweet way for him to go out.”

Link (http://www.sportspickle.com/features/volume6/2007-0523-oden.html)

[cheguevara]

He looks older than gregg Popovich

[TampaDude]

It's "The Onion" for sports, I see... :lol

[ChumpDumper]

Except The Onion is funny.

[MadDog73]

That's supposed to be funny?

EDIT: chump beat me to it.

[Spurminator]

Except The Onion has a sports section, and it's overtaken Sports Pickle recently.

I mean, a Greg Oden is Old article? Really? Is the next article about how Rasheed Wallace gets a lot of technicals?

[whottt]

Except The Onion is funny.


QFT

[MadDog73]

"Greg Olden"

har-har-har

[mbass]

Greg Oden’s Draft Stock Plummets Over Reports of Osteoporosis, Alzheimer’s and Prostate Cancer

One day after the Portland Trail Blazers won the NBA draft lottery and the rights to take him with the No. 1 overall pick, Greg Oden’s draft stock has plummeted over reports that he is afflicted with an array of diseases most often found in elderly men.

Oden’s agent, Mike Conley, Sr., refused to comment directly on the report, but said his client is undergoing the usual battery of tests required of any draft prospect and that initial tests “have uncovered some unusual things.”

But while Conley, Sr. refused to offer any specifics, a league source says Oden is suffering from the early stages of osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s and is positive for prostate cancer.

“It’s sad, but it seems this 19-year-old young man has the body of someone three to four times his age,” said the league source.

Oden’s head coach at Ohio State, Thad Matta, says that while he can’t confirm the reports, he wouldn’t be surprised if they were true.

“No, I’m not surprised at all,” said Matta. “I saw all of this stuff coming. The osteoporosis? If his bones weren’t so brittle, I’m sure he never would have hurt his wrist at the beginning of the year. And the Alzheimer’s? That’s obviously why he acts so strange for someone his age. No 19-year-old kid has that many quirks about him without some sort of brain condition.”

And while Oden no longer seems to be the consensus No. 1 overall pick or even a lottery pick, NBA experts think plummeting out of the top of the draft will be beneficial for him.

“Now he can go to a team at the bottom of the draft who is already good and can use a defensive-minded shot blocker to help them win a title,” said TNT’s Steve Kerr. “Just picture him going to the Suns. He could win a title with them in the next year or two before his body completely falls apart and he dies. It would be a wonderful, if bittersweet way for him to go out.”

Link (http://www.sportspickle.com/features/volume6/2007-0523-oden.html)

[spurster]

Maybe this is propaganda put out by the Celtics so Oden drops to 5 in the draft.

[41times]

Greg Oden’s Draft Stock Plummets Over Reports of Osteoporosis, Alzheimer’s and Prostate Cancer

One day after the Portland Trail Blazers won the NBA draft lottery and the rights to take him with the No. 1 overall pick, Greg Oden’s draft stock has plummeted over reports that he is afflicted with an array of diseases most often found in elderly men.

Oden’s agent, Mike Conley, Sr., refused to comment directly on the report, but said his client is undergoing the usual battery of tests required of any draft prospect and that initial tests “have uncovered some unusual things.”

But while Conley, Sr. refused to offer any specifics, a league source says Oden is suffering from the early stages of osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s and is positive for prostate cancer.

“It’s sad, but it seems this 19-year-old young man has the body of someone three to four times his age,” said the league source.

Oden’s head coach at Ohio State, Thad Matta, says that while he can’t confirm the reports, he wouldn’t be surprised if they were true.

“No, I’m not surprised at all,” said Matta. “I saw all of this stuff coming. The osteoporosis? If his bones weren’t so brittle, I’m sure he never would have hurt his wrist at the beginning of the year. And the Alzheimer’s? That’s obviously why he acts so strange for someone his age. No 19-year-old kid has that many quirks about him without some sort of brain condition.”

And while Oden no longer seems to be the consensus No. 1 overall pick or even a lottery pick, NBA experts think plummeting out of the top of the draft will be beneficial for him.

“Now he can go to a team at the bottom of the draft who is already good and can use a defensive-minded shot blocker to help them win a title,” said TNT’s Steve Kerr. “Just picture him going to the Suns. He could win a title with them in the next year or two before his body completely falls apart and he dies. It would be a wonderful, if bittersweet way for him to go out.”

Link (http://www.sportspickle.com/features/volume6/2007-0523-oden.html)

This actually makes sense because every time i looked a the dude i thought he looked 35-40 years old? too bad.

[greywheel]

“Now he can go to a team at the bottom of the draft who is already good and can use a defensive-minded shot blocker to help them win a title,” said TNT’s Steve Kerr. “Just picture him going to the Suns. He could win a title with them in the next year or two before his body completely falls apart and he dies. It would be a wonderful, if bittersweet way for him to go out.”

This was actually a pretty good jab at Kerr. Or am I reading into it and giving them too much credit.

[StrangeCheez]

This was actually a pretty good jab at Kerr. Or am I reading into it and giving them too much credit.
I thought it was a good one too. Kerr obv Suns homer.

[mbass]

Guess what - this is a joke.

[GSH]

Guess what - this is a joke.

A joke. No kidding?

If it was true, no one would know about it, and the Celtics would have gotten first pick from the lottery. Remember? "What do Len Bias and a rose have in common?"..."You pick them, and three days later they die."

[GSH]

that wasn't funny!

LOL...it's no less funny than saying Greg Olden has Alzheimer's and cancer. The "rose" joke made the rounds back then, and I'm sure it was well-worn when I heard it the first time. I was just commenting on how bad Boston's luck has been with the draft. The death of Len Bias was pretty hard to believe when it happened. The Celtics had another draft disaster within a couple of years of that incident, too. I just can't remember what it was.

[coachmac87]

if this news is real this is tragic...how can yall make fun of somebody like that...how do u think oden feels...if this is the case then that means no more great big man

[ChumpDumper]

if this news is real this is tragic...how can yall make fun of somebody like that...how do u think oden feels...if this is the case then that means no more great big manI really feel bad for whomever you are coaching.

[coachmac87]

I really feel bad for whomever you are coaching.

i feel bad that ur a hawks fan :lol

[whottt]

i feel bad that ur a hawks fan :lol


PWNT! :tu

[SpurYank]

I don't believe any of these posts. Oden will help the Trailblazers. If not him, Durant will.

[SpurYank]

...and it only helps make the west more interesting. The east may have the money, the stock market, Nooo York, Baaaaston, and the rest of the things that are meaningful for easterners. We in the west have the championships.

[clubalien]

The reason why all these old guy dieases come up is because oden is a druggie and had to have someone else supply the samples so as to not get suspended by the league for drug use..

Next week ricky williams will have results showing he is pregnant

[Kori Ellis]

People thought this article was real?

Usually I mark joke posts, so they don't fool anyone. But I thought this was obviously a joke (and dumb).

[LavaLamp]

...and it only helps make the west more interesting. The east may have the money, the stock market, Nooo York, Baaaaston, and the rest of the things that are meaningful for easterners. We in the west have the championships.


We in the West also have the fastest growing populations, technology-driven economies, real estate markets, and right now the most competitive basketball teams. No complaints here. :)

[milkyway21]

Greg Oden’s Draft Stock Plummets Over Reports of Osteoporosis, Alzheimer’s and Prostate Cancer

One day after the Portland Trail Blazers won the NBA draft lottery and the rights to take him with the No. 1 overall pick, Greg Oden’s draft stock has plummeted over reports that he is afflicted with an array of diseases most often found in elderly men.

:wtf?? this is supposed to be a joke, right? :reading

[Shaolin-Style]

Could have been convinced if it wasn't for the mention of "Prostate Cancer" and "Brittle Bones"