I have a problem

[Dirk Nowitzki]

No one is at my apartment right now and I need to get this off my chest because it is bothering the hell out of me. I know this is a message board and I dont know any of you personally but I guess that doesnt seem to matter right now. Here is my story...


I have been dealing with depression over the past 2 years as I overanalyze things in my life and constantly dwell on them in a negative manner. Things changed with friends and it made me hate life more and more.
Then I met a nice sweet girl last March. I was starting to feel happy again about myself and my life. Her heart and spirit was the thing I loved about her the most. We talked/text messaged/hung out daily about random shit and came so close to being a couple. She would cuddle with me and we would also have deep conversations about all sorts of things.

Then we hung out less and I confronted her about where all this was going. She said she didnt want a relationship for a while (she recently got out of a tough 3 year relationship in March 2006) and just wanted to be friends around in late April. She was going to be my date for our fraternity formal but I had to find another date because I knew it was going to make matters worse. I tried to get my spirits up but I ended up going even more downhill and to add to the woes...she got a boyfriend over a month after I stopped talked to her. Then in early July she said how sorry she was and that she was so selfish and really wanted to be friends. I figured to give it a try. I made the horrible mistake of saying yes (keeping false hope that we could be a couple). I became emotionally attached again when we started to text each other daily. She is treating me like a friend and I just cant go with that. I care too much for her and like her way too much. She thinks everything is fine between us but it really isnt.

She isnt the cause for all my problems as I recently discovered that I am bi-polar. However, whatever self-esteem I was gaining back during my time with her went to shit. It was a huge blow at a time when I didnt think things couldnt get any worse... yet they did. I know I have to accept the fact that she doesnt feel that way about me. She misunderstood me when I said that the more I got to know her...the more I liked her. She thinks I just wanted a friendship the whole time. I know I have to move on and accept the fact that she doesnt feel the same way. The thing is I cant just be friends with her. It is too hard. I dont want to say anything because I dont feel I have to. I dont want things to blow up but I cant pretend our friendship is good enough. She is coming back up to Denton (I go to UNT) around the middle of August and she is excited to see me again. I havent seen her in person since late April.

What do I do? Hold it inside no matter what or say how I truly feel when I am left with no choice? Any insight will help.

[Flea]

No matter how difficult it is you have to end your friendship with her, at least for the moment. If you need to see her in August then do so and explain to her that it is too painful to keep your friendship and why. I hope you are taking medication for your depression and seeking therapy.

[jaffies]

I don't know you, but I'll offer something.

1. Stop routing for the Mavs, it's just an endless streak of disappointment. just fucking with you.

2. You're not bi-polar. Don't believe that shite!! Just because this person has an expensive piece of paper they think they know you well enough to say in their opinion you are sick. How many people at UNT do you know that are graduating with medical degrees, and you know for a fact they are fucking morons? Probably several. Everyone gets depressed every once in a while, not just yourself. Other people do tend to over analyze shit and look on the negative side of things, too. It's a temporary thing. It is not a disease. Parkinson's is a disease, leukemia is a disease, depression is not.

3. FUCK THAT BITCH!! Not literally. Being friends with a chick can be a great thing. But not this ho. Ignore her. Would your life be so horrible if you never got to be cock-teased by her again? You know she doesn't wanna fuck or be in a relationship of any sort, so why bother staying around? It's a waste of time that many people, including myself, have done. Shit...I used to be the mayor of the FriendZone!!
Let's say, for example that she was a guy. Would he make a good friend? Would he be someone that you would wanna be like? Would that person make you fell good about who you are? Or would that person lie to your face and stab you in the back? From the sound of it, she lied to you and told you she wasn't ready for a relationship, and then a month later went and got into a relationship. She lied to you, and fucking led you on! Those are not qualities you want in a friend or a girlfriend. So when she comes to Denton, you ignore that bitch! Don't bother calling her, and if she calls you, answer it, but don't offer to meet her anywhere. What the fuck for?? So she can pull your strings? She likes that shit, she gets off on that more than she would get off on fucking you. Because if she controls you, she wins. If you fuck her, she loses control, and you win. She's a waste of time. And don't fall for that apology bullshit. She obviously doesn't mean what she says, so DON'T GIVE HER ANY MORE CHANCES! She had her shot, and she fucked that up. It's probably happened to her before, and she lost that guy she used to have around her finger....now you're that fucking guy. Don't be that fucking guy!



P.S. about the depression: always remember that someone somewhere has it much worse than you. And repeat these 5 words in your head: get the fuck over it! Never feel sorry for yourself!

[AlamoSpursFan]

Without going into details, I went through a similar situation with a young lady recently. Instead of my usual pining over a hopeless situation routine, I decided to make a concerted effort to MOVE ON. (And no, I'm not being a dickhead and saying "let it go" just to be malicious.) I forced myself to think and do other things than my heart and head were telling me to do, and I really believe it helped me not only move on from the failed relationship at hand, but ones before it as well.

It is a bitter pill to swallow, but the truth is that time heals all wounds. No matter how deep they may be.

[spursfan09]

You need to stop talking to her and give yourself a chance to just completly get over her. You know there will be no kind of relationship.

[peewee's lovechild]

Dude, if you're Bi-polar . . . a love-me/like-me? relationship is the LAST thing you should be pursuing. Just drop it man.

You seem to have come to the realization that she doesn't feel the same way for you as you feel for her. So, let it go. Be friends if you can, but if you can't, just let it go.

It only gets worse if you try to hang on to false hope.

[AlamoSpursFan]

It only gets worse if you try to hang on to false hope.

The Illegitimate Spawn of Peewee speaketh the truth!

:lol

[TheTruth]

You need go to your situation properly diagnosed. Depression isn't something to take too lightly.

[conversekid]

Depression is a disease. Those who suffer from clinical depression can not just "get the fuck over it". Too many people may get diagnosed with this and other anxiety type illnesses and get meds prescribed, but there are those who suffer seriously from this disease.

[J.T.]

I recommend weed.

If that doesn't go well for you, my friend Lindsay Lohan says you can never go wrong with a some of the white lady.

[SAtown]

Stop holding your damn feelings in. Eventually you're going to explode, if you haven't already. Just tell her how you feel (or how you've felt) and to stop messing with your mind. If she doesn't want anything serious with you, she'll let you know, you'll ultimately feel better, and then you can move on.

[Fillmoe]

Depression is a disease. Ending the relationship with this broad would be the best thing for yourself. You don't need a bitch thats gonna drop you on a dime with no excuse.... Ignore her at all costs or you will just get your feelings hurt again. Just remember theres no where but up to go, brighter days are ahead..... Just hold your head...

[cornbread]

2. You're not bi-polar. Don't believe that shite!! Just because this person has an expensive piece of paper they think they know you well enough to say in their opinion you are sick. How many people at UNT do you know that are graduating with medical degrees, and you know for a fact they are fucking morons? Probably several.
There is no medical school at UNT.

It's probably better to trust the diagonsis of the guys with the expensive pieces of paper on their walls than to trust the diagnosis of some guy on an internet forum.

[Warlord23]

Dirk, here's the root of the problem. You aren't self-centered enough and seem to depend on other people to be happy. Believe me, that is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. You need to start making yourself the center of your universe. If your source of sustenance is something outside of you, you're going to get hurt real bad if/when that entity leaves you or changes in a way to affect you.

Stop going through life liking/hating it because of other people. Stop giving so much importance to people around you (friends, partners, whoever). Start looking inward rather than seeking happiness from others. Your source of happiness (or the reason you don't have it) is within you. No need to look outside.

You need to sit back and ask yourself what the heck you want to do about your life. Who do you want to be? Understand that, and set that as your goal. Then go out there and get it. Along the way, good things will happen. Marrriage, kids, the full monty. But now you'll enjoy it the right way because you aren't utterly dependent and clinging towards your relationships. You will have the innate confidence that you can handle any and all reverses in life because you have what it takes to be happy inside of you.

Play like you don't care about the result, and there's a good chance you'll win. Go around being scared of losing things, chances are that you'll lose them.

Good luck.

[peewee's lovechild]

I recommend weed.

If that doesn't go well for you, my friend Lindsay Lohan says you can never go wrong with a some of the white lady.

I prefer the cold comfort of Shiner Bock to get over my depressions.

[Condemned 2 HelLA]

I recommend weed.

If that doesn't go well for you, my friend Lindsay Lohan says you can never go wrong with a some of the white lady.

But you know what they say about the "White Lady", right?
She's a bitch.

[SAtown]

But you know what they say about the "White Lady", right?
She's a bitch.

...an expensive bitch

[Nbadan]

1. Stay on your medication.

2. Stay on your medication...

3. Get your shit together first - no relationship is gonna be worth getting into with you until you have your shit together first, although, it's cool to experiment with chicks you just like as friends in the meantime...


4. A bi-polar Mavericks fan is almost redundant

[jackseven]

No one is at my apartment right now and I need to get this off my chest because it is bothering the hell out of me. I know this is a message board and I dont know any of you personally but I guess that doesnt seem to matter right now. Here is my story...


I have been dealing with depression over the past 2 years as I overanalyze things in my life and constantly dwell on them in a negative manner. Things changed with friends and it made me hate life more and more.
Then I met a nice sweet girl last March. I was starting to feel happy again about myself and my life. Her heart and spirit was the thing I loved about her the most. We talked/text messaged/hung out daily about random shit and came so close to being a couple. She would cuddle with me and we would also have deep conversations about all sorts of things.

Then we hung out less and I confronted her about where all this was going. She said she didnt want a relationship for a while (she recently got out of a tough 3 year relationship in March 2006) and just wanted to be friends around in late April. She was going to be my date for our fraternity formal but I had to find another date because I knew it was going to make matters worse. I tried to get my spirits up but I ended up going even more downhill and to add to the woes...she got a boyfriend over a month after I stopped talked to her. Then in early July she said how sorry she was and that she was so selfish and really wanted to be friends. I figured to give it a try. I made the horrible mistake of saying yes (keeping false hope that we could be a couple). I became emotionally attached again when we started to text each other daily. She is treating me like a friend and I just cant go with that. I care too much for her and like her way too much. She thinks everything is fine between us but it really isnt.

She isnt the cause for all my problems as I recently discovered that I am bi-polar. However, whatever self-esteem I was gaining back during my time with her went to shit. It was a huge blow at a time when I didnt think things couldnt get any worse... yet they did. I know I have to accept the fact that she doesnt feel that way about me. She misunderstood me when I said that the more I got to know her...the more I liked her. She thinks I just wanted a friendship the whole time. I know I have to move on and accept the fact that she doesnt feel the same way. The thing is I cant just be friends with her. It is too hard. I dont want to say anything because I dont feel I have to. I dont want things to blow up but I cant pretend our friendship is good enough. She is coming back up to Denton (I go to UNT) around the middle of August and she is excited to see me again. I havent seen her in person since late April.

What do I do? Hold it inside no matter what or say how I truly feel when I am left with no choice? Any insight will help.




The friends thing isn't going to work. Just tell her look I liked you and I thought you felt the same way, but you don't so us being just friends isn't in the cards.

If you continue, its just a disservice to you because you get teased every time you do something with her (ie "hang out, catch up, text"). I think in the back of her mind, she really knows, but she likes the idea of having someone that likes her.

If you both saw each other as friends, no problem, but you don't so just drop it.

I don't know anything about clinical depression, if you indeed have it. I'm not saying you don't, but I think sometimes people are just sad or act a different way and labels are put on them.

I do know it's always good to surround yourself with positive people who genuinely care about you and that being occupied helps with sadness. Exercise also helps.

I think a great help would be meeting another nice girl. It sounds like once you do a lot of your problems will turn around. Until then, stay busy and positive.

Take up some hobbies, listen to upbeat music, and hang out with your friends.

I wish you the very best. :)

[Dirk Nowitzki]

My replies towards the posters in this thread...

I am taking zoloft but my body feels too used to it that it really doesnt help in any kind of way. I have changing mood swings as well. I go from feeling happy to angry/stressed/overwhelmed/frusterated/easily short tempered within seconds. Tomorrow I am going to make a phone to set up an appointment with a therapist. I know what my problems are but I have such a hard time coping with them. I am also going to set up an appointment with my doctor about my medication situation. I suffer bad anxiety attacks each day hench the changing mood swings. A few questions I have...

Do I let her know in person (when she gets up here within the next few weeks or so) that I need to tell her how this friendship isnt going to work and explain why?

Do I just forget the situation and dont even bother with it until she gets in contact wanting to see me in person?

Say if she doesnt bother to get in contact with me at all...do I just leave the situation alone for good?

It has been hard gaining confidence in myself these past 2 years. I know I act like a Mavs fan on this site who has no life outside of basketball, but shockingly that isnt true at all. I know there is much more to life than sports. I am slowly working on trying to become happy again but god damn it is so tough.

[Dirk Nowitzki]

A another quick side note: I am NOT having thoughts of suicide. I know it is a selfish way to go and how the people I would leave behind would be effected.

[SRJ]

I wish time would heal all wounds. There was an incident from five years ago that ALWAYS feels like it happened yesterday.

[Kori Ellis]

I am taking zoloft but my body feels too used to it that it really doesnt help in any kind of way. I have changing mood swings as well. I go from feeling happy to angry/stressed/overwhelmed/frusterated/easily short tempered within seconds. Tomorrow I am going to make a phone to set up an appointment with a therapist. I know what my problems are but I have such a hard time coping with them. I am also going to set up an appointment with my doctor about my medication situation. I suffer bad anxiety attacks each day hench the changing mood swings. A few questions I have...

Not that I'm a doctor, but Zoloft isn't for bi-polar people. Zoloft is for anxiety and depression, but it's not the treatment if you are actually bi-polar. Bi-polar is something completely different and requires Lithium (or something similar). And though I believe that a lot of people who are just sad or having a hard time dealing with life are misdiagnosed and overmedicated in this country, there are people who are truly bi-polar and it's a difficult disease.

So, please go to a doctor and get analyzed and treated. And don't let them just throw a prescription at you and push you out the door. If you are bi-polar, get on your medication and stay on.

As for the girl situation ... mixed signals are exactly what you don't need. Break it off and distance yourself. Learn to love yourself and cope with your problems before getting back into it with another girl.

Good luck.

[George Gervin's Afro]

I'm not a very religious person ( I don't go to church often enough) however I alwasy feel better after I pray. I never pray for a situation to go away ,rather I pray for strength to deal with what is going on.. Pray man!!

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

P.S. about the depression: always remember that someone somewhere has it much worse than you. And repeat these 5 words in your head: get the fuck over it! Never feel sorry for yourself!

Jaffies, this is not helpful at all. If Dirk has diagnosed depression then it is a chemical imbalance in his brain and no amount of "get the fuck over it" thinking will make a difference. I supported a girlfriend through clinical depression and she kept saying "I know people are worse off than me, and I know I should get over this, but nothing changes..." She didn't realise it was her brain chemicals making her feel that way and that no amount of positive thinking would help her until I did some research and explained to her that she needed professional help. She took her meds for a few months, got a lot of rest, and slowly became herself again.

Also, Dirk, don't go anywhere near weed or alcohol, they will just take you down a very dark road.

As has already been said, stay on your meds, get plenty of exercise, make sure you are working towards something positive, and break all contact with this person. Like the others, I've been in a situation just like yours and it just ends up hurting more and more. Call her up, tell her that you don't want to have any more contact with her, and if you want to, tell her why. However, don't get sucked in by her to remaining friends - you are only torturing yourself by doing that.

Good luck.

[Dirk Nowitzki]

Not that I'm a doctor, but Zoloft isn't for bi-polar people. Zoloft is for anxiety and depression, but it's not the treatment if you are actually bi-polar. Bi-polar is something completely different and requires Lithium (or something similar). And though I believe that a lot of people who are just sad or having a hard time dealing with life are misdiagnosed and overmedicated in this country, there are people who are truly bi-polar and it's a difficult disease.

So, please go to a doctor and get analyzed and treated. And don't let them just throw a prescription at you and push you out the door. If you are bi-polar, get on your medication and stay on.

As for the girl situation ... mixed signals are exactly what you don't need. Break it off and distance yourself. Learn to love yourself and cope with your problems before getting back into it with another girl.

Good luck.

Thats why I am going to the doctor to see if I am bi-polar. I havent confirmed it with him yet. I just did some reasearch and saw the signs and symptons of being bi-polar relate to me so much so I felt like it was right on the money. I was taking zoloft to handle my bad anxiety that I suffer from since January 2005. You are totally right about learning to love yourself. Its my biggest hurdle is doing that.

As for this girl, I am more than convinced that I need to break things off but I am a person who prefers to do this face to face. Text messages/phone call/ or email isnt the route I want to go.

[2centsworth]

God has already figured it out for you. It's just a matter of reading the bible and leaving your trouble in his hands. You will not do better than that.


I would suggest reading Matthew 6:25-33

26" Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Nevertheless, get diagnosed by a medical professional. As Kori said, Lithium is usually prescribed to bi-polar people..

[florige]

You need to stop talking to her and give yourself a chance to just completly get over her. You know there will be no kind of relationship.


I agree with this statement. IMO the worst thing you can do is continue to talk to her on a "friendship" level. That never works especially if you still have feelings for shorty. Just find something else to occupy your time away. Go out with your boys, give us Spurs fans hell up on here, a number of things to keep your mid off of her. It will be kinda difficult at first, but after a few weeks to a month you will be over her, and talking about another girl you met.

[florige]

Depression is a disease. Ending the relationship with this broad would be the best thing for yourself. You don't need a bitch thats gonna drop you on a dime with no excuse.... Ignore her at all costs or you will just get your feelings hurt again. Just remember theres no where but up to go, brighter days are ahead..... Just hold your head...


If he still likes her it's gonna be hard for him to ignore her at first, even if he does have other females he talks to. At least at first anyway. I've been down that road before. I'd be like, yeah I'll just ignore her calls when she calls me.... Puuuulease that didn't work for crap let me tell you that!

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

If he still likes her it's gonna be hard for him to ignore her at first, even if he does have other females he talks to. At least at first anyway. I've been down that road before. I'd be like, yeah I'll just ignore her calls when she calls me.... Puuuulease that didn't work for crap let me tell you that!

Yup. Gotta break it off clean, both with the person and IN YOUR OWN MIND. Every time you catch yourself dreaming about her, and "maybe", you've got to kill that thought and keep doing it until you don't have those thoughts any more.

[Kori Ellis]

Thats why I am going to the doctor to see if I am bi-polar. I havent confirmed it with him yet. I just did some reasearch and saw the signs and symptons of being bi-polar relate to me so much so I felt like it was right on the money. I was taking zoloft to handle my bad anxiety that I suffer from since January 2005. You are totally right about learning to love yourself. Its my biggest hurdle is doing that.

As for this girl, I am more than convinced that I need to break things off but I am a person who prefers to do this face to face. Text messages/phone call/ or email isnt the route I want to go.

Well, good luck with the doctor. The percentage of people that are really bi-polar is relatively low. You could just be going through a rough time and just need time to work through things, God's help to get you there, or maybe counseling and medication.

Like other posters have suggested, praying is a good thing.

I have dealt with two people ever who are actually bi-polar. It's pretty rough - days of depression where the person physically can't get out of bed, followed by days and days of mania where they can't bring themselves down from the high - and sometimes a lot of rage somewhere between.

But if you can find the right balance of medication, you can easily lead a regular and very happy life.

Just be careful in your diagnosis. Lithium is a strong drug.

I'm glad you felt like you could post your problems here.

I suggest you deal with the girl and end it as soon as you can. It's not healthy for either of you to be in an half-ass relationship when you are dealing with bigger issues.

[Dirk Nowitzki]

Well, good luck with the doctor. The percentage of people that are really bi-polar is relatively low. You could just be going through a rough time and just need time to work through things, God's help to get you there, or maybe counseling and medication.

Like other posters have suggested, praying is a good thing.

I have dealt with two people ever who are actually bi-polar. It's pretty rough - days of depression where the person physically can't get out of bed, followed by days and days of mania where they can't bring themselves down from the high - and sometimes a lot of rage somewhere between.

But if you can find the right balance of medication, you can easily lead a regular and very happy life.

Just be careful in your diagnosis. Lithium is a strong drug.

I'm glad you felt like you could post your problems here.

I suggest you deal with the girl and end it as soon as you can. It's not healthy for either of you to be in an half-ass relationship when you are dealing with bigger issues.

Man that is pretty rough. I guess I will know answers once I get tested for it and all. I am glad I could actually post my problems on here and people could give me some advice and all. I just really needed to get this off my chest and I saw how the club is for "discussing anything on your mind/ letting it all hang out" so I did just that.

If ending this as soon as possible is the way to go, then I guess doing it in person is no longer an option. I just remembered that she plans on coming up here this Saturday/Sunday and I am leaving out of town either Friday or Saturday morning. I really appreciate the help from you and everybody else in thread. This has really helped me a lot. :)

[jackseven]

Thats why I am going to the doctor to see if I am bi-polar. I havent confirmed it with him yet. I just did some reasearch and saw the signs and symptons of being bi-polar relate to me so much so I felt like it was right on the money. I was taking zoloft to handle my bad anxiety that I suffer from since January 2005. You are totally right about learning to love yourself. Its my biggest hurdle is doing that.

As for this girl, I am more than convinced that I need to break things off but I am a person who prefers to do this face to face. Text messages/phone call/ or email isnt the route I want to go.

Obviously only my opinion, but I wouldn't let her come all the way up there with the primary intention of spending time with you and then telling her you don't want to be friends anymore. It doesn't have to be face to face by any common thinking since you two were never more than friends. But if she drives any significant time to have you say hey I can't be friends with you anymore, that's not really fair if you put yourself in her shoes.

I think when you work your way into seeing someone one last time that's really your subconscious hoping that everything falls into place, not a finalization of the breakup. I don't think in the court of sense you're obligated to say this in person.

[jaffies]

Jaffies, this is not helpful at all. If Dirk has diagnosed depression then it is a chemical imbalance in his brain and no amount of "get the fuck over it" thinking will make a difference. I supported a girlfriend through clinical depression and she kept saying "I know people are worse off than me, and I know I should get over this, but nothing changes..." She didn't realise it was her brain chemicals making her feel that way and that no amount of positive thinking would help her until I did some research and explained to her that she needed professional help. She took her meds for a few months, got a lot of rest, and slowly became herself again.




I obviously don't know all the answers, nor am I trying to diagnose in any way, shape or form. The OP asked for assistance and I responded with what know to be helpful. It definitely won't be helpful to all and it may or may not work in the case of the OP's situation. But it DID work for me.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression 9 years ago in 1997 in Mcallen, diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 2000 in San Antonio, diagnosed again with both in 2004 in Chicago. During those years I was on Zoloft, trileptal, paroxetine, budeprion xl, and depakote (not all at once, ofcourse). I did regularly take these medications according to the directions from the MD, and for the amount of time that they requested. They never helped. I am NOT a doctor and I'm not saying that these medications won't work in any case, just that they did nothing in mine.

The biggest thing that I didn't like was that I felt completely helpless when it came to the problems in my life. I thought that there was nothing I could do in life that could make me feel better because the chemicals in my brain wouldn't let that happen. It was people, like the people in this thread, that helped me with their advice and I took it upon myself to actually change my entire way of thinking.

However, it absolutely was NOT something that happened overnight (obviously). It was years and years of advice (sometimes downright mean advice) from friends, strangers and the like, that I ignored and ignored because I thought my body wouldn't allow me to be happy.

[MI21]

Dirk, would this girl be your first GF or relationship if she happened to feel the same way about you? This sounds like a heavy heavy crush on someone that would typically come from an inexperienced guy. (That's not a jab, just a question, we've all been there)

I ask because sometimes a girl can be put on a pedestal if that is the case, which is what really can make it hard to break off contact and throw away your feelings towards her, especially if you are getting a little bit older (20, 21, 22ish) and are perhaps starting to wonder if you will ever find that special person... I say this because if that is the situation, everything gets magnified. You fall for her that much more, you get that much more sad when she doesn't feel the same way, and it would eventually lead to wondering if you will ever have someone etc etc... Which to me isn't real depression exactly... it's more heavy worrying and feeling of rejection towards a mind that hasn't had to deal with it before..

[Peter]

All you can do is focus on what you can control. This is not a magic solution, for there is none. Just buckle down, make sure that you take care of what you need to do with respect to your studies and career. Seeking medical help is not a bad idea, but just know that someday you will have made it through this and it will seem trivial. It sucks now, but you'll get through it.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

I obviously don't know all the answers, nor am I trying to diagnose in any way, shape or form. The OP asked for assistance and I responded with what know to be helpful. It definitely won't be helpful to all and it may or may not work in the case of the OP's situation. But it DID work for me.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression 9 years ago in 1997 in Mcallen, diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in 2000 in San Antonio, diagnosed again with both in 2004 in Chicago. During those years I was on Zoloft, trileptal, paroxetine, budeprion xl, and depakote (not all at once, ofcourse). I did regularly take these medications according to the directions from the MD, and for the amount of time that they requested. They never helped. I am NOT a doctor and I'm not saying that these medications won't work in any case, just that they did nothing in mine.

The biggest thing that I didn't like was that I felt completely helpless when it came to the problems in my life. I thought that there was nothing I could do in life that could make me feel better because the chemicals in my brain wouldn't let that happen. It was people, like the people in this thread, that helped me with their advice and I took it upon myself to actually change my entire way of thinking.

However, it absolutely was NOT something that happened overnight (obviously). It was years and years of advice (sometimes downright mean advice) from friends, strangers and the like, that I ignored and ignored because I thought my body wouldn't allow me to be happy.

Fair enough, sounds like you've been through a lot. I thought you may have been one of those "you're too weak - get over it" types who look from the outside and think that it's the person's fault that they are fucked up, but obviously not. I apologise if I was harsh.

The line between feeling "down" for an extended period and clinical depression/bipolar disorder is a really difficult one, and there is a lot of over-diagnosing going on. Also, falling into a victim mentality is never going to help anyone recover from their problems. Nor is pretending those problems aren't sometimes physiologically based. Very difficult area.

There is one glaring piece of advice coming out of this thread though, and that is don't muck around with this girl, Dirk. From personal experience, I vouch for that one. Cut it quick and clean and never speak to her again as long as you feel anything for her, because that road is a world of pain and will only be exacerbated by your other issues.

[jaffies]

Fair enough, sounds like you've been through a lot. I thought you may have been one of those "you're too weak - get over it" types who look from the outside and think that it's the person's fault that they are fucked up, but obviously not. I apologise if I was harsh.

The line between feeling "down" for an extended period and clinical depression/bipolar disorder is a really difficult one, and there is a lot of over-diagnosing going on. Also, falling into a victim mentality is never going to help anyone recover from their problems. Nor is pretending those problems aren't sometimes physiologically based. Very difficult area.

There is one glaring piece of advice coming out of this thread though, and that is don't muck around with this girl, Dirk. From personal experience, I vouch for that one. Cut it quick and clean and never speak to her again as long as you feel anything for her, because that road is a world of pain and will only be exacerbated by your other issues.


:tu to every word you typed

[Leetonidas]

I kinda feel bad having that quote in my sig now. :depressed

[E20]

You're pretty gutsy for posting this. Hope you feel better....................................

[Dirk Nowitzki]

I kinda feel bad having that quote in my sig now. :depressed


Keep it in their. Basketball is just a game. I know that. :p:

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

You're pretty gutsy for posting this. Hope you feel better....................................

Agreed.

And respect from a troll! Even better!

Hang in there, sort out the stuff you have control over, and remember that your whole life can change in an instant - the key is putting yourself out in the world.

[BeerIsGood!]

You can't underestimate the power of positive thought. Our brains have the capability to do some really wonderful and powerful things if we learn how to use it. In my life I've found positive thinking is habitual, and once you get it going things are much easier in life to digest. If you have a strong and reliable family, let them help you too. Drugs alone can't change a person's mentality, you have to really want to change it and be willing to do what it takes as well.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

You can't underestimate the power of positive thought. Our brains have the capability to do some really wonderful and powerful things if we learn how to use it. In my life I've found positive thinking is habitual, and once you get it going things are much easier in life to digest. If you have a strong and reliable family, let them help you too. Drugs alone can't change a person's mentality, you have to really want to change it and be willing to do what it takes as well.

That's true, but the point I was trying to make is that sometimes things go beyond the realm that positive thought alone can affect. ie brain physiology.

I watched my girlfriend go from a stable, happy person to clinical depression over a 3 month period, during which none of the rest of us (her family and friends and myself) could do anything to help. She also blamed herself for feeling that way.

I finally convinced her to see a psychiatrist, she was prescribed some drugs for a while, and she got a lot of rest (she had been working 80 hour weeks for 4 years then a bunch of things went wrong in her life all at once). She was able to stop the drugs and get back to normal after about 4 months and has been mostly free of depression in the two years since.

All I'm saying is that sometimes positive thinking isn't quite enough, and also that depressed people can blame themselves for their inability to feel better through positive thinking alone. At least that's what happened with my ex.

[BeerIsGood!]

That's true, but the point I was trying to make is that sometimes things go beyond the realm that positive thought alone can affect. ie brain physiology.

I watched my girlfriend go from a stable, happy person to clinical depression over a 3 month period, during which none of the rest of us (her family and friends and myself) could do anything to help. She also blamed herself for feeling that way.

I finally convinced her to see a psychiatrist, she was prescribed some drugs for a while, and she got a lot of rest (she had been working 80 hour weeks for 4 years then a bunch of things went wrong in her life all at once). She was able to stop the drugs and get back to normal after about 4 months and has been mostly free of depression in the two years since.

All I'm saying is that sometimes positive thinking isn't quite enough, and also that depressed people can blame themselves for their inability to feel better through positive thinking alone. At least that's what happened with my ex.

I have to admit - I hadn't read anything you posted in this thread before replying to the OP. Proper diagnosis and drugs if needed are essential, but so is having the will to better yourself and your condition. Negative thinking kills that and facilitates depression no matter how many drugs you ingest. You have to have the foundation of a positive outlook before anything will change for the better.

[Dirk Nowitzki]

Dirk, would this girl be your first GF or relationship if she happened to feel the same way about you? This sounds like a heavy heavy crush on someone that would typically come from an inexperienced guy. (That's not a jab, just a question, we've all been there)

I ask because sometimes a girl can be put on a pedestal if that is the case, which is what really can make it hard to break off contact and throw away your feelings towards her, especially if you are getting a little bit older (20, 21, 22ish) and are perhaps starting to wonder if you will ever find that special person... I say this because if that is the situation, everything gets magnified. You fall for her that much more, you get that much more sad when she doesn't feel the same way, and it would eventually lead to wondering if you will ever have someone etc etc... Which to me isn't real depression exactly... it's more heavy worrying and feeling of rejection towards a mind that hasn't had to deal with it before..

For the first 17 years I either wasnt interested or didnt have a pair of nuts to ask a girl out on a date. My senior year of high school I have the fuck it attitude. Talk to this girl in one of my classes alot and it looked like things were going great. Our first/last date she constantly talks about memories with her ex boyfriend. "Let me pay for your ticket...it was what I did on me and my ex b/f's first date" "Lets sit in the middle...it is where me and my b/f sat" I was pissed and I ditched her at the theater and said fuck trying to date the rest of my senior year.

I start college and more bad luck arrives. The first girl was so insecure with herself that we stopped talking. The 2nd girl was a friend who didnt have the same feelings as me. The 3rd was this recent one. I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to dating. I have had a number of chances to do friends with benefits but the people I had a chance to do that with I liked a lot more than just wanting to fuck them. That easily would of fucked me up emotionally. I have guy friends who have girl friends and they tend to be in the right situation but it isnt like that for me at all.

[MoSpur]

Dirk, here's the root of the problem. You aren't self-centered enough and seem to depend on other people to be happy. Believe me, that is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. You need to start making yourself the center of your universe. If your source of sustenance is something outside of you, you're going to get hurt real bad if/when that entity leaves you or changes in a way to affect you.

Stop going through life liking/hating it because of other people. Stop giving so much importance to people around you (friends, partners, whoever). Start looking inward rather than seeking happiness from others. Your source of happiness (or the reason you don't have it) is within you. No need to look outside.

You need to sit back and ask yourself what the heck you want to do about your life. Who do you want to be? Understand that, and set that as your goal. Then go out there and get it. Along the way, good things will happen. Marrriage, kids, the full monty. But now you'll enjoy it the right way because you aren't utterly dependent and clinging towards your relationships. You will have the innate confidence that you can handle any and all reverses in life because you have what it takes to be happy inside of you.

Play like you don't care about the result, and there's a good chance you'll win. Go around being scared of losing things, chances are that you'll lose them.

Good luck.

:clap

I agree with this post. About five years ago, I had anxiety attacks bad. I never got treated medically for them. All I did was pray. Everyday I prayed. It was all in my mind. God pulled me out of that and I can't say I haven't gotten an attack since, but when an attack tries to creep in, I pray right away and decide that its all in my mind. Our mind is a battlefield. Where always going back and forth on things.

I think you should cut your ties with this girl right away. Don't be a jerk about it, but do it fast. You should surround yourself with people who are going to build you up, not bring you down. I feel you man and I wish you the best. I will pray for you as I pray for myself.

Just remember that you're one of God's children and He would do anything for his child.

[Dirk Nowitzki]

Speaking of my situation, I tried to call her but it went straight to her voicemail so I sent her an email telling her that being friends isnt going to work. I explained why it wont work and I told her to be happy. At the moment I can honestly say I feel better. Also thank you to the poster/posters who told me that relying on people to have happiness is the wrong way to go. That helped really cleared some issues up. I need to be selfish/self-centered about this part of my life and not rely on people to make me happy.

[MoSpur]

Speaking of my situation, I tried to call her but it went straight to her voicemail so I sent her an email telling her that being friends isnt going to work. I explained why it wont work and I told her to be happy. At the moment I can honestly say I feel better. Also thank you to the poster/posters who told me that relying on people to have happiness is the wrong way to go. That helped really cleared some issues up. I need to be selfish/self-centered about this part of my life and not rely on people to make me happy.

Way to go man. You're on your way. Saying goodbye to a girl is very hard, but the faster you do it, the better. You are the only one who can decide on whether you're joyful or the opposite. People who you develop relationships can alter that inner joy you have. You have to be smart enough to cut those people who take that joy away.

[tlongII]

I'm not a doctor, I just pretend to be one on the internet. My advice is this: GET A HOBBY! Doesn't matter what it is, but hopefully something you enjoy spending a lot of time doing. Personally I wouldn't trust a psych doctor any further than I could throw him. If you want to be bipolar I can almost guarantee that is how they will diagnose you. They will prescribe you drugs just to see if it makes you feel better without knowing for certain if they are appropriate. You need to occupy your mind with something positive. Don't starting smoking weed or other drugs. That will only make things worse eventually. If you fixate on a failed relationship with some chick it will only cause you pain.

[TDMVPDPOY]

do what i did, goto pub drink up and forget about it

i still see the person at meets, but i dont look at her or talk about her, or make jokes about it, just totally ignore her or put her on mute....

they build your hopes up and play you like a fool, fuck that.

thats the problem with love/relationships, when it comes, it comes, dont force the issue....you do know good guys finish last right :(:( so fuk it

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Speaking of my situation, I tried to call her but it went straight to her voicemail so I sent her an email telling her that being friends isnt going to work. I explained why it wont work and I told her to be happy. At the moment I can honestly say I feel better. Also thank you to the poster/posters who told me that relying on people to have happiness is the wrong way to go. That helped really cleared some issues up. I need to be selfish/self-centered about this part of my life and not rely on people to make me happy.

Nice work mate. Uncertainty is a killer, but now that you've resolved it you can move on. Oh, and you may relapse and start thinking about her in a few days - if that happens, discipline yourself out of it. Every time you think about her just say the word "no" or "gone" or "move on". It works for me, anyway.

As for your bad luck with women, I totally feel you... hell, I'm thinking about writing a book about my romantic disasters between age 16-25. It would be a comedy bestseller!

One of the best was when I wrote a letter to a girl who I had loved for two years and had suffered through "friendship" with just as you describe. I had heard that a certain fuckwit at my school was going to try to sleep with her (she was a virgin), and my letter told her this and much more... so what did she do? Show her entire school the letter and alienate me from all but one of my friends there. Also, it was two weeks before final exams! Then, to put the cherry on top, weeks later, quoting my letter ("why can't you go out with someone nice for a change?"), she started seeing MY BEST FRIEND.

And that, my friend, is merely the tip of the iceberg... :lmao

[sabar]

I'd offer advice but I'm sure it would be useless. We all think differently logically. No matter what people say, they interpret it differently. In essence, get a hobby and don't obsess over love. It comes naturally and searching for it and forcing the issue will lead nowhere. Do something to leave a mark on the world. Write a book, a blog, create something, volunteer at a animal shelter or an orphanage. Make the world a better place. Making a significant other happy should be a goal, but when you force at it, it never comes. Do things for random strangers and you'd be surprised at how good you can feel.

Toss her out the door and live life. You will undoubtedly meet thousands of other people over the months and eventually you'll find one that feels the same about you as you feel about them.

But the most important thing by far is realizing this very fact, not just doing it. Realizing that letting someone toy with you is pointless in the grand scheme of things, realizing that when you do find a perfect person that this will look silly in the past. Over analyzing things is good as long as you are realistic with it.

[J.T.]

Oh btw, Dirk, what frat are you in at UNT? I used to be in a frat at my school but I had a falling out and decided to quit earlier this year. (and I think it's really funny how, when they are rushing you, they are so cool with you, then when you quit they say "fuck you we don't need trash like you in our frat!" :lol)

I really enjoy life a lot more now that I don't have 60 fake friends.

[easjer]

You got a lot of really great advice here, and it sounds like you are already taking positive steps forward. I've dealt with depression, both in my life and in the lives of the people I love most, and it's a hard, hard thing to deal with.

I think therapy is a wonderful thing and a great idea, even if you are on medication. There are a lot of things that go on and sometimes it's great to have someone there to help you work through them. Being really comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are is going to go a long way in helping you build a healthy relationship with someone else.

I had a 'friendship' exactly as you describe it in college, he'd tell me how wonderful I was and what an amazing person I was. He'd date other people, but he'd be back with me at night (that sounds a lot dirtier than it should - we were never sexual). The reason he couldn't date wonderful me? No attraction - I wasn't skinny enough for him. That did wonders for my self-confidence. Once I was away from him (b/c of circumstance) I was happier and it was amazing how much better my life was. No more pain, no more lingering uncertainty, no more damaged self-esteem (that quickly became reliant on him for everything), no more lying to myself about how I felt and what I wanted out of the relationship just to be able to be with him.

I barely recognize that person now. I'm so much happier, and found a relationship with someone who loves me for who I am and supports me in who I am and builds me up, and that is a wonderful thing. I could never go back to that half-life I was living before.

I wish you luck and send you love (even if you are a mavs fan), because you are a decent person. Keep taking those positive steps and work on putting your life together for you. You'll feel so much better soon.

[TDMVPDPOY]

i good wank would clear your mind man.......


brightened up man, theres plenty of chicks out there and at the end of the day you still got your friends around you.....

[J.T.]

I had a 'friendship' exactly as you describe it in college, he'd tell me how wonderful I was and what an amazing person I was. He'd date other people, but he'd be back with me at night (that sounds a lot dirtier than it should - we were never sexual). The reason he couldn't date wonderful me? No attraction - I wasn't skinny enough for him. That did wonders for my self-confidence. Once I was away from him (b/c of circumstance) I was happier and it was amazing how much better my life was. No more pain, no more lingering uncertainty, no more damaged self-esteem (that quickly became reliant on him for everything), no more lying to myself about how I felt and what I wanted out of the relationship just to be able to be with him.

Most dudes in college are pretty shallow like that. I can't count how many women I've met in college who think they are going to meet their future husband at school... I guess it could happen but most of my friends are more interested in sex and alcohol than relationships.

[mrsmaalox]

For the first 17 years I either wasnt interested or didnt have a pair of nuts to ask a girl out on a date. My senior year of high school I have the fuck it attitude. Talk to this girl in one of my classes alot and it looked like things were going great. Our first/last date she constantly talks about memories with her ex boyfriend. "Let me pay for your ticket...it was what I did on me and my ex b/f's first date" "Lets sit in the middle...it is where me and my b/f sat" I was pissed and I ditched her at the theater and said fuck trying to date the rest of my senior year.

I start college and more bad luck arrives. The first girl was so insecure with herself that we stopped talking. The 2nd girl was a friend who didnt have the same feelings as me. The 3rd was this recent one. I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to dating. I have had a number of chances to do friends with benefits but the people I had a chance to do that with I liked a lot more than just wanting to fuck them. That easily would of fucked me up emotionally. I have guy friends who have girl friends and they tend to be in the right situation but it isnt like that for me at all. Dirk, you've done the right thing trying to make the clean break. But, man, you are so young and this is only you're 4th girlfriend exerience! Concentrate on your education and making yourself the person you want to be! Believe me, at your age there are still many girls that will come and go; and if each time one of them goes a piece of you goes too, what's going to be left? This is the time to be about yourself.......soon enough your life will be about others(children) and you won't have this opportunity again for a LONG time. Go to college, have lots of friends, enjoy their company and grow your heart and mind!! The only "relationship" you need right now is with yourself; now is the time to "prepare" for the relationship. You want to enter a relationship being the most well rounded, self-actualized person you can be; otherwise it's not fair to you or the other person. You sound like a very sensitive person-that's okay;just be sure you control your sensitivity and not hand it to someone else to control. Your mental health is very important; if you think you need professional help-get it. You'll need every tool available once you get out into the "real world"!

Sorry if I sound too motherish, but I am mother and I can't help it!! And also...here goes....."Listen to me, I've already been through all that" and "IF I only knew then what I know now"! I'll refrain from the jumping off a cliff and clean underwear stuff. :lol Good luck to you!! My best wishes are with you!!

[J.T.]

For the first 17 years I either wasnt interested or didnt have a pair of nuts to ask a girl out on a date. My senior year of high school I have the fuck it attitude. Talk to this girl in one of my classes alot and it looked like things were going great. Our first/last date she constantly talks about memories with her ex boyfriend. "Let me pay for your ticket...it was what I did on me and my ex b/f's first date" "Lets sit in the middle...it is where me and my b/f sat" I was pissed and I ditched her at the theater and said fuck trying to date the rest of my senior year.

I start college and more bad luck arrives. The first girl was so insecure with herself that we stopped talking. The 2nd girl was a friend who didnt have the same feelings as me. The 3rd was this recent one. I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to dating. I have had a number of chances to do friends with benefits but the people I had a chance to do that with I liked a lot more than just wanting to fuck them. That easily would of fucked me up emotionally. I have guy friends who have girl friends and they tend to be in the right situation but it isnt like that for me at all.


"You know what your problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

Don't be Steve Carrell!

Honestly Dirk it seems like you are treating every woman you meet as a potential relationship/spouse candidate. That certainly could be the case but you definitely aren't going to have a relationship with every woman you meet. And after the first couple of times you talk to a woman, if no sparks go off, then you are mostdef relegated to "Friend Zone" status. Honestly, unless you have WATERMELON BALLS of confidence the first time you talk, you're probably in the Friend Zone after the first meeting.

What you need to do is watch the movie "Hitch" with your woman, then when the movie is over, use one of the lines in the movie on her...but do it with a lot of confidence. If that doesn't AT LEAST get you to first base then I will... I don't know, I'll have to think of something. I was going to say root for the Mavs for a year but I can't do that.

[angel_luv]

Lots of good advice to you.

I would add, consider talking to a local pastor. He would likely be caring and compassionate. Also he could inform you of fun activities for people your age at that church.

If you have a Bible, read Psalms- there are a lot of comforting passages there.

Another idea, be extra conscious about nutrition when you are stressed. Eat foods with antioxidants and exercise.
Not a cure all by any means but it helps.

I think you are being very brave and are making excellent strides. Keep up the great work.

I will pray for you. :)

[Bigzax]

if you're "bipolar". you'll fucking know. cuz when it hits you? sheeyyyyyiiittttt

superman or suicide. :tu


too many women out there man...don't stress this philly, cuz it's too late. there's baggage. you were great for the cuddle but not for the ride? fuck that. lates. if she wanted to be with you tomorrow, that thought will always be there...or at least for a helluva long time...

next.

[atxrocker]

emo fuckin forum. you gotta prob for sure... you're a fucking nobody reject. NOONE on this board can help you with that shit. sack it up, quit cryin and man the fuck up. on top of that, you're one of the crappiest trolls ever to register on the board, man up and cry on your real screenname, then i MAY pretend to give enough of a fuck to act like i care or like you're the only motherfucker to ever go through this shit.

[mavs>spurs2]

emo fuckin forum. you gotta prob for sure... you're a fucking nobody reject. NOONE on this board can help you with that shit. sack it up, quit cryin and man the fuck up. on top of that, you're one of the crappiest trolls ever to register on the board, man up and cry on your real screenname, then i MAY pretend to give enough of a fuck to act like i care or like you're the only motherfucker to ever go through this shit.

Dude he's not a troll and being bi-polar is no joke.

[TheSanityAnnex]

Is this Ruffnreadyoz's troll?

[Slydragon]

http://www.healthboards.com/boards/hbcategory.php

take a look at the Bipolar,Anxiety and Depression board, I went here when my grandma pass away and I got depress.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Is this Ruffnreadyoz's troll?

Ah, no, I wouldn't joke about mental illness having been around people whose lives it has severely affected. That just shows how little you understand me (not that you are meant to, but anyway).

[J.T.]

Bipolar was created by the US government.

[Clutch20]

Dude, your tapestry of life is an assortment of assembled weavings. Without trying to get too analytical, new-agey, or touchy-feely here, I'll say that you've got to have the overall pattern woven about your life with all the basics; routine, productivity, creativity (this forum) humor, job/life goals filling out the gaps in your totality.

Then that's when the pretty little bird (s) will flitter onto your outstretched arms.

It seems, out of men, females want excitement and danger somehow mixed in with comfort and security, a dubious mix but attainable.

Keep doing whatever you're doing right now to make a good future for yourself through your present endeavors; try to aviod having a hazy and mumbly explanation, at the ready, of what your life goals are because what you need to say, when the opportunity presents itself, is a clear-cut, consise summation that can readily be spoken to your love interest THAT CONVEYS NORMALCY, CERTAINTY, AND LOVE OF FUN! It helps to say all this stuff like you really mean it and are totally familiar with everything in that little speech, because more often than not, they will listen 20% with their ears and 80% with their heart.

It helps also to remember that women who are willing to spend their time with you (unselfishly) are gifts.........and they have to be treated that way. We men can't attach name tags to them. They're not ours, even in marriage, there's a chance that we could possibly lose them to age or disease then they go away anyways and we're back at square one.

Somehow, all that aforementioned stuff adds to our body language and subtle visuals as we speak to them that we're not proprietary in nature, but instead equal partners, even though that notion is really not spoken out loud.

Finally, try to think globally. Males are linear by nature. Point A to point B is our best way. But most females take everything visual in, analyze through an emotional filter, and react to an experience with a roundness. Then they either open up like a blossom to embrace or neatly package the encounter with a see-through plastic wrap for easy disposal. Heck, men stand there with hands in pockets and wonder whathahel they looking at or thinking, because we, existing there in that same environment, don't see, think, hear, smell or even taste the same things they're experiencing, but those differences are what make the relationship so itchy-scratchy wonderful to persevere through.

Well, I want to say more but this being a dated topic....maybe more advice to be given later, hmmmmm..........

[atxrocker]

if you want my honest advice, forget about her. she will never fucking love you. you can't make someone who doesn't. she's a dime a dozen. the whole other fish in the sea thing is true. fuck her.

[Dirk Nowitzki]

emo fuckin forum. you gotta prob for sure... you're a fucking nobody reject. NOONE on this board can help you with that shit. sack it up, quit cryin and man the fuck up. on top of that, you're one of the crappiest trolls ever to register on the board, man up and cry on your real screenname, then i MAY pretend to give enough of a fuck to act like i care or like you're the only motherfucker to ever go through this shit.

i like the troll comment. As for the rest of this post... :clap :clap :clap You said the things I have ran through my head and motivation like manning up is true. It wasnt just about this girl (who I ended things on good terms with). This was literally about me. I know I am not the only person who has ever gone through depression. I never said that. My biggest problem is my faith in general. When situations with friends change (in terms of losing touch and all) it killed me inside. I never was positive about the situation. I lacked the faith and patience to know that things happen for a reason and to really believe in that. I am sorry if this pissed you off. I have been literally trying to figure out what the fuck has been wrong with me for several months now. My mindset on so many things is so unstable. I know the message board isnt the complete cure but I desperatly needed to vent with no one around my apartment at the time.