Moving in with your S.O.

[LuvBones]

Experiences please...

[ggoose25]

Good decision. Stupid fighting the first month eventually disappeared and now everything is gravy. Next week will be a year of living together.

[MrChug]

Problem is...you fight, you have to stay-or at least eventually come back. That sucks. Time was, I could just skrrrrrt out to my place if she pissed me off. Now, even if I leave...FUCK! "I have to go back sometime".

All in all though, it's an upgrade.

[CubanMustGo]

Did it about a year before we got married; we'd been seeing each other seriously for about a year at the time. Worked great. Celebrated our 12th earlier this year.

We were probably more mature than most, both in our early 30s when we met.

[E20]

Just move in with me and all your problems will be solved. My Mom cooks and cleans so it's cool. Rent would only cost your around 700.

[THE SIXTH MAN]

If you guys plan on getting married then it makes sense. But if you're just doing it just to live with each other just give it some long thought on where you both see your relationship going.

[cholo]

Tu estas embarazada?

[mrsmaalox]

Ever watch Judge Judy? Just be sure all the financial stuff is clear and 50/50 right from the start!!!

[Zombie]

If she/he can cook, it's a good move!

[LuvBones]

Did it about a year before we got married; we'd been seeing each other seriously for about a year at the time. Worked great. Celebrated our 12th earlier this year.

We were probably more mature than most, both in our early 30s when we met.Congratulations and happy anniversay! That sounds like a good amount of time. My coworker was with her husband one year, lived with him one more year then married. They've been going strong for over 15 years now. :)

keep the experiences coming please. http://spurstalk.com/forums/images/smilies/smispin.gif

[E20]

So is this SO that 16 year old kid you're with.

[PM5K]

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

[E20]

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
Are you mad about something? :lol

[medstudent]

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/PRESSROOM/02news/div_mar_cohab.htm

[Beno Udrih]

Babe why did you make a thread about this? Are you having second thoughts about moving in with me?

[PM5K]

I try to flirt with her not too long ago and she's "not ready for a relationship" and now all of a sudden she's moving in with someone?

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

[LuvBones]

^ So do you have an experience to share or not? =p

at least vote!

[jaespur21]

If you guys plan on getting married then it makes sense. But if you're just doing it just to live with each other just give it some long thought on where you both see your relationship going.

I really agree wit this. I once let a woman move in w/me after 2 months of great sex n stuff. dont get me wrong i went thru plenty of girls sayin " Well what are we" my answer friends n stuff. but this girl was the shit after a year together my SO and i were fallin apart. and after two years it was worst. i was stupid. but hey i :dizzy got cookoo 4 coco puffs

[PM5K]

^ So do you have an experience to share or not? =p

at least vote!

Don't hold your breath...

[theroc5]

Good decision. Stupid fighting the first month eventually disappeared and now everything is gravy. Next week will be a year of living together.
dude wtf is in your sig, ima freakn have nightmares now...wtf is that...is that real

[Beno Udrih]

So is this SO that 16 year old kid you're with.
Major downgrade if its with a 16 year old.

[ggoose25]

dude wtf is in your sig, ima freakn have nightmares now...wtf is that...is that real

thats Sam. world's ugliest dog until this year.

[ZStomp]

Tu estas embarazada?


Interesting question...

[SpursWoman]

We've lived together for about 2 years, after 6 months of just sleepovers on the weekends. :lol

I believe he started staying with me full time when my mom passed away, but it wasn't like one day he moved in all of his stuff...it was kind of a gradual thing. We bought this house together last October and have been very happy. :)

[KEDA]

I was with my ex for 3 years and we decided to move in together, we broke up about a year later.

Meg and I were together about 3 months and she moved in, and I havent been happier!

It depends on who it is, the first relationship, I thought I knew her, but you dont really know everything about someone until they live with you. Thats why Megan moved in so quick, I didnt have an opportunity to have a preconceived notion on how she was.

[MannyIsGod]

I couldn't imagine marrying anyone without living with them first so if you're at all serious about the relationship then you kinda have to go there.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Ever watch Judge Judy? Just be sure all the financial stuff is clear and 50/50 right from the start!!!

I always wondered about this. What if one side brings all the money, or their own home, and the other side only has a car and a bit of cash? Say the financial split when you decide to move in is 90-10%, do you just have to trust that it will all work out?

Other then a pre-nup, which is a terrible way to start off given that it is a seed of distrust, what is the deal?

[Sunshine]

I can't really say I've moved in with my SO since I've kept my apartment and stay there on the days I have my kids, but almost all my clothes are here...my makeup, shampoo, etc. I have duplicates of a lot of things so that I don't have to 'move out' everytime I go back to my apartment (2 curling irons, 2 blow dryers, 2 sets of makeup, etc). We dated about 6 months before I started staying here on a semi-permanent basis and we've now been dating a little over a year.

It's definitely been a great experience, though.

[SpursWoman]

I always wondered about this. What if one side brings all the money, or their own home, and the other side only has a car and a bit of cash? Say the financial split when you decide to move in is 90-10%, do you just have to trust that it will all work out?

Other then a pre-nup, which is a terrible way to start off given that it is a seed of distrust, what is the deal?


As long as both people are contributing what they can, why should it matter? It's not like the 90% person is under the illusion that the 10% person has more than they do. If the $$ is a point of contention, then you shoudn't be cohabiting in the first place. Unless the 10% person is lazy, stupid slob ... I'd imaging the ratio will start evening out somewhat in the future.

[JoeChalupa]

I moved in with my future wife after 3 months of dating. Been together ever since which is now 13 years.
You can't possibly known what a person is really like until you've lived with them. But I am against ALL pre-marital sex.

[Sunshine]

I always wondered about this. What if one side brings all the money, or their own home, and the other side only has a car and a bit of cash? Say the financial split when you decide to move in is 90-10%, do you just have to trust that it will all work out?

Other then a pre-nup, which is a terrible way to start off given that it is a seed of distrust, what is the deal?

This is the situation with us. He owns a house and makes a lot more money than I do. I've commented more than once to him that I feel bad because I can't contribute more (financially) to the relationship, but it's not been a major sticking point in our relationship. I guess as long as I keep doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork and clean the gutters twice a year, he figures he's getting his money's worth. :p:

[johnsmith]

I was looking for a whore smiley so I could do a "attention [jnsert whore smiley here]" but it doesn't have one.


It's the thought that counts I suppose.

[BacktoBasics]

What is the SO going to think about you whoring around on teh web? Might want to be honest upfront.

[johnsmith]

What is the SO going to think about you whoring around on teh web? Might want to be honest upfront.


:lol :lol

Good point though. I'd be pissed if my SO was a web-based whore.

[fatsack]

I'm not touching this thread with a ten foot pole.

[tlongII]

You and Spurfect can move in with me anytime.

[dickface]

If you want the wrath of Jesus thrown upon you, then go right ahead.

[Sunshine]

I'm not touching this thread with a ten foot pole.


That bad, huh?

I'll have my things out by the the weekend.

[DarkReign]

Manny is correct. My wife and I (just married last month) had been dating what would have been 8 years this October.

Lived together for 4-5 years. Its a definate upgrade.

But a little advice, you two had better lay down what you are and what you are not up front. If youre a homebody, say so. You like to go out, say so. Messy? Clean? Sleep in? Love chores? Friends over all the time? Family over alot?

Do you spend time alone reading/video games? Seriously, think about it, then talk about it. At least you could always say "I told you when we moved in together...."

[easjer]

Well, don't know if it's entirely applicable. We began living together about 4/5 months before we got married. It was more situational than anything, because he was moving back to Houston, and it seemed pretty foolish to get a month-to-month lease and spend extra money we could be saving. . . He'd lived with me part-time before that, though, spending nearly every weekend and a couple weeknights each week at my place.

It was terrific. Now obviously, we were already planning to be together, but I loved it. In many ways it was hard, because I liked having my space and I like being alone (which is still true), so there was still an adjustment period. And it was hard for him to move in and feel like it was his space too (I'd been living there for 4 years). But we adjusted and I found ways to still get private time for myself and he carved otu his niche and I sort of wish we'd done it before.

If there are singly-owned assets or moves for joint assets, I think it's only prudent to discuss how that will work, both in terms of monthly payment and what will happen if there is a split. It's not romantic, at all, but a big part of living together isn't romantic. It's mundane and sometimes drudgery, but bills have to be paid and so financial honesty is important. Dividing up the household chores is important. Not glamorous, but necessary. And my personal belief is that if you sit down and have a long uncomfortable and dispassionate conversation about these kind of topics, then the transition to daily living will be a lot smoother and more enjoyable, because you've already dealt with the mundane and laid out your mutual expectations and decided on compromises before you're fed up with the toilet seat being left up or the dishes being left in the sink overnight.

But, on the whole, he's my favorite person in the world and I enjoy doing mundane things with him. I'd rather be with him than not.

[CuckingFunt]

Just depends on the dynamic of a particular relationship.

My ex-girlfriend and I lived together for almost all of the six years we were together and... every day was amazing, until all of a sudden it wasn't. However, I've been in my current relationship for almost two years and I know for a fact that we're not at that point yet.

My biggest piece of advice would be not to take that step unless you're both 100% comfortable in voicing the things that bother/upset you. A big part of the reason my ex-girlfriend and I broke up is because there were a whole bunch of little things that bugged her and she held it all in until it built into something she felt she had to leave -- I was completely blindsided, but it all could have been avoided had she spoken up sooner.

[TDMVPDPOY]

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

pm5k should change to pms

[ShoogarBear]

My wife and I (just married last month) had been dating what would have been 8 years this October.
1. Congrats!

2. You were probably only hours/days away from being taken out by her and/or her posse if you didn't finally tie the knot.

[TDMVPDPOY]

This is the situation with us. He owns a house and makes a lot more money than I do. I've commented more than once to him that I feel bad because I can't contribute more (financially) to the relationship, but it's not been a major sticking point in our relationship. I guess as long as I keep doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork and clean the gutters twice a year, he figures he's getting his money's worth. :p:


under common law its 50/50 in a marriage, but for some circumstances when the house is under one persons its still 50/50. But there are loopholes to this :D:D:D as long one partner can show that they contribute financially to the household like only person paying off the home loan then he/she gets a better share or the whole house.

defacto relationship man ftw

[Soul_Patch]

My wife and i moved in together after about 2 months of dating. Mostly because i had just moved back to SA from austin and was staying at my moms while trying to find a reliable friend to move in with...Her sister was moving out so she was going to need a roomate as well...so it just sorta fit at the right time.

Most people advised against moving in together so early, but it was helpfull i guess, sort of got us used to each other...We three manned an apartment for a while with one of my good friends, so it was a decent mix to not make it seem TOO much like a marriage too early...but we developed into one, and it was nice.

We got married about 1.5 years later. And are now have been together for about 4 years.

[Fillmoe]

the only real positive is that you fuck more often

[ShoogarBear]

the only real positive is that you fuck more oftenHow little you know.

[LuvBones]

Thanks for all the (serious) input! :p:

[ShoogarBear]

Thanks for all the (serious) input! :p:Is that what you tell your S.O.?

[LuvBones]

I'd say we're on the same page about the direction we want to go in, we've talked a lot about it and we'd like to get married in a couple of years.. seems like the next thing to do would be to live with each other a while first.

[LuvBones]

Is that what you tell your S.O.?http://spurstalk.com/forums/images/smilies/smilol.gif

[Spurfect]

I'd say we're on the same page about the direction we want to go in, we've talked a lot about it and we'd like to get married in a couple of years.. seems like the next thing to do would be to live with each other a while first.

:wow :wow :spless: :spless: :spless:

[LuvBones]

:wow :wow :spless: :spless: :spless::lol uhhhh..... yeah....


Why are there so many votes for downgrade?

[Spurfect]

:lol uhhhh..... yeah....


Why are there so many votes for downgrade?

haha i guess that is the bad side of me reading this place too! :lol

umm well I don't know why people are voting more on downgrade. it's a big step moving in with someone, maybe some have just had bad experiences.

oh well, i get your room if you move.

[spursfan09]

I Used to live with my boyfriend but he had to go back to his parents house because his car broke down and things were getting very expensive. I felt bad because I am a full time student with a part time job. I couldn't really help him pay for things. So my advice is that if you are in a situation in your life where you are financially stable and money is not going to be an issue than you should do it if thats what you want. If you know you still have alot of growing up then maybe you should wait a bit.

[The sone]

dont mean to be negative...just speaking from personal exp. bad idea! i think if its meant to be you wont have to ask people on a forum. youll just KNOW. hesitation isnt your mind thinking it through, its your heart telling you its not right. but whatever you decide just remember to write your name on your stuff now. GOOD LUCK! :p

[ALVAREZ6]

What Manny (I think/forget) said...if you're in a serious relationship, it's probably a good idea if you're ever considering marriage with that person. I'd never marry someone before living with them for a while.












































Unless Kim Kardashian, Jessica Biel, or Jessica Alba wanted to marry me.

[LuvBones]

dont mean to be negative...just speaking from personal exp. bad idea! i think if its meant to be you wont have to ask people on a forum. youll just KNOW. hesitation isnt your mind thinking it through, its your heart telling you its not right. but whatever you decide just remember to write your name on your stuff now. GOOD LUCK! :pI wanted to ask because I've personally never moved in with a boyfriend before. I've seen other couples live together and have it work out and others fail miserably so that's why I wanted to ask. In my previous relationships I never wanted to live with them.. this is the first time I've felt this way. The only thing I'm hesitant on is if we could make it financially on our own. That's why I'm giving it some time so we can save up money to get in a better position.

[Spurfect]

I wanted to ask because I've personally never moved in with a boyfriend before. I've seen other couples live together and have it work out and others fail miserably so that's why I wanted to ask. In my previous relationships I never wanted to live with them.. this is the first time I've felt this way. The only thing I'm hesitant on is if we could make it financially on our own. That's why I'm giving it some time so we can save up money to get in a better position.

DEFINITELY SAVE UP. you will be shocked to see just how much it costs to get settled into a new place. if you are not prepared financially it'll be over before it can really begin, and it might not only mess up your relationship, it'll screw you over financially (with your credit especially).

[LuvBones]

DEFINITELY SAVE UP. you will be shocked to see just how much it costs to get settled into a new place. if you are not prepared financially it'll be over before it can really begin, and it might not only mess up your relationship, it'll screw you over financially (with your credit especially).Or he can move in here ya know? and we can split the bills another way! http://spurstalk.com/forums/images/smilies/greedy.gif
hahaha!

[TheSanityAnnex]

I'm glad I lived with my ex-girlfriend for four years. It showed that not only could I live peacefully with a female, but I liked living with a female. I will definitely live with my future wife before I get married. You learn a lot (good/bad) being with someone every waking minute.

[Spurfect]

Or he can move in here ya know? and we can split the bills another way! http://spurstalk.com/forums/images/smilies/greedy.gif
hahaha!

how about no. :lol

[ObiwanGinobili]

i moved in with my husband the day we got married. it's been 8.5 years, so definate upgrade IMO.

[2Blonde]

I couldn't imagine marrying anyone without living with them first so if you're at all serious about the relationship then you kinda have to go there.
I agree with Manny on this one. In fact my parents encouraged it when I was in my my 20's. I think they thought it would keep me from getting married too young. They were right. I didn't get married until I was 26.

I lived with someone for about a year and it ended and then later when I met my first husband we moved in together after about 3 months of dating and lived together for about 9 months before we got married. There were red flags everywhere but I still married him. After a decade together I left.

My second husband and I are about to celebrate our 10 wedding anniversary in 4-5 weeks. We only lived together for 8 weeks before we got married. We still had the normal adjustment period that all couples had, we just knew that we couldn't walk away since we were married.

So, although getting married without living together very long worked out better for me I still think it's a good idea in the long run. You don't want to end up married to a psycho.

[ObiwanGinobili]

You don't want to end up married to a psycho.


:lol says the woman holding a huge ass knife and gun in her avatar......

[easjer]

:lol

[ShoogarBear]

:lmao

[2Blonde]

:lol says the woman holding a huge ass knife and gun in her avatar......
:lmao
yes ,but that's a temporarily induced psychotic state brought on by summer vacation. It will soon be over!!!! (August 28th) :toast

[BeerIsGood!]

You only live once - so do what makes you happy. Just make sure you know you can leave if you become absolutely miserable or threatened in any way. It's the only way you're going to find out if you can co-exist with someone, so if you feel it go for it and respond to anything that comes up in the future.

[BacktoBasics]

I wanted to ask because I've personally never moved in with a boyfriend before. I've seen other couples live together and have it work out and others fail miserably so that's why I wanted to ask. In my previous relationships I never wanted to live with them.. this is the first time I've felt this way. The only thing I'm hesitant on is if we could make it financially on our own. That's why I'm giving it some time so we can save up money to get in a better position.Sounds like you need to grow up quite a bit more before moving in with someone. To be totally honest judging by your posts in this thread and other threads I have serious doubts as to wether or not you'd be capable of taking care of a man.

Not saying this is you but.....Spoiled women with high expectations of what a man is capable of offering them usually don't find a good healthy relationship until they've been knocked off their high horse and get past 35 into their second or third marriage.

[SpursWoman]

:lol says the woman holding a huge ass knife and gun in her avatar......


Nice. :lol :rollin

[SpursWoman]

Not saying this is you but.....Spoiled women with high expectations of what a man is capable of offering them usually don't find a good healthy relationship until they've been knocked off their high horse and get past 35 into their second or third marriage.


I got knocked right the hell off of mine at 24....and I found the best at 32, almost 33. Close. :lol

[LuvBones]

Sounds like you need to grow up quite a bit more before moving in with someone. To be totally honest judging by your posts in this thread and other threads I have serious doubts as to wether or not you'd be capable of taking care of a man.I seriously doubt people's posts are a good indicator of their character. Thank God I can act however I want on a message board. The internet isn't as serious as life you know..

[BeerIsGood!]

Sounds like you need to grow up quite a bit more before moving in with someone. To be totally honest judging by your posts in this thread and other threads I have serious doubts as to wether or not you'd be capable of taking care of a man.

Not saying this is you but.....Spoiled women with high expectations of what a man is capable of offering them usually don't find a good healthy relationship until they've been knocked off their high horse and get past 35 into their second or third marriage.


:lol Judging people by their internet persona...

[2Blonde]

The internet is an escape zone. Don't listen to BTB. Nobody else is judging you LuvBones.

[Spurminator]

the only real positive is that you fuck more often

:lmao :lmao

[BacktoBasics]

I seriously doubt people's posts are a good indicator of their character. Thank God I can act however I want on a message board. The internet isn't as serious as life you know..I'm not talking about the joking, trolling or sarcasm. I'm talking about the regular mundane everyday posts. Those are usually a pretty good indicator as to what state of person you are.

I don't see that you are self sufficient enough to be in a serious relationship like that. I don't see that you are independent enough to be able to trust someone this new in your life with big decisions that would involve your personal well being. Its just an opinion based on what I see about you.

I don't think you understand the level of compromise and compassion you must have to function successfully with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Even when you love someone or get along with someone its miles and miles different when you are under the same roof. I don't see your level of tolerance being high enough to handle the pressures of a live-in relationship. Take it for what its worth. I've traveled many a long road and I know first hand the good, bad and ugly that come with taking this step.

Not once has any of the real rammification of living with someone been addressed in this thread. Its all about love and getting along and more or less sex and "maybe's". Thats about a third of what it takes have success in a real relationship.....thats how I know you aren't ready. Talk about the real shit and maybe I'll change my opinion.

[2Blonde]

Sounds like you need to grow up quite a bit more before moving in with someone. To be totally honest judging by your posts in this thread and other threads I have serious doubts as to wether or not you'd be capable of taking care of a man.

Not saying this is you but.....Spoiled women with high expectations of what a man is capable of offering them usually don't find a good healthy relationship until they've been knocked off their high horse and get past 35 into their second or third marriage.
And to restate that another way... Why does she need to take care of a man? Can't he take care of himself? You either live with or marry someone to blend/share your life not become a caretaker.

Next point.... Women go into relationships with high ideals and dreams and after years of never being able to meet impossible expectations feel lonely, tired, bitter and realize that they might be better off meeting their own needs. Then around 35 they remarry/get into a new relationship. The difference is that this time they know how to say what they need from a relationship up front instead of hoping it will evolve into that.

There are generally 2 sides to every discussion. It's usually not all one person's fault.

[BacktoBasics]

The internet is an escape zone. Don't listen to BTB. Nobody else is judging you LuvBones.
I'm not trolling right now I'm being serious. To be totally honest I'm not judging her as a person either. I'm judging her maturatity level. I'm also judging the direction this thread has taken. To be in a good sound relationship lots of things need to be discussed and agreed upon. I highly doubt its been address much in the real world with her. Simply wanting to live with someone is one thing but making it function with success is rarely achieved.

[CuckingFunt]

I seriously doubt people's posts are a good indicator of their character.Interesting...

[BacktoBasics]

I got knocked right the hell off of mine at 24....and I found the best at 32, almost 33. Close. :lolThen you "get" what I'm saying. I bet you've changed a lot about yourself from 24 to now.

[LuvBones]

I'm not talking about the joking, trolling or sarcasm. I'm talking about the regular mundane everyday posts. Those are usually a pretty good indicator as to what state of person you are.

I don't see that you are self sufficient enough to be in a serious relationship like that. I don't see that you are independent enough to be able to trust someone this new in your life with big decisions that would involve your personal well being. Its just an opinion based on what I see about you.

I don't think you understand the level of compromise and compassion you must have to function successfully with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Even when you love someone or get along with someone its miles and miles different when you are under the same roof. I don't see your level of tolerance being high enough to handle the pressures of a live-in relationship. Take it for what its worth. I've traveled many a long road and I know first hand the good, bad and ugly that come with taking this step.

Not once has any of the real rammification of living with someone been addressed in this thread. Its all about love and getting along and more or less sex and "maybe's". Thats about a third of what it takes have success in a real relationship.....thats how I know you aren't ready. Talk about the real shit and maybe I'll change my opinion.Look all you do is go around bashing me in every thread concerning me. If you think you know me just by following me around on a board, you're a dumbass. What makes you think you know how independent I am? Do you see the bills I pay, the job I have, the education I have and how I live my life? No. Do you know any real thing about me? NO. I'm actually a very private and reserved person in real life, as you can see I hadn't even told my sister my intentions on this subject. Your post isn't even worth finishing when you continue to just bash me when I'm trying to get some real feedback.

[2Blonde]

I'm not talking about the joking, trolling or sarcasm. I'm talking about the regular mundane everyday posts. Those are usually a pretty good indicator as to what state of person you are.

I don't see that you are self sufficient enough to be in a serious relationship like that. I don't see that you are independent enough to be able to trust someone this new in your life with big decisions that would involve your personal well being. Its just an opinion based on what I see about you.

I don't think you understand the level of compromise and compassion you must have to function successfully with the opposite sex on a daily basis. Even when you love someone or get along with someone its miles and miles different when you are under the same roof. I don't see your level of tolerance being high enough to handle the pressures of a live-in relationship. Take it for what its worth. I've traveled many a long road and I know first hand the good, bad and ugly that come with taking this step.

Not once has any of the real rammification of living with someone been addressed in this thread. Its all about love and getting along and more or less sex and "maybe's". Thats about a third of what it takes have success in a real relationship.....thats how I know you aren't ready. Talk about the real shit and maybe I'll change my opinion.

You're talking about a relationship and she's talking about living together. She's not asking anyone for advice on whether to have a relationship with this guy. She already is and it is serious. They deal with all of those issues. She just asked for some opinions and experiences from people who have lived together.

[LuvBones]

You're talking about a relationship and she's talking about living together. She's not asking anyone for advice on whether to have a relationship with this guy. She already is and it is serious. They deal with all of those issues. She just asked for some opinions and experiences from people who have lived together.Thanks 2blonde. Any attempt to get him to understand is futile though.. this isn't the first or last time b2b is going to post in one of my threads and bash me. He has some personal vendetta against me that I will never understand. Oh well. I gotta go to work.

More experiences please!! :D

[Melmart1]

LuvBones, do you live on your own right now? I get the impression you live at home with the parents, since your sister said she gets your room if you move.

The reason I ask is that moving away from home from the first time is a big step, you learn a lot about yourself from being independent and making your own decisions on things that you never did before. Having to support a relationship and worry about bills, expenses, etc on top of being independent for the first time is like triple the trouble all at once. It could affect your relationship.

My suggestion is to be on your own first. You will be amazed what you learn about yourself, and later if you do marry this guy, you won't ever wonder what it's like later. Cus trust me, most likely you will wonder.

[BacktoBasics]

Look all you do is go around bashing me in every thread concerning me. If you think you know me just by following me around on a board, you're a dumbass. What makes you think you know how independent I am? Do you see the bills I pay, the job I have, the education I have and how I live my life? No. Do you know any real thing about me? NO. I'm actually a very private and reserved person in real life, as you can see I hadn't even told my sister my intentions on this subject. Your post isn't even worth finishing when you continue to just bash me when I'm trying to get some real feedback.You can be as pissed as you want, I don't think I know "you" I do however know about people just like you. I don't particularly like you but I know how hard living with someone can be and I'm only trying to help with real advice and real opinions. I told you once and I'll tell you again I'm not trolling you on this.

Simply getting opinions on moving in with a SO shows signs of immaturately. There are a million things to consider when making a step like this and the fact that this thread has addressed none of it tells me that there isn't much in the way of wanting serious opinions here.

Lets be real serious for second some people have lived together successfully and others have not. You put it out there like its a good idea or bad idea question rather than what should I look out for what problems have you guys had in the past....give some things to consider and so forth. None of that shit here. Its like you just made a post to announce " I many be living with a dude". I mean seriously do you want real opinions and some good sound advice or do you want to be congradulated on the big move?

You yourself said you've never lived with anyone like this before. Don't look for a fight with me when I'm not trying to give you one.

[BacktoBasics]

Thanks 2blonde. Any attempt to get him to understand is futile though.. this isn't the first or last time b2b is going to post in one of my threads and bash me. He has some personal vendetta against me that I will never understand. Oh well. I gotta go to work.

More experiences please!! :DI could certainly say the same about you. Any attempt to get you to look at the real world rationally has seemed futile right now. I'm only trying to give real shit to think about.

[SpursWoman]

Then you "get" what I'm saying. I bet you've changed a lot about yourself from 24 to now.


The only thing that's changed about me in the last 10 years or so as far as relationships are concerned would be that I'm inclined to not to get pissed off over stupid, irrelevant things ... because whatever it is, I've been through worse. I don't expect or demand perfection from my SO, and I'm nowhere near as selfish. But I also don't let myself get walked all over like I did before.

I learned to really like not being in a relationship, so that when someone did come along that I liked, I'm with him because I want to be, not just to avoid being alone (or just to get out of my parent's house). And I cook and clean all the time now not because I feel that that's my job and I'm having to take care of my man, because although I do care that he's well taken care of, I'm also obssessive-compulsive about those things. :oops :lol

[NASpurs]

I agree with BacktoBasics/BishopRyan whatever name he goes on by nowadays.

[BacktoBasics]

So whats the money situation?

Do you make more than him?

Has he lived on his own before...have you?

What do you do if he picks his nose in front of you, cries, craps his pants in your bed in the midst of a drunken stupor?

What happens if he wants a night out without you?

Do you have medical coverage?

How are you splitting the rent, bills, food money?

Joint insurance for the cars?

Both names on the bills?

How are going to divide up the extra spending money or fun money?

If you aren't combining income as one functional unit and he comes home with new cloths and bag full of CDs and you're over drawn in the bank account how will that make you feel?

What if he invites the boys over for the game and they clog the toilet and won't leave?

What if your car breaks down and you need a ride but he's low on gas money?

What if he gets comfortable and gains weight? What if you do?

Are you expecting him to still pay if you go out?

Does he have a clue what being on the rag really is?

Do you have a good relationship with his family and does he with yours?

Are any of you going to continue school? Who will help cover for the other if said schooling ends up cutting into actual work time thus cutting income?

Can you or he cook any more than 3 dishes?

How often should you eat out?

What have you really thought about?

[midgetonadonkey]

One of the biggest things I encountered when moving in with my previous girlfriend is how to divide the shit when we broke up and she moved out. She took most of the shit because she claimed to have paid for it all even though we split the bills and for a couple of years I supported her when she was in school.

[midgetonadonkey]

I got left with most of the shit furniture but I got the badass TV. Bitch even took my toaster.

That was a badass toaster.

[LuvBones]

Lemme just add that I'm not asking IF I should move in with my boyfriend, I just wanted people's experiences. I very much want to move in with him, and he wants to also so we are lucky, IMO. :) It's just a matter of time when all this will happen. So b2b since you say you're not trolling, I don't need any more advice on that matter... you could however share your experience here since that's what I was asking for.

[Spurfect]

B2B no matter what you say, you were definitely judging her. You're no one to tell her she is not ready to do anything, you don't know her. All she was asking for was for people's experiences and advice. there was a different way to approach the "advice" you gave her, which started off as harsh but you chilled a bit after. it was still the wrong way to do it.

melmart we both live with our dad right now. in a way I do agree she should live on her own at first. I lived alone in a different city for a few years before I came back to San Antonio and moved back in with the family. I have to say that I enjoyed the time I had alone and would probably wish to do that before living with any man. I have never lived with a boyfriend but I think that is one way me and my sister differ. I am not a marriage kind of girl and I feel like I'd be unhappy as a stay at home wife/mom. Or maybe I have never felt that, but I am glad she does and I support her if she wants to do this. she always has a place to come back to if it doesn't work out.

[Melmart1]

melmart we both live with our dad right now. in a way I do agree she should live on her own at first. I lived alone in a different city for a few years before I came back to San Antonio and moved back in with the family. I have to say that I enjoyed the time I had alone and would probably wish to do that before living with any man. I have never lived with a boyfriend but I think that is one way me and my sister differ. I am not a marriage kind of girl and I feel like I'd be unhappy as a stay at home wife/mom. Or maybe I have never felt that, but I am glad she does and I support her if she wants to do this. she always has a place to come back to if it doesn't work out.
See, you understand what I am talking about. How much did you learn living in Houston? About yourself, your likes, dislikes, how you wan to live your life? It's VERY different from living at home.

How many unexpected expenses crept up when moving into your new place? Were you prepared? Now imagine the stress of having to maintain a relationship at the same time, on top of all of that. It's not all fun and games and christening every room together. There are a lot of other things involved that could strain the relationship. LuvBones needs to seriously sit down and consider all that. Or just wait. What are you in a hurry for, if you won't get married for several more years then wait, save up money for a year then revisit this idea and see if you still want to do it. You may be VERY surprised at your answer.

[ploto]

Hate to be the downer to all of this celebration of living together- but people who live together before they get married actually have a higher divorce rate than those who don't.

[BacktoBasics]

Being that I've lived on my own with and without a girlfriend, spouse and children since I was 17 pretty much makes me the authority on what happens when you move in with someone. I don't need to know her to know whats in store for her. I don't need to know her to know that simply asking "upgrade, downgrade" is an indication that she isn't ready. Had this been anyone else on the board with the same question I'd say the same things. The answer to the question is simple....upgrade yes downgrade yes.

So here is my story/summary since discussing the real issues of making a live in relationship successful isn't the prime objective and story telling is.

My first live in relationship was destroyed by lack of money and greed both with her and I. Neither of us knew how expensive really being on our own was. God damn hooter pads are tough to choose from. Fucking auto insurance was more than the rent. All I wanted was a little quiet time with the boys but that makes me selfish. Accidental pregnancies marred with unwanted abortions can also be stressful. You be surprised at how some doctors knock you out to suck the innocent life out of you while other don't. Hard to believe that after a good ole fashion bortion the only thing on her mind was getting a good nic fix and a fancy martini because while planning to terminate a pregnancy drinking just weighed on her concious too much.

It wasn't all bad because since we lived together we had more sex and that included her friend watching on most nights because she couldn't get laid on her own. All and all you'd be surprised who shows up unannounced when you live with someone like family memebers, drunken grandmothers and junkie cousins of whom you've never meet.

2nd live in was equally entertaining and although there was a lack of sex because she had molestation issues that I had no idea about initially we still managed to have a few fun intimate nights. Right up until she decided to run coke one night for her dead brothers ole buddy that I never heard of. I guess she wasn't expecting me to be so surprised that a southeast side mexican mother of 2 runs drugs on the side for school cloths money? She thanked my reaction by disappearing and leaving me with her two kids to raise for six months until I found a relative of hers that I trusted to actually raise them up near good family. But at least the money wasn't a problem plus she could cook well. Having kids around was a ton of fun. Kids....upgrade for sure, do it.

Third real relationship has been smooth sailing. No drama and the son I alway wanted with two great stepkids. We both put all of our free money into fixing all of the mistakes credit and finance wise we both made while in previous relationships when we were younger, you'd be amazed at how easy it is to dig a 30k hole of shit credit. Bought ourselves a couple of used cars and 2 acres 30 minutes outside of town so we can drink and smoke without hassle. Every now and then I get a flying chankla but its usually followed by a warm talk and a good make up blowjob. I live coastal so long walks on the beach are great when we can find someone to babysit the little brat.

Is that what you are looking for?

[BacktoBasics]

See, you understand what I am talking about. How much did you learn living in Houston? About yourself, your likes, dislikes, how you wan to live your life? It's VERY different from living at home.

How many unexpected expenses crept up when moving into your new place? Were you prepared? Now imagine the stress of having to maintain a relationship at the same time, on top of all of that. It's not all fun and games and christening every room together. There are a lot of other things involved that could strain the relationship. LuvBones needs to seriously sit down and consider all that. Or just wait. What are you in a hurry for, if you won't get married for several more years then wait, save up money for a year then revisit this idea and see if you still want to do it. You may be VERY surprised at your answer.So go ahead and rip her ass because Melmart1 is saying exactly what I'm saying.

[BacktoBasics]

Hate to be the downer to all of this celebration of living together- but people who live together before they get married actually have a higher divorce rate than those who don't.Thats because they use marriage as a way to save the relationship. I don't think that actually living together vs not has a real impact on the actuality of success.

[xXx]

Being that I've lived on my own with and without a girlfriend, spouse and children since I was 17 pretty much makes me the authority on what happens when you move in with someone. I don't need to know her to know whats in store for her. I don't need to know her to know that simply asking "upgrade, downgrade" is an indication that she isn't ready. Had this been anyone else on the board with the same question I'd say the same things. The answer to the question is simple....upgrade yes downgrade yes.

So here is my story/summary since discussing the real issues of making a live in relationship successful isn't the prime objective and story telling is.

My first live in relationship was destroyed by lack of money and greed both with her and I. Neither of us knew how expensive really being on our own was. God damn hooter pads are tough to choose from. Fucking auto insurance was more than the rent. All I wanted was a little quiet time with the boys but that makes me selfish. Accidental pregnancies marred with unwanted abortions can also be stressful. You be surprised at how some doctors knock you out to suck the innocent life out of you while other don't. Hard to believe that after a good ole fashion bortion the only thing on her mind was getting a good nic fix and a fancy martini because while planning to terminate a pregnancy just weighed on her concious too much.

It wasn't all bad because since we lived together we had more sex and that included her friend watching on most nights because she couldn't get laid on her own. All and all you'd be surprised who shows up unannounced when you live with someone like family memebers, drunken grandmothers and junkie cousins of whom you've never meet.

2nd live in was equally entertaining and although there was a lack of sex because she had molestation issues that I had no idea about initially we still managed to have a few fun intimate nights. Right up until she decided to run coke one night for her dead brothers ole buddy that I never heard of. I guess she wasn't expecting me to be so surprised that a southeast side mexican mother of 2 runs drugs on the side for school cloths money? She thanked my reaction by disappearing and leaving me with her two kids to raise for six months until I found a relative of hers that I trusted to actually raise them up near good family. But at least the money wasn't a problem plus she could cook well. Having kids around was a ton of fun. Kids....upgrade for sure, do it.

Third real relationship has been smooth sailing. No drama and the son I alway wanted with two great stepkids. We both put all of our free money into fixing all of the mistakes credit and finance wise we both made while in previous relationships when we were younger, you'd be amazed at how easy it is to dig a 30k hole of shit credit. Bought ourselves a couple of used cars and 2 acres 30 minutes outside of town so we can drink and smoke without hassle. Every now and then I get a flying chankla but its usually followed by a warm talk and a good make up blowjob. I live coastal so long walks on the beach are great when we can find someone to babysit the little brat.

Is that what you are looking for?


that's great stuff. propers.




when i was 20, i moved in with this older chic that i thought i was in love with.

she was great. but sex got old after the 1st thousand times...which happens pretty quick when your getting in house. then she wanted the wedding bells. i was too young. so i cut and run when she wanted to get real serious...

plus she was too messy, couldn't cook all that great, and real bitchy at times...and talk talk talk talk talk...like i said...the sex was good, but it wasn't that good...

[SpursWoman]

Hate to be the downer to all of this celebration of living together- but people who live together before they get married actually have a higher divorce rate than those who don't.

Everyone should live their lives in accordance to ratios.

[BacktoBasics]

Everyone should live their lives in accordance to ratios. :toast finally some common sense in this thread.

[AFBlue]

Being informed about the pitfalls of living together is always helpful, but in my experience there's only one thing that matters....

Love.

I'm not talking about the bullshit kinda kiddie love or that "I've been with them long enough to build a loving relationship with them" kind of love.

I'm talking about "don't wanna live without you, want to see you/feel you everyday" kind of love.

If you have that, you can make it through just about anything....and that includes bad cooking (which is NOT my situation thank god), laziness, money disputes, space issues, etc.

I just so happen to have found that, so my experience has been really good.

There's the occasional tiff where I wait too long to do the dishes or she leaves her twenty pairs of shoes in the middle of the floor with the heel pointed up so that it can jab me in the foot. But we vent the initial frustration then get over it.

We also have ways of dealing with the Money issue and the Space issue, and if you want to hear about those let me know.

Bottom Line: Living with someone is a positive thing if you no-kidding love them. All the baggage that comes with it can be worked through.

[SpursWoman]

:toast finally some common sense in this thread.

:lol

If I'd have lived with my ex-husband before I married him, I would have discovered within the first month that I didn't really even like him that much, afterall. That made for a pretty damn long 7 years.

[ploto]

Everyone should live their lives in accordance to ratios.
Did I say that? It is a fact to point out to balance all the people who seemed to claim that living together would INCREASE the odds at GREATER success in an eventual marriage. It simply does not, but a lot of young people still think it does. Sounds like someone wants to play house to me.

[BacktoBasics]

Did I say that? It is a fact to point out to balance all the people who seemed to claim that living together would INCREASE the odds at GREATER success in an eventual marriage. It simply does not, but a lot of young people still think it does. Sounds like someone wants to play house to me.I understand what you are saying but I think the ratio is skewed. I do think dispite what the figure says it will increase the odds of greater success if you factor out the people who got married in hopes of fixing an already bad relationship.

Sounds like someone wants to play house to me too. I mean we all want to leave on our own and eat ice cream for dinner right!

[midgetonadonkey]

I want ice cream for dinner. I think I will eat that tonight.

[Richard Cranium]

Bottom line is that is is YOUR decision. Nobody knows you like you do. For some a live in relationship works fine. For others they want more than just a roommate and unless you are married, that is what you are.
Good luck and I can't imagine any man not jumping at the chance to live with you.

[SpursWoman]

Did I say that? It is a fact to point out to balance all the people who seemed to claim that living together would INCREASE the odds at GREATER success in an eventual marriage. It simply does not, but a lot of young people still think it does. Sounds like someone wants to play house to me.

I'm not a big believer in studies on relationships, but I am a big believer in my own experiences ... which are the polar opposite of the results of that study. But I do agree that it sounds like someone just wanting to play house...because I've been there. All I can say to that, because it's really not my business, is that experience is life's greatest teacher.

Based on that, my only advice is five different types of birth control for the first 3 years minimum, and no joint bank accounts. And that label thing before you move in isn't a bad idea, either. :spin

[Opinionater]

Based on that, my only advice is five different types of birth control for the first 3 years minimum, and no joint bank accounts. And that label thing before you move in isn't a bad idea, either. :spin

IMHO, that is no way to start any serious relationship. You are setting yourself with an easy out and in today's society....an easy out is an easy fix.

[Shelly]

I couldn't imagine marrying anyone without living with them first so if you're at all serious about the relationship then you kinda have to go there.

I dunno...I lived with my husband one month before getting married and we'll be married for 18 years in January.

[Shelly]

:wow :wow :spless: :spless: :spless:

:lol the family is always the LAST to know!

[SpursWoman]

IMHO, that is no way to start any serious relationship. You are setting yourself with an easy out and in today's society....an easy out is an easy fix.


Walk before you run, IMHO. It's not THAT serious if there's no wedding date set.

And an easy fix to what, exactly, btw?

[AFBlue]

IMHO, that is no way to start any serious relationship. You are setting yourself with an easy out and in today's society....an easy out is an easy fix.

I have a sister that had a kid out of wedlock with a guy that she ended up marrying him because they wanted to provide a solid home for the kid and it ended disastrously.

Of course the "easy out" you speak of could've been abortion but she didn't want to go that route.

Precaution isn't easy...precaution is smart.

Same goes with the money. What is the benefit of immediately establishing a joint account? Honestly, what is the long-term benefit?

[Opinionater]

Walk before you run, IMHO. It's not THAT serious if there's no wedding date set.

And an easy fix to what, exactly, btw?

Uh, the relationship. Well, other than a lease agreement or other living arrangement. But I mean an easy "fix" or out of said living arrangements. But a committed relationship, a true one, does not look for the easy fix. But that is just my opinion.
I never lived with my wife and we are still going strong.

[Opinionater]

I have a sister that had a kid out of wedlock with a guy that she ended up marrying him because they wanted to provide a solid home for the kid and it ended disastrously.

Of course the "easy out" you speak of could've been abortion but she didn't want to go that route.

Precaution isn't easy...precaution is smart.

Same goes with the money. What is the benefit of immediately establishing a joint account? Honestly, what is the long-term benefit?

Precaution? IMHO, that too is a cop out. Many people seem to have forgotten what a committed relationship is all about. Marriage for love almost no longer exists. There is no way to predict the future and using a precaution does not help, IMHO.

[Shelly]

So whats the money situation?

Do you make more than him?

Has he lived on his own before...have you?

What do you do if he picks his nose in front of you, cries, craps his pants in your bed in the midst of a drunken stupor?

What happens if he wants a night out without you?

Do you have medical coverage?

How are you splitting the rent, bills, food money?

Joint insurance for the cars?

Both names on the bills?

How are going to divide up the extra spending money or fun money?

If you aren't combining income as one functional unit and he comes home with new cloths and bag full of CDs and you're over drawn in the bank account how will that make you feel?

What if he invites the boys over for the game and they clog the toilet and won't leave?

What if your car breaks down and you need a ride but he's low on gas money?

What if he gets comfortable and gains weight? What if you do?

Are you expecting him to still pay if you go out?

Does he have a clue what being on the rag really is?

Do you have a good relationship with his family and does he with yours?

Are any of you going to continue school? Who will help cover for the other if said schooling ends up cutting into actual work time thus cutting income?

Can you or he cook any more than 3 dishes?

How often should you eat out?

What have you really thought about?

LuvBones, I like you a lot, but he does bring up some good points.

I think finances will be one of the major issues, as it is in any serious relationship. You need to figure out who will take care of what.

[SpursWoman]

Uh, the relationship. Well, other than a lease agreement or other living arrangement. But I mean an easy "fix" or out of said living arrangements. But a committed relationship, a true one, does not look for the easy fix. But that is just my opinion.
I never lived with my wife and we are still going strong.


They aren't getting married, they are going to live together. And this isn't the 1800's, you no longer have to go "all in" on the very first shot at it.

[Opinionater]

They aren't getting married, they are going to live together. And this isn't the 1800's, you no longer have to go "all in" on the very first shot at it.

So then it will be an "open relationship" with not committment? And what does the year have to with anything? I didn't know some social morals had a time limit on them. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with doing things the right way. That is all. I just think people living in sin has a bad influence on society as a whole.

[AFBlue]

Precaution? IMHO, that too is a cop out. Many people seem to have forgotten what a committed relationship is all about. Marriage for love almost no longer exists. There is no way to predict the future and using a precaution does not help, IMHO.

If I love my wife, I think she is "the one", and I fully intend on honoring my life-long committment...but we have both agreed that children are not our priority and we wouldn't be prepared for children at this point in our lives, we're supposed to not make love or have sex?

My point...

If you make decisions for the explicit purpose of creating a situation where it would be easy to duck out, then you're not ready for that commitment in the first place.

BUT, if you make mutual decisions that have that adverse effect, you shouldn't be judged harshly for it.

Case in point....my wife and I have seperate bank accounts because she works at a bank that requires it. But having two pots of money does help ease the tension when she comes home with $50 worth of clothing and jewelry from Target when she set out for toothpaste....and the same goes for me.

On the flip side, I have a rather sizeable life insurance policy and every cent of it is dedicated to her.

So, I am fully dedicated to her while making "smart" decisions to maintain seperation in some aspects of the relationship.

Bottom Line: Sometimes it's just good practice and not malicious intent. What you see as "easy outs", I see as smart decisions.

[BacktoBasics]

If I love my wife, I think she is "the one", and I fully intend on honoring my life-long committment...but we have both agreed that children are not our priority and we wouldn't be prepared for children at this point in our lives, we're supposed to not have make love or have sex?

My point...

If you make decisions for the explicit purpose of creating a situation where it would be easy to duck out, then you're not ready for that commitment in the first place.

BUT, if you make mutual decisions that have that adverse effect, you shouldn't be judged harshly for it.

Case in point....my wife and I have seperate bank accounts because she works at a bank that requires it. But having two pots of money does help ease the tension when she comes home with $50 worth of clothing and jewelry from Target when she set out for toothpaste....and the same goes for me.

On the flip side, I have a rather sizeable life insurance policy and every cent of it is dedicated to her.

So, I am fully dedicated to her while making "smart" decisions to maintain seperation in some aspects of the relationship.

Bottom Line: Sometimes it's just good practice and not malicious intent. What you see as "easy outs", I see as smart decisions.A bank that requires it? WTF?

[AFBlue]

A bank that requires it? WTF?

They automatically deposit her salary into the bank account she opened with the bank.

The transfers suck sometimes, but it actually works out great.

And we sit down to discuss who pays what bills at which time of the month.

It was sort of an unintended consequence, but when she quits the bank I think we'll still maintain seperate accounts...it's worked out that well.

[BacktoBasics]

They automatically deposit her salary into the bank account she opened with the bank.

The transfers suck sometimes, but it actually works out great.

And we sit down to discuss who pays what bills at which time of the month.

It was sort of an unintended consequence, but when she quits the bank I think we'll still maintain seperate accounts...it's worked out that well.I mean no offense by this question but are you two white?

[AFBlue]

I mean no offense by this question but are you two white?


Uh-oh....Opinionater has already brought up religion ("living in sin")...you gonna bring up race?

Please do....I love contraversy

To answer your question:

Yes, both of us are White.

[Shelly]

I never got the separate checking accounts when married, but if works in your relationship...more power to you.

It's always been our money regardless of who makes what.

[BacktoBasics]

Uh-oh....Opinionater has already brought up religion ("living in sin")...you gonna bring up race?

Please do....I love contraversy

To answer your question:

Yes, both of us are White.It was a curious question not meant to be controversial. Like I said don't be offended.

[JoeChalupa]

They automatically deposit her salary into the bank account she opened with the bank.

The transfers suck sometimes, but it actually works out great.

And we sit down to discuss who pays what bills at which time of the month.

It was sort of an unintended consequence, but when she quits the bank I think we'll still maintain seperate accounts...it's worked out that well.

The wife and I have two joint accounts and we pay different bills out of different accounts but we always look at it as OUR money. But we've never taken any precautions with our finances but she was on birth control until we decided it was time for a child and she also tied her tubes as another precaution if you will. But I had every intention of marrying her from the start. For me I wouldn't have it any other way.
I would prefer that my daughters not go the "live in" route though.

[Opinionater]

Uh-oh....Opinionater has already brought up religion ("living in sin")...you gonna bring up race?

Please do....I love contraversy

To answer your question:

Yes, both of us are White.

IMHO, religion is an individual issue and my bringing "living in sin" is my belief and I am in no way pushing it on you. If I offended you I apologize. That was not the intent. My point is that I feel "relationships" as a whole, be they by marriage or common law, do not have the committment they once did...say like in the 1800's.

[SpursWoman]

So then it will be an "open relationship" with not committment? And what does the year have to with anything? I didn't know some social morals had a time limit on them. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with doing things the right way. That is all. I just think people living in sin has a bad influence on society as a whole.


Regardless of my marital history, I happen to take marriage very seriously. And I would never do it again without being absolutely sure I really knew the person. You might think you know someone by dating for a few months or years, but you really don't know a damn thing until you've lived with them a while and actually have to depend on them for something. There's nothing wrong with testing the waters before the true committment of marriage takes place. Sometimes it's difficult to recognize a mistake until your smack-dab in the middle of it ... which happens to young people who think they know everything A LOT. :lol

[PM5K]

I am not a marriage kind of girl

:p:

[johnsmith]

I heard a while back that more marriages end in divorce when the couple lives together first rather then waiting until after.

[Mixability]

And I'm pretty sure more marriages never even happen when the couples live together first.

[SpursWoman]

I heard a while back that more marriages end in divorce when the couple lives together first rather then waiting until after.

In my study, 100% of people that didn't live together before they got married have gotten divorced. :lol

[SpursWoman]

And I'm pretty sure more marriages never even happen when the couples live together first.

Yeah ... they didn't happen. Which means they figured out it wasn't going to work out before there were children, property, and debt involved. I wonder if there's a study done on that. :)

[ploto]

I would prefer that my daughters not go the "live in" route though.
Interesting...

[SpursWoman]

I would prefer that my daughters not go the "live in" route though.

Don't you also prefer that they not wear makeup? Was that you? :lol

[AFBlue]

It was a curious question not meant to be controversial. Like I said don't be offended.

No worries...not offended.

[Mixability]

Yeah ... they didn't happen. Which means they figured out it wasn't going to work out before there were children, property, and debt involved. I wonder if there's a study done on that. :)

:tu

[ploto]

Which means they figured out it wasn't going to work out before there were children, property, and debt involved. I wonder if there's a study done on that. :)
You do realize that plenty of people who live together without marriage have children, property AND debt.

[AFBlue]

I never got the separate checking accounts when married, but if works in your relationship...more power to you.

It's always been our money regardless of who makes what.

It's still "our" money. We usually split the bills right down the middle, in fact I end up paying for her car payment.

Again, we got seperate accounts because she was forced to open one up and maintain a balance with her semi-monthly income automatically going to the account.

But, it does have its fringe benefits. I'll never understand why she buys $30 gold, snake-skin purses (exaggeration, but not really) or a fifth pair of black shoes...but this way I don't have to. And the same goes for her about my questionable purchases (did I really need the super charger? probably not...).

We both end up with a certain amount of disposable income that we can use however we choose.

I'm sure we would handle it if we had a joint account and a single pot of money, and it will become an eventuality when we start having babies and she has to quit her job (at least for a while, if not permanently) which means the "other" account would go bye-bye. I'm just saying it's nice to have that luxury right now.

But for the most part, I do still consider it "our" money.

[AFBlue]

IMHO, religion is an individual issue and my bringing "living in sin" is my belief and I am in no way pushing it on you. If I offended you I apologize. That was not the intent. My point is that I feel "relationships" as a whole, be they by marriage or common law, do not have the committment they once did...say like in the 1800's.

Perhaps I come across as incredibly serious.... :lol

That post was meant to be playful. Sorry to you and B2B for the misconception... :)

[Shelly]

It's still "our" money. We usually split the bills right down the middle, in fact I end up paying for her car payment.

Again, we got seperate accounts because she was forced to open one up and maintain a balance with her semi-monthly automatically going to the account.

But, it does have its fringe benefits. I'll never understand why she buys $30 gold, snake-skin purses (exaggeration, but not really) or a fifth pair of black shoes...but this way I don't have to. And the same goes for her about my questionable purchases (did I really need the super charger? probably not...).

We both end up with a certain amount of disposable income that we can use however we choose.

I'm sure we would handle it if we had a joint account and a single pot of money, and it will become an eventuality when we start having babies and she has to quit her job (at least for a while, if not permanently) which means the "other" account would go bye-bye. I'm just saying it's nice to have that luxury right now.

But for the most part, I do still consider it "our" money.

Well, that's good. I've seen a lot of people with separate accounts throw the, "I'll buy what I want...it's MY money" line.

[AFBlue]

Well, that's good. I've seen a lot of people with separate accounts throw the, "I'll buy what I want...it's MY money" line.

I can see that.

I guess it boils down to communication and planning. Fortunatly we're good at both, so it works itself out. :married:

[Shelly]

I can see that.

I guess it boils down to communication and planning. Fortunatly we're good at both, so it works itself out. :married:

Exactly.

[CuckingFunt]

I want ice cream for dinner. I think I will eat that tonight.Ice cream for breakfast is even better.

[angel_luv]

I've never had a boy friend so I can't give advice there.

However, as someone who lives on her own, I would advocate doing that that before getting involved in a serious relationship.
It is pressure enough making the right decisions for yourself, much less having to factor in the very real needs and desires of another person.
It is hard enough suffering the consequences of your own " rookie" mistakes without having to live with the fact that you are subjecting a S.O. to all that as well.

I know I have found this time of relative freedom and space to be invaluable to my development as a grown up and individual, something I believe will serve me well when I do meet and become involved with " the one".

And just so you know, this is coming from the marrying type of girl.

As a matter of fact, I used to want to be married by the time I was 19 and thought being the age I am now ( almost 25) with three kids would be a great thing for me.

I would encourage you that if you are ready, you are ready.
Equally important, if it is right, no need to rush.
Take a hard look at all the facts, examine and consider the advice here, talk through the best and worse case scenarios with your guy.

I wish you all the best. :)

[CuckingFunt]

I never got the separate checking accounts when married, but if works in your relationship...more power to you.

It's always been our money regardless of who makes what.When I was living with my ex, our relationship was as close to a marriage as... well, as close as the law would allow... and we had a joint account to which we both contributed and from which all the household bills were paid. But we always also maintained separate accounts.

Two shopaholic women needing to ask permission (or, more accurately, make sure there would be enough left over to pay the rent) before making an impulse buy? That wouldn't have lasted too long.

[Cant_Be_Faded]

Manny is correct. My wife and I (just married last month) had been dating what would have been 8 years this October.

Lived together for 4-5 years. Its a definate upgrade.

But a little advice, you two had better lay down what you are and what you are not up front. If youre a homebody, say so. You like to go out, say so. Messy? Clean? Sleep in? Love chores? Friends over all the time? Family over alot?

Do you spend time alone reading/video games? Seriously, think about it, then talk about it. At least you could always say "I told you when we moved in together...."



haha, good call. I told my chick straight up I would make efforts but would never be as clean and tidy as her. I told her over and over and over and over. She still ends up getting pissed off and owning me about it but it just feels good saying "i told you so".

[SpursWoman]

You do realize that plenty of people who live together without marriage have children, property AND debt.

:lol

I happen to be one of those "plenty of people" and Chris and I are SOLID, and very happy together. Regardless of whether or not we've paid the $35.00 for the marriage license or $75.00 for the JOP.


Whether or not a RELATIONSHIP lasts has nothing to do with whether or not they've stood before the judge or priest or rabbi or whatever, which is why those studies are a joke. There's no possible way they can take into consideration every single mitigating factor in each unique relationship that may or may not been responsible for the split, and to what degree.

The only thing those types of studies tell me is that it's more probable that people who live together first are more likely to get out of a relationship where they've grown apart than people who are more *old fashioned* and hang in there for convenience or habit or money or the children or whatever, but aren't necessarily happy.

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

Never live with your S.O., even if you're married. Maintain separate residences and keep your relationship "open". It's the only way to live a sane and rewarding life.


Just my two cents.

[SpursWoman]

Well, that's good. I've seen a lot of people with separate accounts throw the, "I'll buy what I want...it's MY money" line.

We have everything split pretty much proportionately, and we have each others' back if we happen to be short for whatever reason ... so as long as the mortgage is paid, there's food in the fridge, and the utilities haven't been cut off ... I can trust him not to go spend it all on hookers and blow. :lol

And we have each other's PIN number, if that counts. :nerd :lol

[SpursWoman]

Never live with your S.O., even if you're married. Maintain separate residences and keep your relationship "open". It's the only way to live a sane and rewarding life.


Just my two cents.


:lmao :makeout

[tlongII]

As long as you don't bring kids into the equation it doesn't matter. If you don't get along it will be relatively easy to rectify the situation.

[Flea]

Luvbones, I never lived with my husband before we married and we are going on 18 years. I never lived alone, went straight from my Mom's house to living with my husband. We have made it work and I don't have any regrets. However, like Melmart said.....you will wonder what it would have been like to live alone. I had to grow up while married and that did put a lot of stress on my marriage at times. My husband was 26 when we married and had been on his own since he was 17. My husband put up with a spoiled kid trying to find herself for many years. I am thankful he did. :)

[Flea]

I'll never understand why she buys $30 gold, snake-skin purses (exaggeration, but not really) or a fifth pair of black shoes...but this way I don't have to.


Because it's on sale and she is saving money. :lol
My husband always tells me it's impossible to save money when you are spending it.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

At one time in my life, I lived with 4 women.

It was pure Hell.

Carry on.

[angel_luv]

Because it's on sale and she is saving money. :lol
My husband always tells me it's impossible to save money when you are spending it.


My dad once told my mom that if she saved him any more money she was going to put him in the poor house. :lol

[Shelly]

When I was living with my ex, our relationship was as close to a marriage as... well, as close as the law would allow... and we had a joint account to which we both contributed and from which all the household bills were paid. But we always also maintained separate accounts.

Two shopaholic women needing to ask permission (or, more accurately, make sure there would be enough left over to pay the rent) before making an impulse buy? That wouldn't have lasted too long.

I'm lucky in the sense that I don't have to ask him before I buy anything...within reason, of course. If it's a huge purchase, then that's discussed beforehand. All I need to know is if there's enough money in the checking account to cover it. He tends to move a lot of money to the savings.

Hell, he doesn't even bat an eye at my Target spending sprees :lol Which reminds me, I'm due for one!

[Shelly]

Never live with your S.O., even if you're married. Maintain separate residences and keep your relationship "open". It's the only way to live a sane and rewarding life.


Just my two cents.

:lol

[Flea]

My dad once told my mom that if she saved him any more money she was going to put him in the poor house. :lol


:lol

[Flea]

I'm lucky in the sense that I don't have to ask him before I buy anything...within reason, of course. If it's a huge purchase, then that's discussed beforehand. All I need to know is if there's enough money in the checking account to cover it. He tends to move a lot of money to the savings.

Hell, he doesn't even bat an eye at my Target spending sprees :lol Which reminds me, I'm due for one!


That happened today. The new one at Stone Oak is open and I had a $5 off card that had to be used. Ofcourse Target got the better end of the deal with that offer!!

[marini martini]

Yeahhhhhhhhhhh! It opened, it opened.

[ploto]

The only thing those types of studies tell me is that it's more probable that people who live together first are more likely to get out of a relationship where they've grown apart than people who are more *old fashioned* and hang in there for convenience or habit or money or the children or whatever, but aren't necessarily happy.

Actually, studies show that people who live together before marriage have LESS happy marriages.

I understand your personal views, but they simply are not mine and this is a discussion- right? I would never live with someone outside of marriage and that is my belief. I also think that standing before a clergyman does make a significant difference. Again, my personal belief.

If someone asks a question on a message board they should not get mad when people answer it with views that are opposing. If the OP just wanted people to give her permission then she came to the wrong place.

[marini martini]

Yeahhhhhhhhhhh! It opened, it opened.

Sorry wrong thread! :elephant

Actually, me and my "nimrod" lived together w/his 2 kids & my one kid for exactly 1 year. Got married in '79, it was pretty cool......untlil he wants to retire next year.....So I need a fuckin' job. So "Welcome to Walmart!" :toast

[AFBlue]

That happened today. The new one at Stone Oak is open and I had a $5 off card that had to be used. Ofcourse Target got the better end of the deal with that offer!!

Damn Target will be the end of me.... :lol

[2Blonde]

I'm lucky in the sense that I don't have to ask him before I buy anything...within reason, of course. If it's a huge purchase, then that's discussed beforehand. All I need to know is if there's enough money in the checking account to cover it. He tends to move a lot of money to the savings.

Hell, he doesn't even bat an eye at my Target spending sprees :lol Which reminds me, I'm due for one!
We're pretty much the same way. My husband does the same thing with the savings account. :lol

[mrsmaalox]

Case in point....my wife and I have seperate bank accounts because she works at a bank that requires it. But having two pots of money does help ease the tension when she comes home with $50 worth of clothing and jewelry from Target when she set out for toothpaste....and the same goes for me.


DAMN!!! How the hell can the woman get out of "Le Targhay" minus only 50 bucks?! My husband really wants to know!!!! :lol

[mrsmaalox]

it was pretty cool......untlil he wants to retire next year.....So I need a fuckin' job. So "Welcome to Walmart!" :toast
I feel your pain; I find myself in a similar situation. But when it really gets you down just repeat to yourself, "House husband, house husband". I can hardly wait!!!!!!

[LuvBones]

wow, this turned out to be a pretty good discussion.Thanks for all the advice everyone.. I'm kind of scared to move out now but it's always good to think about the things mentioned in here. :lol
About the living on my own thing.. I never really felt like living completely alone. Maybe it's because I grew up with a single parent who because of his work was hardly home. My dad has given me a lot of freedom as well as responsibilities as the oldest in the house (before spurfect came back :p:). Since I was 16 I have been preparing to make it on my own. My sister moved out at 18, lived with her boyfriend, and married at 22. She's 27 now and is still happily married. I feel like I'm ready to move out and see if this guy is my soulmate.. if not I always have my house to go back to. I bet it sucks having to go back home once you leave, but at least i'll learn from my own experience.

[AFBlue]

DAMN!!! How the hell can the woman get out of "Le Targhay" minus only 50 bucks?! My husband really wants to know!!!! :lol

I was citing one example. :lol

The most recent example happens to be today....

She went in to get some birthday gifts for her niece, but she didn't want the nephews (4) to get jealous....so she bought "back to school" gifts for the boys and "back to school" plus birthday gifts for the neice. I didn't look at the bill but I'm guessing it was well over $100.

She was suprised I didn't say anything, but I figure two things...

1) It was money she earned at her job that she used

2) If you're gonna spend money, spending it on family is a good way to do it....guess that's because I'm a family kinda guy.

So $100+ was the latest damage.... :lol

[midgetonadonkey]

wow, this turned out to be a pretty good discussion.Thanks for all the advice everyone.. I'm kind of scared to move out now but it's always good to think about the things mentioned in here. :lol
About the living on my own thing.. I never really felt like living completely alone. Maybe it's because I grew up with a single parent who because of his work was hardly home. My dad has given me a lot of freedom as well as responsibilities as the oldest in the house (before spurfect came back :p:). Since I was 16 I have been preparing to make it on my own. My sister moved out at 18, lived with her boyfriend, and married at 22. She's 27 now and is still happily married. I feel like I'm ready to move out and see if this guy is my soulmate.. if not I always have my house to go back to. I bet it sucks having to go back home once you leave, but at least i'll learn from my own experience.


I thought your cunt sister said she wasn't the marrying type?

[LuvBones]

I have sisters.

[midgetonadonkey]

I have cunt sisters.

I get it now.

[LuvBones]

How clever you are.

[Bigzax]

bones, go out there, have some fucking fun...mind yo bills and work your shit out issue by issue as they come...

everyone here had someone in their ear telling them what to do/what not to do, and we all fucked up a little along the way anyway...just keep going forward and don't forget to laugh...

[midgetonadonkey]

bones, go out there, have some fucking fun...mind yo bills and work your shit out issue by issue as they come...

everyone here had someone in their ear telling them what to do/what not to do, and we all fucked up a little along the way anyway...just keep going forward and don't forget to laugh...

You are so fucking wise... :rolleyes

I never had anyone in my ear telling me what to do. I did fuck up a little but it was my own problem. Don't act like what everyone here did was because of some else. The majority of people telling this little bitch to think for herself would agree that it is based on personal decisions.

[Spurfect]

if not I always have my house to go back to. I bet it sucks having to go back home once you leave, but at least i'll learn from my own experience.

remember how hard it was when I moved back, how I was crying about it that one time with you? haha. it was pretty hard. but I got used to it lol

[THE SIXTH MAN]

:lol this thread turned out to be pretty entertaining.

[Bigzax]

You are so fucking wise... :rolleyes

I never had anyone in my ear telling me what to do. I did fuck up a little but it was my own problem. Don't act like what everyone here did was because of some else. The majority of people telling this little bitch to think for herself would agree that it is based on personal decisions.


who are you that i give a shit? i don't deal with dudes that bleed bro...i had enough of that shit with mouse...move along donk, move along...

[THE SIXTH MAN]

So whats the money situation?

Do you make more than him?

Has he lived on his own before...have you?

What do you do if he picks his nose in front of you, cries, craps his pants in your bed in the midst of a drunken stupor?

What happens if he wants a night out without you?

Do you have medical coverage?

How are you splitting the rent, bills, food money?

Joint insurance for the cars?

Both names on the bills?

How are going to divide up the extra spending money or fun money?

If you aren't combining income as one functional unit and he comes home with new cloths and bag full of CDs and you're over drawn in the bank account how will that make you feel?

What if he invites the boys over for the game and they clog the toilet and won't leave?

What if your car breaks down and you need a ride but he's low on gas money?

What if he gets comfortable and gains weight? What if you do?

Are you expecting him to still pay if you go out?

Does he have a clue what being on the rag really is?

Do you have a good relationship with his family and does he with yours?

Are any of you going to continue school? Who will help cover for the other if said schooling ends up cutting into actual work time thus cutting income?

Can you or he cook any more than 3 dishes?

How often should you eat out?

What have you really thought about?
^^^This is probably the best post in this thread. As much as people are telling you to just go out and have fun, there's a lot of things to be taken seriously like the financial aspect of living out on your own. You haven't really gone in to detail on what your situation really is, so it would be pretty hard to give you the right advice based on what you're going through. You should also take in to consideration that everyones situation is different. So evaluate your position and go from there.

[mrsmaalox]

I was citing one example. :lol

The most recent example happens to be today....

She went in to get some birthday gifts for her niece, but she didn't want the nephews (4) to get jealous....so she bought "back to school" gifts for the boys and "back to school" plus birthday gifts for the neice. I didn't look at the bill but I'm guessing it was well over $100.

She was suprised I didn't say anything, but I figure two things...

1) It was money she earned at her job that she used

2) If you're gonna spend money, spending it on family is a good way to do it....guess that's because I'm a family kinda guy.

So $100+ was the latest damage.... :lol
Sounds like you all were made for each other! :toast

[SpursWoman]

DAMN!!! How the hell can the woman get out of "Le Targhay" minus only 50 bucks?! My husband really wants to know!!!! :lol

It's biologically impossible. Shelly and I have tried over, and over, and over again. :drunk

[JoeChalupa]

Don't you also prefer that they not wear makeup? Was that you? :lol

Yup. My daughters wear no makeup or nail polish. My oldest is 13. I don't play the "friends" game when it comes to parenting. :oops

[BacktoBasics]

^^^This is probably the best post in this thread. As much as people are telling you to just go out and have fun, there's a lot of things to be taken seriously like the financial aspect of living out on your own. You haven't really gone in to detail on what your situation really is, so it would be pretty hard to give you the right advice based on what you're going through. You should also take in to consideration that everyones situation is different. So evaluate your position and go from there.Too bad this was never about real shit and all about story telling and fantasy land.

[SpursWoman]

Yup. My daughters wear no makeup or nail polish. My oldest is 13. I don't play the "friends" game when it comes to parenting. :oops


I don't know how that equates to playing the "friends" game, letting them grow up and make their own decisions with the right amount of guidance is more about non-authoritarian parenting, not friendship. Although, I'm not a total pushover ... she's not dating until she's 30. Boys can hurt her, makeup can't. :lol :)

But obviously everyone is different ... and perfectly entitled to be. As long as others keep their nose out of other people's business and save their judgements for themselves ... and recognize that not everyone thinks or has to think the same way they do the world would be a much friendlier place. Because I get plenty of *business* about my current relationship status, but we're very functional and happy as a family. What my last name is really isn't going to effect that.

I know first hand how devestating blind faith can be, so I'm inclined to have a much more cautious approach to relationships and marriage ... an ounce of prevention and all that ... and happen to think that testing the waters by actually living together first is that ounce of prevention. You can eat an apple a day and still need to see the doctor, it's not fool-proof, but at least you're trying.

And I'd have tried for more cliches, but I actually am kind of busy today. :lol

[The sone]

I wanted to ask because I've personally never moved in with a boyfriend before. I've seen other couples live together and have it work out and others fail miserably so that's why I wanted to ask. In my previous relationships I never wanted to live with them.. this is the first time I've felt this way. The only thing I'm hesitant on is if we could make it financially on our own. That's why I'm giving it some time so we can save up money to get in a better position.


if finances are questionable then you should just stay put. when money is tight there is nothing but problems. especially when youre used to having things a certain way. move out on your own first...figure out who YOU are. when youre ok with being alone...THEN youre ready to be with someone. theres a lot more id want to say but im kindda in class right now...

[BacktoBasics]

Yup. My daughters wear no makeup or nail polish. My oldest is 13. I don't play the "friends" game when it comes to parenting. :oopsMy father didn't play the friends game with me either. We've haven't talked in 11 years. I'd say he missed out on a good friend.

[ZStomp]

if finances are questionable then you should just stay put. when money is tight there is nothing but problems. especially when youre used to having things a certain way. move out on your own first...figure out who YOU are. when youre ok with being alone...THEN youre ready to be with someone. theres a lot more id want to say but im kindda in class right now...

Class my ass!

[ZStomp]

My father didn't play the friends game with me either. We've haven't talked in 11 years. I'd say he missed out on a good friend.

Ouch. That sux. You can't be a dick dad all your life.... at least, I don't think so.

[The sone]

Ouch. That sux. You can't be a dick dad all your life.... at least, I don't think so.


thats a tough paradox... on the one hand you know the dad is looking out for what he thinks is in the childs best interests...but at the same time...how you gonna one day let this person go out into the world without them even knowing what the world is, i mean the iron fist works if you intend on ruling indefinately. but once that is gone, the subjects are lost.

[BacktoBasics]

thats a tough paradox... on the one hand you know the dad is looking out for what he thinks is in the childs best interests...but at the same time...how you gonna one day let this person go out into the world without them even knowing what the world is, i mean the iron fist works if you intend on ruling indefinately. but once that is gone, the subjects are lost.Well I see what you are saying but in my situation I got the iron fist after I was living independently on my own without anyones help. I don't have a problem with dick parents so long as you are willing to maintain a level relationship when the child becomes an adult. In my situation my father wanted to lord over me as an adult and friendship was never an options so fuck him I'll go my own way without him, I don't need another boss.

I think its important for children to grow up and earn enough respect from their parents that one day they share a friendly relationship. Fuck I just wanted to have a beer and shoot some pool.

[ShoogarBear]

i mean the iron fist works if you intend on ruling indefinately. but once that is gone, the subjects are lost.Well, there's always the remote-controlled electric collar.