da_suns_fan__
09-07-2007, 02:16 PM
What's next to cap Sports' Worst Summer?
So now Rick Ankiel, the wild-pitcher-turned-slugger fresh off a two-homer, seven-RBI game, reportedly received a year's supply of human growth hormone in 2004. That's just great. The one feel-good story from a summer of dog-fighting QBs, game-fixing refs and surly sluggers now looks like yet another fraud.
Well, we're not getting fooled again. Maybe if we look for the dark cloud accompanying every silver lining, we won't be so disappointed. In that vein, here are some other sports stories that we expect to be sullied in the near future:
· Several Appalachian State players are found ineligible after getting paid for hours they didn't actually work in the local illegal distillery. Then the Mountaineers lose to Lenoir-Rhyne.
· In the wake of Phil Rizzuto's passing, St. Peter announces that Heaven didn't actually need a shortstop but rather a power-hitting third baseman. Thus the Scooter is riding the pine for the Heaven Nine, though at least he's still allowed to leave during the seventh-inning stretch to beat the celestial traffic.
· After throwing a no-hitter in his second career start, Red Sox rookie Clay Buchholz is banished to the bullpen. (Wait, that actually happened? My bad.)
· Peyton Manning's apparent breakthrough from a guy who Couldn't Win the Big One to Super Bowl champ was in fact bankrolled by Sprint, MasterCard and Gatorade.
· The Saints go 4-12 and the primary burden for improving the spirits of Katrina-devastated New Orleanians falls back to the federal, state and local governments.
· The new FedEx Cup playoffs are undermined by pro golfers complaining that they're being asked to work four four-day weeks in a row for a mere $63 million in prize money. (You mean that's happened too? Damn.)
· Reports circulate that Tim Duncan and the champion Spurs are not only boring, but they dislike children and dogs. In fact, they despise pretty much everything save hot TV stars.
http://www.fannation.com/blogs/post/57093
This is from the comments section:
How about the reverse, if all the feel-bad stories of the summer turned out to have a happy ending?
* The FDA announces the shocking discovery that HGH and flaxseed oil are actually the same substance.
* Autopsies on dog corpses uncovered on Michael Vick's property reveals the dogs were tickled to death.
*When Isiah Thomas arrives for his sexual harassment trial, it turns out the whole affair was an elaborate sham by his friends to get him to a surprise 47th birthday party at the courthouse.
*After a more thorough review of Tim Donaghy's officiating record, it emerges that most of the games he officiated were between the Harlem Globetrotters and the Washington Senators. All is forgiven.
*Fans of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays take heart after reading on Wikipedia that "The number of Devil Rays victories has more than tripled in the last six months."
So now Rick Ankiel, the wild-pitcher-turned-slugger fresh off a two-homer, seven-RBI game, reportedly received a year's supply of human growth hormone in 2004. That's just great. The one feel-good story from a summer of dog-fighting QBs, game-fixing refs and surly sluggers now looks like yet another fraud.
Well, we're not getting fooled again. Maybe if we look for the dark cloud accompanying every silver lining, we won't be so disappointed. In that vein, here are some other sports stories that we expect to be sullied in the near future:
· Several Appalachian State players are found ineligible after getting paid for hours they didn't actually work in the local illegal distillery. Then the Mountaineers lose to Lenoir-Rhyne.
· In the wake of Phil Rizzuto's passing, St. Peter announces that Heaven didn't actually need a shortstop but rather a power-hitting third baseman. Thus the Scooter is riding the pine for the Heaven Nine, though at least he's still allowed to leave during the seventh-inning stretch to beat the celestial traffic.
· After throwing a no-hitter in his second career start, Red Sox rookie Clay Buchholz is banished to the bullpen. (Wait, that actually happened? My bad.)
· Peyton Manning's apparent breakthrough from a guy who Couldn't Win the Big One to Super Bowl champ was in fact bankrolled by Sprint, MasterCard and Gatorade.
· The Saints go 4-12 and the primary burden for improving the spirits of Katrina-devastated New Orleanians falls back to the federal, state and local governments.
· The new FedEx Cup playoffs are undermined by pro golfers complaining that they're being asked to work four four-day weeks in a row for a mere $63 million in prize money. (You mean that's happened too? Damn.)
· Reports circulate that Tim Duncan and the champion Spurs are not only boring, but they dislike children and dogs. In fact, they despise pretty much everything save hot TV stars.
http://www.fannation.com/blogs/post/57093
This is from the comments section:
How about the reverse, if all the feel-bad stories of the summer turned out to have a happy ending?
* The FDA announces the shocking discovery that HGH and flaxseed oil are actually the same substance.
* Autopsies on dog corpses uncovered on Michael Vick's property reveals the dogs were tickled to death.
*When Isiah Thomas arrives for his sexual harassment trial, it turns out the whole affair was an elaborate sham by his friends to get him to a surprise 47th birthday party at the courthouse.
*After a more thorough review of Tim Donaghy's officiating record, it emerges that most of the games he officiated were between the Harlem Globetrotters and the Washington Senators. All is forgiven.
*Fans of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays take heart after reading on Wikipedia that "The number of Devil Rays victories has more than tripled in the last six months."