Events with my mom's dog

[dougp]

Last week, my mom and step-dad went on vacation to Minnesota, and asked a long time family friend to house sit for her a few weeks ago, something that she normally does for them. About two weeks ago, my mom gave our friend the keys and garage opener so that she could get over there to watch the house & dogs.

I had asked my Mom on Friday to give me a call when she got in - so on my way to the game today, I get a call and I asked if they made it in fine. It turns out that our friend didn't stay at the house to take care of the dogs - two cute pugs, about 8 & 9 years old. She said that she didn't remember what day she was supposed to be there, and wasn't sure that my mom did want her to take care of them. Well, my parents came home to a messy house, with two dogs severely dehydrated. Annabelle is in the one that is in the hospital, with possible brain swelling and unable to really move around to being dehydrated - my parents might have to make the decision to put her down.

Is it wrong for her & I to insist that this family friend not be at any of our functions for a few months or so? I know that my mom hasn't talked to her about this, because she's afraid of saying something while being angry.

What would you guys do?

Picture of the puppy. (http://img359.imageshack.us/img359/5456/172126060549rb2.jpg)

[angel_luv]

Your poor puppy! I will pray she gets better.

I understand how upset you guys are; I would be too.

I am not sure how to answer your question. I think distance for awhile is good when you are angry.
However, I also think that conversation is a necessary part of the healing process- even if only for you.

Perhaps you guys could write your family friend a letter stating how you feel betrayed- letting her know that when you are ready to talk, you will contact her.

Letters are good because you can edit them before sending them. Maybe you could have a third party friend help you with it.


I pray your dog recovers. I am so sorry she was neglected like that!

[01Snake]

I'd be pissed! She should have called your parents if she "wasn't sure" when she was suppose to be there.

I'd smack the bitch.

[midgetonadonkey]

I'd be pissed off and probably beat the shit out of the "friend".

[Beno Udrih]

WTF? Was it lack of communication or something? Poor dogs though. Theres got to be more to that story since you say she's watched the house and dogs before.

[Sapphire]

Well, in defense of the friend, maybe your Mom could have called just as a reminder, since a couple of weeks had passed. Just speaking from experience and being over 40, I forget things a lot. I'd like to think I wouldn't have forgotten that type of commitment, but it happens and it's truly unfortunate in this case. I hope her dog is going to be OK. Pets can't really be replaced--I love my puppies and would be devastated if that had happened to them.

And yes, I am sure you are not going to want to spend any time with this woman at all for a while, especially while the pain is fresh. Does she even feel bad, or has she apologized? That would help my decision also. This is a really bad situation all around, and I don't think there's any "right" answer. I just hope the dogs are OK. Good luck!

[tlongII]

Shoot the damn things.

[exstatic]

Always call and verify. You are asking her to so something for you. A similar thing happened to my cats over Christmas last year, and I was mad, but ultimately realized it was my fault for not calling and confirming.

[RashoFan]

D,
I hope your mom's dogs will recover quickly. I will say a prayer for the dogs and your family.

[Beno Udrih]

Always call and verify. You are asking her to so something for you. A similar thing happened to my cats over Christmas last year, and I was mad, but ultimately realized it was my fault for not calling and confirming.
:tu Best advice in this thread. The dogs are ultimately the responsibility of the owner.

[florige]

:tu Best advice in this thread. The dogs are ultimately the responsibility of the owner.


Exactly!! For something that serious you freakin check!!! That kinda crap makes me so angry!!!

[dougp]

So there's no responsibility on the person? Sorry, but she's 95% responsible - she accepted to do it. Be an adult, you shouldn't have to be reminded.

[tlongII]

So there's no responsibility on the person? Sorry, but she's 95% responsible - she accepted to do it. Be an adult, you shouldn't have to be reminded.

Not her pet. She's 0% responsible.

[Beno Udrih]

So there's no responsibility on the person? Sorry, but she's 95% responsible - she accepted to do it. Be an adult, you shouldn't have to be reminded.
Not necessarily. If your mom didn't confirm with the neighbor, than it's her fault. When traveling, you always have to confirm things like that. I mean I'm pretty sure the neighbor had other things going on in her life that would make her forget such a thing.

[TDMVPDPOY]

go release your pitbull on her pitb

[exstatic]

So there's no responsibility on the person? Sorry, but she's 95% responsible - she accepted to do it. Be an adult, you shouldn't have to be reminded.
People have busy lives, and you are asking a favor. I know you and your mother are upset about the one dog, and I hope it turns out for the best, but the responsibility for the pet ultimately rests on your shoulders, not your neighbor's. If your mom wants total peace of mind, board the dogs professionally. Alternately, there are professional bonded home and pet sitters that will do the job, and water your plants, to boot. If you go for free, you get what you get.

[florige]

I kinda see it from Ex, and eni, point of view. If you don't think you are going to be up to the task, then she should have told her mother that she had alot going on and probably wouldn't be able to care for the dogs. I guess the mom could have reminded her, but if she AGREED then I think she should be responsible. Now if she had said something like I'll see what I can do or something along those lines then I would say that it was the family's fault. Don't agree if you don't think that you are not up to the task. I know me personally with my hectic schedule I wouldn't have taken the keys. I would have up front said no.

[Samr]

Last week, my mom and step-dad went on vacation to Minnesota, and asked a long time family friend to house sit for her a few weeks ago, something that she normally does for them. About two weeks ago, my mom gave our friend the keys and garage opener so that she could get over there to watch the house & dogs.

So, if I read this correctly, the last time a reminder was given was two weeks prior to your parents going out of town, at which point your neighbor was supposed to watch the house and feed the dogs for... a few weeks?

If I understood that correctly (which I am not saying I did) then two weeks is easily enough time for a person to forget a simple promise to house sit and watch some dogs. Yeah, the house and the dogs mean a lot to you, but try being in her shoes: would you really remember something, on your own, for two weeks? If there was no personal benefit to you to remember (example of a personal benefit: you got paid for it), chances are good you would forget. A hundred other things could have happened to your neighbor during that two week period that "I just forgot" is a completely acceptable excuse.

If something is important to you (the dogs), then it is YOUR responsibility to make sure everything is set to go before you go. It would have been as easy as a phone call a week prior, "Hey Neighbor, just calling to verify that you'd be able to watch the dogs while we are gone. You still can? Ok, cool, thank you SO much! We'll call in a few days again just to remind you. Thanks again!"

Takes two seconds to remind someone, and more than anything it is polite. Remember, SHE is doing YOU the favor here. No benefit on her part to do something charitable, even if y'all are friends.


So there's no responsibility on the person? Sorry, but she's 95% responsible - she accepted to do it. Be an adult, you shouldn't have to be reminded.

I'm going to guess you are fairly young, so use this as an opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson:

Being an adult means taking responsibility. Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for whatever happens to you.

Your neighbor is responsible for her life, just like you and your family are responsible for your lives. Your dogs are part of your life, not hers. She's not being a child by forgetting, she's just being human. The "responsible" thing would have been to remind her.

Not every lesson in life will be easy. In fact, most will probably come from tough situations; it's just the way things work. We (my family) have had pets die because of mistakes we've made, and hindsight is great for saying "would have/could have." So, don't think I haven't been on your page. It sucks, and I know because I've been through it. Everyone who's owned enough animals has been at that point one time or another.

The best thing you can do right now is learn from this experience, use it to become more adult yourself, because given the information you've posted, I do not see how any of this is your friend's fault.

[for the record: I have three dogs of my own and they are like family members to me, especially the two who are currently asleep in my bed. I understand where you are coming and have my complete sympathy and best wishes in that regard. I would hate to see anything happen to them, or any dog, so I definitely understand the sadness right now. But, life goes on, and losing a good friend over a stupid misunderstanding is much greater a loss, as least as far as I see it, than the death of an animal...]


(...wow...that was a really, really, really long post. And it wasn't even funny, I repeated myself a lot, and no one will ever read it. I can't wait to get off this medication that won't let me go to sleep. Seriously. Welcome to my life. I am embarrassed at myself now.)

[Beno Udrih]

So, if I read this correctly, the last time a reminder was given was two weeks prior to your parents going out of town, at which point your neighbor was supposed to watch the house and feed the dogs for... a few weeks?

If I understood that correctly (which I am not saying I did) then two weeks is easily enough time for a person to forget a simple promise to house sit and watch some dogs. Yeah, the house and the dogs mean a lot to you, but try being in her shoes: would you really remember something, on your own, for two weeks? If there was no personal benefit to you to remember (example of a personal benefit: you got paid for it), chances are good you would forget. A hundred other things could have happened to your neighbor during that two week period that "I just forgot" is a completely acceptable excuse.

If something is important to you (the dogs), then it is YOUR responsibility to make sure everything is set to go before you go. It would have been as easy as a phone call a week prior, "Hey Neighbor, just calling to verify that you'd be able to watch the dogs while we are gone. You still can? Ok, cool, thank you SO much! We'll call in a few days again just to remind you. Thanks again!"

Takes two seconds to remind someone, and more than anything it is polite. Remember, SHE is doing YOU the favor here. No benefit on her part to do something charitable, even if y'all are friends.



I'm going to guess you are fairly young, so use this as an opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson:

Being an adult means taking responsibility. Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for whatever happens to you.

Your neighbor is responsible for her life, just like you and your family are responsible for your lives. Your dogs are part of your life, not hers. She's not being a child by forgetting, she's just being human. The "responsible" thing would have been to remind her.

Not every lesson in life will be easy. In fact, most will probably come from tough situations; it's just the way things work. We (my family) have had pets die because of mistakes we've made, and hindsight is great for saying "would have/could have." So, don't think I haven't been on your page. It sucks, and I know because I've been through it. Everyone who's owned enough animals has been at that point one time or another.

The best thing you can do right now is learn from this experience, use it to become more adult yourself, because given the information you've posted, I do not see how any of this is your friend's fault.

[for the record: I have three dogs of my own and they are like family members to me, especially the two who are currently asleep in my bed. I understand where you are coming and have my complete sympathy and best wishes in that regard. I would hate to see anything happen to them, or any dog, so I definitely understand the sadness right now. But, life goes on, and losing a good friend over a stupid misunderstanding is much greater a loss, as least as far as I see it, than the death of an animal...]


(...wow...that was a really, really, really long post. And it wasn't even funny, I repeated myself a lot, and no one will ever read it. I can't wait to get off this medication that won't let me go to sleep. Seriously. Welcome to my life. I am embarrassed at myself now.)
:clap Good post.

[Kori Ellis]

What an unfortunate situation. Hopefully the dogs recover.

But honestly (no offense to your parents) but it's extremely odd not to call the day they were leaving and says, "Hey .. I'm just checking you are all set to watch the house and the dog," especially because they hadn't talked to the friend in a couple weeks.

I know you are pissed that the friend forgot, but I think your parents also forgot to remind her.

And just to be clear, the dogs were without food or water for a whole week?

Sad all the way around.

But your parents/you can't stay mad at this person, even if the friend forgot (which its sounds like they weren't even clear that it was set), it's evident from your post that your parents forgot too.

[to21]

kennel


Exactly.........

There's one in Surry County, Va I could recommend.....Bad Newz Kennels.

Give them a call and ask for Mike.

[dougp]

Anyways - aside from the people who say it's not the friends fault at all (guess you guys never heard of a verbal agreement, and then taking responsibility and/or following up?), thanks to everyone else. Last I heard from my mom, Annabelle will be out of the hospital today.

[lil'mo]

8 and 9 year old dogs are puppys?

[florige]

Anyways - aside from the people who say it's not the friends fault at all (guess you guys never heard of a verbal agreement, and then taking responsibility and/or following up?), thanks to everyone else. Last I heard from my mom, Annabelle will be out of the hospital today.


Thats great news that you dog is going to be fine enigma!!!! I was kinda worried there for a second.... :spin :spin

[tlongII]

Anyways - aside from the people who say it's not the friends fault at all (guess you guys never heard of a verbal agreement, and then taking responsibility and/or following up?), thanks to everyone else. Last I heard from my mom, Annabelle will be out of the hospital today.


So you're thanking 1 or 2 people?

[lil'mo]

if enigma had anticipated this answer given by the majority of replies he would probably have not proposed the question in the first place

[tlongII]

if enigma had anticipated this answer given by the majority of replies he would probably have not proposed the question in the first place

Truly an enigma.

[ShoogarBear]

I would have to agree with the people who said there should have been a reminder phone call before they left, especially given that you said this:


Last week, my mom and step-dad went on vacation to Minnesota, and asked a long time family friend to house sit for her a few weeks ago, something that she normally does for them. So this is a person who has done this before, and proven themselves responsible? Another reason to give her the benefit of the doubt.

[dougp]

I would have to agree with the people who said there should have been a reminder phone call before they left, especially given that you said this:

So this is a person who has done this before, and proven themselves responsible? Another reason to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Benefit of the doubt for what? She said she'd do something, and didn't take responsibility for it. She could have called and asked, or verified, when she was going to be staying - to say that it's completely and 100% my parents fault this happened is pretty fuckin ridiculous. (not entirely directed at you, Shoog)

[Melmart1]

Benefit of the doubt for what? She said she'd do something, and didn't take responsibility for it. She could have called and asked, or verified, when she was going to be staying - to say that it's completely and 100% my parents fault this happened is pretty fuckin ridiculous. (not entirely directed at you, Shoog)
Um, no. She is going out of her way to do something for your family for free, and you want her to go above and beyond and verify, too? Your parents should have verified, not her. Why is the friend supposed to do all the work and your parents do nothing? Doesn't sound fair to me at all.

[Shelly]

While I feel for your mom's dog, this is why I always board my dog...even if I'm only gone overnight.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

It's much easier to blame other people.

[angel_luv]

I am glad to hear that Annabelle will be out of the hospital today. Great news! :)

[angel_luv]

I dog sit and the people whose pets I take care of not only call to remind me, but also call to check on me and their pets while they ( the owners) are away- something I appreciate.

[2Blonde]

Benefit of the doubt for what? She said she'd do something, and didn't take responsibility for it. She could have called and asked, or verified, when she was going to be staying - to say that it's completely and 100% my parents fault this happened is pretty fuckin ridiculous. (not entirely directed at you, Shoog)

I don't think anyone is taking stabs at your parents personally. It's just that since she has pet sat for them several times before maybe your parents said something like we're going to Minn. and can she watch the dogs. She might have answered that she thought she could watch the dogs. In her mind it all could have still been up in the air and when she never heard from your mom, she assumed they didn't need her. I'll bet the first couple of times she sat for your dogs your mom called her and made sure every little detail was taken care of before they left, so she might have assumed she would call her this time if she ended up needing her. Your mom may have felt safer with her since she had done it in the past and didn't think she needed to call.

I forget things on daily basis. One day I left my house to go to the doctor and ended up missing the appointment because I went and did something else instead. I didn't remember the appt until later that night.

I understand your pain and anger. I would feel the same way if a friend forgot to care for my dog. But that still wouldn't make my anger at the pet sitter right.

[ShoogarBear]

I forget things on daily basis. One day I left my house to go to the doctor and ended up missing the appointment because I went shopping. Let me go out on a limb here.