LakeShow
01-07-2008, 06:44 PM
http://www.latimes.com/sports/basketball/nba/lakers/la-sp-heisler6jan06,1,6302226,full.column?coll=la-headlines-sports-nba-lakers
Mark Heisler:
NBA
Working out some unresolved issues
It's that time of year again -- time for NBA types to make promises they can't keep.
January 6 2008
Once again, the NBA Family is resolved to get it right in the new year.
Kevin McHale -- I don't know why everyone's so excited. Al Jefferson is averaging a double-double. I never said we would turn this around overnight.
Randy Wittman -- So I've got five seasons?
McHale -- I didn't say that, either.
Danny Ainge -- Dear Kevin, Seasons Greetings to you and your family and don't pay any attention to people saying you made me the executive of the year. I have to go work on my speech now. Regards, Danny.
Kevin Garnett -- Dear Kevin, Seasons Greetings to you and your family and thanks for all you did for me. I'll be sure to remember you in my MVP speech, right at the top.
Kobe Bryant -- What do you want from me? You're the one who's running me out of here! That Lakers insider you quoted who trashed me had to be Jerry Buss, Jim Buss, or at least one of their bartenders. My private detectives are still on the case and they're licensed to kill.
I'll give you one: I'm going to be an even better teammate . . . whichever team I'm on.
Lakers insider -- Is it safe to come out yet?
Me -- Not just yet.
Jerry Buss -- I'm thinking of buying a horse race stable. I haven't heard of any thoroughbred owners who had to go through this.
Phil Jackson -- No, we don't expect Kobe to be traded. We expect things to stay as they are this season.
Jerry Buss -- So, our worries are over?
Jackson -- I wouldn't go that far.
Vic the Brick -- Why are you always hounding my man? Why must he humble himself? Hasn't this organization done enough to him already? If he says he won't leave, he won't leave, will you, Kobe?
Bryant -- I can't discuss the future because of my agreement with Jerry Buss, which I, at least, intend to keep, but I always said I wanted to play my whole career as a Laker.
Vic the Brick -- That's good enough for me! One Love!
Jackson -- We all have high expectations for Andrew Bynum in the future, if we ever get to it. By the way, has anyone seen Kwame?
Gary Vitti and Chip Schaefer in unison -- He's locked himself in the trainer's room again.
Jackson -- So, he's still day-to-day?
Steve Springer -- As your colleague of umpteen years, I'm more than happy to bet dinner on your ridiculous notion of Andrew averaging 13.5 points and 8.5 rebounds this season.
Me -- I'll get back to you on the restaurant. I was going to say McDonald's, but I'm starting to think Spago.
Mychal Thompson -- What do you see in this Bynum guy? I still say we could have gotten Kevin Garnett for him. We just had to wait till McHale went fishing and hope no one in their office called him.
Donald T. Sterling -- Not you again. I'm in far too much pain with our incredibly disappointing season to think about anything else.
Mike Dunleavy -- Mr. Sterling, I warned you we might have some problems without Elton Brand and Shaun Livingston.
Sterling -- Those names are familiar. Are they on our team? Whatever you do, just make sure Corey Maggette doesn't go anywhere. He assured me he wants to stay, didn't you Corey?
Maggette -- Sure, Mr. Sterling. Of course, I will want a max deal.
Sterling -- Absolutely. Whatever that is, I'm sure Andy Roeser will be happy to give you one.
Clay Bennett -- I'm still here, trying to get a new arena with the Seattle people. Of course, I couldn't stay here and keep operating an NBA team so I had to lighten up here and there.
Ray Allen -- Dear Mr. Bennett, Seasons Greetings and no hard feelings.
Rashard Lewis -- Ditto.
George Shinn -- Dear David, Seasons Greetings. My family's feeling a little forlorn in New Orleans with no one coming to games but you said you'd take care of me if things went wrong. I have a promising territory in mind that's being run into the ground by the team. How would you feel about letting the Hornets go back to Charlotte?
Shaquille O'Neal -- I know I said I wanted to be the baddest of all time, but this isn't what I meant.
Pat Riley -- The good thing is we got into this together and we'll get out of it together.
Dwyane Wade -- Who you calling we?
LeBron James -- We just went to the Finals and now everyone's disrespecting us. Of course, who can blame them? You and me, D-Wade, package deal, 2010.
John Paxson -- I know we made a mistake or two, but I still believe in our young team.
Scott Skiles -- I do too. I believe you made a mistake or two, it's young and it's yours.
James Dolan -- I've never understood the whole resolutions thing. What's mine is mine, or, at least, my father's, so as long as I keep doing what I think is right, the fans keep coming and the stockholders don't revolt, there's nothing anyone can do, no matter what happens, isn't that right, Dad?
Charles Dolan -- Don't look at me.
Commissioner David Stern -- Don't look at me.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg -- Don't look at me.
Isiah Thomas -- If I'm ever offered another job, I'll definitely check if the owner is just a little wacky like everyone else or completely out of his mind.
Ghost of Red Auerbach -- Anyone got a light?
Mark Heisler:
NBA
Working out some unresolved issues
It's that time of year again -- time for NBA types to make promises they can't keep.
January 6 2008
Once again, the NBA Family is resolved to get it right in the new year.
Kevin McHale -- I don't know why everyone's so excited. Al Jefferson is averaging a double-double. I never said we would turn this around overnight.
Randy Wittman -- So I've got five seasons?
McHale -- I didn't say that, either.
Danny Ainge -- Dear Kevin, Seasons Greetings to you and your family and don't pay any attention to people saying you made me the executive of the year. I have to go work on my speech now. Regards, Danny.
Kevin Garnett -- Dear Kevin, Seasons Greetings to you and your family and thanks for all you did for me. I'll be sure to remember you in my MVP speech, right at the top.
Kobe Bryant -- What do you want from me? You're the one who's running me out of here! That Lakers insider you quoted who trashed me had to be Jerry Buss, Jim Buss, or at least one of their bartenders. My private detectives are still on the case and they're licensed to kill.
I'll give you one: I'm going to be an even better teammate . . . whichever team I'm on.
Lakers insider -- Is it safe to come out yet?
Me -- Not just yet.
Jerry Buss -- I'm thinking of buying a horse race stable. I haven't heard of any thoroughbred owners who had to go through this.
Phil Jackson -- No, we don't expect Kobe to be traded. We expect things to stay as they are this season.
Jerry Buss -- So, our worries are over?
Jackson -- I wouldn't go that far.
Vic the Brick -- Why are you always hounding my man? Why must he humble himself? Hasn't this organization done enough to him already? If he says he won't leave, he won't leave, will you, Kobe?
Bryant -- I can't discuss the future because of my agreement with Jerry Buss, which I, at least, intend to keep, but I always said I wanted to play my whole career as a Laker.
Vic the Brick -- That's good enough for me! One Love!
Jackson -- We all have high expectations for Andrew Bynum in the future, if we ever get to it. By the way, has anyone seen Kwame?
Gary Vitti and Chip Schaefer in unison -- He's locked himself in the trainer's room again.
Jackson -- So, he's still day-to-day?
Steve Springer -- As your colleague of umpteen years, I'm more than happy to bet dinner on your ridiculous notion of Andrew averaging 13.5 points and 8.5 rebounds this season.
Me -- I'll get back to you on the restaurant. I was going to say McDonald's, but I'm starting to think Spago.
Mychal Thompson -- What do you see in this Bynum guy? I still say we could have gotten Kevin Garnett for him. We just had to wait till McHale went fishing and hope no one in their office called him.
Donald T. Sterling -- Not you again. I'm in far too much pain with our incredibly disappointing season to think about anything else.
Mike Dunleavy -- Mr. Sterling, I warned you we might have some problems without Elton Brand and Shaun Livingston.
Sterling -- Those names are familiar. Are they on our team? Whatever you do, just make sure Corey Maggette doesn't go anywhere. He assured me he wants to stay, didn't you Corey?
Maggette -- Sure, Mr. Sterling. Of course, I will want a max deal.
Sterling -- Absolutely. Whatever that is, I'm sure Andy Roeser will be happy to give you one.
Clay Bennett -- I'm still here, trying to get a new arena with the Seattle people. Of course, I couldn't stay here and keep operating an NBA team so I had to lighten up here and there.
Ray Allen -- Dear Mr. Bennett, Seasons Greetings and no hard feelings.
Rashard Lewis -- Ditto.
George Shinn -- Dear David, Seasons Greetings. My family's feeling a little forlorn in New Orleans with no one coming to games but you said you'd take care of me if things went wrong. I have a promising territory in mind that's being run into the ground by the team. How would you feel about letting the Hornets go back to Charlotte?
Shaquille O'Neal -- I know I said I wanted to be the baddest of all time, but this isn't what I meant.
Pat Riley -- The good thing is we got into this together and we'll get out of it together.
Dwyane Wade -- Who you calling we?
LeBron James -- We just went to the Finals and now everyone's disrespecting us. Of course, who can blame them? You and me, D-Wade, package deal, 2010.
John Paxson -- I know we made a mistake or two, but I still believe in our young team.
Scott Skiles -- I do too. I believe you made a mistake or two, it's young and it's yours.
James Dolan -- I've never understood the whole resolutions thing. What's mine is mine, or, at least, my father's, so as long as I keep doing what I think is right, the fans keep coming and the stockholders don't revolt, there's nothing anyone can do, no matter what happens, isn't that right, Dad?
Charles Dolan -- Don't look at me.
Commissioner David Stern -- Don't look at me.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg -- Don't look at me.
Isiah Thomas -- If I'm ever offered another job, I'll definitely check if the owner is just a little wacky like everyone else or completely out of his mind.
Ghost of Red Auerbach -- Anyone got a light?