"Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source" By Matthew Powell

[biba]

Spurs Get Front Court Depth from Unlikely Source

By Matthew Powell Section: Spurs_Daily

Posted on Tue Jan 15, 2008
http://www.poundingtherock.com/story/2008/1/15/23370/1589

The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed a bear. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not formally disclosed.

The 7'-6", 484 pound grizzly bear has no record of playing organized basketball.

"We definitely think he's got the size and strength to play in this league" said R.C. Buford. In a rare display of candor the Spurs GM went on to add "Plus, since he's not human, he's not part of the players union; we're paying him with week old salmon fillets from HEB... though the speedballs necessary to keep him awake during hibernation season are pretty pricey."

http://images.poundingtherock.com/images/admin/bear.JPG


Mike Budenholzer seemed most excited the bear's addition. "Look at that stance! You can tell by the look in his eye that he's seeing both man and ball. And his fur is so shiny!"

The players, led by Bruce Bowen, are a little skeptical. "Did you see the claws on that motherfucker? And don't bears, like, maul bitches?"

When asked about playing time for the bear Pop refused to make a commitment but alluded to a possible opportunity. "I saw the bear feeding on the decaying carcass of Robert Horry. I have to admit, I like seeing that in a young player; a guy, or in this case a bear, so hungry for playing time that he'll literally kill to get it." There have been conflicting reports that Horry may have already been dead. For many, many weeks.

The bear could not be reached for comment.

[travis2]

ummmmmm....ok....

Trying to write an "Onion"-style article and failing miserably...

[2centsworth]

i thought it was kinda funny. what's the difference between the bear and Shaq?

[BacktoBasics]

Should have been a Roy Tarpley article this place would have gone apeshit.

[whottt]

Should have been a Roy Tarpley article this place would have gone silent except for about 5 people, the 5 who know who Roy Tarpley is.


Fixed

[ChumpDumper]

484 poundThat's Greek Baby Shaq territory.

[thispego]

this guy's a beast. trade elson now?

[Tippecanoe]

ummmmmm....ok....

Trying to write an "Onion"-style article and failing miserably...

its not an actual article. its just a blog post.

[howbouthemspurs]

It wouldve been funny if it was a midget bear!

[duncan228]

Poundingtherock strikes again.
Same guy that wrote the tirade about Pop that was posted a few days ago.

http://spurstalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=85005

[Cry Havoc]

i thought it was kinda funny. what's the difference between the bear and Shaq?

The bear shoots free throws better.

...

...

And has a better vocabulary.

[timvp]

That might have been funny if I were about five years old :sleep

[Leetonidas]

Gay.

[BonnerDynasty]

Bonner will chokeslam that bear into oblivion.

[duncan228]

That might have been funny if I were about five years old :sleep

Based on the way he threw a fit in the Pop article and now the bear story...maybe he's five years old.

[Obstructed_View]

Thought is was mildly funny.

[Aggie Hoopsfan]

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u81/TheJesusExpress/FAIL2.png

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Mildly amusing, but would've been much better if he didn't have Bruce saying "motherfucker" and "like, maul bitches". Bruce is far more eloquent than that.

[ShoogarBear]

What does everybody have against bears? :depressed

[dougp]

The bear shoots free throws better.

...

...

And has a better vocabulary.The bear's probably more athletic too ...

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

What does everybody have against bears? :depressed

I don't think it's that people have anything against them so much as the bear is a vaguely comical animal, unless it's eating your garbage or trying to eat you! :lol

Personally, I love bears.

[SouthernFried]

Gay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSNx8VbLRwA

[Please_dont_ban_me]

this guy's a beast. trade elson now?

The Jungle might decline that deal.

Throw in Bonner, maybe?

[Dex]

Good concept. Bad delivery.

Havoc's spin-off joke was better.

[phyzik]

interesting....


not saying it was bad.... just....


interesting....

[Budkin]

Next week they will be signing a giraffe. Because it's tall.

[Please_dont_ban_me]

Next week they will be signing a giraffe. Because it's tall.
http://z.about.com/d/sanantonio/1/6/p/A/-/-/spurs07elson.jpg


Close enough.

[Indazone]

Is it a Greek bear? Cause if it's not you know Spanoulis would blow right past him.

[PM5K]

I can come up with something better than that right now on the fly:

Spurs Get back court quickness from Unlikely Source:

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/9167/catms7.jpg

By Matthew Powell Section: Spurs_Daily

Posted on Tue Jan 15, 2008
http://www.poundingtherock.com/stor...1/15/23370/1589

The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed Holt's Cat. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not formally disclosed.

The 6", 10 pound cat has no record of playing organized basketball.

"We definitely think he's got the quicness to play in this league" said R.C. Buford, "and he certainly has all the right connections".

Tony Parker was quoted as saying "That pussy will never take my job".

In related news the Spurs had also considered signing a bear then realized that they already had a player that would sleep through the winter and wake to play in the spring, Robert Horry.

[m33p0]

I can come up with something better than that right now on the fly:

Spurs Get back court quickness from Unlikely Source:

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/9167/catms7.jpg

By Matthew Powell Section: Spurs_Daily

Posted on Tue Jan 15, 2008
http://www.poundingtherock.com/stor...1/15/23370/1589

The San Antonio Spurs announced today that they have signed Holt's Cat. Per team policy, terms of the deal were not formally disclosed.

The 6", 10 pound cat has no record of playing organized basketball.

"We definitely think he's got the quicness to play in this league" said R.C. Buford, "and he certainly has all the right connections".

Tony Parker was quoted as saying "That pussy will never take my job".

In related news the Spurs had also considered signing a bear then realized that they already had a player that would sleep through the winter and wake to play in the spring, Robert Horry.
:tu
well said.

[thiste]

The 7'-6", 484 pound grizzly bear has no record of playing organized basketball.

Don't need a bear to have that kind of size. Here's 7'-6", 425 pounds Calvin Lane for you (with shaq here) :

http://www.graffeogearboxes.com/images/calnshaq.jpg

(did you ever think you would find shaq small ?)