Funeral Etiquettte

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

Is there such a thing?

A friend of mine from HS just had his mother pass unexpectedly. I've seen him only a few times during the last 14 years and we were never that close(not invited to his wedding, never met any of his four kids, never called each other, etc.). We both know that but we still respect each other and enjoy each other's company on the rare occasions we happen to run into each other.

I'm not going to the viewing or funeral because, IMO, now is the time for close family, friends and people that knew this woman to remember her and be there for each other. I am not one of those people and would feel like a fraud being there. I don't want to be the person(s) that goes only to say that they were there and to feel better about themselves.

A girl friend of mine is adamant that I go to the at least the viewing with her. In fact, she's giving me shit for choosing not to go. In her opinion, the more people that go, the better he and his family will be and it doesn't matter that I've never met this woman or that we aren't close.

I know there isn't a right answer. Just curious what the masses say in a situation like this.

[E20]

Dress to impress.

[CuckingFunt]

That's a tough one.

I tend to agree with you about the viewing/funeral being more of a close family and friends occasion. And I, personally, felt somewhat weird and uncomfortable having to deal with meeting a ton of new people in that setting when my grandmother passed a little over a year ago.

BUT, at the same time, I know that the rest of my family found a tremendous amount of comfort in the number of people who turned out to pay their respects.

Were I in your position, I'd probably skip the viewing (I'm not a big viewing fan in general) and go to the funeral instead.

[Johnny_Blaze_47]

When the grandfather of a close friend died, I went to the viewing and the funeral as a kind of representative of my family, with whom my friend is close.

I didn't know anybody other than my friend and her immediate family -- and I hadn't seen them in years -- but I went, sat in the back during the service and paid my brief respects.

While I know it's not absolutely necessary, if you can go, it wouldn't hurt.

[Brews Bowen]

Is there such a thing?

A friend of mine from HS just had his mother pass unexpectedly. I've seen him only a few times during the last 14 years and we were never that close(not invited to his wedding, never met any of his four kids, never called each other, etc.). We both know that but we still respect each other and enjoy each other's company on the rare occasions we happen to run into each other.

I'm not going to the viewing or funeral because, IMO, now is the time for close family, friends and people that knew this woman to remember her and be there for each other. I am not one of those people and would feel like a fraud being there. I don't want to be the person(s) that goes only to say that they were there and to feel better about themselves.

A girl friend of mine is adamant that I go to the at least the viewing with her. In fact, she's giving me shit for choosing not to go. In her opinion, the more people that go, the better he and his family will be and it doesn't matter that I've never met this woman or that we aren't close.

I know there isn't a right answer. Just curious what the masses say in a situation like this.


Hmmm...when I lost one of my parents I did appreciate it that some buddies from my high school days showed up. We had stayed in touch, but it's not like I spoke with them every week. But they were in my wedding, so not sure if it was that similiar to your scenario. I guess I will say that their appearance was appreciated.

I can see that you might be uncomfortable attending either the viewing or the funeral. It would probably be best to send a sympathy card.

[baseline bum]

If you weren't invited to his wedding, wtf would you go to his mother's funeral for?

[E20]

Baseline's avatar for the win.

[tlongII]

The last time I went to a funeral I picked up a chick and got laid. It was awesome.

[ShoogarBear]

Unles you're the type of person who just finds the very notion of funerals discomforting, I would consider going. If you didn't go, your friend probably wouldn't notice or care. But if you did, I'm sure it would be taken as a sign of respect, with nothing more read into it.

People realize that funerals on the whole aren't fun events and that nobody goes there to crash them so somebody going through the effort is almost universally appreciated.

[JMarkJohns]

The last time I went to a funeral I picked up a chick and got laid. It was awesome.

T.C.W.?
http://tvmedia.ign.com/tv/image/article/774/774521/scrubs-amysmart_160_1174441709.jpg

You're no scrub!

[exstatic]

The last time I went to a funeral I picked up a chick and got laid. It was awesome.
They have funerals at the stock yard?

[bendmz]

my dad,(rest his soul) use to tell us kids," if you can't make time to come see me while I'm alive, then don't waste your time coming to see me when I'm dead"........

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

I tend to go to funerals if I'm at least fairly good friends with one of the family members...or the deceased. It doesn't sound like you're close to this family at all.

Sounds more like sympathy card level commitment to me.

[Vinnie_Johnson]

If you weren't invited to his wedding, wtf would you go to his mother's funeral for?

+1 WHY GO?

[Whisky Dog]

Sounds more like sympathy card level commitment to me.

Bingo. Also possibly a sympathy bouquet to accompany the card.

[ploto]

Unles you're the type of person who just finds the very notion of funerals discomforting, I would consider going. If you didn't go, your friend probably wouldn't notice or care. But if you did, I'm sure it would be taken as a sign of respect, with nothing more read into it.

People realize that funerals on the whole aren't fun events and that nobody goes there to crash them so somebody going through the effort is almost universally appreciated.
I agree.

Someone I went to high school with had a sister who died. I had not seen her but a couple of times since graduating- ran into her- but I had heard about her sister's illness and death. I was surprsed that no one else we went to high school with was at her sister's funeral. I was there, and she was so appreciative of my taking the time to come and pay my respects. No one gets offended - like- what is he doing here- at a funeral.

When I lost a parent, I had no problem meeting people at the viewing or funeral. I was comforted to find that my dad had touched the lives of people that I did not even know.

If you can go, then go and be there.