Favorite Family Guy quote

[manufor3]

here's mine

peter- oh my god brian, there is a message in my alpha-bits, it says oooooooooo.
brian- peter, those are cheerios. :lol

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

Peter: (constantly looking up at the door waiting for someone to knock.)
Meg: Dad, why do you keep staring at the door?
Peter: Oh, Meg. You and your drugs. :lol

[Cant_Be_Faded]

"What the hell does rant mean?"

[SAtown]

hD-wHaI6qm0

The first 7 seconds

[manufor3]

look at my sig

[Don Quixote]

The show was never the same after it came back. It USED to be a funny, original show.

Anyway, my favorite is, "You can kiss the fattest part of my @$$"

[samikeyp]

Stewie-"Ruppert!..You've been looking at the boys again, haven't you?"

[to21]

I like that one episode where Brian and Stewie (I think) are renting a room and the attendant says they have bad cockroaches:

Bad Cockroach: Man, I'm going to cut you up so bad, that you... you gonna wish I didn't cut you up so bad.

And:

[looking at whales]
Chris: Dad, what's the blowhole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

[peewee's lovechild]

http://www.hulu.com/watch/5547/family-guy-you-have-aids#p:15,s:view_count_today,i:vsl_clip_54

[Spurminator]

Lois: But Peter, I don't wanna cook dinner for your ex-girlfriend.

Peter: Well, maybe we can just have tea.

Brian: You mean like the time you had tea with Mohammed, the prophet of the Muslim faith?

[flashback] Peter: Come on, Mohammed, let's get some tea. [Mohammed is covered by a black box with the words "IMAGE CENSORED BY FOX" printed several times from top to bottom inside the box. They stop at a tea stand.]

Mr. T: Try my "Mr. T. ...tea." [squints]

Peter: Oh boy, was that ever weird. Anyway, I can't believe I invited my old sweetheart to dinner. Huh.

[E20]

Whenever Stewie is trying to hit on a girl.

[monosylab1k]

Family Guy had a funny quote?

[T Park]

Asian reporter: Im now going to see what its like to have sex with a random man, this man I found in the bar down in the lobby.

Quagmire (slides into bed) OOO I've never done it with a spanish chick before! O LAY!

[BruceBowenFan]

Chris:They're coming to fast
Peter:Nickel for every time i have had that problem
From the blue harvest

[desflood]

Stewie: "For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!"

[NASpurs]

http://www.hulu.com/watch/5547/family-guy-you-have-aids#p:15,s:view_count_today,i:vsl_clip_54Damn beat me to it

Doctor Dude: I'm not sure how to tell you this... SO I'LL LET THESE GUYS DO IT!

(peter and a quartet start singing)

You have aids
Yes you have aids
I hate to tell you boy that you have aids
You've got the aids
You may have caught it when you stuck that filthy needle in here
Or maybe all that unprotected sex you adhere
It isn't clear
But what we're searching for is you have aids
Yes you have aids
Not H.I.V. but full blown aids...

Be sure that you see
That this is not H.I.V.
But really full blown aids...
Not H.I.V. but really
Full blown aids

I'm sorry I wish it was something less serious.......
FULL BLOWN AIDS..
You've got the aiiiiiiiiii----iiiids..

[peewee's lovechild]

"Be sure that you see
That this is not H.I.V.
But really full blown aids...
Not H.I.V. but really
Full blown aids"


That's my favorite part.

Shit makes me laugh every time.

[Heath Ledger]

My favorite part is when pewees lovechild gets the clap and his lovechild falls off.

[peewee's lovechild]

(picks up the phone to call)

"Um, Sally? Hey, hey, it's Peter Griffin. That's right, Senior Prom. Yea, it's been a while. So, um, yea . . . listen. I just found out I'm retarded. And, um, I'm just calling to let you know, um . . . you might want to get tested."

[peewee's lovechild]

My favorite part is when pewees lovechild gets the clap and his lovechild falls off.

They gave me a penicillin shot for that.

[PM5K]

ju ju
ju ju
ju ju
ju ju
ju ju ju

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

Stewie: I require a window seat and an in-flight happy meal, BUT NO PICKLES! Oh God, help you if I find pickles!

[curtismedellin]

Ican't believe no one mentioned this one:

Brian at bar: hey bartender, whose leg you gotta hump to get a drink around here?!

[manufor3]

Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.

[braeden0613]

Family Guy founding fathers roll call:
Man On Podium: Okay, we're here to sign this declaration of our independence. Let's take roll call first. Thomas Jefferson?
Thomas Jefferson: Here.
Man on Podium: Benjamin Franklin?
Benjamin Franklin: Here.
Man on Podium: John Footpenis?
John Hancock: It's Hancock now.
Man on Podium: Why?
John Hancock: Mind your business, that's why.

[baseline bum]

Guns don't kill people... dangerous minorities do.

[DAF86]

I don't remember the literal quote but it's something like this:

A guy: where do you imagine your self in ten years?
Peter's thoughts: don't say doing it with your wife, don't say doing it with your wife!
Peter: doing it... with your son!

[DAF86]

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=OeceEtPKOG0

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=021PPpmwX98

Have you seen this?

[degenerate_gambler]

Stewie - "Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois...mom, mom, mom, mom....mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...ma, ma, ma, ma...maMA, maMA, maMA, maMA....mami, mami, mami, mami....MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM..."

Lois - "WHAT!"

Stewie - "hi!"

[ORION]

I don't know about Family Guy but this is one of my favorite Aqua Teen quotes

Master Shake: I'm gonna catch some z's and for your sake I hope it doesn't rain... and Carl, when I get up the sheets had better be different. Because your Lawrence Taylor linen set is not a sexual turn-on... when I'm jerkin' off in your bed.

[TOP-CHERRY]

Brian: You're drunk
Stewie: You're sexy!

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1150796409/Family_Guy_Stewie_The_Drunk

[manufor3]

bump

[Dex]

So uh....when you gonna finish that book you been workin' on?

[ORION]

Quagmire to the teenage girl
How old are you?!
Girl: 16
Quagmire: 18?!
Girl: Mom!!
Quagmire: I like where this is going...

[manufor3]

(Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a bully)
Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.

and

Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

When Brian's old owner shows his dead and stuffed mom.

Stewie: Someone must have said a funny, because your mother is in stitches.

[resistanze]

Peter: Attention customers: Testicles. That is all.

God I hate that show.

[baseline bum]

Close the window! You lettin' the stank out!

[Mugshot]

Quagmire's pick-up line in the lesbian bar "Any of you girls been penetrated?"

[Ignignokt]

Family Guys funniest qoute will be..

"We want to thank our fans and supporters throughout the years, but we're afraid to inform you that we will be cancelled for The SHia Lebouf's Nick Cannons Variety Show becuase we suck chupacabra scrote, thank you, it was a wonderful run."


seriously.

that would top all others.

[Spur-Addict]

TV: We now return to Carl Sagan's cosmos, edited for rednecks.

Carl Sagan: I'm Carl Sagan. Just how old is our planet? Scientists believe it's four Bil (Cut off mid sentence)

Voice: hundreds and hundreds of years old. (:lol)

Carl Sagan: Scientists have determined the universe was created by...

Voice: Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood (:rollin)

Carl Sagan: Big Bang. If you look at the bones of a...

Voice: Jesus (:lmao)

Carl Sagan: asaurus Rex, it's clear by the use of carbon dating that

Voice: Mountain Dew is the best soda ever made.

Brian: Peter, do we have to watch this?

Peter: This is what rednecks watch Brian. (Gets Chewing tobacco out of his pocket and inserts chew into mouth. Peter chews and then spits onto the carpet in the living room.)

Brian: Peter that's disgusting, here spit in this cup instead.

(Peter spits in cup)

Stewie: Oh there's my apple juice.

Brian: Stewie wait don't....(recalls the brutal beating stewie gave him b/c Brian owed him money, which is in itself a legendary scene)......ah nevermind.

Stewie: (Drinks)...AhhHhhHh...AhhhHhhH....Ahhhhhh (mouth is open obviously) (:rollin)

Peter: (Spits into his mouth)

More screaming from Stewie.....

[dave]

"Don't you ever, ever compare me to Family Guy, you hear me Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again, and, so help me, I will kill you where you stand! Do you have any idea what it's like? Everywhere I go: "Hey Cartman you must like Family Guy, right?" "Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy, Cartman!" I am nothing like Family Guy! When I make jokes, they are inherent to a story! Deep situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangeable joke after another!"

[Summers]

Brian asks Peter something like, "What's the special occasion? It's after 5 and you still have your pants on."

[BlackSwordsMan]

when south park owned the shit out of family guy and seth did nothing

[David Bowie]

when south park owned the shit out of family guy and seth did nothing:tu

Maybe one day hte manatees will finally give up. There is still hope.

[Ignignokt]

I loved family guy, back when it used to be called the simpsons.

[Ignignokt]

Why The Family Guy sucks.
Wow wow wow! This guy provides some of the best TV-related commentary out there (older TV primarily - his knowledge of 60's-80's TV is terrifying), and his assault on The Family Guy is indispensable. That's good criticism:

Talk to the average young Family Guy fan and you'll usually hear that what they like best about the show is that it refers to things they saw when they were growing up, and they're just tickled to find that someone else remembers it -- like the "kid in me/adult in me" commercial. Well, I remember that stuff too, but that's lazy comedy writing: there's no perspective on the stuff Family Guy is referencing, no actual joke beyond the reference itself. A golden rule of bad comedy is that if people recognize the reference, they'll laugh even if the joke's not funny. Family Guy goes beyond that; it doesn't even try to have a joke half the time -- it just assumes that making a pop culture reference is inherently funny.
And then a step further:

It's one of those things that presents itself as "cutting-edge" but is actually gutless. Its "offensive" jokes are neatly calculated to make sure they don't actually risk offending their fanbase; instead they make jokes that would be offensive to the kinds of people who don't watch the show -- sexual prudes, for example. Any genuinely cutting-edge comedy will risk offending people who watch it; but how is a penis joke supposed to offend the average college student? The answer is, it's not supposed to offend anybody who watches the show; it's supposed to give college kids a smug sense of superiority in believing that someone else might theoretically be offended by that penis joke. (An animated sitcom that actually dared to be tasteless and offensive was Duckman, which took on actual social and political issues; another animated sitcom that actually dares to challenge its audience is South Park, which takes the things that its youngish viewers have been told on other TV shows -- say, saving the rainforest is good -- and tells them the opposite.)
Duckman was something that my brother and I discovered quite by accident one night on the USA Network; it was a truly unnerving show, presenting an aesthetic vision that was totally foreign to me. 'You get your down down, you thrust your pelvis - huh! You thrust your pelvis - huh! You thrust your pelvis - huh! You thr -' Jason Alexander was better on Seinfeld but so was everyone. The aesthetic universe that Phil and I inhabited never quite linked up with everyone else's that we went to school with, but that was OK.

My brother was for me the perfect childhood playmate. I was extremely fortunate in that regard, as in others.

Anyway so but more more more on Family Guy!

Now, what do I think of the fact that this show has become so popular among younger viewers, popular enough to make it a huge DVD hit and guarantee a sizeable 18-35 demographic for the new episodes? First of all, I think that the Family Guy cult will look really embarrassing a few decades from now, because the '80s references will no longer be comprehensible, and so the episodes will consist largely of dead spots (since there are no jokes, just the references, which are supposed to be funny just because you "get" them). Second, I think it proves that people of my generation don't have better taste in TV than people of my parents' generation; in other words, how can I make fun of some elderly relative for enjoying some badly-written, badly-made CBS show, when I have younger relatives who enjoy the worse-written, worse-made Family Guy? In other words, I think "geezer TV" has been replaced by a new category... call it "whippersnapper TV": bad TV that succeeds because it appeals to the sensibilities of a particular age-based segment of the audience.
I've never gotten anything out of the show in question; for me it's a bit like The Simpsons, something that's funny and might for all I know be cleverly satirical but doesn't appear to be a comedy exactly - rather, just a collection of oddities, non sequiturs, and plentiful sight gags. The Simpsons has blown me away a couple of times - the episode where Homer sells hair tonic with his dad, for instance - but there never seems to be any depth to it at all, and Family Guy is like the worst things about The Simpsons, amplified.

In that regard South Park is far more traditional than most prime-time cartoons: it doesn't get by on strangeness, it goes for escalating tension and dramatic investment. In fairness, it's wildly juvenile in many ways: Yes to jokes about palsy, shit, and lame stereotypes; Yes to a reliance on the funny voices of a few characters (the temptation to give Cartman the best lines is evidently sometimes hard to overcome). But South Park is also more daring than The Simpsons has ever been or will ever be, and at its most recycled it's worlds more interesting than Family Guy's style - which should be familiar to anyone who saw HBO's atrocious pop-culture-and-breasts comedy Dream On back in the day.

I think The Boondocks might be good - the comic's certainly made me laugh. But 'edgy' cartoons have generally disappointed me - the squirm-inducing briliance of Aeon Flux notwithstanding. Usually there's just no there there.

So there.


http://waxbanks.typepad.com/blog/2005/10/why_the_family_.html

[Frenzy]

I loved family guy, back when it used to be called the simpsons.

:downspin:+100