Are you happy?

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

*Trolls - this is the Club, not the Troll Zone, so please respect my request not to turn this thread into a flame war*

This seems like a flippant thread, but it's actually a serious question. Of course, the definitions of "happy" and "unhappy" are specific to each individual, but overall would you say that you are "happy" significantly more of the time than you are "unhappy", is it about 50-50, or don't you think about it? (note that poll votes are NOT public)

I ask because I've recently realised that I've been unhappy for a long time, well over a year, that this unhappiness spills over into my interaction with others (like some of the stupid rants I go on around here), and that it can't continue or I'm going to go crazy. I need to find something to make me happy again, but right now I'm struggling.

An adjunct to the question above is do you think that some people are just happy/unhappy by nature, or is it a choice? If it is a choice, how can you change your perspective to be a happier?

Finally, I'd like to apologise to anyone around here (except elwanko) that I have annoyed, insulted or in any other sense been inappropriate to. That is not me. Right now, I am not me.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

How the hell did you answer so quickly? That took like 8 seconds...

[timvp]

Sounds like something Spurs season tickets can fix ....

:smokin

[td4mvp21]

I voted 50-50.

[thispego]

oh this is gonna be good

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Sounds like something Spurs season tickets can fix ....

:smokin

Hell yeah, that might just be the solution. How I'm going to get a job over there I don't know, but maybe a year in SA going to every game they play might change things...

I'm really quite torn. I'm at a crossroads in my life. I have no career to speak of but plenty of quals and various work experience... I have no significant other and none even on the horizon... I want to come to SA, but at the same time I love my lifestyle here and really want to build something rather than just running off to somewhere new as I have done every 2-4 years since I was 18...

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

oh this is gonna be good

You mean the thread will generate some interesting answers, or people like you and elwanko are just gonna enjoy flaming me mercilessly? If it's that latter, can you just give me a break this once, please? Destroy me elsewhere, but just leave me this... I know the people around here will have a lot to say about this topic.

[timvp]

elpimpo, do you still have Seasonal Affective Disorder? I can just imagine the businessman who came up with that disease. "Hmmm ... I need a catchy name for a new illness so I can sell pills to sad people .... SAD! Brilliant!" CROFL.

Anyways, yeah, Ruff you should have put an option that was even higher than that that main option. "Happy more often than not" is kinda shortchanging people who are almost always happy.

[timvp]

Oh and yeah elpimpo take your SAD county commissioner azz to another thread. Go start a thread where you don't allow Ruff to enter.

[thispego]

Oh and yeah elpimpo take your SAD county commissioner azz to another thread. Go start a thread where you don't allow Ruff to enter.
SAD...ROFL, I dont remember that ever beign discussed on here but yeah... that's the excuse pimpo uses for when he is sad :lmao :lmao

[Mister Sinister]

I'm gonna say no, and with it, invite a shit-ton of gay jokes at my expense.

[lefty]

Does it look like I'm happy ?

[thispego]

You mean the thread will generate some interesting answers, or people like you and elwanko are just gonna enjoy flaming me mercilessly? If it's that latter, can you just give me a break this once, please? Destroy me elsewhere, but just leave me this... I know the people around here will have a lot to say about this topic.
why do you have to be such a puss about it ? pimpo and I could not touch this thread again and you'd still get your chode bloated because you're too sensitive.

i'll just watch :corn:

[BruceBowenFan]

i voted more than happy because, being sad sucks and their is no point in being sad

[E20]

I'm FIVE-OH - FIVE-OH lol

[timvp]

my uncle actually was the one who had S.A.D.

FYI (and it's not funny, because that shit's realer than Bone)Hopefully you are talking in past tense because your uncle got over SAD. If not, RIP. :oops


speaking of Bone, that music video is slight off the heezy. Yeah, I would have replied faster but I was watching the video. At a Bone concert, everyone just waits for Crossroads to be played. I've seen their Crossroad performance three times and it's pretty funny ... they trot out some white horses and bust out a smoke machine ... no matter the venue. Kinda lame because they've probably performed that song like 10,000 times in the last 12 years but still kinda cool.

:smokin

[Kori Ellis]

Personally, I think I'm happy nearly all the time (obviously some events might make me sad temporarily).

But I think that everyone goes through some time in their life that is just unhappy/out of whack for whatever reason. I don't think it means you have any clinical depression problems or anything, it might just mean you haven't found your way. I don't mean your religious way necessarily. I just mean your way to happiness.

I don't think people are unhappy by nature or by choice exactly. (Though I do think behavior can cause you to get a rut.) Sometimes, you are just unhappy by circumstance ... can't seem to get out of a bad job, cycling through bad relationships, etc. And I think to change that, some people need a change of job, environment, habits, etc. A good way to change habits is to force yourself into new hobbies or new surroundings. Read books that your normally wouldn't read, experience new hobbies, spend time in places and with people outside your normal circle, etc. Maybe you just haven't figured out your passions yet.

Anyway, I'm no psychiatrist. I didn't get married until I was 35 and went thru tons of bad relationships, unhappiness, abusive behavior before that. But eventually I found my way.

[spurschick]

Tough question to answer. Today was definitely what I would call an unhappy day at work, but I was much happier when I got home to my kitties and watched Anthony Bourdain. I guess it's easier for me to pinpoint the things that make me happy and unhappy than it is for me to guage the percentage of time for either.

As for season tickets making you happy, I can say for certain that going to games definitely distracts me and can make crappy days better. I'm broke, (thanks for raising the ticket prices, you shitheads) but happy to be going.

[SpursWoman]

Anyways, yeah, Ruff you should have put an option that was even higher than that that main option. "Happy more often than not" is kinda shortchanging people who are almost always happy.

:tu


I had to pay some serious tolls to get here, and it took an awfully long time, but it's rare now when I'm not happy.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Thanks Kori and Spurschick, great posts. Those are the sorts of perspectives I was hoping for. I have to go now but will say more in response later.

Shagia - want to elaborate? I completely understand if you don't.

lefty - I dunno... the stormtrooper looks pretty happy though! Or are those thrusts of loneliness? :lol

E20 - being a teenager is tough, an emotional rollercoaster. I was about 50-50 back then too.

pego - who gives you the right to define what is too sensitive? Yes, I am a sensitive person. I care about things too much sometimes, I worry about things too much a lot of the time, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but that is who I am and always will be.

I was asking you for a simple courtesy, not "being a puss" about anything. Can you not see the difference? This is a sensitive topic and people are more likely to give insightful responses if the thread doesn't turn into a big rip-fest. Is that unreasonable?

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

:tu
I had to pay some serious tolls to get here, and it took an awfully long time, but it's rare now when I'm not happy.

That's great! :)

How did you do it? Change of mindset? Change of circumstances?

timvp - I figured if people were almost entirely happy/unhappy, they could mention it in the thread. You can't edit a poll, can you? It would probably be better if "almost always happy" and "almost always unhappy" were options.

[Mister Sinister]

Thanks Kori and Spurschick, great posts. Those are the sorts of perspectives I was hoping for. I have to go now but will say more in response later.

Shagia - want to elaborate? I completely understand if you don't.

lefty - I dunno... the stormtrooper looks pretty happy though! Or are those thrusts of loneliness? :lol

E20 - being a teenager is tough, an emotional rollercoaster. I was about 50-50 back then too.

pego - who gives you the right to define what is too sensitive? Yes, I am a sensitive person. I care about things too much sometimes, I worry about things too much a lot of the time, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but that is who I am and always will be.

I was asking you for a simple courtesy, not "being a puss" about anything. Can you not see the difference? This is a sensitive topic and people are more likely to give insighful responses if the thread doesn't turn into a big rip-fest. Is that unreasonable?
:lol The gay joke part of my post was just from the fact that it seems like I get a lot of shit about being bi, be it, you know, random middle school homo smack, be it "you're not really bi until you fuck another guy", or be it "There's no such thing as bisexuality." None of it, really actually bothers me, it's just tiresome as shit. As to why I voted no, I'm an extremely cynical and pessimistic person, especially for my age (19). I mean, I largely gave up on my generation when I was a freshman in high school. And a lot of that stems from my circumstances. I'd just moved back to the suburbs of Chicago, from San Antonio, and I *loved* it down in SA. So much so that the move back up to a place where I'd known little more than taunts and ridicule from....about 1st grade to 6th grade. So, it kinda screwed me up a bit, turned me cynical at 13. Been that way since. Rawrgh.

[midgetonadonkey]

I just got brain freeze from eating too much ice. That does not make me happy.

[Johnny Tightlips]

Go suck a lemon, hippie.

[Ronaldo McDonald]

I will never ever say I am sad, just less happy.

The disabled, disfigured, poor beyond belief (I'm talking about people in Africa and parts of South America etc.), those are people who I feel sad for and have the right to feel sad.

[Ronaldo McDonald]

Put that into perspective everytime your down and you'll be right back up.

[Ronaldo McDonald]

:lol The gay joke part of my post was just from the fact that it seems like I get a lot of shit about being bi, be it, you know, random middle school homo smack, be it "you're not really bi until you fuck another guy", or be it "There's no such thing as bisexuality." None of it, really actually bothers me, it's just tiresome as shit. As to why I voted no, I'm an extremely cynical and pessimistic person, especially for my age (19). I mean, I largely gave up on my generation when I was a freshman in high school. And a lot of that stems from my circumstances. I'd just moved back to the suburbs of Chicago, from San Antonio, and I *loved* it down in SA. So much so that the move back up to a place where I'd known little more than taunts and ridicule from....about 1st grade to 6th grade. So, it kinda screwed me up a bit, turned me cynical at 13. Been that way since. Rawrgh.

I prayed to Jesus Christ so that he will have mercy on your sinful soul. I also prayed for a cure.

[CuckingFunt]

I would say that I'm almost always happy, but I'm almost never perky -- I'm not the sunshine, rainbows, and beaming smiles type of girl, nor do I particularly want to be. My general disposition tends to be pretty upbeat, however. There are days that are tougher than others, of course, but I find I'm more prone to stress, ennui, or feeling overwhelmed than I am to actual sadness. Sadness, for me, is usually event specific and passes pretty quickly.

A little over ten years ago, when I dropped out of college, I did go through a period of legitimate depression, which wasn't pleasant. Depression is the type of thing that affects people differently, and is caused by different things in different people, but I found that in my case it was largely as a result of not taking the time to really analyze what I was feeling -- it was too heavy to deal with the fear and disappointment that I was feeling from all the shit going on in my life at that time, so I lumped it all together and called it "sad" until it became such a huge and mysterious thing that I let it take over. Once I really forced myself to figure out what I was feeling and what was causing it, the "depression" became a bunch of smaller problems that were easier to tackle. And I've pretty much maintained that attitude -- I do not let myself ignore what's happening in my own life, or how those things are affecting me. Nor do I let myself take for granted the really good stuff that happens every day, no matter how small it may have felt at the time.

Also, a lot of what you've described feeling doesn't sound like depression to me as much as it sounds like being in a rut. Having goals and plans that never move beyond the point of being goals and plans can be disheartening after a while because they just seem to feel further and further out of reach. Start taking steps toward what you want to accomplish -- not making more elaborate plans, but actual making-it-happen steps -- and you'll notice a tremendous difference in your disposition. Even though my rather minimal battle with depression ended several years ago, the difference in my outlook now that I'm actually back in school (as opposed to spending a decade talking about going back) is night and day.

[thispego]

pego - who gives you the right to define what is too sensitive? Yes, I am a sensitive person. I care about things too much sometimes, I worry about things too much a lot of the time, I wear my heart on my sleeve, but that is who I am and always will be.

I was asking you for a simple courtesy, not "being a puss" about anything. Can you not see the difference? This is a sensitive topic and people are more likely to give insightful responses if the thread doesn't turn into a big rip-fest. Is that unreasonable?
see you say yourself that you are too sensitive, hey I wont lie i'm the same way sometimes. One thing i do is every time i find myself complaining about something in my life i stop myself and think of something I am thankful for in my life. anything. It may not always make me happy but my mind is off the complaint and i go on with my day.

and the reason "asking a simple courtesy" is the same as "being a puss" is because you preempt every attack with a plea to not attack you. do you think that really works here? deal with each asshole as they come, you think you're a smart guy, right?

[BonnerDynasty]

I've been unhappy for the last 8 years.

[SequSpur]

http://www.booksamillion.com/bam/covers/0/74/329/688/0743296885_l.gif

[marini martini]

You got two choices when you wake up, be happy or fucking hate life and want to kill your loved ones, or other stupid posters at ST. If it is the latter, go to your Doctor & tell him/her. They will write you a script for a pill to make you not want to kill your love ones, or stupid ST talkers. So during the day, put up a good front, don't have a meltdown in Target, and in the evening, before bed, drink a few shots of strong booze, take another 1/4 of a pill and go to sleep. Wake up next day, repeat! :toast

[Fat Bones]

Life's tough but precious. Make the best choices you can, and take your eyes off yourself. That works for me.

[Don Quixote]

I'm really quite torn. I'm at a crossroads in my life. I have no career to speak of but plenty of quals and various work experience... I have no significant other and none even on the horizon... I want to come to SA, but at the same time I love my lifestyle here and really want to build something rather than just running off to somewhere new as I have done every 2-4 years since I was 18...

I'm just amazed that there is a devotee of the Silver and Black in Australia. That is awesome. And a good guy to boot. What is the word for a "fellow" in Australian ... "bloke"? No, that's Canada.

And does this mean that the international tension between Australia and the US, resulting from when Crocodile Dundee IV -- Streets of Omaha, tanked at the box office, has been patched up by our respective embassies?

[Don Quixote]

http://www.booksamillion.com/bam/covers/0/74/329/688/0743296885_l.gif

Now repeat after me ...

I believe this Bible. I am what it says I am. I can do what it says I can do.

And now I'm going to stick it under my chair and not look at again for the rest of the service.

[sabar]

Really long rant incoming.
Actual serious post incoming.

I'm always happy about life. I've honestly never been depressed. Ever. I had an epiphany about life and the universe around the age of 15. We are a dealt a set of cards in the game of life. Sometimes you get a really bad hand, but you have to just play until you get dealt another. A lot of people think way too much into things. When a loved one dies, they question their religion and everything around them. Why? From both a religious and logical view, mourning is useless. Religiously, that is fate, you will meet up in the afterlife. Logically, the mourning is a selfish reaction to losing a companion and friend, something you care about. Either way the message is the same, stop sulking and get on with life.

I have seen a lot of people and read a lot of stories. Suicides, mass killings, so on. They let themselves be controlled by their emotions. We all know the feeling. We say "I won't cry when so-and-so dies" and they die, and you cry. Or you say "I don't get into pointless fights" and then you have a burst of emotion and say things you wish you could take back.

It's hard to explain exactly what my view of the world is, but I've taken an attitude that you have to be in control. We aren't the pawns of fate, we carry an immense responsibility for our actions. Maybe this is why I've never been depressed, I can't see the logic in it, I can't feel sorry for myself and I have a hard time feeling sorry for others. When someone around me gets dramatic and emo, I tell them how it is, to shut up and deal with it. That crying isn't doing anything, that they are being selfish and letting their emotions run their lives. A lot of people will say that I'm cruel, but I'm just hoping that they will open their eyes, stop being blind and actually see themselves in a mirror. People are biased about themselves, sometimes you have to look from outside in at yourself and ask "why am I doing what I'm doing?"

An enlightened person should be able to see their flaws and try to overcome them instead of reinforce those flaws. A good example is a phobia. When that spider you hate crawls up to you and you freak out and smash it, you let your emotions and your subconscious control you. Stop and think. Why are you afraid of it? Is it logical? Most spiders aren't venomous and don't bite. They eat pests. Why are you smashing it? Do you feel pleasure when you kill it? Then look deeper, why do you feel good by ending life? Would you ever blur the line between a spider and a person? Is it logical?

Maybe I'm just weird, but I often stay up in bed staring blankly and thinking. Asking these questions over and over to help myself form a view of the world. I am convinced that the purpose of life is to find the truth. The truth is so easily veiled to ourselves. We lie about our habits, we convince ourselves to do immoral things. We believe all we are told, we don't research. The truth is the most noble thing to find, the end-all answer to morality and reason.

Sometimes you just have to think. But when you think, don't fool yourself. Read an introductory book on psychology. Read about self-reinforcing habits. Anxiety is an excellent example. If meeting a person makes you nervous, then avoiding them makes you secure. This behavior reinforces itself. You have to be able to catch these things and put yourself in control.

All our problems come when we get reduced into a more bestial state of mind, when emotions take over. Sometimes you just need to "wake up", stop being blind, and see the truth. There is no reason for anyone to be unhappy. Yes, it is normal to be sad if you lose everything in a fire, but it's not normal to dwell on it and kill yourself. Life throws us a lot of curveballs and deals us a lot of bad hands. Just look at the big picture once in a while.

I am not a cheerful person. I am not optimistic and unrealistic, yet I am happy. Life is so precious. Once it's over, there is no guarantee that you will ever experience it again. Tasting your favorite food, listening to your favorite music. Watching a Spurs game, laughing, everything will be gone. Everyone always dwells on the negatives. "I'm too fat", "No one likes me", "I'm not popular". Always dwelling on superficial nothingness.

If you were famous and died right now, what would you be remembered for? Hint: Not that you were unpopular, fat, awkward, tall, short, bald or any of these superficial qualities. And that's just one of the many things people need to realize.

Maybe this made sense to someone. It's hard to explain, but one day I just woke up and realized what was right and wrong in the world, what was useless and what was beautiful. RuffnReady, you mention your outlashing at people on sensative topics you may be passionate about. Everyone is the same way to some extent. There are many things that I am convinced are correct and I occasionally get genuinely angry about them. One needs not look further than this forum than to see the reactions of people when the innocent are brutally killed, one of the few things nearly everyone agrees on. People get inflamed and as I mentioned many times, they let their emotions get a hold of themselves and say stupid things. When you want to flay the murderer of a child and desecrate their body, you are no better than that murderer.

I have not always been in control on my emotions. I taught myself, I was not born this way. Like I said, I came to an epiphany one day, randomly. I can now say that I am happy because of this realization. I blame my curiosity mostly. I love to read. I love to think. I spend so much time daydreaming, reading psychology, philosophy and looking at behavioral statistics. I find the field incredibly interesting, and yet, I have no desire to be a psychologist.

Sometimes you just have to lay down and think long and hard, with no emotion. When you are at a crossroads, get into a friendly debate. If you have a set view of the world, then you need to divulge into it more. In my opinion, people should always be looking at both sides of the fence until the day they die. As an example I have thought out all the pros and cons of abortion and yet still find myself unable to pick a side in the debate consistently, so I usually end up arguing for and against both sides. I'd like to think that that is a good thing. Life is not black and white, there are thousands of shades of gray that have to be explored, and this applies to ourselves as well as controversial topics.

I am not a writer as you may have been able to tell. This post jumps from topic-to-topic, I just typed stuff as it came into my mind. I'm sorry if it doesn't help anyone, maybe I should put more time into putting my little theories and views into words.

------------------------------------------------------

If anyone wants to divulge more into the mind, I strongly suggest the following book:
http://www.amazon.com/Classic-Experiments-Psychology-Douglas-Mook/dp/0313318212

If you are interested in topics on philosophy, the mind, and morality, I strongly suggest some of the following:

Plato's "Republic" has been in print for hundreds of years and hurray, has no copyright. It is a difficult read. Here is a free text: http://classics.mit.edu/Plato/republic.html

An excellent view of the universality of morals can be found in Immanuel Kant's writings. These are not the easiest reads, but a good groundwork is laid out in "Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groundwork_of_the_Metaphysic_of_Morals

Finally, Peter Singer's "Practical Ethics" is a highly controversial but incredibly enlightening work on the morals of our everyday life. Don't let Singer's infamy keep you from reading his excellently penned book. Agree with him or not, but this Australian Philosopher really will make you think.

As an aside, for the males, Care Ethics is a very interesting field in how females tend to view the world with more care than males and how this can be applied. This is mostly fronted by Carol Gilligan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethics_of_care

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Okay, haven't read the posts above yet, but I have to respond to Ronaldo first.

Dude, I know what you mean. I think all the time about the fact that my life is AWESOME, that I am extremely lucky to have had the breaks I have had because most of the world lives in a shitful state... I am SOOOOOO grateful for all I've been given and I regularly thank the Universe for my good fortune.

However, that knowledge doesn't necessarily make me feel any better (sometimes it does, but not lately), so I end up feeling even worse about the fact that I'm not happy when I should be.

Makes no sense at all, I know, but there you go.

[I am Tom]

Before I answer can I ask a personal question, When was the last time you got laid?

[Prophetess]

I haven't been laid for ever. I'm happiest when I'm eating.

[TDMVPDPOY]

well currently, my hours were decreased, and now i got teh fokn flu

[ATRAIN]

Happy for the most part. Was pretty damn happy this weekend. Would have been happier this morning if my coworkers weren't annoying idiots. Would be in a great mood if the Astros would have won last night.

[katyon6th]

Look at my smile; I'm so damn happy, the people are jealous of me

I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me...

[leemajors]

Life's tough but precious. Make the best choices you can, and take your eyes off yourself. That works for me.

N__UBXS_o7U

Life is precious, and God, and the Bible...

[MI21]

Ruff, my brother, what happened with your girlfriend that you posted about?

As for me, I'm pretty happy most of the time. Girlfriend is amazing, study is going well, feeling fit and healthy... Things are all good. Money is about the only thing that gets me down, but I know thats only while im studying.

[MannyIsGod]

Ruff - I think you simply over think, over complicate, and expect too much at times.

You need to learn to relax. Have you ever considered something like Yoga?

[Shelly]

I would say that I'm almost always happy, but I'm almost never perky -- I'm not the sunshine, rainbows, and beaming smiles type of girl, nor do I particularly want to be. My general disposition tends to be pretty upbeat, however. There are days that are tougher than others, of course, but I find I'm more prone to stress, ennui, or feeling overwhelmed than I am to actual sadness. Sadness, for me, is usually event specific and passes pretty quickly.



Exactly. Everyone goes through a funk here and there and sometimes I find that I just have to plop myself down in front of the TV for a day and watch some mindless fluff (like bad Lifetime movies). I get over it and go about my life. I also will remind myself that my life isn't that bad and it could definitely be worse. Of course, hormones come into play some of the time.

My good friend has had a lot of tragedy in her life and just last week had something major happen to her. However, we were able to laugh about it and everything else that's happened to her. I commented to her that the one thing I loved about her was that she is always able to find humor in everything. She said she has to or else she would be depressed. I'm the same way. I firmly believe laughter is the best medicine.

[ATRAIN]

Ruff - I think you simply over think, over complicate, and expect too much at times.

You need to learn to relax. Have you ever considered something like Yoga?


Yoga??? Your such a pussy!!

[angel_luv]

An adjunct to the question above is do you think that some people are just happy/unhappy by nature, or is it a choice? If it is a choice, how can you change your perspective to be a happier?


I just now saw this thread. All I have read so far is your post.
I wanted to be sure to respond to you.

All my hope and happiness is rooted in my faith.
I wish you lived here so you could visit my church with me.
Since you don't, I encourage you to find a Bible believing congregation of your own.
I know going to church for the first time makes a lot of people nervous, but so did going to school, getting a bike etc.
Aren't you glad now that you did?
You didn't know you were going to love your favorite restaurant until you tried it.

To finish answeing your question, this is how I keep happy:
Every day I make it a point to 1) recognize all the ways I am already blessed
and 2) trust that God is working out all the rest in my favor.

I hope this helps you! I will pray for you. :)

[MannyIsGod]

Yoga??? Your such a pussy!!Bitch I can't do Yoga. I'm the most unflexible motherfucker ever created. I just know that it helps some people relax and I'm trying to help this guy out.

[Jimcs50]

I am ecstatic....well, I am not the ecstatic, but I am happy 99% of the time.

[easjer]

Hey, just saw and wanted to respond.

I consider myself a happy person, right now anyway. Last year, the past couple of years really, I was stuck in life. Applied for jobs I didn't get, couldn't get out there the experience I had or why I would be a good fit despite my shitty job title and the fact that my work experience wasn't immediately, evidently transferable.

I was overweight, but unable to do much about it (though my eating disorder was under control). I was unhappy at work, as over and over again things didn't change. I was stressed out about money, about our debt and about being unable to pursue the things I really wanted in life. It was a deep rut and while tried a few times to get out of it, things weren't happening and my efforts weren't paying off and it left me unhappy and unable to enjoy things I enjoyed.

I wouldn't say I was totally unhappy - because I had happy days, and I still enjoyed life, and I loved being with my husband and got pleasure from things I enjoyed doing like gardening or watching the Spurs or reading a new book. But it was rarer, harder to come by, and like you, was affecting my interactions with people.

The big difference was simply a change for me. It was the change I'd been waiting for, and it came from outside (though I was already making changes when it came - I was getting out of that soul-sucking job one way or another - though I was about to head into a similar soul sucking job). Seriously everything changed once I got my new job. I felt better about myself, I am so less stressed out, the money situation is a lot better, and I finally had the freedom and motivation to get going on my body, which has made SUCH a difference (in health, in well being, emotionally in how I feel about myself).

I'm happier in general now. I enjoy something every day, and not just in an abstract way. I am more pleasant to be around (my new coworkers think I'm a very cheerful, bubbly person - my old ones thought I could be very moody), and just generally feel happy with my life and myself.

Something a friend told me then was that I'd make some changes and when I did, something else would happen. But that for her and everyone she knew, it was SO hard to make changes when big things were not great. When it was rock bottom, easy to make changes because you have nothing to lose, when things are great, it's easy to make changes because you feel optimistic about the potential outcomes. But when you are in the mediocre middle - it sucks. Because you don't have quite enough incentive and you don't want to make things worse - so it is much harder to make changes. I think that is sort of where you are now.

Do I think people can choose to be happy or sad? Yes, to some extent. Obviously, things happen in life that will be sad or hurtful. I would not be happy for some time when my mother or husband or dear friend dies - but you can choose to some extent to try and be happy. You don't have to dwell on the bad stuff in your like or how things are not going the way you hoped. You don't have to see the glass as half empty. You can choose to find things and do things that make you happy or teach yourself to leave it all behind you at the office or at home or whatever.

It's not always easy, but you can find some peace or contentment, even in hard circumstances, and I think it's better in the long run if you can do that. Life is so short, you know? It sucks to waste it on things outside of your control (says the worry-wart) or on being sad when you don't have to be.

I do think that some things like regular exercise can help tremendously. Things like yoga and meditation and regular massage (or whatever else you find relaxing) can make a big difference in your life. If you are religious - pray. If you are not, meditate. Taking time to restore balance and peace in some way can make a huge difference in your mental outlook. It's been shown that people who exercise regularly are less depressed and less affected by depression. So trying those things can help some.

I personally believe that it starts with you making a decision to break out of your inertia and start a positive change, and after that - you find your way. A door opens, and opportunity arises, things happen and you find your path in life - and when you find your path, that is when you find happiness and contentment.

Good luck, honey.

[Ballcox]

Wow, good question-should get some interesting responses from all the varied personalities on this board.

For me, I feel that for my whole life up until the present I've always been happy. Sometimes I almost begin to feel guilty about being in a good mood/happy most of the time. I start to wonder it it's abnormal, sounds kind of crazy when I think about it.

I do believe it's a choice we make, but it also relates to a number of different areas in our lives. Are we achieving goals we set? Are we happy in our marriage/family relationships? Is our job rewarding/enjoyable? Is our lifestyle matching up with our own values, beliefs, morals, etc.?

I think these and other areas of our lives that we feel are important have a huge impact on happiness in general. I hope you can make the changes you need in order to regain some of that daily happiness.

[J.T.]

RuffnReadyOzStyle

I feel the same. I'm generally an unhappy person because of the situation I'm in, which I won't reiterate since everyone knows the road I went down. Of course I do things that make me feel happy temporarily, like play my guitars, listen to some good music, go drinking with friends, etc, but the unhappiness is still there. No matter what I do, it's always on my mind. Right now, I am VERY close to paying off my debts, which is where a majority of my unhappiness come from. I plan to work my ass off in the summer months, which should provide enough to make the final payments. That would alleviate most if not all of the stress that makes me unhappy. But I do think we all go through something like this in our lives. It may or may not be the same problems, but I think we all experience this feeling that I've held for the past three or four months. Mostly I just wish I could make time go by faster to get this all over with. Hope to see you on the other side, brother.

[ATRAIN]

RuffnReadyOzStyle

I feel the same. I'm generally an unhappy person of the situation I'm in, which I won't reiterate since everyone knows the road I went down. Of course I do things that make me feel happy temporarily, like play my guitars, listen to some good music, go drinking with friends, etc, but the unhappiness is still there. No matter what I do, it's always on my mind. Right now, I am VERY close to paying off my debts, which is where a majority of my unhappiness come from. I plan to work my ass off in the summer months, which should provide enough to make the final payments. That would alleviate most if not all of the stress that makes me unhappy. But I do think we all go through something like this in our lives. It may or may not be the same problems, but I think we all experience this feeling that I've held for the past three or four months. Mostly I just wish I could make time go by faster to get this all over with. Hope to see you on the other side, brother.


Im happy when I see JT's Banner and the one he hooked me up with!!

[spurschick]

At this particular moment, I'm unhappy. Some guy side-swiped me as I was driving back from lunch and took off my driver side mirror. He seemed a little off, but the police officer didn't seem to care, even when the guy went out through the entrance driveway at the Quarry where we had pulled over. He could have easily caused another accident and I was really surprised that the officer didn't follow him.

And since when do people have to fill out their own accident reports?! We waited in the hot sun for over an hour for an officer to show up, hand me a form and ask me to fill it out myself?!

On the other side, I guess I'm happy that it wasn't a lot worse.

[ALVAREZ6]

I'm happy, but just because my year is going very well.

Other years I'd say 50-50

[angel_luv]

At this particular moment, I'm unhappy. Some guy side-swiped me as I was driving back from lunch and took off my driver side mirror. He seemed a little off, but the police officer didn't seem to care, even when the guy went out through the entrance driveway at the Quarry where we had pulled over. He could have easily caused another accident and I was really surprised that the officer didn't follow him.

And since when do people have to fill out their own accident reports?! We waited in the hot sun for over an hour for an officer to show up, hand me a form and ask me to fill it out myself?!

On the other side, I guess I'm happy that it wasn't a lot worse.


I am so sorry to hear about your accident.

I was upset at having to fill out my own info when I was hit a year ago Feb.
Thank God my mom was there to help me because I was super stressed.

The policeman said something about only being there to hand out paperwork... that police didn't officially assign blame in the accident or anything like that.
I remember saying, " Well, what good are you then?"
Luckily the policeman was out of my hearing and my mom corralled me before I could repeat the comment.


Sorry again for your bad afternoon!

[thispego]

RuffnReadyOzStyle

I feel the same. I'm generally an unhappy person because of the situation I'm in, which I won't reiterate since everyone knows the road I went down. Of course I do things that make me feel happy temporarily, like play my guitars, listen to some good music, go drinking with friends, etc, but the unhappiness is still there. No matter what I do, it's always on my mind. Right now, I am VERY close to paying off my debts, which is where a majority of my unhappiness come from. I plan to work my ass off in the summer months, which should provide enough to make the final payments. That would alleviate most if not all of the stress that makes me unhappy. But I do think we all go through something like this in our lives. It may or may not be the same problems, but I think we all experience this feeling that I've held for the past three or four months. Mostly I just wish I could make time go by faster to get this all over with. Hope to see you on the other side, brother.
JT do you know a girl named Stephanie Williams in San marcos?

[Sunshine]

I agree with timvp. Happy more than sad is an understatement for me. I think I'm almost always happy, especially the last couple of years. I go through bouts of sadness just like anyone does, but it's usually over a specific event, not life in general. I credit my happiness to a loving, supportive partner and two wonderful kids who would make any mom proud.

Life is good.

[CuckingFunt]

Something a friend told me then was that I'd make some changes and when I did, something else would happen. But that for her and everyone she knew, it was SO hard to make changes when big things were not great. When it was rock bottom, easy to make changes because you have nothing to lose, when things are great, it's easy to make changes because you feel optimistic about the potential outcomes. But when you are in the mediocre middle - it sucks. Because you don't have quite enough incentive and you don't want to make things worse - so it is much harder to make changes. I think that is sort of where you are now.

I loved your whole post, but could relate to this paragraph in particular. That's exactly where I was before finally making the commitment to get back in school -- I knew I didn't want my crappy job to become my career, knew I didn't want to have settled in the city I was in, knew I didn't want to have had done all I was going to do before I even hit 30, knew that there was more out there waiting for me; BUT, also loved my modest-yet-supportive group of friends, loved having material comfort, having my bills paid, and owning a fantastic house.

I was happy during that time, really happy for much of it in fact, but also terrified of pursuing the better at the expense of the good. I've found over the last few months, however, that as soon as I took that first step, a lot of that fear went away because it strengthened by faith in myself. Now I know that if things do get worse, I'll be able to do something about it, and I was never 100% sure of that before.

[manufor3]

50-50

[Don Quixote]

I just now saw this thread. All I have read so far is your post.
I wanted to be sure to respond to you.

All my hope and happiness is rooted in my faith.
I wish you lived here so you could visit my church with me.
Since you don't, I encourage you to find a Bible believing congregation of your own.
I know going to church for the first time makes a lot of people nervous, but so did going to school, getting a bike etc.
Aren't you glad now that you did?
You didn't know you were going to love your favorite restaurant until you tried it.

To finish answeing your question, this is how I keep happy:
Every day I make it a point to 1) recognize all the ways I am already blessed
and 2) trust that God is working out all the rest in my favor.

I hope this helps you! I will pray for you. :)

And a model! This is my kind of girl.

[DisgruntledLionFan#54,927]

Honestly, I don't think about it. I'm not married, don't have a girlfriend and I don't think about that either. I hate what I do for work, but I've accepted it as mine and mine alone. I don't think about much that I can't control, to be honest with you. I just float along and enjoy the time I'm able to spend with my family here and abroad. I like to keep things simple and it works for me.

I prefer to be bitter and/or jaded anyway. I'm not a big fan of people.

[NorCal510]

emo thread

[thispego]

he got to know her Twice last night
she says she knows a dude named JT, i dunno :dramaquee

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

CF - when I framed this thread I was thinking about inner happiness, not outer “perkiness”. Your story about depression is interesting, and I understand depression myself because I have witnessed it first-hand. Depression is a many-flavoured beast, but I don't think I'm seriously clinically depressed - I think you are right that I am in a rut.

Pego – I get sick of arguing with people so sometimes I pre-empt the argument, you're right. I think just give up arguing.

Ms Martini – good advice, but no, I don’t feel homicidal, so I'll stay off the pills… :lol

Don – the word you're looking for is, of course, “mate”. ;)
As far as I can see the only tension between our countries at the moment is that your leader probably thinks our leader is a Communist! But it's okay, you will soon have a Communist leading you guys too! :lol

Sabar - it is interesting that you say “maybe this is why I've never been depressed, I can't see the logic in it”. Most people cannot control their feelings with logic. You are very fortunate that you can. You must have some Vulcan blood. I often rationalise my feelings, and sometimes that allows me to overrule them with my mind, but not always. It is the very irrationality of my extended unhappiness that I am currently confronting. And yes, I have read a lot of psychology and thought very deeply about these issues as you have.

One thing – I think you are wrong that people shouldn't express their emotions such as grief – bottling these things up leads to far worse outcomes in the long run for most people. Sometimes people need to cry to move on, it’s part of the natural cycle of grief.

Anyway, you'd be surprised how similar much of our thinking is, although I think I have a little more compassion than you do. :lol Thanks for the post. :tu

I Am Tom – not long ago. This is not about sex.

Manny - you are absolutely right about the fact that I think about things far too much, although I'm very careful with expectations and have very few. Expectations lead to disappointment – that I learned a long time ago. You hit the nail on the head with your suggestion, although I think it's meditation or tai chi that I need more than yoga.

MI21 – hmmmm, she and I were really suited to each other but the timing was wrong and now she's headed overseas to a place I don't want to follow. Glad to hear your life is going well. If I have one piece of advice for you, when you finally do finish studying and have some money, don't make the mistake of falling into the credit trap that binds so many people…

Easjer - thanks for your story. I think a lot of my problem at the moment is isolation and doing something that is making me miserable, so those are two things I'm going to change as soon as possible. Glad to hear that things have changed so significantly for you, and I'm sure they will to me when I get back out into the world. :)

[TheSanityAnnex]

You look happy enough in your avatar picture.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

At this point, I'd just like to say thank you to EVERYONE for their varied, interesting and valuable input into this thread. It, and talking to a number of people yesterday, has really helped me to work out what my problems are right now.

Just in case you haven't worked it out, I am a classic extrovert, which by the psychological definition is someone who needs to bounce their problems off others in order to come up with their own solution. Introverts do the opposite and keep their problems to themselves, working inwardly to find a solution.

My problems are thus:
1) I need to finish my Master's thesis as it is blocking up the rest of my life,
2) I need to get a job again to be around people - the combination of study and living alone has turned me into a hermit, but I am actually a very social person, and the lack of companionship is driving me a little is crazy. (Note: I only have a few good friends left in this town unfortunately because most have moved away, and that doesn't help either).
3) I really need to take up some kind of mind-calming activity like meditation or tai chi because I think and worry way too much, and the serenity prayer just isn't doing the job any more.

One more thing - a lot of people have mentioned the importance of taking joy in the small things, the mundane and the everyday aspects of life, and I wholeheartedly agree with this as I do it myself. Preparing and eating a good meal, watching the sun set, listening to an album I love, having a nice five-minute conversation with a stranger, receiving an unexpected smile... I try to take as much joy as possible out of simple things. A lot of the time that is enough to make me forget my own worries. However, I guess this thread is about the fact that I haven't had to fight against unhappiness the whole time like this before (at least not since I was a teenager), especially when my life is so wonderful. Anyway, as detailed above I think a few changes could make a huge difference, and my appreciation of the everyday will soon not be fighting against a tide of angst.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

You look happy enough in your avatar picture.

Damn, dude, I doubt I've ever been much happier than that moment, and I had that grin from about a week afterwards. Meeting David was a dream come true!

Time to watch us take on the Warriors, but I'll be back after that.

[marini martini]

Hey Mr. Ruff. I made m first post here last night, after watching a great movie, that IMO, ended awful. :madrun

So today, I feel really happy! I took two blue pills, instead of one orange one. Hahahahaha(I heard that today on T.V.) :toast

And lastly, when my Doc aked me if I had suicidal thoughts, I looked at him, and said "hell no! I just want to kill my family and others!" :lol :lol :lol

I love my Doc :elephant

[easjer]

There is a really terrific yoga dvd I just picked up called Yoga For Stress Relief - it's produced by Bodywisdom, led by Barbara Benagh and features an interview with the Dalai Lama about meditation. The yoga is not especially challenging, though it could be made more advanced if necessary. But it's got over 20 routines to choose from which vary in length and focus - including guided and deep meditations.

It's a really great place to start if you want guided meditation or are new to yoga (the related beginner's yoga dvd with Barbara Benagh is also terrific).

[1Parker1]

Ruff, it sounds like your more stressed than unhappy. Sometimes, it's easy to confuse the two. I remember when I was in college, I was stressed about 95% of the time. And when I stress, I get to the point where it affects everything I do, my thoughts, eating habits, how I interact with people, etc. And stress also affects your outlook on life.

All I can tell you is that happiness comes and goes. It's a lot easier for many people to remember the bad times, than the good times...especially when times are bad. I'd say I'm about 50-50 on the happiness scale, depends on what day you ask me :lol

The best thing I can tell you is what I've learned over the years; you need to be patient and give it time. Once this phase of your life passes you, you'll find it a lot easier to see the good things. In the meantime, while you're trying to pass through this phase, I suggest what I call "Me Days." Take a day off or do something for yourself at least once a week, regardless of anything else. Whether it be a shopping expedition, buying that really cute Coach bag for $398 or those really cute summer shoes at Macy's, or splurging on a haircut and color....wait you're a guy right? Umm, well, do whatever it is that makes you happy like shopping and shoes and handbags does for me. :tu :lol

[tlongII]

I ride a roller coaster. Not a good thing.

[Supreme_Being]

I don't know if I'm happy or not. I'm always indifferent.

[Jekka]

Exactly. Everyone goes through a funk here and there and sometimes I find that I just have to plop myself down in front of the TV for a day and watch some mindless fluff (like bad Lifetime movies). I get over it and go about my life. I also will remind myself that my life isn't that bad and it could definitely be worse. Of course, hormones come into play some of the time.

My good friend has had a lot of tragedy in her life and just last week had something major happen to her. However, we were able to laugh about it and everything else that's happened to her. I commented to her that the one thing I loved about her was that she is always able to find humor in everything. She said she has to or else she would be depressed. I'm the same way. I firmly believe laughter is the best medicine.
I will second the laughter suggestion. Had I not had my best friend in my life for the last 14 years, I would have had many, many more unhappy times in my life. It has been pretty vital for me to have someone I can call and laugh about how ridiculously heinous life can get sometimes. Cheating boyfriends? Hilarious. Hurtful comment from parent? Hilarious. Crappy news from doctor? Hilarious.

I understand unhappiness, I have done more time than my fair share in life dealing with legitimate depression, but I have learned that it was largely circumstantial and to control the circumstances that I am able knowing that the rest will get figured out. I like to think that I'm more happy than not now, but I've worked my ass off for it and done a lot of trial and error.

You'll get over the funk, it doesn't last forever. If you think about life too much then of course you'll be unhappy. If I learned anything from working in rape crisis, it's how to redirect myself when my thoughts are going in bad and unnecessary directions (obviously, you don't turn it off when it's necessary) - a news fast for the year helped, too, trusting in Manny to tell me if anything really important happened.

[David Bowie]

This has definatly been the unhappiest year of my life. Before, I think that it was 50-50. However, I snapped about a month after college graduation (as in I came pretty close to being hospitalized.). Not sure why, casue everything was good-I'd just graduated and had a great boyfriend. Nine months later, I still don't feel normal at all, no boyfriend, no job.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Ballcox – this is a good point: “…but it also relates to a number of different areas in our lives. Are we achieving goals we set? Are we happy in our marriage/family relationships? Is our job rewarding/enjoyable? Is our lifestyle matching up with our own values, beliefs, morals, etc.?” Right now I feel like I’m not achieving anything, living alone with no woman in my life, have nothing rewarding going on except exercise and food. No wonder I’m not on top of the world! :lol

JT – sorry to hear that mate. However, if it is debt that is driving most of your happiness, and you will be out from under it soon, I am pretty sure that will change the way you feel. Here’s to seeing you on the other side! :tu PS I'm always happy to see your signature too! Elisha is a vision…

Spurschick – sorry to hear about that, sounds like the guy was stoned or something…

Lionsfan – I like your attitude to things.

1Parker1 – I think I've been taking too many “me days”, and actually what I need to do is sit down and nut my way through this thesis! Once it is done I'm pretty sure my head will clear up significantly. Definitely good advice for stressful times though.

Jekka – good advice.

Well, I'm off to do some work. The sooner I get this thesis done, the sooner I can move on with REAL life. :tu

[marini martini]

I don't know if I'm happy or not. I'm always indifferent.

You can be indifferent & happy at the same time! It's allowed :toast

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

This has definatly been the unhappiest year of my life. Before, I think that it was 50-50. However, I snapped about a month after college graduation (as in I came pretty close to being hospitalized.). Not sure why, casue everything was good-I'd just graduated and had a great boyfriend. Nine months later, I still don't feel normal at all, no boyfriend, no job.

Not having a job, or something else that consumes your time and puts you out amongst people, can really fuck you up. That is a big part of what's messing with me. Get up and out and find something to do.

As for the boyfriend, I'm single too and would really rather not be, but it's better to be single than in a relationship going nowhere... at least that's how I see it. Once again, if you aren't out there amongst people you are less likely to meet anyone special too.

Get yourself a job. The rest will fall into place.

[MagnusKrauss]

i often don't think about it.

being happy is just a state of being. life cannot be judged as a "happy" life or a "sad" life, it just is.

there can be many happy moments in your life, and there can be many sad moments as well, but dwelling on whether or not your life is "happy" will just bog you down.

you should just live according to your preferences. and if things don't pan out, you could always try again.