Yonivore
01-24-2005, 04:30 PM
http://img171.exs.cx/img171/8338/dod2af.gif
OFFICE OF THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
1000 DEFENSE PENTAGON
WASHINGTON, DC 20301-1000
<<MergeField/ #GitmoWhiner#/next record>>
<<MergeField/ #GWaddress#>>
<<MergeField/ #GWcitystatezip#>>
Dear <<MergeField/ #GitmoWhiner#>>:
Thank you for your recent letter concerning the treatment of the suspected Taliban and al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. This administration regards these matters seriously and your criticisms have been taken to heart by those of us here in Washington. After careful consideration, we believe we’ve hit on a solution satisfactory to everyone concerned.
You'll be pleased to learn, thanks to the input of concerned citizens such as yourself, the Department of Defense has added another layer of security to the detention, care, and security of suspected terrorists. Under the auspices of the already established detention program, this new endeavor is aptly named Operation Security Tangent for Un-Patrolled Indigenous Detainees, or Operation STUPID. And, pursuant to Presidential Executive Order #23347327-05 and National Security Finding #2374283-05, implementation of Operation STUPID is to begin immediately. As fortune would have it, you are to play an integral role in the roll-out of this vital program.
Due to your concern for the well-being of the detainees in Cuba, they are all being relocated and placed under the care of similarly concerned American citizens, you included. Thankfully, there is a sufficient number of Americans, so minded, that no one family will be required to care for more than one suspected terrorist at a time.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation, via one of your so-called "black helicopters," to your residence next Monday. We ask that you begin appropriate preparatory measures immediately upon receipt of this letter.
His name is <<MergeField #terrorist#/next record>>, (He answers to <<MergeField #terroristnick#>>, unless you’re female and then we’d suggest you not address him at all). Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>> is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter to me. It is likely you will need to hire assistance as we found your demands to be complex, costly, and time-intensive…not to mention, damned dangerous – but, I quibble. Anyway, to insure your self-defined standard of care is being achieved, the Department of Defense will conduct weekly inspections of the manner in which you are providing said care for Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>>. To save on costs, (another of your fine suggestions), inspectors will be deployed from the military installation nearest your home, irrespective of service branch.
Your expenses, (up to the amount currently being allocated, per detainee, minus the cost of our weekly inspections), will be reimbursed, annually, provided you properly file the appropriate reimbursement documents in a timely manner. Unfortunately, we must inform you; this is not a benefit transferable to survivors or beneficiaries.
Although Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>> is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope your sensitivity to what you generally described as "wrongly-imprisoned attitudinal problems" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as the result of “mere cultural differences.” However, be warned, bodily fluids and excrements (infected with Allah-only-knows what) know no cultural boundaries and he will bite you, throw fecal matter at you, spit on you, bleed on you, urinate on you, or flick nasal mucus on you, given the chance.
We understand, from the suggestions you made, you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Both of which are activities that tend to require human interaction. Again, I must warn you, your particular detainee is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can, as he has proven, terminate a human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also quite adept at fashioning improvised explosive devices from common household products. So, you may want to avoid any interaction that involves him having access to anything that might be used as a personal weapon or a bomb – but, I digress, the manner of care really is entirely up to you. We do suggest, however, that you not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group or “Kumbayah” sing-a-long. Unless, of course, you feel such exclusion might offend Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>>.
Finally, in the spirit of full disclosure, I would like to add Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>> will not wish to interact with the females of the household (except sexually) since he views them as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to become extremely violent toward women who fail to comply with Shari'a law in their dress and manner. I’m comfortable, given your “progressive” ideology; any females in your household will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka - over time. Just remind them, and yourself, it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs," – as you so eloquently stated in your letter.
Again, thank you for your thoughtful correspondence and the manner in which you’ve brought these issues to my attention. Congratulations for being one who managed to steer the ship of state in a new direction and, for being selected to provide such a vital and necessary link in the security and defense of America. The President and I share a common sense of pride and admiration for your willingness to serve and the country is forever in your debt. Remember, we’ll be watching your progress and now, having your address, will forward any future suggestions to you for consideration.
Sincerely,
http://img188.exs.cx/img188/5444/donaldrumsfeldsignature6gy.gif
Donald Rumsfeld,
Secretary of Defense
OFFICE OF THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
1000 DEFENSE PENTAGON
WASHINGTON, DC 20301-1000
<<MergeField/ #GitmoWhiner#/next record>>
<<MergeField/ #GWaddress#>>
<<MergeField/ #GWcitystatezip#>>
Dear <<MergeField/ #GitmoWhiner#>>:
Thank you for your recent letter concerning the treatment of the suspected Taliban and al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. This administration regards these matters seriously and your criticisms have been taken to heart by those of us here in Washington. After careful consideration, we believe we’ve hit on a solution satisfactory to everyone concerned.
You'll be pleased to learn, thanks to the input of concerned citizens such as yourself, the Department of Defense has added another layer of security to the detention, care, and security of suspected terrorists. Under the auspices of the already established detention program, this new endeavor is aptly named Operation Security Tangent for Un-Patrolled Indigenous Detainees, or Operation STUPID. And, pursuant to Presidential Executive Order #23347327-05 and National Security Finding #2374283-05, implementation of Operation STUPID is to begin immediately. As fortune would have it, you are to play an integral role in the roll-out of this vital program.
Due to your concern for the well-being of the detainees in Cuba, they are all being relocated and placed under the care of similarly concerned American citizens, you included. Thankfully, there is a sufficient number of Americans, so minded, that no one family will be required to care for more than one suspected terrorist at a time.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation, via one of your so-called "black helicopters," to your residence next Monday. We ask that you begin appropriate preparatory measures immediately upon receipt of this letter.
His name is <<MergeField #terrorist#/next record>>, (He answers to <<MergeField #terroristnick#>>, unless you’re female and then we’d suggest you not address him at all). Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>> is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter to me. It is likely you will need to hire assistance as we found your demands to be complex, costly, and time-intensive…not to mention, damned dangerous – but, I quibble. Anyway, to insure your self-defined standard of care is being achieved, the Department of Defense will conduct weekly inspections of the manner in which you are providing said care for Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>>. To save on costs, (another of your fine suggestions), inspectors will be deployed from the military installation nearest your home, irrespective of service branch.
Your expenses, (up to the amount currently being allocated, per detainee, minus the cost of our weekly inspections), will be reimbursed, annually, provided you properly file the appropriate reimbursement documents in a timely manner. Unfortunately, we must inform you; this is not a benefit transferable to survivors or beneficiaries.
Although Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>> is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope your sensitivity to what you generally described as "wrongly-imprisoned attitudinal problems" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as the result of “mere cultural differences.” However, be warned, bodily fluids and excrements (infected with Allah-only-knows what) know no cultural boundaries and he will bite you, throw fecal matter at you, spit on you, bleed on you, urinate on you, or flick nasal mucus on you, given the chance.
We understand, from the suggestions you made, you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Both of which are activities that tend to require human interaction. Again, I must warn you, your particular detainee is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can, as he has proven, terminate a human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also quite adept at fashioning improvised explosive devices from common household products. So, you may want to avoid any interaction that involves him having access to anything that might be used as a personal weapon or a bomb – but, I digress, the manner of care really is entirely up to you. We do suggest, however, that you not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group or “Kumbayah” sing-a-long. Unless, of course, you feel such exclusion might offend Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>>.
Finally, in the spirit of full disclosure, I would like to add Mr. <<MergeField #terroristsurname#>> will not wish to interact with the females of the household (except sexually) since he views them as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to become extremely violent toward women who fail to comply with Shari'a law in their dress and manner. I’m comfortable, given your “progressive” ideology; any females in your household will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka - over time. Just remind them, and yourself, it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs," – as you so eloquently stated in your letter.
Again, thank you for your thoughtful correspondence and the manner in which you’ve brought these issues to my attention. Congratulations for being one who managed to steer the ship of state in a new direction and, for being selected to provide such a vital and necessary link in the security and defense of America. The President and I share a common sense of pride and admiration for your willingness to serve and the country is forever in your debt. Remember, we’ll be watching your progress and now, having your address, will forward any future suggestions to you for consideration.
Sincerely,
http://img188.exs.cx/img188/5444/donaldrumsfeldsignature6gy.gif
Donald Rumsfeld,
Secretary of Defense