SRJ
05-30-2008, 12:46 AM
I am a lifelong, proud Laker hater. Whenever the Spurs lose in the playoffs, my favorite team is the ABL (Anybody But Lakers). That is doubly the case when the Lakers are the team eliminating the Spurs.
That said:
What in fuck's name do I do?
On the one hand, I've got the Lakers. Everything that the Lakers are is reprehensible to me. The phony tits. The smog. The D-List celebrities hoping to be seen at the game while pretending to care about it. The perfect-weather fans, literally and figuratively. If the Lakers win, the media's swoon over Kobe will go on for months and reach new, incredibly stupid heights. He's put it all behind him. The rape allegations, the locker-room infighting, the trade demands, and he won a championship! they'll say as if Kobe had nothing at all to do with those situations. They'll credit him ad nauseaum for being a great leader and a good teammate. It hasn't even happened yet and I'm already sick of it.
On the other hand, I've got the Celtics. Now, because I'm an ABL fan, that makes me a bit of a Celtics fan by default. And Larry Bird was the shit, love that guy. But Kevin Garnett. Oh my God. If the Celtics win the title, Garnett will cradle the trophy and cry and sob, pound his chest till it's black and blue, mutter all sorts of stupid platitudes about winning, complete with ill-considered analogies. The media will eat that shit up and suck him off for the rest of the year. The long-put-to-bed debate of TD vs KG will be reopened and evaluated in favor of Garnett. Bill Russell will mug dramatically all the way through. Red Auerbach will be invoked over and over and over and over.
Detroit, could you please win six more playoff games? If only for me?
That said:
What in fuck's name do I do?
On the one hand, I've got the Lakers. Everything that the Lakers are is reprehensible to me. The phony tits. The smog. The D-List celebrities hoping to be seen at the game while pretending to care about it. The perfect-weather fans, literally and figuratively. If the Lakers win, the media's swoon over Kobe will go on for months and reach new, incredibly stupid heights. He's put it all behind him. The rape allegations, the locker-room infighting, the trade demands, and he won a championship! they'll say as if Kobe had nothing at all to do with those situations. They'll credit him ad nauseaum for being a great leader and a good teammate. It hasn't even happened yet and I'm already sick of it.
On the other hand, I've got the Celtics. Now, because I'm an ABL fan, that makes me a bit of a Celtics fan by default. And Larry Bird was the shit, love that guy. But Kevin Garnett. Oh my God. If the Celtics win the title, Garnett will cradle the trophy and cry and sob, pound his chest till it's black and blue, mutter all sorts of stupid platitudes about winning, complete with ill-considered analogies. The media will eat that shit up and suck him off for the rest of the year. The long-put-to-bed debate of TD vs KG will be reopened and evaluated in favor of Garnett. Bill Russell will mug dramatically all the way through. Red Auerbach will be invoked over and over and over and over.
Detroit, could you please win six more playoff games? If only for me?